The next few days Chris dragged me out with her in the evenings to "cheer me up." One day we went bowling. Watching her bend over in her tight jeans and swiftly roll the bowl down the aisle did nothing to cheer me up. Mostly it just left me frustrated and tense. The more tense I became, the more she insisted on cheering me up. Talk about a vicious cycle.
She finally decided that I needed to get smashed. By this point I agreed with her. I seriously needed a drink of something strong.
"Have you ever played the game 'Have you ever'?" She asked me with a gleam in her eye I've learned to equate with trouble.
"No," I replied hesitantly. "Does it require police investigation afterwards?
She rolled her eyes. "No breaking and entering, terrorist activity, or falsification of documents involved. In fact, all it requires is asking questions."
"What kind of questions?" I asked suspiciously.
"Oh you know, anything," she replied breezily. "Have you ever been skydiving? Have you ever been mugged, hit by lightning, believed in the tooth fairy? That kind of thing. I ask you 'have you ever...' and if the answer is yes, you take a shot. Then you ask me 'have you ever...' and if the answer is yes then I take a shot. That's it. Perfectly innocent," she said with that gleam in her eye again.
"Ok, I guess I can handle that." I still wasn't convinced that this game was as innocent as advertised, but at least it didn't require the removal of any clothing or running down the street naked.
"Great!" she clapped her hands and jumped up to get out the Jack Daniels and two shot glasses.
"Ok, you start." She poked me in the chest after we'd settled at the kitchen table and filled our glasses.
"Um, have you ever, uh... have you ever shoplifted?" I finally asked.
"Come on, you know how I feel about the mall. I'd rather visit my Aunt Rita and her cats than be caught dead in that place. Definitely never shoplifted. Ok, my turn. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?"
"Ah, Mrs. Kapowski." My eyes glazed over and I was suddenly back in high school. "She made 9th grade English so much more interesting. She had that whole hot librarian thing going on but man what a body."
"Earth to Harris," said Chris, poking my chest again. "I was afraid we'd lost you there for a moment," she said grinning when I finally refocused on her. I couldn't help thinking to myself that Chris had a pretty slamming body too. "That's a shot for you," she said, pointing at my glass.
The whiskey burned my throat as it went down but left a pleasant feeling in its wake. "My turn. Have you ever had a crush on a boss?"
"I worked at a pizza joint one summer when I was 17. I guess my boss was kind of cute. He had tattoos and an eyebrow ring. Nice biceps too."
I raised my eyebrows at her. "You have a thing for tattoos?"
"Kind of. Any more questions you want to ask will have to wait until your turn." She grinned at me and winked. I was certainly intrigued about the tattoo thing. I wondered if she had any. But how could she have a tattoo without me knowing about it? Wouldn't I have seen it?
She downed a shot of Jack. "Have you ever had sex with an older woman?" I was a bit taken aback at this line of questioning but determined not to show it. I could play this games as well.
"Unfortunately not. My plans with Mrs. Kapowski didn't quite pan out. Now back to you. Do you have any tattoos I don't know about?"
"Guilty as charged." She threw back a shot and refilled her glass. "Ok, my turn. Have you-"
"What?!" I cut her off. "That's it? You're not going to tell me about it? Or show it to me?"
"This isn't Truth or Dare, Harris. But if you must know I've got a thing for dragons too." I was trying to imagine all the places she could have a secret tattoo and I was getting kind of hot and bothered. "Now, have you ever shaved... you know, down there?" She nodded her head at my crotch and I hoped she couldn't see any movement inside my pants.
"Once. On an old girlfriend's request. I don't know how girls do it. It gets so itchy." I downed my shot.
"Oh, you get used to it," she replied absentmindedly. I swallowed.
"Uh, have you ever" I stuttered. I cleared my throat. "Have you ever flashed anyone?"
She downed another shot. "That goes hand in hand with my tattoo story. Let's just say, I couldn't get it where I wanted it while fully clothed." I swear to god my eyes almost bulged out of their sockets.
"Where is it?!" I asked again. "I must know! I demand to know!"
"Oh, you demand do you? Well perhaps that will work when 99% of the population succumbs to a mutant brain eating virus and you appoint yourself dictator over the remaining 1%." She rolled her eyes at me. "Have you ever handcuffed or been handcuffed to the bed?"