Dave knew has was going to be fired. He received an email from the HR Manager requesting he come by her office. It was all very cordial and diplomatic of course, but he could read between the lines.
He made the walk from his cubicle to HR. Human Resources. That innocuously named department responsible for getting rid of employees that don't quite fit with the team.
Her office door was open. "Uh, Jenn? You wanted to see me?"
The woman seated at the desk was focused on her laptop, her dark eyes darting back and forth. Her auburn hair was in a neat updo. She wore a smart blazer that showed off her ample bosom, with a single button undone to show off a hint of cleavage. She turned her attention towards him with a disarming smile.
Seeing her around the office was always a pleasing diversion. He was going to miss her.
"Dave, great! Please have a seat. Oh, and close the door."
The door clicked shut. He knew what was coming.
"You'll have to forgive me for jumping right in, but this is a matter of some urgency. I've received a serious complaint about you."
Was it a joke he made? Or was he too aggressive in meetings? He settled in the chair in front of her desk.
She continued. "I hope this isn't embarrassing, but the complaint is," she looked to her laptop and read aloud, "Dave's erections are too pronounced and too obvious."
Dave leaned in, "I'm sorry, what was that?"
"Your erections. Some team members have noticed them and it's making them uncomfortable."
"What? Who?"
"You know I can't say. Anyone could've noticed, it's quite large."
Dave scoffed. "You're firing me over an erection?"
"What? No. No one is getting fired. I called you in here to have a brainstorming session on how to deal with these erections." She bit her lower lip and smiled.
Dave scratched the back of his neck, uncertainty crossing his face, but he was intrigued. "What did you have in mind?"
"Well, I've prepared a list of items to go over. But first, I'd like to hear your thoughts." She leaned forward, searching Dave's face.
"My thoughts? On how to deal with erections?" He raised an eyebrow. "Okay..."
She remained silent, waiting.
He coughed, "I suppose I could masturbate more." He examined her face, hoping to discern some hint about her intentions- was she being flirtatious, or just plain clueless?
She remained enthusiastic. "Ok, a good first thought, but let's put that aside for a moment."
She stood and walked around to the front of the desk. Dave had a brief sidelong view of her ample posterior, contained within her tight pencil skirt. The skirt ended at her knees, with sheer black pantyhose finishing the journey into her heels.
She leaned on the edge of her desk in front of Dave, giving him a complete view of her figure, a figure that was no doubt responsible for some of his workplace erections.
"So, Dave, do you have a girlfriend?"
"Girlfriend? No, not really."
"Oh?"
"She suggested we take a break."
"I see. So she hasn't been taking care of you. What do you do for relief?"
"What do you mean?"
She smiled, "You know what I mean. Any women on the side? Any men?" Her pupils flashed down to his crotch.
"No, nothing like that. I just jerk off."