Traditionally you dress conservative to a job interview, but when you are interviewing for a job in the underground adult fetish entertainment industry do you? I guess I have an answer. The nicer you dress reflects just how nervous you are. If you are more nervous then you have ever been in your entire life you, like me for example, go in a full suit and tie. For those of you that didn't read the first part imagine a hairy 6 foot 9 inch tall 270-pounds of muscle squirming penguin and you've got a rough idea what I look like. You'd be amazed how well black hair covers up sweat.
Terry, The guy doing the interview, was practically my opposite. A skinny and short black guy in his low-to-mid 30's with frosted tips, homemade sandals, one of those hot-dogs-as-double-entente t-shirts, and shorts not quite Dangle from Reno 911 short but close. He's reading some forms and a written application I had to do and I swear he's taking a few extra minutes just to make me sweet.
"A couple weeks ago I got your name from an acquaintance of mine putting in a good word. Now the tests we had you do show no STD's, which is very good, but not a surprise given what you wrote for sexual experience."
Gulp!
"Jesus, your Adam's Apple is the size of my fist. Relax!"
Right then apparently his secretary decided she just had to give him some papers. Granted she was a welcome sight; about a foot-and-a-half shorter then me with fiery-red hair, deadly green eyes, a face like a very young Beverly Garland (an actress in some particularly bad 50's and 60's horror movies), hips made to be held on to, and perfect looking easily c-cup tits almost fitting in a catholic schoolgirl outfit. For an after-school job for someone that had to be at most 17 this did seem a pretty interesting choice.
"Here's the latest reviews on 'It Came From Planet Leather' boss."
"Thanks Carrie."
"This the new guy?" she says as she rests her arms on the back of his office chair.
"Yes it is. Kind of on the big side for my tastes but still kind of cute."
"I concur Ter."
I had to speak up, "I'm right here."
"And he can guess were talking about him? He's got Ben beat for smarts already! Have you figured out if he'll sleep with you for a bonus?"
"You know that's none of your business Carrie."
About here I figured out they were trying to calm me down with the comradery and I have to say it kind of worked. "As flattered as I am to already be receiving sexual harassment, I don't find men sexually attractive."
"Looks like you'll have to work on him Ter."
"I'm not sure I want to even hire him yet," then he seemed to notice what she was wearing, "You didn't!"
"What?"
"I told you to stop messing with new people like this!"
"Whatever could you mean?"
"Show him your drivers license Carrie."
She admitted defeat, "Fine."
I took it and gave a good hard look and I didn't believe it. She had to be 16, but a few months older then I am? 25? Get out.
"Carrie here has been with us for a few years. She was an actress but we figured out her fan-base liked her because at the time they thought she was only 13. We at Clever Name may bend a few rules that our more mainstream counterparts tow the line with, but we don't break them."
"And thanks to my asshole mom and step dad the people here are the closest thing to a family I have so naturally I didn't want to leave. So until my looks look like I'm definitely 18 I'm stuck doing paperwork."
"Well said Miss Carrie."
"Thanks you Ter."
"Now, granted you do claim a couple hundred women have given you sexual favors and your erection was confirmed at over a foot, but you also admit that you are technically still a virgin."
Carrie was just plain shocked and reaches for the paper, "Let me see that!"
"Why would you even want to work in fetish porn?"
The million-dollar question isn't it. For those of you that haven't read the first part of my little saga my answer also makes a very handy recap.
"Cheapening, Stealing, and ultimately ruining the legacy left to me by my biological father."
"Ouch. Anyone I'd know?"
"The Minotaur."
Carrie gives a confused look, but Terry seems to silently know.
"From June 1974 to December 1979 he's been confirmed to have stalked and raped 63 women with the intention of impregnating as many as he could. I would have had 25 half-siblings but he usually damaged the cervix enough that his victims couldn't carry his baby to term, or any other baby later."
I had definitely caught Carrie's attention, "Wow, and I thought my dad and step-dad were assholes. How many kids did he end up having?"
"After all the miscarriages and abortions, Four. A girl that died in a car wreck in the 80's, a boy that killed himself over Kurt Cobain, another girl living in Pennsylvania, and finally me. My mother being an inmate in the insane asylum he was sentenced to that had been in a catatonic state if not a light coma since 1971."
"How is this getting back at him?"
"Doing everything he did but better, consensually, and on tape, seems like a good way to cheapen and steal his legacy to me."
They gave a nod; Terry gave his papers one of those boss-like quick edges lining up exercises and that seemed to be that.
"We'll call you with our decision."
I know what you're thinking, "Joe, that didn't sound like a very good interview at all and you labeled this one an 'Erotic Coupling' story. What gives?"
I'm getting to it. I thought it was over too at the time but there's more. I was in the parking lot when I heard someone running up behind me and I turned just in time to catch the last little jolt of Carrie's breasts as she came to a stop.
"Hey. Something wrong?"
"Not really, it's just that it's rare too find someone whose parental situation is more fucked up then mine."
"Then I hate to break this to you but I consider the couple that adopted me my real parents, and they're a regular Ozzie and Harriet."
"You definitely have Ben beat for smarts."
"Thank you."
"Well, I know this weirds out a lot of guys, especially if they know my job, but you seem like a nice guy. Want to see a movie?"
"Sure, anytime in mind?"
"Friday, maybe some dinner first around 6-ish?"
"Sounds good, let me give you my cell."
What can I say? We exchanged numbers and she went back inside to work. Of course I watched the sway of the skirt as she went back in, I have warm red blood in my veins. The pizza shop was a little on the slow side, but enough to get my mind off Carrie for a while. I made sure I was off Friday evening but beyond that I was still getting used to who my biological father was. Carrie called around 5 and suggested a bar nearby the local artsy movie theatre and we met up at 6, right on time. We both opted for a casual look, I in my favorite t-shirt and carpenter pants and Carrie in a pink tank top and tight jeans.
We just talked about little things for a while, my amazing-but-brief high school football career, traffic, the local major league baseball team (I still say the Kansas City Royals suck), etc until they brought out our ribs. Then somehow the conversation got to Clever Name and I was hooked.
"Well, you heard my story. I haven't starred in any movies in a while because I looked too young."
"Now I'd believe 18, but I still have a hard time believing you're actually a few months older then me."
"I got that from my mom, she was the same way. It's one of the few things I liked that I got from her actually."
"Your parents that bad?"
"They never hit me or anything, but I bet my parents make yours look like hippies. I moved in with a friend at 16 because I got tired of being called a whore for not wearing dresses down to my ankles and for dating boys."
"Ouch. So you became a porn star to rebel."