Surrogate

I have always resisted the passive (sub) role in life. I was an only child and maybe my parents didn't treat me as much like a girl as they would have if I had a brother.

Anyway, I got married too soon- he was a nice guy but not sexually experienced. I think all young men should be taught by a horny older lady! before they are released on inexperienced girls. They would learn how to please women in various ways. My husband learned how to please himself, and resisted any change in position from missionary; but to be fair we had religious guidance that was mis-guided. They told us that man on top, woman inert, was the only proper way to fuck. Only they used conjugal relations to describe fucking. You get the idea.

After 4 years of marriage, I still had a husband who would kiss me a few times, stick his finger in my cunt the way you might dangle your toe in a swimming pool before diving in, and if I was damp- he would start fucking and be done in a minute or two. If I was not damp he would pump his finger in and out, and I was usually horny enough that I got wet from even that.

Then he would fuck fast and hard for a minute or two, ejaculate in me (never outside me or in my face) and say something like "that was great" or "that was SO great", and then fall asleep.

I would experiment with ways to rub myself to orgasm. Based on the way I would hump against a vibrator or dildo, I decided that I needed more MOVEMENT to get to orgasm. I liked pushing against things, and sometimes was even getting really hot from my husband's fucking! but never enough to get close to orgasm. And I did try getting myself really excited by going to bed first and staying awake, playing with my pussy, until he got to bed.

Then when he "tested the water", he would get super excited by how wet and swollen I was, and he would finish EVEN FASTER than he did when I started out at zero. When I tried moving while he blasted me, it upset him that I was moving around too much. One day I knew I needed to find some guy who was more interested in my pleasure than my husband was.

While this might seem to be an easy task in the age of internet dating, I didn't want just anyone (duh), and I did want someone who would be totally discreet (double duh).

Since I didn't care if he was cute or not, and didn't plan on marrying him or even dating him, he didn't need to be anything except NICE to me and good at letting ME experiment with him to find a way I could enjoy sex more. I didn't want to go on a pay site, so I put an "ad" in craigslist and learned what women learn when they post in craigslist: there are a whole lot of low-life jerks in the world, and a lot of them can read and reply to postings.

Even the ones who seemed educated and sophisticated (by which I mean they did not send pictures of their penis), were unable to explain to me how they would prove to me that they were knowledgable about my problem. I did explain the problem and they often came up with "what I would do", but somehow they never got around to explaining how they would keep from finishing fast the way my husband does.

Maybe I should not assume that all men are like that, but why wouldn't they be? I've got a tight cunt, I am cute, how much are they going to need before they cum?

I tried to ask a woman I know, but there is no way to ask questions like that without having her know exactly what my problem is- and I didn't want that- the women I know are such gossips! The only good it would do was to keep any of them from thinking my husband might be a good lover! As things were I almost hoped he would cheat- with someone who would teach him something!

I did find an old book by Masters & Johnson who suggested to their clients who were premature ejaculators- that they jerk off before trying to have intercourse, with the idea that they would not get as excited as quickly. That sounded likely, but if it had worked I think it would be common knowledge by now, and it isn't. I am pretty sure my husband jerks off a lot, but then is not interested in having sex with me! To him, sex is just jerking off in my cunt. He has never considered jerking off in my mouth or my ass, that would be perverted! Even if that is perverted, it would seem a lot more normal to me if he did it while acting as if he loved me.

They had other solutions in their book on therapy, but all of them involved the guy realizing that HE had a problem. My guy didn't know there WAS a problem- it was all good FOR HIM.

Then one morning I woke up and realized it had to be my priest or my doctor. Both were quite old, way over 50, but I had always trusted and admired both of them and mostly I felt sure that neither would tell on me.

As you might expect, I had zero experience "seducing" men and I spent a month reading up on that, but still did not have confidence as to whether I could even start to try to do this. I decided doctor first because there was a possibility that the priest was gay? or impotent? The doctor was married, although I suppose that is no guarantee an old guy is not gay or impotent? Or a terrible lover like my husband.

So I made an appointment to see him and gave the nurse a complaint of deep pelvic pain. I realized he would have a nurse chaperone, but I had to start someplace and maybe having his fingers in me would give me some better idea.

So I went to the appointment, and the doctor examined me after hearing my fake complaint- and the nurse was standing right there next to me holding my hand. But even so I got really flushed and wet thinking about how I was TRYING to seduce the doc, who seemed to be very very comfortable playing with my pussy, and not at all interested sexually.

When he consulted me about his findings after I got dressed, I got up the guts to explain to him my real problem- and to suggest that I truested HIM to show me how to reach orgasm with intercourse.

His face turned red, but he also seemed to really appreciate the compliment that I would choose him for this task. He didn't understand that I didn't need some guy who was sexy- I needed some guy I could trust who had knowledge. At any rate, he seemed really interested in my problem- to the point where I thought he might suggest I return "after hours".

But instead he explained that there was a doctor he knew that worked with a sex therapist, and the doctor acted as a "surrogate" for women who were frigid. And that he was totally discreet, and could not talk about anything without risk of losing his medical license! I knew what a surrogate was from the old M&J book, but didn't realize they still had that kind of thing going on. It sounded like prostitution, but I guess it could be therapy, and it also seemed to be EXACTLY what I was looking for. Only not very well advertised, it had taken me forever to learn about this possibility.

I said I thought that sounded like a good idea, but my doc explained that I had to talk to the sexual therapist doctor first. Fancy title, but actually he was just a psychiatrist who did a lot of work with people who had sex problems. I didn't think I was crazy. I did worry that I was "frigid", but my reading suggested I was not frigid. The one thing I was certain about: I did have a "sex problem", and I wasn't going to tell anyone about the psychiatrist anyway, so I got the referral.

The psychiatrist was really cool, and explained that my doctor had reported totally normal exam, so normally he would not need to repeat that. But because I was so beautiful, he wanted to repeat the exam if that was OK with me, and check some things that were not really "medical" but more along the lines of how you react to sexual stimulation.

He let me think about what he had said for a while, as I translated the somewhat medical terminology to "he's going to diddle me and try to get me excited?".

Since I didn't care who taught me, it was totally OK with me and I realized this guy was serious when he did the exam right THEN, and without calling in a chaperone. He did put on rubber gloves- probably to protect himself?

I expected an exam, but what I got was rally just a lot of foreplay! He explained that he needed to know how sensitive I was, and he found some good places to do that. He asked if I enjoyed "oral", and I wasn't sure what he meant until he explained "do you enjoy having your vulva licked and kissed?" I told him that I enjoyed what he had been doing, but really didn't know about kissing and licking because nobody had ever tried that. So he showed me and WOW! I realized that I had a lot more to learn than just how to orgasm with intercourse. I was already really swollen and sensitive, and I had a massive orgasm after about a minute of licking- I was already totally excited and having this man with his mouth on my cunt and his tongue working around on it was just AMAZING. I had been taught that my woman parts were sort of dirty! And he instantly showed me that not only were they clean, they were very enjoyable for a male to lick. He seemed to be finished, and I realized what I really wanted was for him to just "do that again". I wanted to just ask "can you do that again", or maybe "please do that again", but ... DAMMIT... I just lay there silent.

I realized that I was thinking HE SHOULD KNOW WHAT TO DO, DO WHAT I WANT.

And maybe that is true, but it didn't get me what I wanted.

He explained that my vagina tasted marvelous, and he didn't need to say that, did he? He also was laughing when he explained that "obviously" I did not have any problem with sensation, and he explained that he needed to be sure I actually was having orgasms with masturbation because some women report that but it actually is not happening. "You definitely had an orgasm just now, and it was like what you have been doing by yourself, wasn't it?"

I laughed out loud! and said, "Well, sort of, but about ten times as great. Actually I think I would have had one of my usual orgasms from your touching me, but the licking just was so amazing!"

He explained in too logical a voice,"You may have been taught to think that your vulva is dirty, and discovering that a man consideres it magnificent might have helped you relax and enjoy even more?"

As I listened, I found myself thinking "enjoy even more.. WITH YOU."

The orgasm led to his explanation that my problem was not really a problem for me, it was my husband's failure to give me time to get warmed up. But then he explained that letting me "do some of the work" would probably be better than simply lying there, especially if husband had complained about my moving around in the missionary position.

He said that if I had time today, he himself was actually quite excited by how amazing my pussy was, and by my orgasm, and by the oral he had done- and "we can find out how you enjoy being on top right now"... "if you want to continue". I remembered that my doctor had said he would refer me to another doctor who would be the surrogate. The idea that this psychiatrist was going to be the surrogate himself - suddenly made me realize that I was such a delight to him that he didn't want to share me! HOLY SHIT!

I explained that I had actually finished, and it was great. He laughed and said, "maybe, but you may have lots more- let's find out, OK?"

He had his pants off and picked me up and set me on the couch that was a perfect size for fucking. I was going to say "OK", but decided to wait and find out if he expected me to say anything, or needed me to agree?

He took off his clothes and I noticed he already had a boner, a little smaller than my husband's, and I wondered if I would feel loose to him or if I wouldn't feel him. Size may matter, but mostly I think it matters if something is too big to fit in! Turns out my cunt can grab a pencil, so I am going to be able to get off from one finger. I learned more about size later, but for now my thought was just a temporary distraction.

He rolled on a condom and told me to let him lie flat, and I should just "get on me the way you would get on a horse, and line yourself up with my penis, and YOU take it and rub the tip on your vulva and clitoris for a while." I did as he said and realized that I had never handled a penis much- and just that alone was enough to get me excited- even with the condom on it. He had to repeat his instructions on how to use his penis because I was distracted with squeezing it and looking at it.

We discovered that I soon was totally excited again, using the head of his cock to bump and rub my slippery clitoris, slide around down to my vagina and then back up- pretty much what I did with my fingers or vibrator- but it was something else to use this part of the man lying underneath me. I would look at his face and smile at him and he clearly was enjoying "his work".

He said "when you feel excited enough, put the penis into your vagina- and lower yourself on it slowly. Try taking it out and putting it back in just enough that it stretches the muscles there. You can move up and down a little as you do that- but I am not going to move at all. That is how I keep control of my orgasm- by holding still- just as you kept from having one because you were forced to hold still.

I did as he told me to, and it was marvelous! I played around with letting the tip poke into me, and taking it out so I could get it to poke in again. There was some resistance right at the beginning and it felt great to haveit stretch me open as I pushed down against his cock. Suddenly he told me to stop! I thought I had done something wrong but he explained that I was getting him too excited and he needed to cool down so he didn't finish and lose his erection.

That was OK by me because I loved his erection and didn't want to lose it either. When he said OK and I continued, I decided to get it all the way in. I was surprised to find that it pushed against something before it was all the way in. When my husband fucked me I would often have a deep sort of discomfort that usually went away before he finished, but this was sort of the same and went away instantly and became a good feeling- maybe because I controlled how fast his penis was pushing into me. It felt marvelous as I slowly slowly finally lowered myself on it until I was flat down against him, something warm and pressure deep inside me and a satisfying "full" feeling. I lifted up a little and sat back down and that was great, but after a few times he suggested that I try leaning forward some and pushing forward and back in a way that would rub my clitoris some more. That worked even better, and the tip of his cock was doing something inside me that was building pressure as my clit got more and more tense. Then the most wonderful thing, he lifted his head and wrapped his lips around my left nipple, sort of sucking and licking it at the same time and wow! electric sensations went right from my nipple to my cunt. Why hadn't anyone told me about this before!! Of course I had touched my nipples while masturbating, but it had no occurred to me to get my husband to do that when he was fucking me- I guess there never had been enough time to ask for anything, or for him to do or say anything?

He was barely doing anything- except know exactly what to do! and I was doing almost everything, and it was fantastic.

As I recovered from another orgasm that was just as good but somehow different from the one when he was licking me. I started telling him how fantastic it was, he explained that I should "try that again as soon as you are not too sensitive". I was very sensitive and was holding very still, as he was. But when moving did not seem to be "too much", I started the same forward and back sliding, I was aware that I had produced a huge amount of vaginal secretions that were soaking him. But I didn't care and he didn't seem to, why would he if he loved licking up that stuff?

Pretty soon I was off to another orgasm- and as it started to trail off I realized that I had never had a problem, and that this psychiatrist knew exactly what I needed. Education! WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG TO LEARN THIS.

I started again, and he said," I could slide my thumb in here to help, but you are getting really good contact so I don't think you will need any help. Just keep doing what you are doing." Easy to comply with that, but I sort of leaned so he would give equal time to my right nipple, with almost identical marvelous results, plus the rubbing I was doing sent me off on an orgasm maybe even better than the first- I couldn't think or breathe and I may have even blacked out. He was ready for that and held my arms to keep me upright on him. As the glory relented, I realized that it wasn't dissipating as fast as it did when I masturbated. I wondered if that was because when I masturbated, I was just trying "to get done and go to bed".

He said nothing but I knew what he wanted me to do: wait a minute and do it again! And so I did, with almost the same effect when he licked across my nipple again, although I was about to come even if he hadn't done that- I'm glad he did, it just added to everything even though it already seemed as good as it could possibly be. In less than a minute I had this total release, and the best part is that from the instant I had started, I was sort of CERTAIN that I was going to have this marvelous orgasm-- and I did and sort of groaned and froze and then almost fell over backwards again!

But as I came out of it this time I realized I was totally exhausted and sort of fell forward on him. As I lay against him, he kissed me softly on the lips with just the right amount of pressure and with just a little tongue across my lips, which were dry from panting so hard!

I wasn't kissing back, I was just thinking how this kiss convinced me that he truly loved me, even though this was his job and he had just met me and it was ALL SEX. But it was such GREAT sex, how could I believe he was not full of love for me when he had helped me find how to.. directed me... controlled me... none of that. He was there totally FOR ME. But he obviously was enjoying everything himself, even as I was aware that he himself had not had even one orgasm.

I wanted to wait and go again, but he laughed and said: "You almost passed out that last time, so lets move along. "I think you realize that you are totally capable of having pleasure with intercourse", and as I nodded yes and smiled he added,"but why not learn some different things instead of more of the same?" I nodded again as I thought I would do anything he told me to do! OMG I was in a new world! I loved him, but I also wondered, "How many men know how to do this right?"

"Think of this as an experiment to find out what you like."

Hey, I was there TO EXPERIMENT, and so far the experiment was going great. He had me get on my hands and knees and got behind me, explaining that this is the way most mammals do it. I told him that my friends had mentioned "doggy style" and I hadn't asked, but assumed it was with the male from the rear the way dogs do it- I had watched dogs and suddenly wondered if men would swell up the way dogs do if they used this position? But I didn't ask because I figured this doc knew what he was doing, and if he swelled up a lot it might be even better for me?

As he was humping against me, he growled a little which was really sexy and made me feel dominated like a bitch, so I whined a little the way I had heard a bitch whine while being fucked, and it actually made me feel like I was being totally FUCKED (which was true, but I bet a year ago I would have just been numb if my husband had done this after testing the water with his finger).

He asked if I was OK and I told him it was great, I was just "playing bitch dog". He laughed. But the next time I whined, it seemed to get him even more excited! He told me that I should reach back with one hand and hold it against my clitoris while he was fucking me. He even used the word fuck, which got me really going in combination with my fingers back there and damn if I wasn't off to another orgasm, and I realized that I had sort of lost count! As soon as he recognized my flush (or something), he sped up and did his finish. The explained that I really was one of the most sexy women he had ever treated, and there was absolutely nothing "wrong" with me - and that every woman wanted to be like me. He explained that he had hoped to demonstrate other positions, but that I got him so excited that he "didn't manage to wait long enough". "You can figure them out from diagrams, or you can come back for more consultation with me. He smiled and said, "I would have to be very professional." Yeah, sure he would.