Smoe Mirror Whisey

The bar was smoky, but it always was. On busy nights, you could open the door and watch the smoke roll out into the street. In the summer, the humidity would keep it close to the ground so it would drift along the sidewalk and into the street until an errant sea breeze carried it, tattered and torn, off to the piney woods. But it was still fall.

“Hi, I’m Lisa. Can I buy you a drink?”

I looked up at the mirror and saw a girl in profile looking at me. Her hair hid her face, but I didn’t turn to get a better look.

“I don’t mean to be rude,” I said, “but I kind of want to be alone.”

“OK, ‘I-don’t-mean-to-be-rude’, I’m not going to sit in your lap. It’s just that you look like you could use a drink, and I just scored big at the roulette wheel. So what’ll it be? Is that bourbon?”

“Black Bush. Thanks.”

I still hadn’t turned to look at her, but I saw her face in the mirror as she turned to signal the bartender and I was surprised to see how young she looked. Somehow, her voice, husky and low, made her seem older, but her face, framed with long, glossy, black hair was smooth, unlined.

My drink arrived just as I sucked the last of the old one off of the ice. I put a cigarette in my mouth and shook one out of the pack to offer to Lisa.

“Menthol?”, she asked.

“No. Ultra light. I’m getting more nicotine from the air in here than my cigarettes.”

Lisa reached into her purse and pulled out a pack of her own and pulled one out. I lit it with my Zippo, still without looking at her except in the mirror.

“You should quit,” she said. “You’re not getting anything from them anyhow.”

“So should you.”

There were fluorescent lights under the back bar to light the liquor bottles and they made me look like I’d been dead a week. The smoke wreathing my face made it seem as if I were on a just-lit pyre. Perhaps a victim of the Plague. Lisa’s face looked warm.

Our eyes met in the mirror. “So what has you so depressed?”

“Lisa, that’s a sad, pathetic story and I don’t care to whine. I’d rather just sit here and wallow in it.”

“What? Self-pity?”

“Sure. About five more drinks and maybe I’ll be drunk enough to sleep. Maybe I’ll even cry. I hope not, but you never know. Then Jimmy’ll call me a cab and I’ll go home. Tomorrow, I’ll do it again. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.”

“Is Jimmy the bartender?”

“Yeah, we’re old buddies. That’s why I come here. I know he won’t let me drive when I drink too much.”

“So. You’re just going to sit here and suck bad air and drink ‘til you fall down.”

I nodded my head. “Yeah. Pretty much.”

“Must be a woman.”

I turned to look at her for the first time. It was a crappy mirror. Maybe I only looked three days dead. Then I turned away without saying anything.

“Well look, ‘I-don’t-want-to-be-rude--’”

“Andy.”

“What?”

“My name’s Andy.”

“OK. Andy. I don’t want to bug you or anything, but you seem like the safest bet to sit next to in this bar. I don’t like fat lawyers who’ve overstayed Happy Hour,” she gestured toward a loud group next to the ficus, “and I’m not into those frat boy types over there doing shots,” here she pointed with her chin toward the end of the bar, “and, quite frankly, those women behind us have been staring at me like lions at the watering hole since I walked in. I think they might be lesbians.” She sounded shocked, maybe even mildly outraged. “ So I’m not moving. I’ll do all the talking. You don‘t have to respond, but please, be polite and at least pretend to listen.”

She was looking at me in the mirror again, so I nodded. I figured that a long, boring story about a night at the casino was a small price to pay for another whiskey.

“Alright, yak away. And they are lesbians, but they won‘t hurt you.”

“Great! I knew I picked the right guy to sit by.”

She went on to tell me the same dull story you’ll hear a thousand times in a casino town. Down to her last few dollars, she put it all on ‘17’, won, let it ride, won again, let it ride, won again. Here’s where the story was different. She left.

Usually, they say, ‘I shoulda left then.’ What they don’t realize is that the casino’s bread and butter is the ‘I shoulda left’ loser. Everybody has the ‘I shoulda left ’ story.

“Why ‘17’?”

“My age when I lost my virginity.”

“A good memory? Most of the women I know say that their first time wasn’t so great.”

“Oh no, it was good. He was an older man of twenty-five. Very experienced I guess, but it was real good.”

“Well, let me give you a piece of advice,” I said. “Never gamble again. That’s the only way you’ll stay a winner. You’ve got a healthy chunk of the casino’s money, there’s no sense giving it back.”

“Sure, but what fun would that be? I’m not going to gamble anything I can’t afford to lose, and I can afford to lose a lot more now, so what’s the harm? What about you? You live in a casino town and don’t gamble?”

“That’s right. I play poker.”

She looked at me like I was crazy or an idiot.

“Poker isn’t gambling,” I said.

“What are you talking about? It’s all about the turn of the cards, isn’t it? Best hand wins, and that depends on a random shuffle.”

“What cards you get depends on the shuffle, but the best hand doesn’t necessarily win. The player who convinces the other players that he has the best hand wins.”

“Bluffing.”

“Sure.”

“Well, that’s just lying. Don’t you know that’s a sin?”

“So’s gambling, but you gotta keep ‘em off balance. They have to think you’re bluffing when you’re not, and think you got the nuts when you bluff. Even better than bluffing is reading the other guy. If I know when they’re bluffing and when they’re not, I can rape ‘em.”

“I thought poker players all had poker faces.”

“They all think they do, but you’d be surprised how many players get a slight tremble in their hand when they have something hot. They usually try to hide it, so if you notice their fingers making larger dents in the felt than usual…” I pressed my fingers into the bar to demonstrate. “Smokers blow smoke over the table when they’re bluffing and blow it straight up when they’re holding. Simple shit, but most of the tourists don’t know any of that, and the sharks, well, they’re not that hard to spot.”

“What do you do if there’s a shark at the table? Can you beat them.”

“Some of them. Usually, two or three sharks will just split up the fish. Any more than three and somebody has to leave. There just isn’t enough to go around. There’s no sense butting heads when there’s plenty of easy games to bleed.”

She sat quiet for a while, and I took the opportunity to look at her in the mirror. She had a more or less oval face with a sharp chin. Her eyes looked Japanese, but only slightly tilted and her hair was long and black.

“So, what’s got you so bummed today?” she asked.

“Oh, man. Do you really want to know?”

She turned towards me on her barstool and leaned a little forward. “Yeah.”

“Alright. Jimmy! Two more, please.”

I waited until Jimmy brought the drinks. Jimmy poured mine straight into my old glass. He knew I liked whiskey best over marinated ice. Lisa had a Cosmopolitan. Christ, pink martinis.

“It’s the same old thing. The girlfriend. I thought we were going to get married and all that. I love her, my dog loves her, she loves us, but it didn’t end up working out.”

“She left you, huh?”

“Yep.”

“Were you cheating?”

“No, she gave me the ‘it’s not you it’s me’ speech. But then she said that she needed something I couldn’t give her. I said if she just told me what it was, I’d get it for her. Beg, borrow, or steal. I probably would have even worked for it if I had to. Shit, I’m starting to whine. I’m going to shut up now.”

I turned back to my drink, lit another cigarette and blew the smoke over my Irish. I liked the way it clung to the surface of the whiskey like a little fog bank in my glass. In the mirror I could see that she was trying to think of what to say.

“What did she look like?”

“Tall. Beautiful smile. Warm brown eyes. Red hair.” I turned to look at her, and she flashed an encouraging smile. “In a way, you remind me of her.”

She looked at herself in the mirror.

“How so?”

I pointed at her long legs.

Lisa stretched out a leg and pointed her foot. Her shoe dangled from her toes. Beautiful. “My legs?”

“Yeah. They were the first thing I noticed about her when we met.”

“How’d you meet? I bet it’s romantic.”

“I don’t know about that. Jimmy introduced us.”

“The bartender? You met her here?”

“No. Jimmy hadn’t opened this place yet, but yeah, he introduced us.”

“Why wasn’t he dating her?”

I laughed. “Jimmy isn’t that kind of guy. He’s a man’s man.”

“You’re kidding. I never would have guessed.”

“Yeah. He gets hit on by more women than men. I think it irks him. Anyhow, I wasn’t seeing anybody, and she had just split up with her boyfriend, so Jimmy figured we’d be perfect. Usually, I wouldn’t trust a gay man’s taste in women, they want to set you up with that girl who’s got a nice personality and is a really good dancer, but Jimmy’s got pretty good taste.

“Anyhow, he organized a group to go out to dinner. She didn’t know that he was bringing a man for her, so if I thought she was a dog or something, it would just be a dinner with friends. But she was beautiful. She was wearing that year’s version of the ‘little black dress’ with her long legs dangling out of it, and I was hooked.”

“Just her legs and you were in love?”

“I know. Crazy. But it wasn’t just that. I felt like I’d been struck by lightning. My knees got wobbly, I couldn’t hear anything, I had tunnel vision, couldn‘t see anything or anybody but her. Man, I was fucked. I would’ve done anything just to sit next to her. Maybe touch her arm while we were talking. You know? Like sharing a laugh?”

“What’s her name?”

“Her only flaw: Gretchen. Can you imagine an angel named Gretchen? I don’t think I once called out her name during… well, sex.”

“I used to date a guy named Chuck.” She threw back her head as though she were having an orgasm and moaned, “Fuck me, Chuck. Oh, fuck me, Chuck!”

In the mirror, I could see the lesbian’s faces getting pinched with annoyance.

“Yeah, you know what I mean. Anyhow, we were inseparable after that night. For two years--right up until two weeks ago. You know, this is the first time I’ve left the house since then. She’s stopping by my house to pick up the rest of her stuff right now. I hope she doesn‘t steal my dog. With my luck, she‘ll take the dog and leave all those damn cats. You aren‘t a cat person are you?”

“Why? Are you worried about lightning?”

I turned my face away and fiddled with my lighter.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I was just kidding.” She put her hand on my shoulder. “Really. Bad joke.”

I turned back. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just still a little raw. Well, I guess I should go before I need that cab.”

“Um, you better wait. I think Jimmy’s bringing another round.”

“Jimmy, you fucker. Are you going to pay for the cab?”

Jimmy winked at me as he left the drinks. “On me,” he said.

“The drinks or the cab?”, I asked, but Jimmy was already gone. “I guess Jimmy thinks I’ve been moping around enough.”

“Tell me one of the best things about her.”

“Well, she’s really kind. This might sound a little, I don’t know, sappy, but on our first real date together, just the two of us, we went to the blues fest in Bay St. Louis. Have you been? Of course not. You just moved here. Anyhow, it’s this big outdoor festival with lots of bands you’ve probably never heard of, and lots of crawfish. Anyhow, we were walking around listening to the music and talking and we saw this blind guy with a seeing eye dog. She walked up to him and touched his elbow to get his attention and asked if she could pet his dog. She asked him! Most people just walk up and pet the dog. I guess they figure he’s blind, he’ll never know.

“So he agrees and she squats down to pet the dog. She looks up at me and she was so… happy. Just petting this dog. She always had this look on her face. Like she had just tasted something delicious--a really good peach, or a mango.”

I lapsed into silence and she let it be for a while.

“And you thought your heart would burst.”

I looked at her. “Yeah.”

“What else?”

“Well, I was working nights… Listen, I don’t think I should share this. It’ll probably offend you.”

She waved at me as though she were directing traffic. Go through the intersection. So I went on.

“Alright, but stop me if… OK. So I was working nights, tending bar, and she worked days, so we didn’t see each other that much. Well, on the weekends, when I got home at, like, eight in the morning, I would find her on the bed, naked and masturbating. She’d hear my car and crank up the vibrator. She’d always be laying on her stomach with her ass towards the bedroom door. She wouldn’t wait for me to take a shower or anything. So we’d go at it with me reeking of stale beer and cigarettes.”

Lisa leaned toward me and asked if I wanted to go to her place for a drink.

“I don’t think so,” I said. “I’m, uh, well, I’m not ready for all that yet.”

“Seriously. I’m just asking you over for a drink and to talk. You seem to need to get a lot of this off your chest. Plus, it’ll save you cab fare.”

Her apartment was neat, but under-furnished. Instead of a couch she had a big mattress in the living room and there were no pictures on the wall and no lamps. The overhead light in the kitchen was the only light on, but it was enough to brighten the living room enough to see.

“Pardon my apartment. I haven’t had time to get anything done with it,” she called from the kitchen. “Just have a seat on the mattress-couch and make yourself at home. Beer OK?”

“Yep.” I sat down on the mattress and wondered what I was getting into.

Lisa brought me a beer and said, “Listen. I’ve got to change. This skirt won’t do for sitting on a mattress.”

I sipped my beer and looked around. “You know, this isn’t a real good neighborhood.”

“Yeah, I found that out. My car’s already been broken into. I need to find another place, but I signed a year lease.”

“I can get you out of it. I know the owner. Poker buddy of mine.”

When she came out of the bedroom, she was wearing big, drawstring sweatpants and a tight, white tank top. I could see the dark of her nipples through the thin fabric, but I tried not to stare.

“Is he a shark?”

“She. No, definitely a fish, but I gave her back some of her money one night when she got carried away. You never know when you’ll need a favor.”

Lisa plopped down next to me. I watched her breasts bounce and her nipples harden as they slid against the fabric.

“How much did you give back that you can get her to break leases?”

“A grand.”

“Good Lord, Andy! How much did you win?”

“Enough more that I didn’t notice a thousand.” I looked at her face. “Lisa, what’s your ethnic background?”

She had been about to take a sip from her beer, but she stopped in the middle of raising it and turned to me.

“Does it matter?”

“No, no. It’s not like that. I’m just curious. You look different from anyone I’ve ever seen.”

“Guess.”

“I don’t know. Your eyes look sort of Vietnamese, but your skin tone is definitely not Asian. Maybe African or Indian, I don’t know. I really couldn’t say.”

“You’re pretty close. My mother is French Vietnamese, and my father’s mother was black and his father was white. Italian. Will that be a problem for me in Mississippi?”

“Maybe. Not on the Coast, but they’re a little different up North, I’m told. I haven’t spent that much time north of I-10, so I really couldn’t say, but beauty seems to earn a lot of tolerance everywhere.”

She smiled at that, and we sipped and smoked for a while in silence.

“Listen, tell me more about Gretchen. When you came home from work? What was it like? Wild and wooly or mellow and loving?”

“Wild. I didn’t tell you everything. You know how I said she’d be masturbating?”

She nodded.

“Sitting next to her there was always a tube of lubricant. When she heard me approach the bed, she’d stretch her hands out in front of her and hold the vibe inside with muscle control. I’ve never seen anything like it… Do you want me to go on? I’m a little embarrassed.”

“No. Go ahead. I feel like I’m learning something.”

“Well, I’d kneel over her on the bed. Did I mention that she almost always had a blindfold tied around her eyes? Anyhow, I’d tie her hands to the rail on the far side of the bed, then I’d climb off of her and lube up my finger and… Well, you get the idea. And use the vibrator on her pussy and clit. Then…”

I looked at Lisa and she was staring at me with her beer bottle resting against her lower lip and her mouth just slightly open. I could see her tongue.

“Tell me,” she said, then she swallowed.

I squirmed a little on the mattress and said, “You know. We tried it fairly early in our relationship. She hadn’t cared for it before me, but I’d had a girl that was crazy for it, so I knew what I was doing. Long story short, she kind of liked it at first, then grew to love it. Afterwards, we’d take a shower and make love all day. But the first time was almost always like that. Anonymous and usually kind of rough. She’s a wild girl.”

“That’s not so wild. What was it about her that made her so wild?”

“Well, if she had been at Jimmy’s tonight, she would have teased those lesbians mercilessly. She’d turn to face them and spread her legs, but not quite wide enough for them to see anything. She’d wriggle in her chair as though she were getting wet and open her legs very briefly. Just enough for them to see her white cotton panties. Eventually, she’d go to the bathroom and take them off and stuff them into my jacket pocket, subtly making sure that they could see what she’d done. Then, right before we left, she’d spread her legs wide open while looking them dead in their faces, but they wouldn’t notice her watching because they’d be staring at her pussy. Then, when we got outside, she’d scream with laughter, but I’d know that she was dripping.”

I don’t think Lisa knew it, but she was absently circling her nipple with the back of her thumb and she had gotten it rock hard. Her eyes were dreamy as I watched.

“I shoulda done that,” she murmured as I leaned over to kiss her neck.

She turned to kiss me, but I pulled away. “Wait, wait, I can’t. I’m sorry. I have a thing for necks and…”

“No, it’s OK.”

Lisa got up to get a couple more beers. I could tell by the way she walked that she was aroused. Her hips were liquid and she swung her ass just a little bit. When she came back I could see a spot of wetness at the crotch of her sweats.

“Was Gretchen bi? I mean, did she ever sleep with women?”

“Sort of. Did you notice the lesbian at the table with the fuchsia hair?”

“Yeah. She was tough to miss. She looked like she had a nice figure under those baggy clothes.”

“She does. One night, Gretchen and I were at the bar and, as usual, she was teasing lesbians. Anyhow, when she went to the bathroom, Julia, that’s her name, the one with the crazy hair, followed her. I saw her, but I figured Gretchen had gotten herself into it, she could get herself out. Plus I was kind of turned on and I couldn’t really stand up at the time. So, apparently, in the bathroom, Gretchen let Julia pull her panties off and keep them. They started kissing and groping a little until Julia was really worked up. Then Gretchen told Julia that she could have her if she came home with us and let me have my way with her. Julia, who is definitely lesbian, was taken aback, so Gretchen ran her finger up and down her slit, then let Julia lick her juices off.

“Understand that I didn’t know what was going on in the Lady’s. I was just sitting at the bar waiting. I mean, when they came out, I could tell that something had happened, but I didn’t know what and the girls didn’t let on.” I paused and sipped my beer. “Until Gretchen and I got to the parking lot. We were kissing and everything, leaning against the car when all of a sudden I felt a hand on me.”