Okay, so meeting someone online can be a crap shoot; I'll admit it. You're never one hundred percent certain they are who or what they say they are. I've been lucky over the years; the person I had conversed with was real, and always there to meet me at the rendezvous location, or the one time I flew, to greet me at the airport. I suppose, however, that you can only play the numbers so many times before they turn on you.
I had met Kari on a political forum after she posted about getting dumped. I offered my condolences and talked her through it. We soon developed what seemed to be a solid relationship and started cyber-dating. Finally, she suggested that I fly out to California to meet her in person. She lived in Vista, and we made plans to drive up the coast via the Pacific Coast Highway to see the redwoods up North.
Kari seemed very knowledgeable about the San Diego area, so I had no reason to doubt what she was telling me. I hadn't been to California in quite some time, and I was looking forward to not only meeting her, but seeing the redwoods again. They are my favorite tree for a number of reasons, but I had only gotten to see a few smaller groves around the Santa Rosa area. This would be my first time seeing the giant groves, like Prairie Creek Redwoods and Redwoods State Park, so I was pretty excited when I got to the airport.
Boarding was fairly painless, and I easily found my seat; placing my carry-on bag overhead and then settling in. I always reserve a window seat, as I enjoy looking out the window and seeing what lies below. I traveled extensively around the country when I was younger, so once we get west of the Mississippi, I generally know where I am; sometimes even pointing out landmarks to other passengers who have no idea where they are, except at 30,000 feet in altitude. It's pretty cool to see something from the air and recognize it, as things look completely different on the ground.
We taxied down the runway and lifted off, and once we got to cruising altitude and the seat belt light turned off, a few flight attendants began checking in on us to see if we needed anything. I asked for a glass of ginger ale. It's the only time I drink it, and since I rarely fly since 911 anymore due to all of the bullshit involved, it's a treat for me to enjoy.
A very attractive stewardess with light, golden locks smiled at me and inquired if I needed anything. I glanced at her name tag; "Sherri." I smiled back and asked for the ginger ale.
"We only have diet." she informed me. "Is that okay?"
I'm not too fond of diet soda, but I was looking forward to the glass of ginger ale, so I nodded.
"It'll have to do." I sighed, making a very sad face before breaking into a smile.
Sherri smiled back and opened a can of soda and poured it for me, reaching out to hand it to me. At that exact moment, we hit some obviously unexpected turbulence, as the pilot failed to inform us of the possibility, and rather than putting the drink in my hand, she dropped it squarely into my lap instead.
"Oh my god!" she exclaimed, putting her hand to her mouth in shock, before grabbing a towel from the cart and thrusting it at me in a panic. "I am SO sorry, Sir! Please accept my apologies!"
I had managed to catch it pretty well between my thighs and it was still right-side up, but a significant portion had still sloshed out of the plastic glass and soaked into my lap. I placed the cup onto the tray in front of me and pushed the towel tightly against my crotch, soaking up as much of the liquid as I could, but it still looked like I'd had an accident.
"I guess it's a good thing it was diet," I said ruefully, as I handed the towel back to her, "or else I'd have a sticky mess and a stain on my pants."
Sherri giggled uncontrollably, and I realized how that must have sounded.
"It sounded better in my head." I mumbled.
"I really am sorry." she apologized again, as she took the cup from the tray and gave me the rest of the can instead. "Can I get you a complimentary drink or anything?"
"Maybe some crackers?" I suggested. "I didn't have breakfast, and I'm a bit hungry."
"We have pretzels." she offered in response. "Is that okay instead?"
"That would be fine." I agreed.
I glanced around furtively for a second, and then whispered a follow up request.
"Maybe a White Russian?"
Sherri smiled again.
"Not a problem." she responded. "I'll get that to you in a little bit. In the meantime... here you go."
She reached onto the shelf of the cart and handed me a fistful of pretzel packs. There had to be at least eight or nine of them!
"Wow, thanks Sherri!" I exclaimed. "By the way, my name's Jack."
"Well Jack," she replied, "It's nice to meet you. I wish it were under different circumstances though. I promise, in the eleven years I've been doing this, I've never dropped a drink in someone's lap before."
"First time for everything." I responded with a smile. "I'll look forward to that drink later on."
Sherri nodded, and resumed her duties. Perhaps forty five minutes or so later, she returned with a White Russian as she had promised, and then squatted next to me so that we were eye to eye.
"So, what brings you to San Diego, Jack?" she inquired. "Business?"
To engage me in casual conversation like this was totally unexpected, and also totally out of the realms of a normal flight attendant's actions. She was interested; that was certain, and I hated to be the bearer of bad news. I mean, she was totally drop-dead gorgeous. She reminded me a lot of the adorable adult film star, Laura Bentley.
"Well, I'm meeting a friend." I explained, as gingerly as I could.
The last thing I wanted to do was upset her, but she was used to dealing with people and understood what I was trying to say.
"Male or female?" she quipped.
I burst out laughing, and she giggled along with me. It was that same giggle she'd used earlier, when I made the comment about sticky pants, and I was beginning to wish I'd met her first, instead of Kari, but that's life.
"Female." I replied. "I met her online. We're going to cruise up PCH and see the redwoods."
"Well," Sherri said with a sigh, "it was worth a shot. At least you're not meeting another guy though. That would just completely ruin the thought."
She stood up and leaned over.
"I hope you have a wonderful time, and I mean that." she said quietly. "It was probably dumb anyway, since you're two thousand miles away from me."
"Sherri," I responded, "I really wish I'd met you first. It's not dumb. Besides, you're a flight attendant. You can live anywhere and still keep your job. I mean- if it worked out." I stammered.
It was beginning to get a little bit awkward, but just then, Fate herself stepped in. A loud commotion was emanating from First Class, and Sherri looked up.
"I've got to go!" she burst out. "It sounds like there's an unruly passenger up front."
She headed up the aisle, and I followed her. Not because I was nosy or anything, but because I also happen to be an auxiliary sheriff's deputy. We are technically never off duty; we always stop at a wreck or lend assistance whenever we can. This was no exception. Sherri was so focused on getting to the situation, that she didn't even realize I was behind her, until we reached the scene.
An obviously intoxicated female was trying to open the emergency exit; screaming something about giant spiders and space roaches swarming all over the plane. Just about that time, Sherri noticed me standing slightly behind her.
"Get back in your seat Jack!" she commanded authoritatively. "I appreciate your concern, but we have this under control."
"I doubt it." I responded coolly, opening my wallet and displaying my badge and ID. "She's obviously tweaking on something. Prolly jacked up on acid or something. Between the booze and the high altitude, she's on a free ride to Blitzville. Four sets of titties are going to get her under control? I have serious reservations about that."
The three other stewardesses were desperately trying to pry the woman from the door, while Sherri frantically grabbed the microphone and relayed the situation to the cockpit. She waved at me with her free hand.
"If you can do something, then go ahead!" she exclaimed. "There's no sky marshal on this flight."
"Tell the passengers to fasten their seat belts!" I instructed. "If she does get that door open, they won't be blown out."
There is a common misconception that when you encounter a sudden drop in pressure, that you will be "sucked out," but in reality, the exact opposite is true. The higher pressure will literally blow you into the lower pressure zone.
Sherri calmly instructed the passengers to fasten their seat belts over the PA, while I lent a hand to the three poor women trying to wrestle the psycho bitch away from the door. She was still screaming about the insect invasion that was commandeering the plane from outer space.
"I've got to get out of here!" she hollered. "They're going to eat all of us!"
"Hey Lady," I said in a loud voice, as I tapped her on the shoulder, "look at this."
Like the idiot I figured her for, she turned to look at me - and like a scene from a budget 1970's movie - I punched her squarely between the eyes; knocking her out cold.
"I can't believe people still fall for that." I muttered, as several people in the section clapped approvingly.
Due to the curtain that separated the sections, the rest of the passengers were oblivious to what had just transpired.
I dragged the unconscious woman away from the door and rolled her face down on the deck, as Sherri grabbed a set of disposable zip cuffs and handed them to me. I pulled her hands behind her back, and cinched the ties snugly around her bony, drug-laden wrists.
"You there!" I said to a hefty bearded guy in a navy blue suit. "Gimme a hand to get her into her seat, would you?"
He nodded and jumped to his feet, all too eager to help now that the danger had passed. Between the two of us, we got her belted securely into her seat, just as she started coming around. She struggled for several seconds, before laying eyes on me.
"You!" she screamed. "You hit me! I'm going to sue you!"
She twisted violently in her seat, trying desperately to wriggle free.
"And if you don't shut your mouth, I'm going to hit you again." I replied calmly. "Now sit there and shut the fuck up, or I'm going to gag you on top of it, got it?"
I could hear Sherri giggling again, and I was really wishing more than ever, that I had met her first. She was everything I'd ever wanted in a beer and less (if you get that line, you're showing your true age); she was absolutely gorgeous, and she had a sense of humor on top of it. Oh well, it is what it is, right?
