Copyright © 2001 all rights reserved.
The intoxicating aroma of fresh brewed coffee was drifting into the open door of the bedroom. I rolled over, still half asleep, reaching for Jenn, but feeling nothing but the crumpled sheets on her side of the bed. My hand flapping, searching, in the crumpled sheets where I knew she should be. I felt nothing but the coolness of her side of the unoccupied bed.
Flipping over, I glanced at the clock. Through my fogged eyes, the glaring red of the numerals of the clock melded into a glowing band of red. As I focused, I clearly saw the numerals 10:00 staring at me.
"Christ, it's late," I said aloud as I began to drag my weary bones from the welcome warmth of the comforter.
I had promised to help Jenn with the preparation of the Thanksgiving dinner she was preparing for the entire family tonight. I was supposed to do a bit of grocery shopping for a couple last minute items, plus give the house a last minute tidying up. The last seven days I had just spent on the road, had been a lot more tiring than I thought. I hadn't slept in this late for a couple years. I have always been an early riser, ready to take on the day, not the bedraggled sot I felt like this morning.
As I got up slowly from the bed, I thought I'd get a cup of coffee. Got knows I surely needed one at the moment.
As I walked naked out of the bedroom, preceded by my flagrantly hard morning erection, I tottered down the hallway toward the kitchen.
As I rounded the corner, I ran smack into my mother-in-law, Rose. I reeled back, still not sure just what had happened, and giving no thought to my state of undress. Yes, there I stood, groggy, surprised, eyes squinting, and buck assed naked in front of her.
Her loud laugh, jarring my sleep drunk brain back to reality.
"Well I see 'ol one eye is certainly wide-awake," as she laughed harder, and pointed toward my shamelessly hard cock, bobbing and slapping against my belly.
"Jenn, come quick," she squealed, "You gotta see this!"
The sudden realization of what was happening suddenly hit home. Totally flustered, my hands flew to my crotch in a feeble attempt to cover myself. I probably had the look of a deer caught in the intense glare of headlights, and a car bearing down on me with incredible speed. Frozen with surprise, but knowing I had to move, and fast.
I wheeled around in the hallway. One hand was cupping the crack of my ass, as I sprinted toward the sanctuary of the bedroom. The squealing laughter of the two women, filling the hallway, as I cleared the threshold of the door, slamming it behind me.
"Holy fuck," I said aloud as I tried to gain some composure, my back pressed against the door.
I could hear roaring, snorting, laughter in the hallway behind the door. Totally freaked, I desperately searched the carpeted floor, praying to find a hole big enough to crawl into. The hot flush of absolute embarrassment was washing over my entire body.
Oh this was going to be bad. Thanksgiving, and now I knew full well who was going to be the turkey. Jenn and Rose were going to get maximum mileage out of this little fuck up.
Finally resigned to the fact I wasn't dreaming, I walked to the shower. I thought a blast of refreshing water would help relieve my dejected state. My cock was flapping limply against my leg as I moved across the bedroom floor. "I know just how you feel bud," I said aloud, directing my comment toward my flagging friend.
Yea, I thought to myself, a guy can have a few pretty miserable experiences in his life. But standing buck naked in front of your mother-in-law, complete with a raging erection, has to be an all time low. Especially when she laughs, points, and makes snide remarks directed right at your crotch.
I dejectedly reached through the shower curtains and cranked the hot water handle. I was thinking about the joys this day was about to bestow on me. Something akin to the amount of fun a turnip would have, after falling from the produce rack. With several women shoppers, kicking and punting you about the aisle, caring nothing for you, and none willing to rescue you from your predicament. I'm fucked I thought to myself, knowing that all of Jenn's family shared her wicked sense of humor. I could imagine them now, the phone lines burning up with the grisly details of the little episode in the hallway. All of them howling with laughter and honing their spurs in anticipation of riding my sorry ass all evening. "Fuck," I said aloud, now, angry with myself as I climbed into the steaming fog, boiling up from behind the shower curtain.
The water felt great as I adjusted the temperature to a tolerable level. I slowly began to relax as the hot, soothing spray cascaded down my body. I simply stood there, reveling in the sounds of running water as it slowly purged my mind of the embarrassing incident.
I felt somewhat better as I toweled off. The brisk shower certainly helped my mood. After a cursory brush of my hair and a slathering of deodorant, I slowly got dressed. I was feeling pretty cocky as I pulled on the last sock, fully prepared to go face the first two nemeses that awaited me in the kitchen.
As I rounded the first corner of the hallway on my way to the kitchen, the silence began to un-nerve me. As I approached the last corner of the hallway and was about to enter the kitchen, a strange feeling came over me. I likened it to that of a sixteen-year-old schoolboy, about to enter his classroom. Unsure of his classmates' reaction to his newly cropped 'Mohawk' style haircut. Bestowed upon him by an older sister, supposedly a stylist, and of course dyed flaming red.
I hesitated at the corner, but sucking in a deep breath, I turned to boldly confront the women.
I entered the kitchen and walked directly to the cupboard, whipping open the door with a devil-may-care attitude, and grabbed a coffee mug. As I turned toward the coffee pot and started to fill the cup, I glanced at the two women sitting at the table, silently sipping coffee. They both remained silent, peeking above the rims of their mugs in my direction.
We stared at each other for a moment. Finally I couldn't take it any longer and said to them, "What," in a rather assertive manner, "Rose never seen a naked man before?"
All hell broke loose. Both women choked and spewed coffee across the table. The gagging rasps of their laughter burning my ears. Rose, the family matriarch, and the festering pimple on the backside of my life, was slapping her hand on the table as her chest heaved with laughter. My wife, her hands covering her mouth, eagerly joining her mother in uncontrolled hilarity, making no effort whatsoever to try and ease my predicament. I knew Rose to be one to absolutely adore me being the butt of the family jokes, but I though better of my Jenn. I guess I was wrong.
"What's so damn funny," I demanded, knowing full well that whatever I said was not going to curtail their little ha ha at my expense, and the only answer I received was more squeals and wheezes directed in my direction.
"Good grief." I retorted toward them, "It isn't that damn funny."
I wheeled and stomped off toward the den. I tried to act pissed as all hell, but I did realize it was pretty damn funny, me running into Rose like that. I guess it was just that I was getting a touch tired of being the butt of the family humor hour. Why the fuck was I always the designated goat when it came to picking someone to laugh at. I sat sulking in the den, idly flipping through a magazine on the desk. Ah what the hell, I thought, at least the coffee's fresh and strong. I started to feel a bit better as the coffee worked it's usual morning magic on my mood.
As I became more absorbed in the magazine, I overheard a conversation in the hallway. It was Rose telling Jenn that she would be back later that afternoon to help her with the dinner preparations. "Bye Mom," Jenn said as I heard the front door open, then softly close with an audible click.
Yes! , I thought to myself, at last she's gone. I could almost see her out front now, goggles properly adjusted over her eyes, as she threw a leg over her broomstick, nearly able to smell the acrid aroma of burning straw as she revved off. I guess it wasn't a real complimentary thought about her, but she sure had a knack for getting under my skin. I suppose most married men have the unfortunate burden of having to put up with their mothers-in-law. It's just that having yours live in the same town was a decidedly worse fate than most have to endure.
Jenn walked quietly into the den, unsure of what state I was in. "Truce OK," she said, "No more joking with you, I promise"
I guess I must have had a bit of a scowl on my face or something, anyway she offered to bring me some fresh coffee. Grabbing the mug, she left me alone with my mood. Well I was feeling a lot better now that Rose had left, so when Jenn walked back with the coffee, I said "Come here," as I open my arms toward her. She set the coffee down and we embraced, kissing deeply.
"I'm sorry for laughing at you," she said as she slid onto my lap, "But I just couldn't help it when I came around the corner and saw your cute little hiney beetling for the bedroom."
