The Story
As I walked down the hall of the Ritz Carlton in Chicago, I was a little bit annoyed. I had made plans to have dinner with Melissa, my East Coast counterpart, but when we met, she said she only wanted to have a quick drink as she was meeting her daughter who was a freshman at Northwestern for dinner. When I got to my room, I started to take off the jacket to my skirt suit but decided that I really did not want to end what had been a good week of meetings in Chicago, by eating room service in my room. So, I used the bathroom and headed up to the restaurant on the 12
th
floor.
When I got to the Torali restaurant I could see that it was packed. There was one man standing by the Hostess station. He stepped aside to let me approach the hostess.
When I asked about a table, she gave me a sad face and said, "I am so sorry madam, but we are fully booked. We are setting a table right now for this gentleman and then I don't expect to have an opening until at least 9."
As I started to turn away, the man stepped forward.
"Please add another place setting to my table."
Then turning to me said, "Join me for dinner as my guest."
I started to say no thank you, but he put up his hand. "Please, I insist, no one likes to dine alone, I am sure both of our meals will be more enjoyable when seasoned with a little conversation."
Dumbstruck by his polite but forceful manner I only nodded. He smiled, turned to the hostess and asked her to add the second setting to his table.
When she left to give those instructions, he extended his hand and said, "This is wonderful my name is Mark."
"I'm Teresa," and for the first time really looked at my soon to be dinner companion.
He was older than my 46 years, but I wasn't sure by how much. He had grey hair, cut short and was wearing a polo with a golf course logo, Khaki pants and tasseled loafers. He was at least 6 feet tall and athletically built. His hand when I shook it was large and lightly callused. He was tanned, had a wonderful smile and it was only the slight wrinkles around his eyes and the grey hair that gave away his age.
"I can pay for my own dinner," I said.
He chuckled and said, "I am sure you can, you have the old expense account at your disposal, but let's make it easy on our server by just letting me take care of the bill."
At that point the hostess returned to show us to our table. I slid into the banquet, and he took the chair opposite me at our table for two.
He smiled at me and said "So, you are obviously here on business, has it been a good trip."
"How do you know this was a business trip for me?"
"Well, your well-tailored suit is the quintessential uniform of the successful female executive. Balancing that fine line between I wanted to be taken seriously without totally giving up your obvious femininity. Your heels are probably on the slightly too high side, but you would rather look the men you deal with in the eye then have the look down at you."
"And how do you know so much about female business dress?" I said with a bit of challenge in my tone.
He smiled and replied, "My wife, God rest her soul, was like you, beautiful, smart and driven and I watched her walk that tightrope for many years."
Now I felt awful about my being so snarky, but thankfully at that moment the waiter appeared. He asked if we wanted a cocktail before dinner. Having already had one tonight, I started to say no, but again my dinner companion stepped in.
"We definitely will, I'll have a Tito's Vodka Gimlet," and turning to me said, "Please you are here in your hotel, you're not driving, enjoy a cocktail and relax."
So, I ordered a Cosmo, feeling a little unsettled by how this stranger was controlling my choices without being a total ass about it.
The same type of thing happened when it came time to order. I passed on an appetizer, but he insisted that we share a cold antipasto. He ordered a bottle of wine with dinner and again prevailed about the Sommelier to pour me a glass. My acceptance of this behavior was so not me, but it was done in such a way that it made me feel like these were things I wanted all along. The antipasto was delicious, the Cosmo and two glasses of wine were delightful, and the conversation was interesting.
I learned his wife of 45 years had passed away after a yearlong battle with cancer and that he had owned a small manufacturing company that he sold for a substantial amount when she became ill so he could be with her full time. He said he spent the year since she died basically, working out, playing golf, and seeing his Grandchildren. He now was on a 3-month adventure to play as many of the top 100 public courses in America as he could. Tomorrow he was picking up friends at O'Hare and heading to Wisconsin to play some famous resort courses.
And then the conversation got very interesting. He asked about me, commenting that I did not have a wedding ring on and yet had mentioned having two children. The alcohol relaxed me more than I realized, so I was soon telling my tail of woe.
"I married young, had two children fairly quickly and then tried to balance my family and a career that I loved. I advanced through the ranks in good order. My husband got tired of being third on my list, found a young thing that just hung on his every word, and divorced me. So, for the last 10 years I have been getting my kids through school and off to college and occasionally going on what usually proved to be unsatisfying dates."
"So, none of these dates have lit your fire?" he asked with a smile.
"I don't know, some seem so promising, and they were nice and gentlemen, but in the end, I never felt fulfilled," I answered, probably blushing a little bit.
He sat back in his chair, smiled and then leaning forward to look me in the eye and said, "You intimidate them,"
"What no, I am very nice, I am not, I don't know, a bitch or anything."
"I am sure you're not, but you, just being who you are, is intimidating to most men. Think about it, you are beautiful, have an amazing figure, you are successful in your career and have raised two kids on your own. Men are torn between wanting to be with you and fearful of not measuring up to your standards. They so want you to be happy with them, that they never make a decision. They make you choose the restaurant, pick the movie and if they are lucky enough to get you to bed, they will constantly check in to see if you like what they are doing, do you want something else blah blah blah. That must be exhausting for you. You make decisions all day at work and about your family and now you still must manage your dates and your sex life. It can't be fun."
I sat there stunned for a moment. I tried to wrap my head around what he just said. Could that be true and if it is, is there anything I can do about it?
"I am not sure you are right about that, but it's interesting."
He smiled and again leaned in to speak.
"You have had to take control of your life because you had responsibilities, and an important job. At this point it's hard for you to give up any control anywhere, but you will enjoy life a bit more if you find places you can do that."
"Like in the bedroom?"
"Yes, like in the bedroom. Think about tonight. You wanted to resist having dinner with me. I get it, you don't know me, but I pushed, and you gave in. You tried to maintain some control by insisting on paying, but again I overruled you. You didn't want a drink or wine or appetizers, but I led you into them and, be honest, you enjoyed them all even though you were uncomfortable with not being able to make your own choices. Am I right?"
I sat back and just nodded. A little afraid to speak, because this talk of him controlling me this evening sent a quiver of sexual excitement through my body.