It hadn't occurred to me when I danced with him at the club in Ayia Napa. It hadn't got through to me when we danced several times with the last two being pretty dirty dancing. It didn't register when we went outside for a cigarette and we kissed and he felt my breasts. The penny didn't even drop when he slid his hand up my, fashionably at the time in 2002, short skirt and he fondled my bare bum in the little thong. And it still hadn't hit me when I was on a bed with him in the flat he and several other Brummy boys had rented. Most certainly the penny hadn't dropped when he stripped me naked and fucked me twice within an hour. It was only later, around five am, when I was getting dressed to go to my hotel and he said.
"I just love older women," that it got to me.
For the rest of the holiday as the three other girls and I cruised the bars and clubs at night and sunbathed usually topless during the day that thought kept coming into my mind. At 33 I was to many of the guys we danced with or who chatted to us round the pool and on the beach an older woman! God it did hit home hard.
*
Although I had married when I was 25 neither of us took our vows on sexual faithfulness all that seriously. We didn't have an open marriage as such and it certainly wasn't one where we told the other about our extra marital activity, we just got on and did it and kept our mouths shut. I had been fairly promiscuous during my early twenties having brief flings with 4 or 5 guys. My philandering activity picked up more during my thirties. Why? Well John travelled more on business, the children were growing up; Peter was born when I was 25 and Sara 2 years later and I went back to work. I think that was the main catalyst for the increase; available men who wanted some fun on the side seemed to be everywhere. Having said that, although my flings became more frequent, I certainly turned down far more opportunities than I accepted. The other factor, I often jokingly thought, that increased my opportunities was that after the children were born my boobs swelled up and never went back to their pre-child sizes but stayed at 36D. Those, my blonde, spiky hair and glasses, good legs and 'great ass' as I was told several times made for a pretty sexy package. I was and still am a sucker for such compliments.
So, the opportunities to be unfaithful were around largely with men my age or older, the typical 'my wife doesn't understand me' brigade.
It was about then when my son Peter was 18 or so that I began seeing him in a different light. At the time my marriage was getting stickier by the next infidelity by either of us. Peter realised that things were not going well between his mother and father and naturally I suppose, but rather worryingly in some ways I was pleased that he took my side. That meant us becoming closer and him consoling me when he saw I was upset and sometimes crying. Nothing really happened, apart from us cuddling during those comforting sessions, well I didn't think so but on reflection maybe things did happen at least on our sub- conscious levels. Nevertheless, I got lovely feelings and sensations from being held and cuddled by him and in truth deep down I wanted more.
Probably the first instances of me seeing my son in a different light occurred when I was out and about shopping, at the gym or the pool and I would see young guys and compare them to him.
'He's not as good looking as Peter, he's not as well built, his hair's not as nice and so on' started going through my mind.
Although my thinking about him was yet to become sexual, I found myself becoming more and more attracted to younger men. I put it down to the BIG four O syndrome that was rushing towards me! It may also have been the memories of Ayia Nappa and being fucked four or five times in a night, something that had never happened with John!
My always fragile relationship with my husband was deteriorating about as quickly as 40 was getting nearer and the frequency between sex was lengthening. So, circumstances were combining to make a fling with a young guy very appealing and I guess inevitable, unless of course the 'older woman' was sensible, with strong resistance and those qualities I do not possess!
*
That inevitability became a reality when I was in Devon on business staying at a B & B. A few days after arriving I had a puncture some miles from the B & B so I rang them to enquire about a garage who would come and change the wheel; being a woman, blonde at that I couldn't even find the spare let alone find and use the jack. The landlady said her neighbour's son, Ellis, who did odd jobs for her would come out and help.
I had seen him at the B & B a few times and we had smiled and nodded so I knew that he was a bit of a hunk. As it happened he couldn't change the wheel so he rang his mate at a local garage who told him he would be about an hour. I thought he would leave me to wait alone but instead he suggested a drink. I agreed and we went in his car to a nearby pub. He was very jokey and humorous and we got on well and I suppose we flirted a little. As Ayia Nappa and my thoughts on young men ran through my mind I could feel myself becoming attracted to him, but didn't expect any advance from him and I certainly was not about to try seducing him!
It was getting dark when we came out into the quiet car park tucked away behind the pub and got in his car. He was about to start it when his phone rang.
Looking at me he said. "Bugger, Bryce is going to be another hour or so."
"So, what now?" I asked totally innocently.
"Well we could go back and have another drink or maybe sit here in the dark and er, um, talk?"
"About what?" I asked still not thinking that he was trying it on with me.
He answered that by sliding his arm along the back of my seat. We looked at each other. He said.
"Do we need something to talk about?"
"If we are going to talk then yes," I smiled back as the penny started to drop.
"Do we really need to talk?" Ellis asked leaning towards me.
"That's up to you really isn't it," I said softly.
"What would Mrs West say if I kissed her?"
That made my heart pound as it was half what I was hoping he would do.
"Maybe you should try to find out?" I smiled back as his face moved towards me and I turned mine to face him.
He kissed me. Soft at first but a little firmer as it went on. He was quite good and used his tongue well. We must have kissed for 5 or 10 minutes before he fondled my tits outside the thin, whit, button up, business blouse. My immediate thought was to stop him but, being truthful, it felt so good and I had not had sex for some time I let him carry on and just kissed him harder. He slid his hand inside and caressed my chest and boobs for a while before scooping one out of my bra. He tried going up my skirt but I stopped him by pushing his hand away and saying.
"Not here."
That was a tactical mistake for inevitably that elicited the reply.
"Where then?"
That turned out to be later that evening in my bedroom in the B&B.
After leaving the pub car park and driving to where my car was parked and pulling up close behind it he had said.
"Mrs Dawson goes to bingo with mum on Thursdays," as he again slid his arm round my shoulders.
"Really?" I replied as we kissed and as his hand cupped my breast again.
"Yes really, three whole hours with just us in the two houses," he went on slipping his fingers inside my blouse and onto the bare swell of my breast above my bra.
"Is it safe?"
"Yes very."
"What if they come home unexpectedly?"
"They won't because I go and collect them."
It was like being a teenager again and having sex while mum and dad were out when Ellis came into the B&B and we went upstairs to my room. There was lots of kissing, slow undressing with my top and bra coming off along with his shirt before we laid on the bed. He had a lovely hairy chest that felt great against my bare breasts. His body was so lithe and taut and his skin so smooth and silky, I felt thinking and envying the attributes of the young. This time when his hand went up my skirt I didn't stop him and revelled in him fingering me to a quick and fairly nice climax.
When I finished we both undressed completely and got into bed, the house was freezing!
After more kissing and caressing this time with us both naked he slipped a condom on, rolled on top of me and got between my legs that I opened for him.
"Ok Jayne?" he asked pressing the bulbous head of his impressively thick cock against my soaked lips.
"Mmmm," I sighed back anticipating that lovely feeling as a new cock enters me.
And it was lovely but also something else happened. As he held himself rampantly hard as deep in me as he could and I wrapped my legs round his waist, suddenly Peter's face came into my mind. All through the rest of Ellis fucking me, it wouldn't go away and I ended up having one of the strongest orgasms I could recall.
We lay there for a while with me rather romantically snuggled up to him, my head on his chest, my hand on his hip and his arm round my shoulders stroking me. Nearly dozing off, I moved my hand and totally accidentally brushed it across his cock. I was amazed, it was half erect. I looked at my watch and saw that it was only half hour or so since he had filled the condom almost to overflowing. As I moved it away he grabbed my wrist and put my hand back on his cock.
"Jesus Ellis, that's quick," I sighed feeling it hardening completely.
After some enjoyable foreplay including oral both ways he got me onto all fours and fucked me doggy fashion. It was lovely. Ellis left just before ten to go and collect his mum and Mrs Dawson and that left me time to think and wonder and I did plenty of both.
I suppose deep down I knew something was happening to me about Peter. The cuddles and the consoling had been more attractive than they should have been and the thoughts I had been having comparing other teenagers to him should have been a warning. That was particularly the case because of my increasing interest in having sex with young men. I had read about it quite a lot and had watched a couple of films including The Reader about older women with young guys.
What bugged me most about this was that I couldn't work out the sequence. Was I having sex with young guys as a substitute for not having it with Peter or was it because I fancied my son so much that I was seeking out young guys like him. Or, did I simply like being fucked often, I smiled?
Whichever it was the two times that Ellis fucked me in his little bedroom the next afternoon, Peter was in my mind.
*
After Ellis and Devon nothing happened for a year or so. During that period, I became rather more relaxed about my feelings about Peter. I researched it and felt relieved that I was not quite such an abnormal pervert as I had suspected and that over 40% of mothers have sexual feelings for their sons and around 10% actually do something about it.
Whilst I did nothing with Peter I continued comparing him to other young guys I saw around and I was in a guarded way I realised on the lookout for opportunities to have sex with another young man..
That said, hardly a week went by when I didn't masturbate and my almost permanent fantasy when doing that was having sex with my son!
But then a lot of the time and certainly when masturbating had partially satisfied my sexual needs, I thought of all the difficulties. What it would be like after we'd had sex? Was there a sexual future for a mother and son? What if Sara found out, and more to the point what if anyone did? Could we go to jail, would we be ostracised, cast off by society or would we move in together and live happily ever after? Could we indeed live as man and wife? Would I be spoiling his future, stopping him finding a wife and having children, my grandchildren? And of course, the whole incest thing would hang over us for the rest of our lives!
Things almost came to a head near my fortieth birthday when John, I and the children had a lunch booked at the Ritz in Piccadilly. John told me a couple of days before that he would not be able to make it as he had to go to the States. That caused a huge row as he admitted he had forgot all about my birthday.
