Stepping Out of Comfort Zones

After our crazy trip to Solana Beach, Karin and I got back to her apartment around 2AM. Our clothes were still damp. We stripped, draped them on her balcony furniture to air dry and climbed into bed together, completely spent from our adventure.

Strangely at ease with each other, we did a little cuddling, a little kissing, but nothing more as we fell asleep in each other's arms, knowing that tomorrow was going to allow both us to stretch our boundaries further.

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I wake to Karin, nudging my shoulder. "Hey sleepy head, time to wake up. Don't you have to return your sexy date car?"

She's sitting cross legged, with a cup of tea in her hand. She offers it to me.

I sit up, across from her, folding my legs into a half lotus. I accept the tea with both hands, the cup is warm. She takes another cup from a bamboo tray at the foot of the bed and blows it a bit before taking a sip. She looks at me over the rim of her cup as I do the same.

The tea is English style with milk and a touch of sugar. It tastes delicious and clears my dry, sleep fouled palate.

"Thanks, this is delicious."

I sit there, glad that I am sober. If I had to sort through last night on a hangover, I would be lost. Karin is not in recovery, but she didn't drink last night either, so whatever each of us felt and did was with a "clear" head. And for me at least, it qualified as the wildest night I have ever had with a woman.

As I begin playing the night back in my head, I touch my neck where the broken capillaries from two hickeys still throb a bit and are tender to the touch.

"Oops!" Karin emits something between a giggle and a full laugh, covering her mouth like a shy geisha. Setting her cup back onto the tray, she moves the tray to a bench at the foot of the bed. She scrambles closer, leans into me and gently kisses each hickey.

"Now, you kiss mine." She pulls her hair back and shows me the love mark I left on her. Her fair porcelain complexion is in stark contrast to the dark purple and burgundy welt from the hickey I apparently gave her last night. I have no recollection of doing so and my stomach flips a bit when I see it.

"Shit, I am so sorry, I actually have no memory of doing that."

"Don't be. I loved it then and still do. It has a nice ache to the touch, it reminds me of you. But please kiss it anyway."

I bend my head and let my lips softly caress the wound I made. Karin shivers slightly.

"Thank you, for both."

She then lays her head on my shoulder, nuzzling my ear with her nose. "You were amazing last night, what an incredible surprise."

"It certainly wasn't the night I had in mind."

"So just what did you have in mind?"

"I thought I would impress you with the cool car and gradually work up the courage to let you know how I felt on the ride down. Then I would dance with you at the show and finally make love at your apartment or mine. As you know, I was a bit scared of rejection and I know that I did not handle the first move too well."

"You want to know what I had planned?"

"Yeah, I would like that."

She lies down on her back and lays her head in my lap, looking up at me.

"As you know, I had the hots for you, even though you seemed to be stone blind to my attempts to convey that. I was planning on dancing up on you, pretty much like we ended up doing at the show. Well, maybe not quite that much. If that did not work, I was just going to ask you to fuck me when we got back to LA. Sort of boring, huh?"

"I think I prefer reality to either of our plans. They are both pretty vanilla in comparison."

"What does a straight ex hippie like you know about vanilla vs kink ............ oh wait, you were the guy who put his tongue inside my ass last night! Yeah, I like the reality better too. So are you still into the covenant we made last night?"

"You mean spending the weekend together, more or less without our clothes on and letting our freak flags fly? Yes, I like the idea of hanging out with you and just seeing where things go. I have a hunch that we could really surprise each other some more."

"Yup, I agree. For a reserved, cold, fucked up AA guy, once you loosen up, you are fun to hang out with. Hey, by the way, have you noticed that we both have some serious BO going.............and my piss seems to be lingering a bit........................"

She is a bit hesitant about actually stating an opinion.

I am a bit hesitant too................... "Yeah about that.........."

I am not sure what to say, because I noticed it when I first woke and actually liked it. But we are doing so well right now, I don't want say the wrong thing, go too far.........Oh, what the fuck, she was the one who pissed!

"Karin, it turns me on. I already knew I liked body odor and I now know I like the smell of piss on me. At least your piss."

"You should get a whiff of what I am smelling down here. Mmmmmhhhhh, it is funky yummy! Tim, we are going to do just fine. And I think you are already a bit freakier than you know or admit."

"Hey, anything to save water!"

Karin laughs and goes on. "There are a few other ways that I am different and just don't want to freak you out."

"I am not sure what could freak me out after last night."

"Well, to start with, I like to get a little rough."

"Yeah, my neck and I noticed."

"Rougher." She raises up from my crotch and kneels in front of me, her chest out.

"Bite my nipple."

In the warm light of late morning, Karin's fair skin is almost ivory. Her breasts are pronounced, but not large. There is just enough swell below her areola to form a crease where they meet her chest. Her areola are very light pink, just barely distinguishable from the flesh of her breast. Her nipples are only a slight bit darker.

I lean forward and begin sucking on a nipple, nibbling it a bit with my teeth.

"No, I want you to actually bite it."

I bite into her areola and tug at it a bit and then release again.

She takes my chin in her hand, forcing me to look at her. "I could bark commands at you like BITE ME, or HARDER, or FUCKING HARDER. And I probably will later on, but right now, I really want to have you really understand what I am looking for. I want to feel it, so please bite me, give me pain."

Her sincerity is so strange. She is clearly, logically explaining her need. While I am confused by this tender, expressive explanation of how she wants me to cause her pain, I decide to take it at face value.

I begin chewing into the tip of her nipple, grinding back and forth with my teeth.

"Oh, god, yes, like that. Pull on me." I pull back, stretching her bosom taut and then let go.

I move to her other breast and repeat the same action. Biting even harder and pulling until her nipple tears from my teeth.

A bit shaken, I sit back and look at her. One areola is dark and beginning to blossom into a bruise against her fair skin.

She is looking down at her breasts. Her nipples are swollen from my chewing, glistening with my spit. She looks up and smiles. "That was nice, but I think it freaked you out ............... here................. this is what that did to me."

In a motion that became quite familiar last night, she reaches inside herself and then pulls her fingers from between her legs. They are wet, slick with her arousal. She rubs them onto her upper lip again and then does the same to me.

"As you can see, I liked that. I was hoping you could give that to me too, but if not, we can set a boundary there and I won't ask you for it."

Seeing, smelling her arousal, I begin to feel my own loins swell. She notices as well and winks at me. I think back to her on the hood of the car, dragging her face and breasts across the louvered metal as she humped her ass onto my fingers.

She smiles, "Don't worry, we are going to be fine. No decisions for right now. I just wanted to get that out into the light. No more surprises for now. There may be more later, but I want you to stay around. Let's go dump your date car and get you some clean clothes. We can have a late lunch and then lock the doors because I am going to wear you out."

"Do you know how many times you have stuck your fingers in your twat to show me how wet you are? I've lost count. I'm not complaining, but is that a 'thing' for you?"

"Yeah, I guess it is. I don't have a cock that shows how aroused I am. I want to make sure you know when I am, especially since you seem to miss many of my other signals. So you see, you are partly responsible for it." She then giggles softly. "And I like the smell and taste of my pussy anyway!"

"No worries, I was just curious. Anytime you want smear your cunt funk on me is fine."

"You know, your hand was in you crotch for a lot of our ride home and last night when we were preparing for bed I watched you dig under your balls, into your crack and then take a good whiff of your fingers. So I don't think we are too far apart."

She reaches under me, ignoring my now fully erect penis and does exactly that, gathering the sweat and grease from my balls and taint and then brings it to her nose, smearing it across her upper lip.

"Mmmmhhhm, that's nice. Tell you what, anytime you want to smear your funk on me is fine too." She leans and kisses me and I can smell myself on her.

We both laugh and push apart from each other. I quickly dress in my piss stiff clothes, laughing about how others may not find our odor as appealing as we do, but not really giving a fuck. Karin puts on a clean skirt and t-shirt. This woman makes me feel like a kid.

I have to get the rental car back by noon. She follows me to my apt and comes up while I change and grab another outfit, just in case.

Karin starts going through my bureau drawers and turns and chirps "interesting accessories you have here, Mr Vanilla. Talk about ass training! I have a hunch yours is better trained than mine!"

She waves one of my dildos and a large butt plug at me, laughing and shaking her head.

"God, for a straight guy, you have some great toys. I am going to borrow these for the weekend." she says, gathering up my favorite weighted cock ring, butt plug, leather g string and a set of neoprene cuffs.

Down in the carport, she helps me wipe down the seats and spray Febreze everywhere as the stink of her piss is still noticeable.

She follows me to Santa Monica to drop the Mustang. We chat up a storm on the way back. It's an almost nervous, blind date kind of energy. Most of the time is spent talking about growing up outside of Manhattan. She was a Jersey Girl to the extreme and I was yuppie kid from Connecticut. Neither of us fit the molds we were pushed into.

It was one of the first things that bonded us in a social scene full of show biz hopefuls from across the country and is an easily accessible comfort zone as we approach whatever the rest of the weekend holds for us.

As we belabor the things we have lost moving west, we decide to hit Canter's for lunch, agreeing we both need a good NY deli fix. No way will we find parking nearby at mid afternoon on a Saturday. It's a beautiful day and we decide to just park at her place and walk the 20 min down Fairfax.

I have pastrami on sourdough (sacrilege to both Karin and the waitress) and she has matzo ball soup and brisket. On the way back, she takes my hand again. After all the talk of kink and fetish desires, this simple form of contact is almost a jolt. Our hands swing back and forth as we walk.

It seems to have made an impression on her too as she leans against me. The sidewalk is annoyingly crowded and so is the constant car traffic on Fairfax. We dogleg west a few blocks and then north onto Edinburgh. It is a quiet, tree lined residential street and better suits our vibe.

"Boy, that was delicious, whose good idea was it to go to Canters?"

"I think we can jointly claim ownership, but I am stuffed and not sure I am ready to be naked in front of you as this belly does not feel like it will flatten out any time soon."

"Your belly? I probably look pregnant from soup, brisket and 5 pickles."

"After last night, I am not sure what it would take for me to feel inhibited around you. But then again, that is what we are doing this weekend, isn't it? Pushing our boundaries, stepping out of our comfort zones."

"Damn, I don't know why, but I feel kind of nervous. I have never planned a sexual encounter like this. My roommate and I planned our sessions out, but as I said, that was more like science class" she laughs.

"Me either. It usually involves an admitted, mutual desire, or even in an ongoing relationship, some sort of foreplay still leads up to it. A little romance, soft touches, building up of desire, that kind of thing."

"Oh, like your out of nowhere finger sucking last night, yeah, that was real romantic!"

"I thought we were past that. Yeah, that was extremely lame. But it got us this far, didn't it?"

"If nothing else it got both of us to be honest about all the weird misinterpretations of our signals. That emotional explosion was probably the healthiest thing we had done yet. I was so pissed when you accused me of using you for tickets when I was putting up with muso assholes and dance floor romeos just to be near you!"

"I'm really sorry, I think we both found a little direct honesty with each other might have been warranted."

"Good point! And in between last night and all the exploration we are headed toward, I really liked cuddling and kissing last night. Anytime you want to go all huggy cute on me, please feel free to do so."

She yanks my hand, pulling me next to her and gives me a peck on the cheek.

"Yeah, I liked it too. We fit together nicely when spooning."

"Anyway, I still feel a bit weird. We already talked through the piss part. But the rough part is whole other thing. When I let go with my desire for hard play, most guys run away. But twice I ended up with guys who liked to hurt people and that's not what it's about for me. One of them actually hurt me pretty badly, so now I usually keep it bottled up."

"You may have to explain that part to me a bit more."

We are now in the courtyard of her apartment building. It's a classic 1930's Californian Spanish, a tiled fountain in the center of the courtyard with benches on each quadrant. There are flower boxes, bordering the pathway. It's very pretty and serene.

She pulls me to one of the benches and motions for me to sit down. Taking both my hands in hers, she continues.

"I'm not a masochist, at least not text book. I don't like being humiliated or dominated. I don't like pain outside of sex. My therapist and I are working on this. She actually thinks it is not necessarily a bad thing for me, but asks for a report each time. My next session should be a doozie." She laughs again.

I am kind of quiet, as I wonder about what the emotional baggage might be that causes this and somehow she intuits what I am thinking.

"Hey, you have told me about getting sober and how many of the other folks in your group had been from abusive homes, violent, alcoholic, dysfunctional and yet yours was not. Well it's the same thing for me. My home life was boringly stable."

"Mine too. I was the source of the instability and I raged against the norm. I sought my own strange, it was not thrust on me."

"But I don't think it is hurting my life like your addiction did yours. Does that make sense to you?"

"Yeah, actually it does. Thanks for sharing that. I know it's not easy to not have anyone or anything to blame. But yours is not a disease like mine. And you seem comfortable with it. Sorry, it's just society's morés that caused me to even consider conflating the two."

"Correct, it's not something I feel a need to shed or change, but I am aware it can be a slippery slope. I didn't even know I liked it until I started doing things to myself while masturbating. That led to asking lovers and you now you know how that went. I tried a formal BDSM session through a friend and found that was not me either, like I said, no domination, no humiliation."

"I actually tried it once too. As a sub with a woman who was a skilled dominatrix and a friend. Physically it was amazing, but I felt so disconnected from her."

"Exactly!! The guy who topped me was really good, but that energy did not work for me somehow. He took it pretty far and I had to use a safe word, and he stopped immediately. We then continued and I felt totally safe, but oddly more disconnected because there was a boundary. I know this sound contradictory, but that's me."

"What about the pissing? I have done some solo and partner play and tasted my own, but last night blew my mind."

"I told you last night, my roommate got that out of me by mistake while going for squirt via my back door. Before that, I was like you. A little pissing in the shower, or tub, really silly vanilla stuff. And, yeah, I later ass fucked two guys who brought it on, but I did not get to enjoy it because of the immediate disgust and recriminations from those silly little snowflakes."

"Last night, you were the first person who reacted with desire and it changed everything for me. Even though I loved the sensation it when it happened before, there were vestiges of shame hanging over it all. You embraced it and took us to another level. Hell, you took me all the way to drinking my own."

"You told me that it's not a climax for you, but some sort of foreplay. Is it really better than squirting?"

"Squirting is great, but the loss of control when I pee like that is another level. And there is also something about the volume and feeling my hot piss going everywhere. I can't wait for you to reciprocate. In a lot of ways, I'm not much further into it than you."

She sits there looking innocent and pure while talking about squirting and pissing as we hold hands.

"And squirting is a climax, an orgasm. It wrings me out for a while. But with pissing, I can come immediately afterword, with my clit or even squirting. It's kind of crazy."

"Thanks for being so honest, let's just see where it goes. Look, if this is going too fast, too strange, we could just hang out, watch a few movies, order some pizza tonight and have some straight sex. You know, just back off a bit."

"Fuck no! I have been looking for someone who wouldn't freak out and frankly I never thought it would be you."

"What exactly did you expect from me?"

"I figured you would be a really nice, kind lover. A good kisser, probably great head, attentive and not selfish. I thought you would probably be willing to eat my pussy all night long. But no ass taken or given, certainly no piss and I'm still not sure you will be into the pain part. There is still some stuff we have not discussed. What about you?"

"At the club, I would stand at the sound board and watch you dance. I was jealous of every man and woman you danced with. I've gone home fantasizing about you, your body moving against mine and then going down on me. The fantasies were pretty straight but still hot."

"Well, I do give great head as you learned last night and I look forward to getting the same from you. I've got to tell you that you gave me the best rimming I have ever received. I still can't believe you got your tongue INSIDE my ass and demand I get some more of that today."

"I can't believe how much you like ass love. Your ass devoured me and I can't wait to do it again. I am a bit careful with my approach to girls' asses. If I can get as far as rimming them, I can usually get inside. But I am super shy about mine. Most women don't know what to do, even if they get a finger up there."

"Yeah, my love of ass is the result of bored nights with a gay roommate! He taught me not to fear anal penetration.........actually that's wrong ........he taught me to love it as you learned last night. And trust me, I will know what to do when I get in your ass."