Susanna Cox maneuvered her Suburban through the lines to the dropoff; the kids were self-absorbed on the brink of a new school day. The Monday morning was the usual chaos of reluctant rising, forced breakfast and bathroom conflicts, presided in monosyllables by a figure at the head of the table from the far side of the morning paper. The day dawned wet and grisly; the drive was purgatorial through the traffic.
Despite the morose start, she shuddered as she contemplated the day. After retooling her "parish relations" for the Diocesan Paper with Fr. Chris Farnsworth's help, the past month had been a delight, visiting different pastors and delighting them in varied ways. Now she went to work so damp between her legs, she carried two sets of panties in her purse, leaving souvenirs for her favorites. There were a few problems at the beginning, especially with a certain Monseigneur who felt entitled to change the terms on his own, but she and Chris kept things under control.
Last week, the Chancery named her employee of the month. Her boss was amazed at how circulation increased in the past month, and her skin tingled as she had her picture taken with the Bishop for the paper. "Gosh, Susie," her cubicle partner Steffie said: "this month you're a new woman. You're hardly here, you're gone so much." Steffie looked at her friend up and down, in her sharp green suit with white lace blouse. "I'm jealous; you look wonderful. It's like you're getting laid regularly."
Today, she was seeing two old friends, Mike and Jim. Members of a religious community, Susie met them at a retreat three years earlier and gone with them bar hopping that evening. The evening was a delight: they became fast friends, and occasionally did early evening cocktails together. "If I'd only known. . ." she kept muttering to herself. Maybe they needed a housekeeper.
She was excited by more than the prospect of a reunion. They committed enough names that she would have to submit to anything they wanted to do to her.
"Good morning, Susie, great to see you again," Mike said as he answered the back door. Mike was taller than average, a collegiate basketball player who entered just after graduation. He wore his habit with bare legs and feet in sandals. "I hope you didn't have any trouble finding us."
"No not at all. This is a wonderful place." The parish was built in the 1920's: a classic Gothic church with a huge monastic Rectory attached, full of nooks and crannies. "All you need is few gargoyles."
"Very funny. C'mon in."
Mike led her to a large dining room, appointed with antique furniture and a chandelier over the table. The table was laid for three, a huge bowl of fresh fruit dominated the center and some croissants rested in a basket next to a lazy Susan of butter, cream cheese and raspberry jam. Mike left and returned momentarily with a pitcher half full of fresh squeezed orange juice, which he topped up with a bottle of champagne. Jeff entered; he was also taller than average and rail thin under his habit, and he carried a large souffle.
"Have a seat. Make yourself comfortable."
"Thank you." They sat, said the usual Grace, and began eating. Everything was delicious, and Susie had to pace herself to be ready for what the boys had in mind for later. Looking around, she remarked. "I see you guys are really living the simple, monastic lifestyle."
Jeff chuckled. "There's an old joke about that."
"Now, now, it's about the Jesuits," Mike interjected, "We're not Jesuits."
"Still a good story," Jeff snorted
Susie leaned forward, interested. "Tell it, tell it."
"All right," Jeff began. "There was a young man making a discernment visit to the Jesuits. They took him through their University, with all the most up-to-date facilities. Then to the residence, where they had an elegant 7 course meal. Afterward, they repaired to the library and had brandy and cigars. At last they asked him: 'Well, what do you think? Interested in becoming a Jesuit?'
"Yeah, sure,' he replied, 'if this is how you guys live poverty, I'd love to see what you do with chastity and obedience.'"
Laughing, they finished the meal and took the remains to the kitchen for clean up and storage. Mike took Susie on a tour of the Church, a lovely place with outstanding stained glass windows, and the Rectory, with many more rooms than needed. "Some of these rooms were created by knocking walls down: once they were rows and rows of tiny sleeping rooms for lots of monks;, the walls were knocked down to make reasonably sized rooms."
