"Distinguished students, Ladies and Gentlemen, Saints and Sinners. It's that time of the Great Western academic calendar again!" the voice roared through a distorted amplifier. Hank balanced unsteadily atop a plastic chair in the middle of the dining hall wearing nothing but red underpants and a baseball cap and holding the microphone to his beaming lopsided grin.
A crowd of unruly students gave a shout, and surged in closer towards Hank. Plastic cups touched in cheers and cheap booze sloshed on the floor as the pack crushed inward, enabling some of the students who had spilled outside to squeeze back into the hall.
Hank was the Dorm Captain of Abbey Residence, the most prestigious dormitory hall on the campus of Great Western College. Ever since anyone could remember, Abbey would host the famous annual Sexfest contest which would pit students against each other in a week long orgy of fucking and debauchery to establish who was the sexual King or Queen of the campus.
Although Abbey hosted the event, it was open to all students. As residents of Abbey, we were expected to participate, and to be honest, it was the reason that entry into the institution was so hotly contested. Generations had passed through Great Western, and parents would look forward to their offspring returning home from summer break, always to be met with the question: "How did you fare at Sexfest?"
Great Western was a mid-sized college, but we were fiercely competitive and punched above our weight across all manner of sporting events. Football, baseball, hockey, gym -- we were at the forefront of the state and often beat the bigger universities. But nothing was more important to college pride than the annual Sexfest competition.
Excitedly I took a sip of the sickly wine in my flimsy plastic cup. I had only just arrived at Abbey as a freshman and this would be my very first Sexfest. My best friend from school, Izzy had also been accepted into Abbey and joined me for the competition briefing party.
"Fuck there's a lot of hot bodies here tonight", Izzy shouted into my ear above the din. There certainly was. Just like us, everyone in the room presented in underwear, and there was plenty of flesh showing through the boxers, panties and bras.
I had looked forward to this moment for years - ever since my older sister came home from college regaling me with tales about her experience across the three years of her degree. This would be my first contest, but I hoped to participate in more.
Hank fumbled with the microphone and a torn slip of paper containing his notes as he recovered after a momentary drunken imbalance. He was a well-established college identity in fourth year and Hank was completely familiar with how Sexfest worked.
"Welcome to Sexfest and the launch of the 2024 Student Studs and Sluts Competition." Another drunken cheer.
"For those of you who are freshers, or here for the first time, I offer you a special welcome. Where are the first timers?"
Izzy and I let off a cheer, along with a small chorus of others.
"Enjoy the week. What an icebreaker huh? Let me tell you, this is a great way to meet new people here at college. And I just want to say, everyone is in with a chance. We had a fresher win Sexfest just a couple of years ago, so I encourage you to give it your best shot."
My friend Izzy touched me on the butt and smiled. "It could be you Sarah!"
"Maybe!" I replied.
"I'm so glad Sexfest is going ahead this year. I heard that they wanted to shut it down," Izzy complained.
"No chance," I replied. I knew how things worked. There was no way that Sexfest would ever get shut down. It was a rite of passage for everyone coming through the college and the staff, the senate, the president - they had all been through Sexfest and they knew how important it was. It was just our God given right and it was the most fundamental tradition of the college.
After my sister graduated, she managed to get some casual teaching work back at the college in her old department. She showed me the online application form for new staff, and there was an entry box for people to submit their rankings at Sexfest during their student years. It was optional to provide the data, but I'm sure that it was strongly taken into account.
Sure, there had been some complaints from the wowsers, but the college had taken on board their concerns, and developed a risk management plan. I knew that we'd all be instructed on just what constituted acceptable behaviour and that there would be safety officers and supervision for the week. But by the time we enrolled in college, we were all adults over eighteen, and ready to do adult things!
"Is everyone listening carefully?" Hank completed a circle looking over the throngs surrounding him. "I'm going to give you the rules for this year's competition. And then I'm going to give you the important safety briefing that the college says I have to give you."
There was another drunken cheer for no real reason, and with Hank's patience, the cacophony of the crowd died down.
"The official committee has prepared this year's competition rules," Hank announced to an audience hanging on his words. I wondered what would score the points this year. I remember the feeling of excitement that coursed through my body when my sister explained how it worked for the three times that she participated in Sexfest.
"The rules will be posted on the notice board for all you nerds who want to get it all exactly right. But here we go." He squinted to consult his paperwork again.
"For the fellas, you get one point for oral, two points for the pussy and three points in the ass." A harmony of deep voices responded with approval. "Then, you need to get a photo of your conquest and upload it into the Sexfest App and the committee will give her a rating out of 10. Multiply your fuck by her rating and that's your basic score. So for a 10 out of 10 babe, with a triple dip, you can score a total of 60 points. Does everyone understand that?"
The crowd cheered which sounded like comprehension but I think they were hyped up to cheer at anything by that stage.