After Jinky and I had been married about a year, she began to make gay references about me being gay. When I'd get mad, she'd laugh and say, "I'm only joking!" I remember she always used to squeeze my breasts, which were quite prominent, and say, "Wow, sweetie, nice development!" And then she'd laugh.
My feminine breasts had been a source of embarrassment for me ever since middle school, when we had to take showers after P.E. Once I matured, my body was basically a very feminine one. I have never had any body hair to speak of, other than my pubic hair, and many times my mom told me, "That ass does NOT belong on a guy!"
As far as my sexual orientation went, I began masturbating every chance I got after going through puberty. So far, so good - right? Not so fast. As I said, where the boys I had grown up with now began to look more like young men, that was definitely not the case with me. I would look at myself in the full-length mirror, and basically see a girl, a girl with a small penis. It was around that time that I was doing that and masturbating, when the idea came into my head to put on some of my mom's lipstick. I did it and got so horny! So the next logical thing for me then was to step into a pair of her high heels. Then I checked myself out in the mirror and almost popped a load just by looking. Because what I saw was not some little pimple faced geek, but a hot, sexy woman! Once I came, however, I was filled with embarrassment and self-loathing. Maybe I WAS a queer!
The one thing you did not want to be perceived as being when I was growing up was to be a queer. Queers were disgusting weirdos that everyone hated. So I would console myself by rationalizing that I was horny over my own image because I looked like a girl, therefore I like girls! Talk about convoluted logic, huh? The fact is, seeing myself as female was what was really turning me on. But I wasn't ready to accept that then. So I began about 5 years of trying to fool myself.
(Young blondie Keven had been hanging around with a bunch of guys who were a little on the wild side. He caught the eye of an older man in his 40s named Jay, who was known hang out with the younger guys in town. Jay was a light skinned African-American man in his early 40s. He lived in an apartment over the laundromat. He often had parties at his pad. Keven caught Jay looking at him all the time. One afternoon, when Keven had a little too much to drink, Jay had told the guys to just let Keven sleep it off over there. Later that night, Jay raped him.
Keven woke up with a completely naked muscleman Jay on top of him. To make it worse, Jay had stripped him completely nude when he was passed out. Now Jay was kissing all over Keven's nude body, nuzzling on his neck and nibbling on his ears. He could feel Jay's hardon against his belly. It was big - and really hard!
Well, they ended up making love. Not fucking or anything, not even a blowjob, just making love - kissing and cuddling. Jay told Keven that he knew he was a sissy the moment he laid eyes on him. At first Keven was embarrassed and tried to deny it. But Jay brought out some high heels and lipstick and made Keven try it on. After that Keven began spending all his free time at Jay's, and, at Jay's suggestion, referring to himself as, "Keven Jeanne Bardot."
Sexy, rebellious sissy boi, Keven Jeanne Bardot, sitting in front of the dresser, in just a pair of high heels, a lacy black silk Frederick's of Hollywood shorty robe, and red lipstick, and applying mascara as an admiring Jay watches. Keven Jeanne takes a hairbrush and comb and brushes and teases up his blonde hair, spraying it with LOTS of hairspray! His silky legs are crossed provocatively. He and Jay had just finished making love again, and Keven Jeanne was beginning to feel what so many girls had felt - the first flushes of his power as a woman.
