Only because it's you, I agree to go shopping. A whole day of schlepping around malls, shouldering through the trendy and the irritatingly stylish? Squeeeeeeal!! Count me in.
I hate fashion. Jeans are timeless, black t-shirts never go out of style, and these black leather boots were made for walking...over the next suburban, no ass, Lance-in-a-trance, baggy jeans wearin', FUBU sportin' wannabe with a goatee that trudges into my path. But, for you, I'll go.
And how you asked meant a lot. First, you wore one of the skirts you know I like. Butt hugging, mid thigh length. And those calf high black leather boots. A long sleeve, almost men's cut white shirt. With the cuffs unbuttoned, draped over your wrists. Long hair tied back loosely, soft and full. And those stockings. My, oh my, those stockings. Sheer, black thigh highs. But only you and I knew they were thigh highs. You knew because you chose them for what you knew they did to me. I knew because you chose to let me see them as you bent to get your purse. As you leaned over to ask me did I want to go.
And the way you asked me sealed the deal. "Wanna go to the mall with me?" Not "C'mon, please, baby, come to the mall, please, huh, please?β No, it was take it or leave it, big fella. But you wanted me to go, and you know I hate shopping, and you didn't put any conditions on it. You left it up to me.
Ok, the thigh highs helped.
So, off we went. You conceded the radio dial to me as you drove. You didn't even wince a little when I cranked Eddie Money singing "Shakin'" until the people around us stared. You even laughed when I rolled the window down and said to the car full of blue-hairs next to us, "So, whaddya think, a guy like me got a chance with you chicks?". Making you laugh means almost as much to me as making you, hey, I'm getting ahead of myself here.
I didn't say a word as we cruised the parking lot looking for a place to park even though we could have walked back and forth twice in the time it took to find a place close to the entrance. As I leveraged myself out of you "sporty" car, it seemed like I stood up forever before I could straighten out. Smiling down at you from over the car roof, the thought went through my mind, "If you weren't you, I wouldn't be here." As we walked to the entrance, you reached out to steady yourself on my arm as you bent to tug at your boot. That's the kind of thing that you do that knocks me out. So casual, yet so full of trust and confidence. Not a word, just the trust that I will stop and that you can depend on me.
Ok, the flash of thigh highs helped.
The mall was too hot, there were too many people, and I really don't feel comfortable in women's clothing stores. The walls are full of murals of twenty-year-old size twos who look like they could use a few months at Betty Ford. Please, fashion industry, start letting straight guys hire the models. And ladies, for what it's worth, boobs like half a volleyball on a boy's body is just gross.
Trying not to look too conspicuously out of place, I stand uncomfortably holding your bags while you browse at Victoria's Secrets. Oh, I have no problem being around women's underwear. Manys the time I've chewed my way through expensive panties. And let me tell you, spontaneity loses a little something when she yells at you for shredding a pair of thirty-dollar drawers. As it happens, you never did hold a grudge about that. Heh heh.
Anyway, after trying to erase the mental images of some of these size 20 women in a thong, I suddenly realized that I had lost track of you. Sighing, I start walking around the store. A saleslady, a salesgirl, really, comes up to me and asks, "Are you with the pretty girl with the long hair?β I tell her yes, and she tells me that you're in the dressing room in back, and you asked her to get me. "Thanks", I say, and she giggles as I walk to the rear of the store. "What's her deal?", I wonder. I feel like such a schmuck, a big, brawny guy carrying shopping bags from poofy clothing stores, but, hey, for you, I've endured jaw cramps, so what the hell?
I near the dressing rooms and I don't see you. I stand there, feeling really stupid, and wonder what I'm there for. Just as I decide that I should look for a seat, I hear you call my name. Looking towards your voice, I see a slender arm reach over the dressing room door, with a cream colored thong draped over one well manicured finger. "Baby?" The very husky reply. "Yes, babe?"