Sex Therapy 106

So we had agreed to see a Sex Therapist. That is Katie (my wife) and I (Jack).

Not as you might imagine, in order to try and improve the sex between us as a couple [though that may be a convenient by-product] but something quite different.

You see, I have given up any notion of being able to satisfy my wife and consider myself a lost cause. Sure the therapist might be able to work on a few issues, help me maintain an erection, or help me last longer, or exorcise a few demons regarding my self-worth and loathing, but what a therapist could not do was make my cock bigger.

In my mind, there was no point fixing the mental scars if the tools were still not up to the job.

I had been emasculated over the 25+ years I had been with my wife. She quickly withdrew from sex. There were lots of excuses, and reasons but ultimately I was largely rejected when I tried it on with her, and made to feel like even finding her attractive, or wanting to fuck her, was abhorrent.

She blamed herself. Telling me it was her fault, that she had no interest in sex, that she had a zero libido. It had nothing to do with my 'abilities' or lack thereof, or my cock size.

My instinct told me she was lying. More than that, there had been signs, or occasions, or even a brief period of time where the facade dropped. This was usually when I managed to perform a little better than normal. You could just sense from her response and reaction to my dick staying harder, and me lasting longer, that she craved more. Her disappointment in me palpable, even when I did outdo myself, I never fulfilled her.

A few weeks ago we had an almighty row that had nothing to do with sex, but then just spiralled out of control in to being about "us".

She said that it was over; that she was leaving me. I begged her to stay. I practically threw myself at her mercy. I started babbling and trying to rationalise why she would want to leave me, because other than the sex thing I always thought we were close and still loved each other.

I rambled on until sex became our main focus of conversation.

I was convinced she wanted out because the clock was ticking, and she had reached the end of her tether with my lack of prowess. I let out all my angst, and self loathing and offered her anything she wanted.

It was then that I said to her that I was even prepared to let her see other men, that she could get gratification from other lovers, as long as I could watch; and that she would occasionally still allow me to fuck her, once she had been properly satisfied by someone else.

She went nuts. Told me I was sick. I told her I had nothing to lose, because she was threatening to leave me and divorce me anyway, and eventually she would meet other men, and no doubt have sex with them.

I explained that I could cope with her sleeping with other guys, as long as it was just about the sex. I just could not bear her having an affair behind my back, or having a loving relationship with someone else - that thought tore me apart.

The more I told her how much I loved her, and reassured her that it could work, the more she softened. I don't think she realised until I laid it all out for her, just how much she meant to me, and just how much I would sacrifice to keep her and make her happy.

Despite this, she was adamant that she would not entertain the thought of fucking other men, especially with me watching, but she didn't leave me that night.

We agreed on marriage guidance counselling at first, but over the following days I convinced her that really we needed a sex therapist because, other than our bedroom department, our wider relationship was good on the whole. Reluctantly she agreed to give it a chance and we booked 10 weekly sessions with a local guy, who claimed to have unprecedented success from his own unique methods.

Now I have to admit to an ulterior motive here. I knew my wife expected to talk about us, and how to help me to overcome my problems etc. but I also knew that she would be encouraged to share her feelings and thoughts and unburden herself too. I hoped that the therapist would break down her barriers; get her to admit her frustrations and her desires. I pinned my hopes on our conversations covering many taboo subjects so that my wife could see that most of them were in fact normal and not 'sick' - including women fucking other men while their husbands watched.

On arrival at our first session with Dr. Shaw we were both very nervous. This was not helped by his straight-laced and formal appearance and manner. He wore a three piece suit, with shirt and tie, and was very matter of fact. No emotion, no warmth or reassurance; he was constantly looking down on us.

We covered our situation. And I made sure I left nothing out, telling him about my willingness to let my wife sleep with other men and to be honest, how this had actually become a fantasy of mine, ever since it was apparent I could not satisfy my wife. This revelation raised a stern glare from Katie, who only now learned that I often dreamt of her fucking other guys and that it was not solely a concession blurted out to make her stay during our argument.

The Dr. advised us that some of his methods would seem unorthodox, and also said that he would use 'street language' during our conversations and not medical speak or jargon. It had to be 'real'.

Having been asked what she thought of the idea (of fucking other men, and especially doing so while I watched) Katie put out the usual script about being horrified about either idea, whether I watched or not, she apparently considered this not appropriate for married couples and 'not normal'. She was here to 'help fix my relationship with Jack' and nothing else.

The Dr. responded, as I hoped he would, telling her not only is it a very common fantasy that many couples role play, but is also very common in practice, with many couples living a cuckold or a swinging lifestyle to varying degrees.

Katie had the good grace to listen intently (probably as she was intimidated by the Doctor).

The good Doctor described the extremes of cuckoldom and the terminology, from guys who let their hot wife screw who she liked [but also continued to have sexual relations with her as well], to complete submissive's who were dominated by their wife, who would never have sex with their wife, and who would perform cleaning acts, or possibly sex acts on the bull.

She looked at me and I knew she was asking me subconsciously which category, I fell in to. I read her mind and told her I was the first one; someone who wanted to watch and be involved, but still have occasional sex with her myself - almost as a reward for my sacrifice. I had no desire to lick another mans cum, or suck his cock etc. (yet).

He ended the session with a question to Katie.

"So if there was an attractive, naked man in the room right now and he wanted to fuck you, and give you the best sex of your life while your husband watched, what would your response be."

Without hesitation Katie said. "I would leave".

The following week when we arrived, I noticed that the Dr. wore no tie and his demeanour was somehow slightly more relaxed.

This week we explored why I felt emasculated and worthless, and he started on peeling away the layers of defences my wife had surrounded herself with for years. The breakthrough being her admission that she did not despise sex, just that sex with me was frustrating and left her feeling incomplete. So he broached the subject again of other men. Whether she had ever been unfaithful to me because she needed satisfaction. She denied being unfaithful, or even having any kind of fantasies of any kind.

Even the Dr. looked at her sceptically about the last comment.

He ended the session as per the first with the same question.

"So if there was an attractive, naked man in the room right now and he wanted to fuck you, and give you the best sex of your life while your husband watched, what would your response be."

"It would still be no". She said. "I don't know why you persist with this".

"Trust me, I told you my methods are unorthodox" said Dr. Shaw.

I personally took her reply as an improvement on last weeks response.

The week after, I noticed the Dr. was not only absent his tie, but also his waistcoat, and was even more relaxed in his approach.

The Dr. pressed us both on fantasies. I happily relayed the various scenarios I played out in my mind when I jacked myself off. Katie's face went white.

Katie initially maintained she did not fantasise. Eventually however, she confessed to having what she called "romantic dreams" - though more Mills and Boon than sexual: you know the kind of shit, moonlit walks on beaches, polite advances by the gentleman, and the reluctant rebuff of a married woman. All pretty tame stuff. Bleeding hearts and unrequited love.

At the end he asked his question again.

"So if there was an attractive, naked man in the room right now and he wanted to fuck you, and give you the best sex of your life while your husband watched, what would your response be."

There was a slight delay to her reply, but eventually she said "My answer would still be no, but I can appreciate how others would find the thought enticing, and I concede that I now realise it is not unusual to have such fantasies."

Week 4.

On arrival, I immediately noticed that the Dr. had now dispensed with his jacket, which hung loosely on the back of his chair. I began to speculate that this was a ploy to make us relax more, and open up more as a result, as the weeks went by.

Bizarrely, I also noticed that Katie had begun to alter her dress and appearance from the initial two appointments. The first two weeks she had her hair drawn back in a pony tail, she wore little make up, and wore an unflattering pant suit with vest type top covering all her upper body. She also wore sensible shoes and functional, rather than sexy, underwear.

The last bit I knew, because for years it had been her ritual to get out of bed before me to get showered and dressed. Most days this would include her standing with her back to me, while I was still sprawled in bed, and reaching in to her dressing table to choose her underwear. This was the highlight of my day, because when she bent forward for those few seconds I got to see the slit of her pussy, and immediately imagined another guy walking up behind her and taking her from behind while she was bent forward picking her garments from the drawer. That short fantasy made my day, and when I was not there to see her dress, my day always seemed to be a shit one.

However, at week 3 the pant suit had been replaced with a knee length skirt that hugged her hips in all the right places.

At week 4 the vest top was replaced by a button down blouse, that revealed the trace of her ample bosom and (lacy rather than functional) bra.

During the session, Dr. Shaw managed to tease from Katie that she did feel sexually frustrated and very occasionally wondered what it would be like to be brought to climax during intercourse.

As per the previous weeks, the session ended with the same question.

Again the answer was no, but now she said "The thought that other people sought release from this arrangement was no longer sick or disgusting to her, in fact in the right circumstances she could understand the eroticism about it".

At this, the good Doctor set her some homework. He asked her to make a conscious effort of 'ogling' men she found attractive, and to wonder what it would be like to sleep with them.

I did not get any homework. In fact, I barely featured now in the conversations. The Doctor seemingly had my number, and she became the centre of attention.

Week 5.

My suspicions were confirmed when we arrived at the next session to find the formal shirt replaced by a polo shirt; though formal trousers were still worn.

The Doctor was clearly using some subliminal type of psychology on us, or Katie in particular, by making his appearance less formal, and more "friendly" as the weeks went by.

She seemed to be weirdly reciprocating, by dressing more and more sexily and making herself more attractive the more he changed his own appearance. This week her hair was not tied in a pony, but her bangs hung loose and luscious down passed her shoulders. Her make-up had been applied with more care, and there was more of it, accentuating her cheek bones and eyes. Her clothes were similar to the previous week.

Again, I was largely ignored. This weeks revelation from Katie was that she had sneakily looked at porn on-line when I was away with work and masturbated to images of guys with big cocks, and lots of stamina, bringing women to what seemed like ecstasy. It was my turn to be surprised.

Dr. Shaw asked about her homework. She said "she had tried it out on a couple of guys, and found it oddly sensual, though she struggled to fully picture the 'act' itself in its entirety."

Once more, he ended with the same question. Once more Katie said she still believed it to be wrong, and still believed a married woman should not partake in such things, but would now not be so quick to judge others.

Her homework this week was simply to flirt with another guy to see how it made her feel when he complimented her, and tried to seduce her, as most men generally would.

Week 6.

This week the Dr. had replaced slacks with chinos. The polo shirt remained. For Katie's part, I had noticed that she had not actually worn any knickers that morning. Although she was careful to check if I was watching her dress, I had faked being asleep but watched through squinted eyes, as she slid her skirt over her naked thighs and smooth, peachy arse.

Katie opened up by telling the Dr. that she had actually flirted with a number of men and found it 'stimulating'. She enjoyed being the object of their attention, and had noticed their obvious gaze at her breasts and her arse, and could second guess what they were thinking and wanted to do to her. It made her feel sexy to be wanted that way.

I was actually asked how I felt about this, and I told them both that it made me feel incredibly horny that other guys were not only undressing my wife mentally, but were also wondering what it would be like to fuck her. Katie did not look impressed with my reply.

The Dr. asked if I could deal with my wife being intimate with someone else, and I had to ask him to define 'intimate'. He qualified it by saying. "Having sex with another guy, especially if you were there at the time". I told him more or less the same as I had at the start of our sessions, that long as it was sex, and not emotional intimacy like love, and she did not fuck him or anyone else behind my back, then I would encourage it. I got another glare from Katie.

Again the same question was asked at the end of the session.

"So if there was an attractive, naked man in the room right now and he wanted to fuck you, and give you the best sex of your life while your husband watched, what would your response be."

Again, Katie disappointed me. "As much as it is becoming a turn-on by flirting with, and fantasising about, other guys I still doubt I would go through with it. I still don't get how it would work for us and save our marriage. Why aren't we talking about repairing the sexual relationship with my husband to save our marriage instead of other guys?"

It was a fair question. But it got short shrift from the Dr.

Matter of factly he replied "From what I have seen you love your husband, and there is no doubt at all that he loves you."

"However, it is quite clear to me that he will never be able to satisfy you sexually, and that you know this. It is also obvious that you are in denial about your own needs and sexuality and until you admit as much you cannot move forward."

Her homework was to purchase a sex toy and to pleasure herself with it, either whilst thinking about another guy fucking her, or by watching porn as a secondary measure.

Week 7.

This week the Dr. had replaced his polo shirt with a normal T-shirt, and the chinos with a pair of button-hole Levis. Katie's skirt had gotten noticeably shorter, and an additional button on her blouse had been undone, so that ample cleavage was on show. She continued to go commando too.

I made a conscious effort to watch her closely at this session, and discovered that my wife had a thing for Dr. Shaw. She leant forward when he spoke to her, staring directly in to his eyes, and offering up her cleavage as she did so. She played with her hair, folding it behind her ear, or twirling it around her fingers, and looked a little flush when he leant in to touch her arm or knee to emphasise a point. She crossed and uncrossed her legs multiple times, and although I could not be sure if he could see her pussy beneath the short skirt, her intention was obvious, and he did look.

When he was speaking to me, I noticed out of the corner of my eye how she gazed at his muscular arms and his lean torso, apparent due to the tight fitting T-shirt. She even glared at his bulge.

I said nothing of course. There was no way I was going to broach this with her as it would make her immediately self-conscious and break the spell so to speak.

He asked if she had completed her homework, and she blushed but confirmed she had to a degree. She told us that she had purchased both a sizeable dildo and a vibrator on-line and had used them to knee trembling effect, though she had done so while watching porn, not while thinking of another guy. She had lied. I know when she is not being honest, because she plays with her earlobe involuntarily.

Again at the end of the session was the same question as always. Her answer frustratingly was still a resounding no. Her reason being simply, that if she could not fantasise about another guy while pleasuring herself then how could she hope to fuck another guy, while I watched. Another lie - which excited me.

Her homework was to persevere with pleasuring herself while focussing on an individual she knew, who was attractive to her, rather than using porn as a substitute.

Week 8.

The Dr. arrived dressed in shorts and vest. He said he had been for a run and hoped it was ok. Katie could not take her eyes of his physique I noticed. He was a fit, toned, athletic man. He disappeared for a quick shower, returning in a track suit.

This week however, most of the conversation centred around me. I had to set out what I expected of Katie, or from our future relationship, if Katie ever took the step of taking other lovers [despite her, somewhat feeble protests I noted with interest, that this would not happen].

I said my needs were simple. That I had to be there for now, to watch. I wanted sexual gratification from watching her do things with other men she had not done with me, and for her to be brought to climax by these men during intercourse. I wanted her to allow me to fuck her still. I figured she would be satisfied by the other guys, and so would be happy to do me as "payback" - no need for me to last, or compete with these other men, just let me get my leg over so I got some.

Most of all though, was this had to be about sex. No secrets, no affairs, no relationships, no steady dates, no intimacy, no emotional ties to the other men. I was the only one to love her. And she would only love me in return.

Despite focussing on me, the session ended with the same question.

This time she said, "As the weeks go by, and we have these sessions, the idea of doing it seems less ridiculous. As it stands I don't think I would have the nerve, but I have come a long way in 8 weeks so who knows where I will be in the future, but right now I am not convinced this will help our marriage". I gulped and said a silent prayer.

Then she confessed she had orgasmed while imagining being fucked by another guy - her homework. The Dr. and I both raised our eyebrows at this. The Doctor made notes.