I watch the door close to the small but pretty boutique room, my mother leaving to give me some time alone before I start a new life with my fiance. Well, I say fiance, but in less than two hours he will be my husband and I his wife, and our new journey will have really begun.
Turning my head from the door, I look into the mirror that is edged with pretty lights and see my perfectly set golden hair that curls and falls down to my shoulders and the makeup that had been expertly applied by one of my bridesmaids when the day had barely begun. The whole morning had been manic and now it was like I was in the calm of the eye of the storm before chaos reigned once more.
I take a deep breath and feel my breasts heave slightly against the corset of my wedding gown. At least for now I can breathe, with the silk ribbon laying open on my bare back which will do it's best to hide the tattoo that my future husband has made clear he's not a fan of. Too late to regret that now though.
Too late for anything.
This whole week had made my feet cold. Mum had said it was pre-wedding jitters, that everyone got it and everyone came out the otherside smiling. But as the week had progressed, as the rush to get everything just right continued, I couldn't help but wonder whether all of this was a terrible idea all round. The only thing that had stopped me from calling it off was how happy it made Tom and how much money we'd lose if I pulled out now.
Knowing there was little to be done, I reach for my phone to call my maid of honour Frankie back to the hotel room, to give me a little company for my last few hours of singledom, when a knock comes at my door.
"Who is it?" I say, loud enough for whoever is at the door to hear.
"Jay. Are you decent?"
Jason, or Jay as he prefers to be called, is Tom's older brother by a good ten years. He's taller and broader shouldered than his younger sibling with a face that seemed to be perpetually amused by a joke only he knew. He was affable and personable, his humour full of gentle mockery (such as repeatedly telling Tom he was a mistake, something which might well have some truth to it considering the age gap between them).
"Yes, come in." I tell him, and the door opens and he takes a step before stopping and looking genuinely shocked at me. It's the first thing that's made me smile all morning, and I hope that when the time comes for me to walk down the aisle that I get to see the same look from Tom.
"Wow Tinks, you look amazing."
Him calling me my nickname from school, because I'd been short and blonde like a certain fairy, forces my eyes to roll and a groan to escape my lips. The slight pull of my lips though is enough to know I don't mind as he closes the door behind him.
"Just thought I'd come by and check you're doing alright, y'know? I know how these things go" he says, leaning back against the door with his arms crossed across the light blue waistcoat he's wearing. There's an easiness about Jay that immediately relaxes me, especially when he refers to his own wedding from before I met Tom. If he could get through it and have a successful marriage with kids, why can't I?
"I'm okay. A little nervous, but that's to be expected right?"
Jay nods and takes a further step into the room. "Yeah. I was petrified of Stace not turning up on the day, or... well, making a mistake y'know? But Tom and you, you're great together. Ain't nothing to be worried about kid."
I nod at his advice and slowly exhale, hoping the nervous energy that is coursing through me would leave with the air from my lungs. I'm only disappointed, and my shoulders slump slightly as I silently pray to whatever deity deals with worried brides on the day of their nuptials to help me however she can.
I feel two large hands sit on my shoulders and I glance to the mirror to see Jay has moved to stand behind me. His blue eyes look into mine, and for the first time in all the years I've known him he looks somewhat serious.
"You'll be fine." he reiterates more firmly. "Now let's get this dress done up shall we? Can't get married with your back bar- woooah. Since when have you had a tatt?"
"Since forever." I reply smartly.
"Yeah okay, forever." Jay replies sarcastically, grabbing my arms to pull me up to my feet so he can get a better look.
"What is that, some kind of phoenix?"
"Nah," I say, mimicking his lazy way of speaking. "It's a blackbird. I had it done when I was 18 after a friend who'd passed away. It... it's from a song."
I watch Jay nod in the mirror and then slowly stand up, strong hands finding the silk ribbons and slowly tightening the bodice of my dress. "I like it. Always think a tatt should mean something, y'know?"
"Should tell your brother that then," I tell him. "He's never been keen."
"Yeah well he ain't right about everything, regardless of what he thinks."
As his hands move to tie the ribbon, I feel the brush of his fingers against my back. It's just glances of skin on skin but enough for me to shiver slightly. If Jay notices then he doesn't say anything, instead humming to himself as he deftly tightens my bodice until the ribbon is almost to the top.
He spots me watching him in the mirror and he flashes me that confident, slightly cocky smile again. Before he finishes I turn around and give him a quick hug. There's a moment of hesitation from him before his hand presses against my back and holds me close to him.
"Thanks" I murmur against his shirt.
"Don't mention it kiddo. We've all been here." he says back, and I feel him kiss my forehead lightly.
It's a totally innocent press of his lips to my skin, but it ignites something within me that I was oblivious to the existence of. A fire in my belly, a rush of blood between my legs that gives me goosebumps all over my arms.
I pull back and look at him, and see that same confused feeling in his eyes that's in mine. It's like we're seeing each other for the first time, not as brother and sister in law, but as a handsome, strong man and a cute, younger woman.
