Sue

I went home for Christmas, and I called Sue 1200 miles away on Christmas Eve. I wasn't sure about doing it. We'd only been together a couple of months, and her old boyfriend Tim was in town for Christmas. She had hinted that she was going to sleep with him; she still loved him. I didn't know why he hadn't invited her to go to Portland with him when he left. But it was his loss.

She answered the phone on the third ring. "Hi, Al! Yes, everybody's OK. No, things are kind of crazy here. I miss you. I wish... If..."

I thought about it afterward. She wasn't sure I'd come back to her. It wasn't about Tim: she knew I respected him. She was probably sleeping with Bill too. Bill and Cynthia weren't getting along, so he'd sleep with her. (He would anyway, but now he wouldn't have to worry about Cynthia yelling at him about it, because she was already yelling at him.) Then there'd be a lot of screaming, and Bill and Cynthia would make up, and they'd both blame Sue. Right. I forgot it. It was all guesswork anyway.

#

My plane came in the evening of the 2nd. Sue was waiting at the airport. We drove to her house where she had a good meal fixed. We didn't talk much during dinner, just my trip, and her furnace breaking down, small talk. It had been such a long time since we'd made love! I counted the days. Nine days. Her breasts moved when she breathed and her bangs kept falling into her eyes. She'd wanted to do something different but keep her hair long, so she cut bangs, and then it was a lot of trouble to let them grow out. It's funny the little things like that you remember later.

We washed the dishes together and went to the bedroom. She stripped fast and rubbed herself on me while she unbuttoned my shirt. Then she quick got under the covers. I finished undressing and dove under the quilt too. It was cold. I figured I'd get her furnace fixed first thing in the morning.

We kissed. Her tongue felt somehow rough, like a cat. But I'd never licked a cat's tongue to compare. My hardon felt the moisture between her legs. "Al, there's something we have to talk about," she said hesitantly. She moved her hips and spread the wetness. She breathed and her nipples traced their paths across my chest.

"OK, what is it?"

"I didn't just sleep with Tim, I had sex with Bill too."

"Yes, I know."

"What? How could you know?" She was getting upset fast.

"From your voice on the phone."

She was so transparent. I'd known from the 2nd time we talked that we were going to have sex, but she didn't notice she'd made that decision for another week. But it must bother her to be so easy to read. She looked frantic. Oh, what if she hadn't known she was going to have Bill when she talked to me? Change the subject.

"It's kind of disgusting. Bill's an asshole." She relaxed some, back on course. "Yes, I thought I was doing a good thing helping him talk it out, and now he and Cynthia aren't speaking to me. I guess I'm the goat." Implying that she's stopped sleeping with Bill. Now what's she getting upset about? Probably afraid I'm going to leave her. Which might be a good idea.

I thought about leaving and she moved her hips again. I backed off, noting that her crotch was still slimy.

"Think of the diseases. Bill's an asshole. You don't know what you picked up from him."

"No, I know...." We both shut up. It wasn't the time to tell me she'd had everything and knew all the symptoms. It wasn't the time to tell her about asymptomatic infection and PID.

"I need to think this out...." I backed away a little more. I wanted her. It bothered me that she knew so totally what she was doing. Like she explained her casual sex partners to her boyfriends so often she could do it without thinking, by habit. But the techniques still worked. I wanted her. It would take tremendous self-control to get dressed and drive away, but how could she respect me if she could manipulate me so easily? It was a double bind. But she was panicking. She was desperately afraid I'd leave. Clearly, if I did leave then I couldn't come back. Oh, Sue, who hurt you so bad that the only men you can deal with are the ones you can control? The right thing was to leave, but I wanted her.

"Would you get an STD test for me?"

"What?"

"A VD test."

"Oh. I guess so. It's ridiculous, since I don't have anything." She relaxed. She knew I was staying.

I got up and got a condom from my shaving kit.

"What's that?"

"A rubber."

"You're not going to use that thing, are you? They make me feel dirty. I haven't used one since high school. That's disgusting." She was starting to panic again. What kind of life had she lived, to panic at a condom? Or was I teaching her to panic to control me?

"Only til we get the lab results," I soothed.

I rubbed her neck and behind her ears as I kissed her. Was she just allowing me some small salve for my pride? It depended on how you looked at it. My hardon brushed her thigh. I'd never lost it. I was transparent, too, if you knew how to read me. I liked the feel of her skin. We rolled over so I could rub her back. I'd never seen her relax completely, and she got upset whenever I did. I hoped someday I could get her to really relax, not just have orgasms. She draped her leg over me in invitation. She tilted her hips forward and made little moist kisses on my thigh. After about 20 minutes she asked me to go ahead. I quick slipped the condom on and thrust forward.

"Do you HAVE to use that thing? It makes me feel so dirty, like I'm in a car seat or something." I kissed her and concentrated on thrusting. I'd read an old Chinese sex manual that advised cultivating an attitude of disrespect for a woman. That fit. It also advised sleeping with a woman who'd had a child, which opened up the channel some and made it less distracting. That fit too. I'd probably never get a better chance to try it out. How did it go? Start with 3 short strokes and then 1 long. Repeat the cycle 300 times.

Sue got indignant as she saw the pattern, but I had only contempt for her. A greedy animal with no self-control. She tried to break the rhythm, and I helped her to syncopate it. She gave up and breathed in time with it, in time with me. After 300 rounds I switched to the second cycle, 2 short strokes and 1 long, repeated 400 times. The string of her IUD was a plastic strip with a sharp edge. She did the twist that rubbed it against me each stroke. I'd always wondered if she knew what she was doing when she did that. Manipulative bitch. I switched to the third cycle, 1 short stroke and 1 long, repeated 500 times. But after 163 times she started coming. I continued, but remembered the book said it would be a distraction. I stopped moving except to breathe, and only moved to remind her every 15 seconds or so, as each aftershock faded. We stayed locked together for a few minutes, until she focused her eyes and we smiled at each other. I felt friendly and contemptuous. I looked at her alarm clock. 48 minutes since we gave up the foreplay, more than twice as long as usual. The same techniques that slowed me down were slowing her too.

When she seemed fully aware, I started again. 300 rounds of the first cycle. Soon I could hear the blood pounding in my ears. She gasped at each breath, and when I delayed a stroke she shuddered in anticipation. I relaxed and focused on essentials. It was like bicycling, you had to let go of all the tension that didn't advance the motion. I was pedaling Sue. She shifted her feet so her thighs could do some of the work. In spite of her aerobics she wasn't really in shape. After a while she gave that up and just did the minimum to move with me. She ran her hands over my ears and neck and throat. I was surprised I hadn't come yet. Of course, the condom cut down the sensation some.

78 rounds into the second cycle she came again, and this time I came with her. The manual said not to come until she came 3 times. It must take practice. I kissed her throat as we panted together. I wondered what it all meant to her. Did I compare favorably to Bill? Was she getting rewarded for putting me into this state of mind? I disengaged and lay my hardon on her thigh while I stroked her flank. I was still hard. That didn't happen very often. What a contemptible woman. I could hardly wait to fuck her again.

Her eyes focused and she made a tentative smile. She made some noises in her throat and figured out how to talk. "I've never felt like that before. What did you do to me?" She looked down at my hardon and the shredded condom. She laughed. Had she been telling the truth? She'd told me she only got an IUD a few years before. If her last condom was in high school, how did she learn to cut one with an IUD strap? Oh well.

"Could we just sleep for a while, and maybe later...." she faltered.

"Sure." While she slept I thought about it. I wanted to marry her, but not if she was going to sleep with people like Bill. If she did it now, would she keep doing it after I was committed? Why think otherwise? But then, our cultures were so different, maybe she saw it as a way to encourage commitment. The one way I could get her to stop. It was a puzzle. She stirred when I put the covers over her. She was sweaty now but she'd cool off while she slept.

#

In 30 minutes she woke up ready for more sex. I got out in the cold and found another condom. "Do you have to use that? If you were going to catch anything you'd already have it. It makes me feel like I was doing something nasty. Please don't."

I'd had some time to think. "Here's how I feel about it all. I used to have a beagle named Lady. She was a really beautiful animal and I loved her and she kept on drinking out of the toilet."

She cried while we kissed. I licked the tears off her temple. A beautiful animal. Bitch. I stroked her head while she rubbed my back.

When she was completely ready, I tore open the condom package. It was a Trojan with plastic around it, and it made a tearing sound. We were revolted together. Some people say that sex only works well with love, but it seems to go with any strong emotion. Including disgust. OK. 3 short strokes and 1 long. I started varying which one was the long one when it looked like she was getting complacent. I didn't see any way we could have a relationship based on mutual respect. And would she want one anyway? The sex seemed to improve when I noticed what a whore she was. Oh well. I'd think about it later, right now was a good time to concentrate on breathing. Sue wasn't the least bit complacent now. Short short short long 171. Short looong short short 172. Short short short long 173. Short short short long 174. Short....