Making me feel better is my lovers favorite thing to do, and today was no exception.
It's 5, time to shut down the office and I'm dreading the trip home tonight.
Life can be draining, but I never want to let the 'problems' cloud my point of view. That just robs your soul of thrills and delights that lay hidden among the thorns of life. Taking my own advice is not as easy as dishing it out however. It's lonely sometimes and when I have to cancel plans to please my uncaring husband it's hard to remember there is more than just thorns.
"Hey Jenn, how was your day?" I ask. My friend from the other office is leaving too. She's so pretty. She inspires me. 36 years old and looks 18. Pretty Asian girl. Blue contact lenses, false eyelashes, tattoos all over her body. She wears spiked heels and sexy dresses all the time β and today is no exception. She offers to light my cigarette and I stop to chat. We love to have fun conversation while we wait for our ride home. It has been a good day, but so busy and demanding. I don't know why I feel so bad, but suddenly I just feel so envious of her and so sad for me. That is so selfish. Not like me at all. As I look at her my green eyes fill with tears as I anticipate the question her eyes ask...
"Are you all right Beth?" how can I lie to those eyes. She sees through me. It's not nice to lie, but the truth hurts so much. I start to cry.
"Ohhh, excuse me." I smile and my tears are forgotten as my bra buzzes from the vibration of my cell phone. Couple short and a long buzz, not a call. A text message. I pull my phone from its hiding place in my bra and open the text.
"BOO", is all it says. It's a text from 'Harley', my secret lover.
"AWWW" I respond out loud. He reads me. He is a country away and he knows my every move. We must have been lovers in another life. I straighten my composure to not let on how this man turns me inside out and upside down...
"What are you doing tonight? You going to your class?" Jenn asks as I snap back to reality.
"No, I'm going home. No ride on the pole tonight for me I'm afraid. I'll take the next session." I reply with shaky breath. My six week beginner pole dancing class was to be my freedom gift to myself, and slowly even it was being stripped away. I couldn't take much more!
My phone buzzes again β 'GOD he's so frisky, the devil', I pant out loud. My lover is nothing but thrills, roller coaster ride to ecstasy. Since we met I have come alive. Between our texts, email and online chats we have a secret life. And it's so good. We have filled the empty spot our sexless marriages have dealt us.
'Can I come over tonight?' he asks with little winkie marks in his text (he has a hot Winkie I long to eat!).
mmm... my dimples deepen and Jen smiles with me as I type back: 'Sure' I respond knowing he is a time zone away and could never really get here.
Suddenly I hear the purr of a Harley. My knees get weak. Oh my GOD. It's a fucking purple Harley, no blue, no... God, it's his!
"No bloody way. George!?" I beam as I turn to the sound of the engine. Jenn pinches my arm and reminds me that my husband will be pulling up soon and I better get my tongue back in my mouth.
"Oh Jenn, when he gets here, tell him I got a ride with 'Joyce'! He will understand!" my eyes shoot fire and laughter as I run to the edge of the parking lot and drop my purse.
"Hi baby! I just had to be here in person to tell you that you are wonderful just the way you are. Don't let anyone tell you differently. It is almost over and then you will be free to be you; to spread your wings and soar like an eagle." He says as he holds my face in his hands.
I look down at the eagle on his Harley emblem. He was meant for me. I inhale his scent and a life force so deep flashes and burns in me to my core.
"Hi Baby." George says,
"Hi to you too." I reply