She's Surviving at Home

I'm sitting here as I usually do three or four nights a week. Sometimes in the recliner sometimes the easy chair. The light is better at the recliner and I have a book in my lap. I'm staring at it but I'm not reading anyway. I drift between questioning and fantasy but sometimes just thinking.

The TV is on blaring some game or other but I hate sports usually. It's a week night but wouldn't matter because my days and nights seldom change much when I'm here. I mean I have had responsibilities to the family and to the kids although they are nearly grown. I have had errands that are necessary and weekly groceries. I do some woman's things like sewing and knitting, crafts, cleaning and gardening but I seldom enjoy them. They are merely occupying my hands not my mind.

The kids are gone most of the time anymore... anyplace and everyplace. One drives and the other could have a year ago but has never gotten a license. They're good active kids and quite social. They have a lot of interests and yet I've been fortunate that alcohol and drugs are not their interests.

I could work easily enough with an associate degree from years ago and I'd love to work. Why don't I? Same reason the game is on instead of something more interesting. Same reason I'm just sitting here night after night. The same reason I've been so bored with it all. My husband!

He's over on the couch asleep but if I change the channel his eyes pop open and he announces that he's watching the game; snoring as he watches with his eyes closed. We don't have many friends because he doesn't like to "Get all dressed up" after work. He's a good provider and a loving father and he used to be a pretty good lover. However as the years have passed he's gotten into a routine that's comfortable... for him. He gets up shaves, showers, dresses and has a brief breakfast before heading to work.

Usually he forgets to kiss me goodbye and when he does remember it's that hasty old proverb on the cheek. The kids are off a few minutes later and I'm left alone. Sex happens here only when he's in the mood which is about every two or three months... the ninety second man... and so husbandly sex has lost all its appeal to me.

My libido is more than strong and I think stronger than when we married. A few years back I resorted to that thing that was around before I knew about boys or marriage. When I started again my fingers served still me well for a couple of years and then one day I was talking to an old girl friend that I'd known in High School. She was always deep into sex and still is. She asked me how my life was going and when I said okay she wanted more. She meant my sex life. I almost laughed and I did giggle.

Without coming right out and saying that there wasn't any except myself I think she understood. She isn't married now but was for about ten years and she's told me stories she'd experienced, almost like my own, with her ex. She asked what kind of vibrator I used and I was embarrassed to admit that I didn't even have one, but she'd gotten me thinking.

Our Anniversary was only a month away and so I determined that if he forgot it again that I would take some cash out of the household budget and buy one. The time came and went with out remembrance by him. Two months later things had gotten so bad and I was in such need that as I walked by a store in a small mall at the other edge of town I stopped in. I had no idea what to buy and some guy kept asking me if he could help. Finally in exasperation I asked if there was a woman clerk and he steamed off and sent one over.

She made a recommendation and without looking further I bought it. It was the experience I'd been looking for and I became deft at using it... even so it wasn't the same. I keep it hidden from the kids and my husband in a place where it would take a forensic investigating team years to find... it's hidden under my slips in the second drawer.

The vibrator was okay for a couple of years and I even managed a recharger with batteries that worked better and seemed to give it more energy... it felt good. But I've been getting more and more neglected or at least I feel that I have been and I've become restless.

I moved the computer to a desk in an alcove where I can see the couch and hear the kids if they come in. In the daytime afterwards I started playing with it... and I downloaded a messenger program and played with an online social group for awhile. It was fun but not what I was looking for I guess. I visited a few free porn sites where I was temporarily shocked to see real porn. I'd heard of it but never seen it before. It was arousing but I felt guilty.

I even found a few people's individual sites both guy's and gal's. Not together but their own sites. They were grouped in the adult section of the Messenger site. There I got an education and an eyeful. Guys would do everything and show anything and the gals were almost the same. Perhaps this is where my 'satisfaction' began to plummet. I saw guys of every age and physique... and equipment.

I flirted some and didn't give my age. I got a lot of free 'shows' of guys and they wrote or talked to me about everything. In a very few weeks I got a really full education of what other guys are like both physically and almost personally. Guys of every age propositioned me and told me what they wanted to do to me and with me and have me do with them. I followed the gal's threads too and found that many women are sexually active all the time and that mate dissatisfaction is pretty widespread. I learned more about sex and common practices in those weeks than in my previous entire life... and I was horny.

One day I brought out my vibrator and turned on the computer. I found a guy I'd only talked to before and now he wanted to get undressed for me. I wasn't sure but when he turned on his web camera and invited me to watch... I yielded. He started doing a slow male striptease for me and he must have been about thirty I guessed and found out later he was thirty-two.

He did pushups and I watched his muscles tighten and he did sit-ups and I watched his abs tighten and he was only wearing briefs and I could tell he was hard beneath them. I asked for a minute and he asked me to turn on my camera, too. I didn't have one I told him and he was disappointed but sat down and waited. I got up and undressed... I mean everything came off. I sat back down, leaned back and played with my nipples and rubbed my breasts until I started to feel better... and all the time I watched him sitting and waiting... moving occasionally.

Finally I picked up my toy and posititioned it and then told him I was back. He stood and did a few things and asked what I wanted him to do. My mouth was dry when I whispered I'd like him to remove his briefs. He asked twice... teasing me... before he did. He put his thumbs in the elastic and slowly pushed them down. He was very slow... but my vibrator wasn't. I had it on and was buzzing my clit when I first saw his head emerging at the top... and then slowly the shaft appeared and finally a nice patch of dark hair.

He was aroused... and huge. He was sticking straight out... maybe up just a bit... and I could see his balls and that pink velvet pouch and my body was screaming for more. He asked again and this time I whispered that I wanted to see him touch it. He pointed at it and I croaked yes. He put his fingers under the head and began teasing it up and down before circling the head with his fingers. His head was huge and purple and I couldn't talk as I worked.

My breasts and nipples... my tummy and my ass... everything was concentrating at my pussy. Finally he had it in his hand... a firm grip and he asked what I was doing. I stuttered and finally he told me to admit that I was playing with myself. Next he shouted... demanding that I admit it... and I did. After that it actually became easier to talk to him and ask and tell. I told him that I'd like to watch him masturbate and he asked if I would do it with him. I did and I climaxed time and again as he touched and stroked. It was magnificent... and I could speak the word cock without stuttering... the first time out loud in my life.

I told him I wanted to see him cum and he said he would but he wanted to get something to catch it in. I begged him not to... I wanted to see it come out... actually see him cum. I wanted it on his stomach and his hand and every place else it would go. He was on the bed lying with a pillow under one side of his back so that he was facing the camera a little and he was smiling at the camera. I was mesmerized. My hubby would never do this for me.

I was working at stroking that vibrator in and out as fast as he was. I had turned off the vibrator and was using it as a dildo... imagining it was his cock. My fantasy was perfect and as I willed and begged him to cum... he did. His cock spurted and stopped and did it again and again. The camera wasn't fast enough to see it moving but I could see the white path as it left and the splash as it landed and then see it running off him in little streams. It was the most erotic thing I'd seen in my life I think... and he did it when I'd asked him to.

After that I started taking guys up on their solo performances and each time I talked them through it. It became easy to talk to them and easy to get them to do anything I wanted. I asked what they wanted done to them and what they enjoyed seeing and asked them to describe or show me everything about themselves. Guys asked me to meet them and give them a BJ and I found that BJ meant blowjob. They asked me to suck their cock... and finally I asked one guy the difference sucking and a BJ and he laughed and told me they were the same thing... unless I wanted to blow-dry his cock after I'd wet it in my throat.

I started asking them what they wanted in a BJ... what felt good... what a gal should do to 'get them off' and they told me. One day a guy told me to put my toy in my mouth and practice. Finally I agreed and told him that after using it I had to go wash it. He told me not to... but to taste it just the way it was. I wouldn't... at first. But when I asked another guy he told me the same thing. They told me that a gal could taste delicious to them. Finally I used my fingers and tasted just a little. It wasn't bad... and so I did suck the toy. I practiced with the toy... turning and stroking and sucking. I even practiced until I could get it part way down my throat.

After all this... or in the middle of it... I waited one night for hubby to get to sleep... and then slowly I moved over and touched him. He only snored a little louder and finally I held him and he got rigid... but still asleep. Finally I positioned myself stroked him and guided my lips down over it. It was only a minute and he was moaning and then his hand was in my hair and he was moving his hands and arms and his ass was bucking as he stroked me. I took him as deep as I could and teased his head and suddenly he was awake and screaming my name. Just as suddenly it was over. He filled my mouth and I did what people had been telling me... I swallowed it all.

When I got through and cleaned him... he insisted on knowing where I'd learned that. I told him that I hadn't learned... I had been reading. That part was true because I'd bought several cheap Harlequin books and so I showed him where one of the scenes told how the gal did it. He was calmed but wasn't sure that I should be doing it. I asked if he liked it and he admitted that he did. Still he wasn't sure we should. So I stopped as quickly as I'd started.

Now though I'd had the taste of a man's cum in my mouth and I kind of liked it. I also liked being in control and having him lose control. I wanted more yet.

Guys had been complaining because I wouldn't turn on my web cam and wouldn't believe that I didn't have one. So one day I decided that I'd save up and get one. I made some hand-machine knitted craft items and advertised them in the Pennysaver. Several people called about them and several wanted to see them. I didn't want to have people in and out of the house or knowing where I live so I agreed to come to their place and show them but only to women.

Also, I actually sold several items I'd made a few years before and many of the new ones... and soon I had enough money for a good web cam. I actually had enough for a digital camera but that may come later. Quietly I practiced until I knew how to use the camera and kept it hidden when I wasn't using it.

I met a particularly appealing guy one day and he gave me a show and I watched. I'd seen enough gal shows to know what they did for the camera and I'd practiced. I didn't ask the guy to cum for me... just show me. I had been watching almost an hour when he finally asked me to turn on my camera. I'd waited and hoped and it was my turn now. I had showered and put on my sexiest outfit and makeup. And even though I was nervous, I wanted to see his reaction to me... the first time I'd ever done this thing and he was thousands of miles away and didn't know me. I felt safe.

I insisted that he leave his camera on and sit where I could see his face and his cock... and then I turned on my camera and waited for him to acknowledge. When he did there was a slow whistle and he approved. He asked to see more and I asked what he wanted to see. He told me and then I told him that I wasn't sure I could. I was teasing making him think he'd talk me into it. I told him that I'd never done anything like that ever before... not even for my husband. He smiled and said that I would do it for him though.

I told him that he'd have to tell me what to do... and I might not do it all. He started talking while I paid close attention to how I affected him. I was close to the camera and all he could see was my face from the chin upwards. He asked me to lower the camera and keep my face there, too. He asked who else was watching. I paused and then told him that I wasn't doing this for anyone else as I lowered it to see from my waist up. He asked me to take off my blouse and I waited for a minute while he kept talking and then I reached up and unbuttoned it slowly. He was praising me and telling how good I looked... but he was talking not touching.

Slowly I opened it and he could see the strapless I was wearing. He told me to take it completely off and I finally did. Again he was saying how full my breasts were and how much he wanted to see them. I asked what he wanted to see and he described everything and asked me to take off the bra. I told him how big a step this was... and maybe we should wait until next time. He begged me to continue... but he still wasn't touching himself. Slowly I opened the front clasp and let it come partly open and he could see the cleavage and the soft mound at the top of each cup.

He was begging me and urging me to continue and finally I lowered the bra more and then more and he kept talking. I told him that he was making me into a bad girl and he told me that I wanted to be a bad girl. When he said it I started to close the bra again and he apologized and explained that he only meant that he thought every gal wanted to know how much a guy liked her body. I relented slowly and then told him in a mad moment that I may as well do it and threw the bra away.

His mouth dropped open and his tongue circled and finally I got what I was after. His hands were around his cock and he was holding. I asked if he was satisfied and now he was having trouble talking as he muttered yes again and again. I sat and watched... my naked breasts in full view and close to the camera. Finally he got his voice again and asked me to use one finger and tease a nipple. I put both hands up and used my index fingers to circle both nipples at the same time. His cock was huge and he was still only holding as I asked if this is what he meant. I could tell that he'd almost lost it. His hands were so tight around his cock that it was deep purple. I mentioned it and he glanced down and then began a slow stroking.

He wanted me to push back away from the camera. and let him see my skirt or pants. I told him I was in a skirt and then he wanted to see it. I slid the chair backwards until he could see just below my knees. He was panting and nearly out of breath as he asked me to let him see my legs by raising the skirt. I pulled the hem up into my lap and wedged it between my upper thighs. He told me how great my legs were and I told him how great I thought his cock was. He smiled and glowed with satisfaction as he held it up and then cupped his balls and brought them nearer the camera.

I suppose the two of us were a bit like children first playing with each other except that I was in charge and it felt good. I felt that he'd do anything for me and although I would drag it out to lengthen his anticipation I was willing to do almost anything on camera for him. He asked me to see my panties and I smiled and told him that I wasn't wearing any. I knew he would misunderstand and he choked as he asked if I would take my skirt off. I asked him why and what he expected to see and he told me.

I thought about it and then put my hands to the side zipper and opened it. I deliberately remained seated while I raised my hips by arching my back and I slid the skirt below me and put it on the bed. He brought his face close and reminded me that I told him I wasn't wearing panties. I smiled and told him that this was a thong. He smiled back and his cock seemed to be feeling better because it surely looked better as he resumed his efforts. I was now entirely nude except for the thong and I felt freedom almost as I thrilled watching him and waiting for his next request. I rubbed my tummy and my thigh as I yearned to proceed lower. My pussy was demanding attention and a lot of it after watching his body, his hands and his eyes. And ready after hearing his voice and his requests.

I could see that he was close to a climax now and I wanted it to be only after he'd seen me naked but with his progress it seemed I might be disappointed. Suddenly he begged me to remove my thong. Breathlessly I asked him if he was certain and he almost screamed "Please?"

I pushed my back against the chair and raised my hips and slid my thong slowly down exposing everything. His response was so dramatic that I brought my hand to my clit and began laboring it in an effort to catch up to him. His breathing and his sweaty body were feverish and the way he stroked himself was enough to get me there just as he screamed my name and I watched him cum again and again. I washed my legs and the chair with my own fluids and had the most exciting climax in my life to that date. I wanted him to hold me and then take me hard and fuck me until I could take no more. I wanted to feel him hammering and pounding away as he slid in and out... and I wanted to taste his cum. All of this in seconds from the moment I lowered my thong.

Now I panicked at what I'd done and I had a wash of embarrassment and guilt as I reached and closed the link. I left the computer and lay on the couch and thought about what I'd just done. It was wrong I was sure to have done it especially with a stranger. But, I felt so good and it felt so good to be wanted and no one knew me or where I was. He'd seen my face but couldn't have found me if he wanted. I thought long about it, and then I remembered him and what he was doing and imagined what he felt as he saw me. I was certain that he didn't know this was my first time doing it but I'd told him the truth.

I kept returning to the image I'd seen as he climaxed. His face, body and that beautiful cock and his cum and I was horny again. A few more minutes and I convinced myself I'd done nothing wrong because two people had been satisfied and no one else was involved. My husband didn't want to see me anymore and didn't touch me except for instant self-gratification. I had a right to more. I had a right to a decent sex life and I had the need for power over a man's pleasures.