"Mark I need to talk to you about something," I said as my husband was getting ready for work.
"Right now?" he said, "I only have a few minutes."
"Yes, it will only take a couple of minutes. I need to get something off my chest."
"Ok, this doesn't sound good. What's going on?"
"This is hard for me to say. I know it's going to hurt you, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but..." I paused.
"But what?" he said.
"I just wanted to tell you that...for a while now...I have been faking my orgasms," I said quickly, trying to get it out fast, but relived I had finally said it.
"What?" he said, "Why would you do that?"
"I don't know. I just didn't want you to feel bad I guess," I said. "I know it was stupid." There was a long pause where neither of us said anything.
"For how long?" he said.
"I'm not sure. About a year..."
"A year?" he said raising his voice.
"I don't know!" I said, getting upset at his tone. It had been at least two but I didn't want to admit it. "Maybe more, I haven't been keeping track."
"So what is it? I just finish too quickly, you fake it, and we both just go to sleep?"
"Well...usually yes...but not always."
"Are you being honest now or are you still faking?" he said angrily.
"That's not fair," I said. "This was hard for me to bring up."
"So 'not always'...What does 'not always' mean?"
"Well," I said and just looked at him. I could hardly get it out.
"Well what?" he said angrily.
"This is hard for me to talk about!"
"Yea, well it's hard for me too."
"I know," I said "I'm sorry." I had to get my nerve up again. I had come this far.
"Fine...sometimes...sometimes...I wait for you to go to sleep...and then I go in the bathroom and make myself cum," I said looking up and looking him in the eye. Finally, it was all said and I was so relieved.
He just looked back at me for what seemed like an eternity. "I need to go to work," he said. "We can talk about this when I get home," as he grabbed his keys and left.
Hours passed and I heard nothing from him. I knew it was partly my fault for not teaching him what I liked. I also knew I had hurt him, but having been frustrated for so long, it needed to be addressed. I was relieved when he finally texted me:
"I'm sorry," is all his text said.
"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have brought it up right before you left," I responded.
"It's fine. I kind of had a feeling anyway. But now at least we can fix it."
"Thank you. I love you" I responded.
"I love you too. We can figure it out when I get home. It will be fun making you cum hard again," which brought a smile to my face.
"I think so too," I said.
That night we hardly spoke until we were getting into bed. I came to bed in a silk nightgown and a thong. Earlier in the day I had shaved my pussy except for a small triage shaped bush. Mark usually sleeps in his boxers and today was no exception. After a minute or two he turned to me and asked "So how are we going to fix this?"
A minute passed before I responded, "I don't know yet."
"You need to be 100% honest with me if we are going to fix it."
"Ok...I know."
"When is the last time you had an orgasm?"
Assuming he meant with him I said, "Six months ago."
"Why didn't you just tell me?"
"I don't know. I didn't want to hurt your feelings I guess."
"So you never cum when I go down on you?"
Mark loves going down on me before we have sex and while it didn't give me an orgasm often, I loved that I could entice him so easily. Over the years I had learned that just letting him just see my bush was enough to get him thinking about me all day. A slight spread of my legs, with or without panties, and a little eye contact was enough to get his tongue inside me.
More recently I had come to the realization that he preferred going down on me after a long day at work, after I went to the gym, or worked in the yard. At first I was insecure about it, occasionally resisting, but I eventually embraced it and started looking forward to it. Spreading my legs for him, placing my foot on his cock and feeling how hard he got when he tasted me gave me an incredible rush. The days when my panties came off and I could smell my own pussy even before he started eating me was about the only time I could orgasm.
"Sometimes, I used to more often," I said, trying not to embarrass him.
"And you just faked it to get me to stop?" he said wounded.
"It's not like that," I said, "I love that you like to do that."
"But it doesn't make you cum?"
"Not as much anymore," I said, "I mean, it makes me feel good to come to bed and know you want me. I really like how it feels, but it doesn't get me over the edge."
"What about when I'm inside you?"
I shook my head no. I had once in the last year but it wasn't worth mentioning.
"So is it more often when I go down on you or when we have sex?"
"When you go down on me."
"Which do you at least like more?"
"I love them both. But I guess as I've gotten older I like when you're inside of me more."
"Even though you don't cum?" he said.
I didn't have a response. It was true I liked it more, but also true I very rarely came from penetration. I suspected it was a combination of reasons. His eating me out beforehand caused him to cum too fast. Also, I would never tell him this, but his cock just didn't stretch me and fill me up like it once did. It had been a long time since I came just because I felt like I was just getting fucked hard.
"What about in the bathroom?" he asked, moving on.
"What do you mean?"
"This morning you said you make yourself cum in the bathroom. How?"
"I use my hand my hand on my clit."
"What do you think about?"
"I don't know. Different things each time I guess." He was asking a lot more questions than I had anticipated.
"Are you at least thinking about being with me?"
"Yes, of course I think about you!"
"Then what do you think about?"
I looked at him and frowned, "I don't want to say."
"Just say it," he said, "you promised you would be honest."
"I think about you going down on me."
"I don't understand, then why don't you cum when I'm actually going down on you?"
"Because it's different... you...you go down on me beforehand."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, it's kind of a long story."