Split Tree Resort Dino Dig

Split Tree Resort Dino Dig 02

[One of the last remaining weekend road warrior full size vans rolls up and parks in the resort's circle driveway and parks it]

"[Ding, ding, ding goes the front desk bell] hello?"

"[Swishes around back wall] hello, I'm Twiddle Dee from the resort's front desk and this is usually where I start rambling on and on with my drawn-out sad and annoying stories about my previous boyfriend relationships, but after last night's bonfire dance party, I'm just too tired. But I reserve the right to judge you, especially since I can right now that we're body doubles, so, how can I help you, hmm?"

"Oh, hello Twiddle Dee, I'm Cloudy Monday, the slightly younger cousin of Breezy Friday from TV3 News and she texted me last night and suggested that I drag my crew down here to the resort where the dead Dino digging event is underway and she needed more short Khaki shorts. And she's the one who you should be judging because she actually invited me here more to test her theory that I have an emotional weak soft spot for nerds, even though I'm obviously a preppie goth girl. And I agree that we could pass for the other under certain conditions and lighting, mm-hmm. Also, I brought some guys [flicks thumb over shoulder] with me, so?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] I mean, Cloudy Monday, I'll be the judge of who I judge and I'll start by asking you if..."

"If I packed modest undies because my nerd guy will eventually Dino dig his hole deep enough in the ground to be able to peek up my preppie goth skirt as I cheerlead him on because..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] because you didn't even pack any modest undies because your upskirt peeking area is perfect and nothing to hide, especially when you cheerlead him on because you were a cheerleader all through school and..."

"And my nerd boyfriend gets a free peeking pass because nerds are..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] are just guys and all guys have wandering and peeking eyes, but..."

"But they are loyal and we if judged guys for having wandering eyes, then..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] then we wouldn't have any guys to choose from for boyfriends because..."

"Because guys are hard wired that way and we need..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] loyal boyfriends. Whew!"

"Whew! Um, Twiddle Dee, this feels like the part in the movie where someone screams out 'next' or something, so, next!"

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm, stay in your lane, Cloudy Monday. Anyways, are you the leader of your preppie goth crew, hmm? And is one of them named Duke because this Duke guy sent me a private message with his, um, special needs, which I'm totally judging, for the weekend, so?"

"I mean, first of all, duh, of course, I'm the crew leader because I was a cheerleader all through school, but don't ask them about our crew structure or org chart. And for second of all, Duke is the ex-hiker crew dude, who has a judgable agenda of his own, but who am I to judge him since nobody is without sin or a freaky streak deep inside, but don't be afraid to spill his freaky streak in detail because..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] because you tuned out after his freak streak confession because his story is longer than any of my failed relationship stories because..."

"Because, OMG, the guy just rambled on and on and on like he was a girl on the rebound after a failed eggs and bacon and, oh, um, oops, you were saying, Twiddle Dee, hmm?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] mm-hmm! Anyways, there is a nearby hiking challenge, Mt. Mole Hill, that has a flat rock lookout spot at the top that overlooks the surrounding greenery and lakes and it's become popular for a dating situation, where the boyfriend..."

"OMG, where the boyfriend convinces his hiking girlfriend date to risk teetering on the edge of the flat rock lookout spot and..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] and push her capri tights down for his creepy camera while exposing her alluring fleshy booty checks, while not..."

"While not facing the boyfriend's camera to protect her identity, especially since her exposed booty cheeks flesh is all..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] all that, a bag of chips and explicit sexy sex meme worthy, not to mention that..."

"That she also hikes her pullover sweatshirt up to flash all of the squirrels in the greenery down below area while..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] while holding her fleshy booty reveal pose in a red apple red thong from the..."

"OMG, from the 'all booty cheeks, all the time' lingerie company, that Duke is a freak! Why can't men just admit that they use sexy sex memes for their pleasure instead of making excuses for how it's the only way they can fall asleep because us girlfriends already know that they use these memes to jerk..."

"[Crash, boom, pow, pop, bump, bump go the lobby's double doors] special Saturday delivery for a Giftshop Glenda for one unassuming plain brown package filled with various sizes of red apple red thong undies from the anonymous 'all booty cheeks, all the time' lingerie company, so, who will sign for this? I also have a similar unassuming plain brown package of the same red hot, jerk off material apple red thong undies for the famed Paleontologist Professor Muffy Muffins. And did I just walk into a Twins convention because I could stick around for a while and test out a couple of theories that I..."

"[Swish, swoosh, from the giftshop] mm-hmm, I'm Giftshop Glenda and I'll sign for this anonymously packaged plain brown package and it's none of anyone's business that our brochure needs a few updated photos, mm-hmm! Also, good morning, daughter Twiddle Dee and um, good morning to my other twin daughter, that I really don't remember giving birth to about 19 years ago, um, good morning, um, Twiddle Doo or maybe Twiddle Did, hmm?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] OMG, MOM! This is Cloudy Monday, the slightly younger cousin to Breezy Friday from TV3 News. Twiddle Done, I mean, Cloudy Monday, this is my mother, Giftshop Glenda, so?"

"Oh, mm-hmm, Breezy Friday from TV3 news mentioned you last night at the bonfire, mm-hmm, Cloudy Monday, the ex-cheerleader, turned preppie, turned goth, turned a combination of a preppie goth babe, with a secret fantasy of living happily ever after with her loyal nerd hubby, mm-hmm! (Giggles) well, you have plenty to choose from this weekend, Cloudy Monday, since the resort is crawling with available dead Dino digging nerds, but I'll hear nothing of..."

"[Tap, tap, tap] OMG, mom, mom, stop right there!"

"(Cloudy Monday giggles) but you'll hear nothing of some nerd getting lucky enough to get lucky with twins for a weekend, Mrs. Twiddle Dee Giftshop Glenda, because that's every nerd's dream, hmm?"

"Well, I was going to say to have his cake [points at Cloudy Monday] and then eat it too [points at Twiddle Dee], but I guess it's the same thing, so?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] OMG, everybody, stop talking right now because..."

"[Pow, pop, smash, crash go the lobby's double doors] dang it, Cloudy Monday, um and other Cloudy Monday, I can't find my hiking boots in the back of the van for all of the junk that we brought along and if we left my hiking boots back in the big city, I'm going to be..."

"[Arm hooks her hiker dude Duke] hi, I'm Giftshop Glenda, the other Cloudy Monday's, also known as my daughter, Twiddle Dee, mother and I believe your hiking boots are on your feet. I also believe that I'm your very willing hiking meme model date and you should believe that my body doesn't reflect my barely maturing age, since I had Twiddle Dee at such a young age, mm-hmm. But I need to change something first because of what you need to satisfy your freak streak just arrived and you are more than welcome to join me in my cabin while I change into the red apple red thong that your sex drive demands and I'm okay with that, especially since I have a small freak streak inside of me for changing my undies in the hay bale barn cabin, so?"

"[Glances around] um, bah, bah, bah, who is judging me here?"

[Everyone raises their hand and sighs, including Giftshop Glenda]

"Oh, who is silently judging me, but really don't care because everyone knows that I need help falling asleep at night, huh?"

[Again, everyone sighs and raises their hand and as Duke and Giftshop Glenda stood arm in arm]

"[Tap, tap, tap] next!"

"[Quickly swooshes in the lobby's side door] I mean, I mean, I mean, I had an unassuming package delivered here this morning and who is going to judge me for that, especially since I'm the world-wide famed Paleontologist Professor Muffy Muffins, hmm?"

[Again, again, everyone raises their hand and sighs]

"Oh, well then, who is going to judge me because the Editor of Dead Dino Digging Monthly said I could make the magazine cover next month if I've kept things in shape and in order and I need that cover spread, hmm?"

[Rinse and repeat hands raise, all with sighs]

"Well, who is going to judge me because the Molly that we all experimented with last night at the bonfire hasn't worn off yet and I'm just feeling frisky because my 38 years old ass is still all that and that male resort staffer Jack needs proof of that to help him sleep at night, hmm?"

"[Tap, tap, tap and slides package across the counter top] here is your unassuming package of red apple red thongs, Paleontologist Professor Muffy Muffins, next!"

"[Boom, crash, bump, pow, pop go the lobby's double doors] I mean, Cloudy Monday, a little help with the luggage please? Also, just how much did we puff, puff, pass in the back seat of the van during the drive down here to the resort because all of a sudden, I see two identical clouds and they are forming together to create the woman of my dreams, like a two for one situation and I'm so ready for that, so?"

"O.M.F.G. Viper! Shut it and don't even think about some ridiculous two for one situation this weekend! And if the shower door in our coed sleeping cabin is closed, then stay out no matter what! And by the way, Viper, we don't need our luggage in the lobby because we haven't even been assigned to a cabin yet because..."

"Ahem, coed sleeping cabin, Cloudy Monday, you said coed sleeping cabin first and you have to stick with that, especially since you're our official crew leader, even though we've never admitted to that, just like us guys never admit to scrolling through our phones when we need relief, I mean, when us guys need help to fall asleep, so?"

"[Tap, tap, tap] everyone, hold please. [Squeak, squawk goes the resort's loud speaker system] attention, attention, Weed Wendy, Weed Lover Wendy, do you still have your weed leaf lingerie, over?"

"[Squeak, squawk back] duh, Twiddle Dee, but I'm saving it for Mr. Right when he needs relief this time because a couple of the dirtbag dirt digging nerds tried to plant me last night at the bonfire, over."

"[Squeak, squawk] oh, well then, your Mr. Right in need of relief is here in the lobby right now and his name is Viper and he needs a distraction from a two for one situation, I mean, he needs help falling asleep, I mean, he needs help with the luggage, over."

"[Squeak, squawk] um, Twiddle Dee, can I drive a golf cart instead of using the hand cart, over?"

"[Squeak, squawk] negative, as in fuck no, as in no fucking way, Weed Wendy, because we can't afford another golf cart crash from your over weeding and over speeding, over because..."

"Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, Miss Cloudy Dee, but did you just get me a resort girlfriend, huh? And maybe sex? Who is judging me for that?"

[Everyone raises their hand]

"Oh, well, who is judging me, but don't really care because everyone knows that I struggle with ladies, which is why I need help falling asleep at night, huh?"

[Everyone raises their hand and sighs again]

"[Tap, tap, tap] and I still don't have a weekend boyfriend, next!"

[Smoothly enters through the lobby's double doors]

"Hi, I'm Luke and all of a sudden, I need a cab ride back home to the big city because women just don't understand about how difficult it is on a guy when he has to grow up with a step sister, who looks like Cloudy Monday, especially when that guy suddenly meets another 'on fire' girl, who must be Cloudy Monday's long lost twin sister and who might always judge me in her mind about what my motives are for dating her are, so, would you please call me a cab, huh?"

"[Tap, tap, tap and silently mouths towards Cloudy Monday] your step brother?"

[Cloudy Monday could only shrug her shoulders as if to say "it's not my fault" when it was clearly her fault and we don't need to define the fault because it's always, always the fault of the hot step sister!]

"[Tap, tap, tap] you've got to be fucking kidding me! There go my coed sleeping plans [tap, erase, tap, delete, tap, clear cells] because this guy cannot see me naked without knowing what his step sister looks like naked, next!"

[Such a smooth entrance into the resort's lobby through the side door, especially at such an early hour of the morning]

[Holds the hand held camera in selfie fashion] hi viewers, it's me, your new favorite Dino dig special assignment reporter, Breezy Friday from TV3 News, broadcasting to you live from the from the resort's lobby where, that's right, I still haven't changed out of my silky jammies yet, but I blame that on a certain someone that I met at the bonfire last night and that's all I have to say about that because if you weren't here last night, then you missed out, again!"

[Pauses for a moment to review the live feed board thread, which is starting to explode]

"Anyways viewers, I know you're all wondering if I'm commando under these bad ass badlands jammies and where Harold the cameraman is, so let me just say that you're still missing out and that I sent Harold up to some popular photo op mole hill mountain top with a flat rock lookout spot to catch all that action on film and as I've heard about it, all that action is basically bare booty photo ops for sexy sex memes and guess what viewers, you're still missing out because I'm still struggling to hold my hand held camera properly (giggles), especially since I probably should have buttoned up two more buttons on my jammies tops (giggles), unless you viewers don't mind peering at the heaves of my dead Dino digging broadcasting boobs!"

[Pauses for another to allow the live feed board to feed on itself]

"Anyways, viewers, I meant to have a quick interview with the famed Paleontologist and dead Dino hunter, not to mention previously crowned champion alligator wrestler, Professor Muffy Muffins, but apparently, I just missed her because she is flashing, I mean, addressing a magazine cover assignment with the very desirable, mm-hmm, Giftshop Glenda, almost in a two for one situation, up on Mt. Pile of Dirt and we'll reveal that, I mean, review Harold's footage of that after I make my way over to the maze of yellow rope gridlines, also known at the dead Dino dig locations, also known as my younger cousin's dreamland of shirtless nerds and, OMG, OMG, eek, eek, I just eye spied my very own and very seductive younger cousin, the one and only, preppie goth babe, Cloudy Monday, right here in the lobby, eek, eek, with her twin sister, Twiddle Dee!"

"[Tap, tap, tap] OMG, I blame the Molly and for how it should wear off in two hours, sheesh! Next!"

"[Arms hooks the one and only preppie goth Cloudy Monday] hey 'Cuz, tell my viewers, Cloudy Monday, tell them how you're handling it when a resort kitchen staffer, Donut Donna, is out at the dead Dino dig sites as she passes out her donuts to each dirt digging nerd in her donut apron, go ahead, cousin."

"(Giggles) oh, Breezy Friday from TV3 News, wait, what? There's a Donna Donut? In a apron?"

"And handing off her donuts in quite the suspicious way, almost as if to judge how many donuts each Dino boner could hold in stack fashion, um, as one nerd said, in Aunt Cass stacked fashion, so?"

"(Giggles) oh, Breezy Friday from TV3 News, wait, what? Donna Donut is stacking donuts in anime Aunt Cass fashion on nerd Dino boners?"

"Well, speaking of fashion, Donut Donna's apron didn't cover all that much of her anyways because..."

"Eek, Twiddle Dee, I need a golf cart! A Weed Wendy fast golf cart! Even if the golf cart only has three wheels because Donut Donna is working my dead Dino boner fields with her stackable donuts!"

"[Zoom, vroom, zoom, vroom, zoom, crash and slams through the lobby's front doors] hi everyone, I'm Anime Annie from the resort's gaming room. Who needs a nerd rescue? And I have a pocket full of anime loaded flash drives too. Well, I'm out of Aunt Cass and her donut shop anime, but I have plenty of other [there was no time for that as Cloudy Monday whisks Anime Annie out of the lobby to rescue her possible choice of nerds from the donut stacking antics of Donut Donna]."

"There you have it, viewers, I've proved my theory that the old timey movie where nerds get their revenge and more sex than the jocks is true! I'm Breezy Friday, signing off to take a seductive shower before I change into my personalized dead Dino digging assignment outfit, while you guys sit at home and then take a suspiciously long shower after watching my broadcasts."

"[Tap, tap, tap] next!"

End Split Tree Resort Dino Dig 02