I sat on my couch taking deep breaths, trying to slow my heart rate, trying to get those words out of my mind,
"I've met someone new.
" Every time those words ran through my mind, my heartbeat faster. How could she be dating someone else? We have been dating for over a year! And in a pandemic!
No matter how hard I tried, my heart rate increased. I could feel my anxiety rising, and my breath got shaky. A panic attack was coming.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Amos, are you okay?"
It was my roommate, June. The two of us had met in high school. I was first trumpet in the school band, and she was second. We became fast friends and did most everything together. The two of us ended up going to the same college and even both ended up teaching at the same middle school at the other side of the state. We both knew that individually we could not afford to live somewhere decent on a teacher's salary, so rooming together was the most logical choice.
The only thing we did not do however was date. Everyone always assumed we did, neither of us really dated anyone during high school and we always has this certain chemistry. We found that we had a lot of the same interests, doing puzzles, video games, and reading to name a few. We hung out together most days after school doing god knows what. She is my oldest and best friend.
But I just didn't see her that way; she was like a sister to me. Hell, she was the one who introduced me to my most recent heartbreak.
I looked up at June. I never found her unattractive, she was quite beautiful. She stood about 5'6" to my 5'11" and had rich brunette hair which she now wore in a bun. She wore glasses with a thin frame that were usually pushed up against her face. Her body was attractive too. She is a bit plump, but she always seemed to own it. Her breasts, as far as I could tell, were somewhere in the 34C to 34D range.
Right now, she was wearing her usual relaxing get up, a plain colored tee that hugged her torso that accentuated her breasts, and a pair of shorts that ended around her mid-thigh. She looked at me with that look of concern that I had come to know all too well.
I took a deep breath. "Oh, you know, just wallowing in self-pity; how about you?"
She sat down next to me. "Seriously Amos, what's wrong? Does it have to do with Adriana?"
I nodded my head and blinked the tears out of my eyes. "She, ah, said she fell in love with some dude from down the street. It's over."
"Oh Amos," she said as she reached out to hug me; I really needed the hug. "I am so sorry."
I took another deep breath. June's hugs always helped me calm down, it was a nice reminder that I was not alone. After a minute or two I felt my heart rate to slow down.
She patted me on the back. "I know it sucks right now, and it's hard for you to see the light at the end of this tunnel, but you're going to get through this. You want to know why?"
"Hmm?"
She let go of the hug, gripped me by the shoulders, and looked me in the eyes with the most serious gaze I have ever seen on her.
"Because you are Amos Fucking Beltran, the kindest, sweetest, most awesome person in the world. Because you are the badass who single handedly saved your school's music program, because you're the rock that kept me from becoming an alcoholic like my dad, and because any woman would be lucky to have you."
She then leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I felt the blood rush to my face, and for a moment, I stopped breathing.
"That's how I know you're going to be fine. Because you're- "
"Amos Fucking Beltran."
June smiled. "Damn straight" She looked over my shoulder at the clock against the wall. "It's getting a bit late, and we need to do our Zoom classes early tomorrow. Are you going to be okay?"
I nodded, still trying to remember how to breathe.
She smiled and patted my shoulder. "Good night then Amos." She got up and walked to her room. She stopped just as she got to her door and looked back. "You should really try and get some sleep dude."
My memory returned to me and I took a deep breath. "Huh? Oh, I will, in a bit. I just need to, uh, sit for a moment."
She nodded and went into her room. I sat on the couch until I got my heart rate under control. I went to my room to try and go to sleep, but I could not stop thinking about that kiss. And those words,
"Because you're Amos Fucking Beltran."
Those were almost the same words I told her all those years ago.
It was about seven years ago, the year before we both started our student teaching. At the time we were living in two separate apartments, me with a buddy of mine and her by herself. We would always pop into each other's place; it became kind of standard for us.
On that day it had been almost three days since I had heard from June. She was not answering any phone call, text email, and she wouldn't answer her door. This had been becoming somewhat of a pattern with her, she would disappear for a few days, then show up like nothing happened. She never told me where she went, or what she did; all she would say is "I took some personal time."
I had my suspicions that she spent this time drinking, but I never asked her about it. After seeing the train wreck of her father go through the same thing, surely, she wouldn't do it too, right?
I stopped by her apartment after class, and I found the door unlocked. As I entered, the scent of stale beer hit me like a freight train. There were beer cans, liquor bottles, and fast-food bags littered all over the floor. I felt my stomach drop, my worst fears had been realized.
A high pitched, "AMOSSSSSSS," came from her kitchen. June staggered out towards me, her shirt stained with what I assumed was vomit, and her breath reeked of whiskey. "You FUCKING champion, you found me!!"
I let out a forced chuckle. "Yeah, I guess I did." She staggered to the wall, then slid onto the floor.
"So, this is where you've been?" I asked in my most nonjudgmental tone. "Every time you haven't been in class?"
"Ring-a-ding-ding-ding!" she slurred, "you solvvved the puzzzllle. Ya won da game!"
I slid down next to her. "You know, this wasn't really a fun game to play. You had me worried."
She nodded. "I'm srry, I just did ths cuz I am stressed."
I put my arm around her shoulder to give her a side hug. "I know you are I get it." I squeezed her tight to me. "But this can't happen again. You know that, right?"
She nodded again. "I know," she said clearly. "I'm turning into- "
"Daddy dearest?"
She laughed. "Yeah, I know. That thought scared me 'nd I drank s'more. 'Ronic huh?"
We sat there in silence for a moment, me with my arm around her and her staring at the wall.
"You know I'll help you through this," I said, "right?" She nodded. "You know how I know you're going to get through this?"
"How?"
I kissed the top of her head. "Because you're June Fucking Reed."
As one could imagine, two teachers trying to simultaneously teach two different subjects on Zoom in the same apartment was challenging, she taught biology and I taught math. It also didn't help that as for my feelings for Adriana faded, my feelings for June grew.
Ever since that cheek kiss, I'd find myself smiling at the small things she would do; the way she laughed, the way she furrowed her brow when she was enveloped in a book, the passion she had for teaching. Despite the work circumstances she was a bright light in the apartment, and my heart would flutter whenever she gave me a hug, or a head pat.
I'd find myself stealing glances at her in the rare opportunities where she was teaching, and I was not. As she was teaching from a desk, she usually just wore short shorts. Usually this was not a problem, so she had no idea that I was secretly admiring her legs. When we weren't teaching, she'd usually replace her teaching blouse with a t-shirt. They'd hug the curves of her torso, making her look even more attractive.
I did my best to hide my feelings. I was terrified that if she knew I'd lose my best friend. But these feelings were becoming more and more intense. Soon I began to dream about her, in ways a friend probably shouldn't. At first, we'd just be lying in bed, making out with one another. But as the months went on, the dreams became more and more sexual.
The most vivid one started with us passionately making out. I'd then kiss along her jaw line and begin to nibble on her neck. She'd let out a soft moan and then grind against me. Still kissing her neck, I reached down and removed her pants. Once out of the way I'd gently rub her clit, causing her to let out another moan. Then as I continued to kiss her neck, she whispered in my ear, "take me now."
Then, in lightning fast speed I'd remove my pants, revealing my rock-hard dick. I'd only put in the tip before I woke up, to cum splattered on the inside of my underwear.
I would immediately feel guilty for having these dreams, but they kept happening repeatedly. I felt so guilty that I actively avoided June, which was rather difficult living in the same apartment and all.
It was around Thanksgiving when things. As per usual, our students got the week of thanksgiving off. Normally I'd fly home to spend the holiday with my family, but my parents and I agreed that due to my father's recent biopsy, it would be best to stay put as not to risk him getting sick. June usually came with me to thanksgiving, so the two of us were alone together. For the entire week. Hooray.
I spent the first half of that Monday in bed, trying to push down my emotions. I knew this wouldn't work, but I had to try. Around 1 my stomach began to sound like a Wookie, so I reluctantly went to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. I looked to make sure June wasn't in the kitchen, but she was nowhere to be seen. She must have been sleeping in. As I opened the refrigerator and began pondering my sandwich options, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Alright Beltran, we need to talk."
I felt my stomach drop. She only used my last name when she was angry with me, like that time I accidentally knocked over her aunt's lamp.
I turned around and cursed under my breath. June wore her hair up in a messy bun with her glasses pressed up against her face, and she wore a baseball tee with our school's logo that clung to her breasts. Her dark eyes narrowed as she scowled at me, completing the angry teacher look. Unfortunately for me, I found this very hot.
"You've been avoiding me ever since the school year started," she said. "Whenever I enter a room, you almost immediately leave; and when you don't you can't seem to look me in the eye." She stepped closer to me, causing my heart to beat even faster than it already was. "Please, open up to me, I want my best friend back."
It took all my will power not to kiss her right then and there, to just scoop her up in my arms. "I, I, I can't."
"Why not? You're obviously going through something and I want to be there for you like you have always been there for me." She took my hands in hers. "If it wasn't for you, I'd be exactly like my father. You're always taking care of me and for once I want to return the favor." A tear formed in the corner of her eye. "Please tell me what's going on?"
I took a shaky breath. "You're going to be mad."
She let go of my hands and sat down at the kitchen table. She patted the seat next to her.
"Try me."
I sat down, feeling like my heart was in my throat. The two of us sat there in silence for two minutes, while I built up the courage to tell her what I've been feeling for months.
"I, uh" I stuttered, "I was pretty broken when I found out Adriana was seeing someone new. And- and you were the one that helped me realize that I was going to be okay." My mouth was bone dry, and my hands were shaking. "But the thing is, in- in doing so certain, uh, other feelings have arisen." I gulped down whatever saliva was left in my mouth.
"Feelings about you, and me, together."
