1. First Conversation
After that day with Marie, I spent hours upon endless hours thinking about how this all happened and how I failed to stop the series of events that led to the most intensely erotic event of my life. This shouldn't be happening to me. I was not the one to commit adultery, to have an affair, those two 'a' words that I thought never in a million years would be the issues on my plate.
But there we were, there I was, with the guilt and shame and the pleasure and the anticipation all rolled into one psychological mess. I couldn't see how people carry out these affairs without falling apart. And onward was the rationalizing and the making all the excuses and stories sound real.
Through the guilt however, remained the incredible erotic experience that I had never felt. I knew it was all wrong but another part of my brain was craving more. Perhaps this is how addicts feel?
Because of how closely we work together, my preferred approach of avoidance wouldn't work. We had to talk and interact. Not exactly my strong point for certain things...such as this issue. After a couple days, we were finally able to talk in private, though each look in the office and among groups and colleagues were filled with a different spark and knowledge.
"That was pretty crazy the other day, wasn't it?" Marie asked me, alone in her office. I could tell she was trying to gauge my reaction and the couple days of processing this new sequence of events, as much as I was trying to get a grip and see her reaction.
"That's for sure...I still can't quite wrap my mind around what's happening..." I confessed. I had indeed spent the last couple days wondering how far I had fallen.
"I guess it was something we were both curious enough about to step over that line."
"I think we crossed the line alright...probably did that a few weeks ago."
"Perhaps you're right...I've thought the same thing many times. But I'm just at a place in my life, in my marriage, that I don't know if I really love my husband...I mean I do love him and depend on him, but the desire just isn't there any more. It hasn't been there for a while, and now a new part of me is awakened, and I can't say I'm pushing this all aside either..."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean that I've been thinking about this stuff for a lot longer than you have and am more than curious..."
"That much I have gathered..."
"And I've thought about a lot more...don't get me wrong...I don't want to ruin your family and I don't want your job or your money. I have two kids too...and I'm not the femme fatale home wrecker type either..."
"I know that much about you too."
"I have come to trust you and to admire you and to want a bit more from our relationship..."
"How much more?"
"I'm not sure...it depends on what's going on in your head too."
"I guess I don't know just yet...I never pictured myself in this situation, not in a thousand years."
"Neither did I, that is until a couple months ago when we started having these sexy conversations, and then these dreams I've been having were getting more and more real and more and more in my conscious and sub-conscious self."
"Yeah...I remember you telling me about your dream."
"And as I remember, you kind of enjoyed yourself a bit, didn't you?"
I was recalling the time a few weeks ago that she emailed me the details of a dream that she had that had me coming all over her [see Slippery Slope story].
"Indeed so...you have a way of telling a story, even if was an abridged version via email."
"Well, you can just imagine having all the details fully engraved in your mind from a very powerful and erotic dream with all the colors, and the type of dream that doesn't fade away after 10 minutes, the way most dreams do."
"I guess I can imagine that."
"Imagine too, that I've awakened a couple times dripping wet and practically coming. In fact, I think I've actually had a couple orgasms in my dreams.
"Wow...that's crazy...sort of like the adolescent wet dream."
"I know...crazy, huh? And that's supposed to be a guy thing anyways."
"Sounds like you've had an awakening of sorts...perhaps you've missed out on a bunch of experiences when you were younger that you're now realizing."
"I know...that's what I think too. I've been with one man my whole life and then I start having these feelings for you, and my sexual being is awakened feeling gypped for what I've missed my whole life."
Marie was really having a sexual awakening in her 40's and I was the person who was responsible for this and it came as a very powerful experience to share with someone. Much more powerful than I could imagine or comprehend.
"So what do we do now?" I asked, not knowing the answer myself.
"I'm not sure...like I said, I've had a bit more time to think about all this and be a bit more introspective about what it all means."
"And what does that mean to you?" I was curious to know what Marie wanted and where she was going with this relationship.
"I really don't know. I know I feel the same guilt you do. And I'm dealing with that in my own way. I feel very strongly about you and I trust you and that trust fuels my desires and feelings, because I couldn't go down this road with just anyone. That's not in my cards. And the feelings I've had are very powerful and compelling. I've had more and more of the dreams...I just told you one of them. I pretty much have a sex dream every night now."
"Sounds like you're getting a lot of action at home and in your dreams." I quipped, trying to get a bit of humor in this rather heavy discussion.
"True. But after the other day, the real thing is way better than all the dreams."
"You're too kind..."
"I have thought about that moment for hours and hours before and since, more than you can imagine."
"Head games, huh?"
"Very funny...good one..."
But the question of 'where was this all going?' remained unanswered by either of us.
So went the first private conversation between us since 'the event' a couple days prior, and things were sort of 'normal' for a while, though there was a new meaning to each conversation we had, alone and around others. And Marie took extra time to make sure I saw when she put lotion on her hands and when she drank a Coke, always using the bottle-type, such as she had when she showed me the hand job tricks she learned from her reading.
She knew she was getting to me because I got instantly hard when she did either of those things and she made it a point to look at my crotch and smile acknowledging her accomplishments when I squirmed uncomfortably at my condition. Her gaze met mine so I knew she knew...anyways, quite the game we had going on.
2. The next step down the slope
An email came a couple days later...
You wanna know something I forgot to tell you the other day?
What's that?
I didn't brush my teeth all day after...
???
You gonna make me explain that one?
I'm lost...
Ok...when you came in my mouth...I wanted that taste in my mouth all day...
Ohhh...got it now...
My, can we be a bit slow on the uptake...
I guess I wasn't expecting that...
You warned me
I did at that...you had a chance to...um...do something else...
Like what?
You know...
Tell me...
Dirty girl...
