Split Tree Resort Line Dance Club 1

Split Tree Resort Line Dance Club 1

[Two weeks ago]

"[Roll camera, Cloudy Monday] hi viewers, it's me, Breezy Friday from TV3 News, reporting live from the Middleton Line Dance Club, where there was just a mad scramble stampede to exit the building! Oh, and not because of a fire or a bar brawl, but because the normally shy line dancers finally realized that the Costume Shop on the Strip may have limited supplies of revealing Old Town Saloon Miss Kitty outfits and that resulted in a mad dash out of the building! And since the Split Tree Resort announced their Old Town Saloon Miss Kitty masquerade party dance off in three weeks in the resort's Community Hut, the mad dash is on and on fire. Anyways viewers, I'm here now with the entertainment coordinator from the Split Tree Resort, the lovely and very seductive Poppi Seed, ta, da [pan fans hand up and down to highlight the lovely and very seductive Poppi Seed]. So, Poppi Seed, tell it to my viewers, Poppi Seed, are you single and who came up with the concept of the Old Town Saloon Miss Kitty masquerade dance off, go ahead, Poppi Seed because..."

[Ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, the TV3 News Live Feed board almost catches on fire with comments about how Poppi Seed cannot be single, ping, I'd pop my seed in Poppi Seed, ping, when is the masquerade party, ping, don't sign off until I get out of the shower, ping]

"(Giggles) oh, Breezy Friday from TV3 News, it was Twiddle Dee's idea since she has traveled up to the big city many times now and Twiddle Dee felt that there were way too many huge chests being hidden under plaid cowgirl shirts, so, ta da, we're sponsoring a fancy Old Town Saloon Miss Kitty masquerade party in the Community Hut to spice things up for any ladies who need a little a spice or just want a chance to let their spice racks out, mm-hmm! And since you brought it up, Breezy Friday from TV3 News, about my love life because..."

"There you have it, viewers, ladies, if you've been hiding your huge MILF chests behind a bunch of boring, boring, boring plaid button down shirt, then spice it up by letting your spice racks speak for themselves in Miss Kitty blouses so sheer that judging the diameter of your areola's won't require a tape measure! Especially since Old Town Saloon Miss Kitty didn't have access to modern bras yet! Now, Poppi Seed, give my male viewers a reason to all of a sudden need to take a long shower right now, tell it, Poppi Seed, and jazz juice it up good for my male viewers up by spilling it knee deep about your sex love life, go ahead, Poppi Seed."

"(Giggles) now, Breezy Friday from TV3 News, let's not spill too much live on the TV air, but I am side eye looking at your camerawoman, your slightly younger niece, Cloudy Monday, to figure out if by chance, did she make a thoughtful suggestion to her very handsome step brother, Ben, about him attending the Miss Kitty, Miss Titty, dance off this weekend or not, so?"

[A good camera operator never moves, jilts, jolts or side steps while filming, but there seemed to be a shoulder shrug, which could have been a good sign. Or it meant to keep your passion red resort lips to yourself!]

"Meow, viewers! The claws are out! Go ahead, Poppi Seed, toss a shovel of shade back, right meow now!"

"(Giggles) that not necessary, Breezy Friday from TV3 News because Twiddle Dee recently told me that sometimes a woman must over look a few things that happened before her time because..."

"There you have it, viewers, my camerawoman and slightly younger niece, Cloudy Monday, doesn't have to admit that her handsome step brother, Ben, has saw her full frontal naked twice, topless six times and countless times flashing her bare ass at Ben and his gamer buddies because they always insisted that Cloudy Monday kneel down and set up the game console just after she stepped out of the shower and while wrapped in only her shower towel!"

[The camera shakes a little bit from Cloudy Monday clenching her fists so tightly]

"(Giggles) well, Breezy Friday from TV3 News, I'm willing to over look a few harmless step sibling nude peeks, especially since, ahem, they shared the second floor, ahem, by themselves, ahem, for two years, ahem, but as long as that's over, you know, right meow now, I'll admit that Ben and myself met inside of the Line Dance Club, where he works as a on fire Bar Back, but he was too busy to pay me much bother, so?"

"Well, well, well, there you have it, again, viewers! My step nephew Ben, gets a free peeking pass and a piece of [bleep] at the Split Tree Resort's upcoming Old Town Saloon Miss Kitty masquerade dance off party because Poppi Seed is all hot and bothered with him and her loins are on fire! Which brings this casual interview to, come on, Poppi Seed, what does Twiddle Dee have planned for the, um, the men from the Line Dance Club, who can't, you know, get up in the stirrups, go ahead, Poppi Seed and give my male viewers a twirl to help them out as they take a suspiciously long shower at this time of evening."

"[Quick Twirls] I mean, Breezy Friday from TV3 News, Twiddle Dee imported poker cards from Texas, smuggled cigars in from Cuba, imported shelled peanuts from India, imported male enhancer Gummies from Canada for the fella's who still have a chance and she cleared out the Utility Barn for reasons that she said I wasn't ready to know about, so?"

"Alright then, viewers, the Split Tree Resort's upcoming Old Town Saloon Miss Kitty masquerade dance off party has something for everybody, including lousy hubby distractions while Miss Kitty displays her Miss Kitty Titties! Well, not everybody since I haven't heard a word yet about little ole yours truly because..."

"(Giggles) OMG, Breezy Friday from TV3 News, of course, you're our honorary Miss Titty, I mean, our honorary Miss Kitty with the firm Titties (giggles), but Twiddle Dee said that you have to mix it up and dance a bit and not just at the Friday night before bonfire because..."

"Viewers, we all heard it and I'm a little out of sorts right now and I might be way too focused on how Poppi Seed just clearly, clearly, clearly said that even at 27, I'm still firm, perky, intriguing, pointy, pokey, eye popping catchy with areola that are perfectly sized and delightfully shaded and my sexy Miss Kitty character might have a few weak moments! Ahem, Poppi Seed, we were talking about my competition, I mean, Twiddle Dee's plan for the female staffers because..."

"(Giggles) OMG, Breezy Friday from TV3 News, all of the resort's female staffers, under the direction of Bar Bunny, Bunnie, will be Old Town Saloon Can-Can dancer servers, with extra leg garter belts in case they get yanked off because..."

"Viewers, I can't believe it, but you heard it here, live on TV, guys, over the hill and old geezer guys, if the male enhancer Gummies only work half way, you Can-Can yank off behind the Community Hut with a leg garter belt that doubles as a [bleep] ring with the other newbie nerd male staffers!"

"(Giggles) but, Breezy Friday from TV3 News, not newbie nerd male staffer, Four Eyes Ernie, right?"

"OMFG, viewers, there you have it, I've been called out on live TV for having a soft spot for a nerd who charmed me with his words about how my booty flowed like the gentle waves of the ocean on a calm breezy day while I was at the resort reporting during the big cat dead Dino ceremony [winks directly into the camera] because..."

[Ping, ping, ping goes the TV3 News Live Feed board, ping, I'm here, Breezy Friday from TV3 News! Ping, all y'all be jealous over my girl cred! Ping, I'm here and I'm ready to breeze your breezy booty!]

"Anyways [wink, wink], before we finish up this interview for now, Poppi Seed (giggles), just how many of the middle aged line dancing ladies scuffed and grumbled about participating in such a revealing Old Town Saloon Miss Kitty masquerade dance off party, go head and don't be afraid to use names."

"(Giggles) duh, Breezy Friday from TV3 News, all of them! At first anyways and then I started to pit them against each other by noting the value of their spice racks to men and I may or may not have let them peek at my phone as I scrolled through the photos of the male staffers at the resort, not to mention how I let it slip out that my next stop is the Middleton Dude Ranch, where many college aged guys work for the summer, so (giggles), that was easy because..."

"Once again, viewers, there you have it, again! If you have a spice rack that has been ignored for way too long, then the Old Town Saloon Miss Kitty masquerade dance off party at the Split Tree Resort is the place to be in two weeks and the questionable costumes are going fast! I'm Breezy Friday, signing off for now and headed straight to the Dude Ranch, I mean, to the Costume Shop! [Cut, Cloudy Monday.]"

[Ping, again the Live Feed board lights on fire, ping, y'all holla at us, ping, the ranch hands are in, ping, does my ex, Bagel Babbette still work at the resort, ping, our Dude Ranch boots are ready to stomp, ping, saddle sex isn't easy, but it's possible, ping, as long as it's butt sex, ping]

"[Poppi Seed slowly slides up to Cloudy Monday] I mean, I wasn't trying to call you out, Cloudy Monday, for having step sibling peeking privileges, so?"

"[Manhandling the TV camera] that's alright, Poppi Seed, especially since it sounds a lot worse than it ever actually was, so?"

"Okay then, I was expecting to hear something about how the game console set up times were dramatically overstated since I can imagine that your body in only a shower towel is something to peek at, but I guess it's true that a woman has to overlook a few things, right?"

"[Capping the camera lens] ugh, Poppi Seed, it wasn't two hundred times! Can we just move on now, hmm?"

"Um, okay, Cloudy Monday, but, um, you're attending the Old Town Saloon Miss Kitty masquerade dance off party at the resort, right? To film it with Breezy Friday from TV3 News?"

"[Zipping camera bag and giggles] like I would miss the battle of the Miss Kitty Titties, especially since I've heard that the Gossip Club is going to attend by wearing Old Spinster costumes and infiltrate the battle of the boobs (giggles)! Ahem, I mean, sure, I'll be there, so?"

"Oh, um, because this guy I hardly know, this guy, Brick Brickhouse has expressed..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, reason why men hand pop their seed! Who, why, when and what do you know about this guy that you barely know named Brick Brickhouse, hmm?"

"Oh, I mean, Cloudy Monday, I'm innocent and all, of course, but this guy I hardly know, that guy named Brick Brickhouse, contacted the resort and expressed his concerns about sharing a cabin with his frisky auntie and you know how people talk about things, right? I mean, imagine what the Gossip Club Old Spinsters would say if this guy I barely know, named Brick Brickhouse had to cabin roomie with his frisky auntie for the resort's Old Town Saloon Miss Kitty masquerade dance off party weekend, right? I mean, huh, just how big and fat could her Miss Kitty's be anyways, hmm? Especially in cabin 16, where the bathroom door lock is a little funky, so?"

"[Shoulders the camera bag] um (hiss), all this backwards and backwoods double talk is a waste of time, Poppi Seed because, duh times 2, my step brother, Ben, already texted me and said 'whoop, whoop, I'm traveling with the Line Dance Club and slinging back as a guest Bar Back for the Old Town Saloon Miss Kitty masquerade dance off party at the resort, whoop, whoop' end quote!"

"Oh, that sounds like times one, so?"

"Oh, he may have added as number two 'step sis, what does coed sleeping mean' to which I replied 'what we never did' to which he replied 'when do I tell Poppi Seed that she's pretty' which I replied 'immediately, first thing and twice more' which he replied with 'do I need a wrench or a screwdriver to remove her bra' which I replied 'there's a snap in the front or the back, but don't worry about that since Old Town Saloon Miss Kitty didn't have access to a bra yet' to which he replied 'just where in the fucking Sam hell is Brick Brickhouse sleeping' to which I replied 'and that's the 64 million dollar fucking question, mm-hmm, Poppi Seed!"

"Oh (giggles), if only half of that is true, he may have been assigned, um, OMFG, Cloudy Monday, did Ben ever jerk off on you and just be honest!"

"OMFG back, Poppi Seed! No, no, no, no! I mean, he popped his seed like six times a day, which everyone in the house knew about, but I promise you, our harmless mistakes were just that (crosses fingers behind her back), so?"

"Well, all guys do that until they're 25 according to Twiddle Dee, so, you and this Brick Brickhouse guy have been assigned to cabin 11, so, friends [extends hand]?"

"[Shakes that extended hand with a big city slap, back slap, slap shake] and cabin 11 is not your cabin, right friend because of the obvious reasons, right?"

"(Giggles) oh, cabin 11 is binoculars away from my staffer cabin because all of those privileged step sibling peeking free passes are over! Friend, goodbye."

"[Uncrosses fingers behind back and texts] Brick, I saved U from Ur questionable Miss Kitty auntie and you're booked in my Missy Kitty cabin 11, so?"

"[Zings a reply] Thx, CM. R U fertile next weekend?"

"[Zaps a reply] Probably, um, bring some new nylon ski rope, okay?"

"[Wings a quick reply with a chuckles emoji] R U going to answer the morning coffee service in just UR cowgirl boots and wrapped in rope?"

"[Bling's a reply] but U said that you liked your Miss Kitty's wrapped in rope????"

"[Cha-Ching a reply] best lingerie ever, Cloudy Monday! Can I post a photo or two?"

"[Ba-Bing reply] we'll see, but bring multiple colors of rope, bye!"

End Split Tree Resort Line Dance Club 1