"Chris, this is getting to be too much. I'm flooded with orders, and my time is all taken up. This is getting out of hand."
"Susie, I know, I know, but you're only one woman."
"What if I get someone to help me?"
A long pause on the other end of the line. "I'm not sure. It has to be someone we can trust absolutely. It also has to be someone as horny and wild as you are. Know anybody like that?"
"Maybe. You know Stephanie Beasley?"
"Steffie? Sure, she's a parishioner of mine. Little chunky, but not bad. Got a big pair of tits; if I were straight, I'd love to get my hands on those."
"Chris, when those twins are released, they fall halfway to the floor."
"Oh, oh, okay, I get it, her nipples are at her waist when her bra's off. Hey, wait, how do you know?"
"Never mind. Anyway, had lunch with her yesterday. Her husband hasn't touched her in years, and she once told me she has a fantasy about priests."
"Really? Let me think about it. I know her, can't tell you how, I know she can be trusted, and if she's interested. . . Meanwhile, you're off to Our Lady of Mercy."
"The biggest parish in the diocese?"
"Yes. The number of names they came up with is staggering."
"I have a feeling I'll be staggering when the day is over."
A chuckle came from the other end of the line. "I'm sure you'll offer it up. Later."
She flipped her cell phone shut and crumbled the other half of her lunch sandwich into crumbs for the birds. Her stops that day were so far from the Chancery she had to eat lunch alone in a park. "It's funny," she said to the birds as they fed, "three months ago I was bored and hating my job, wondering if I'd ever get enough done to keep my boss happy. Now he's in heaven and so am I. I was ready to reapply for my virginity, you know, if you haven't had sex in 7 years you get it back, but now I get so much action. . ."
There was the huge Nigerian priest who filled her like no man had before. The priest who made her put on a habit, tie him to his desk chair and spank his privates with a flyswatter for being a naughty boy. Mike and Jim, who she kept on her schedule after their number was up because they made her feel so good. They could be trusted not to brag about their exalted status, so it was safe to keep visiting them. Elbow length black gloves became a icon in the network, one priest gave thanks for them at a priest's only retreat. Most of her visits used the black gloves, and she felt her manipulative technique was at the expert level: she could make those lonely old peckers sing like a diva.
There were four priests living at Our Lady of Mercy, a pastor, an associate, a prison chaplain and a retired priest in a wheelchair. Chris had been mysterious about what they were asking for, telling her only that she'd love it and love them. Usually he told her exactly what the men wanted so she could prepare. Her shiver was part in expectation and part in fear as she drove to the upper class neighborhood the parish resided in. The buildings were from the 1970's, creatively ugly, and the secretary was a thin woman in her 50's with her grey hair pulled back in a bun, her face seemed pulled back as well.
Susanna sat nervously, sipping coffee and leaving through ancient magazines as she waited. The associate came into the office and glanced at her as he chatted with the secretary, but didn't come out to introduce himself, leaving within a few seconds.
After twenty minutes, Fr. John Blankenship emerged, taking her hand as she stood to greet him. "Good afternoon, Ms. Cox. A pleasure to meet you at last; you are an underground legend. I can see why you are so appreciated."