"This shouldn’t take long, ma’am," I say as I open the door to the campus security office.
"I don’t understand what the problem is, though. You’ve seen me work late in my classroom plenty of times," she says.
I shrug casually and give her a somewhat embarrassed look. "Well, you know how Admin is. Always tossing new regulations at us." I lean closer to her and whisper conspiratorially, "Frankly, I’m not sure that Admin has a clue why they make most of the rules that they do."
I usher her into the crappy plastic visitor’s seat and ease myself into the battered office chair behind the desk. The computer is already on; I just have to log in and make it look like I’m doing something.
"Ok," I say, smiling. "I’m going to need a piece of photo I.D., and I also need your course name and program. Oh, and do you have the official course code number? Actually, that would be easiest."
She sighs and plops down her bookbag. It’s a huge cloth black bag, stuffed to the brim with textbooks, course notes, binders, and overheads. She rifles through the contents for a few seconds, and pulls out a battered course register.
"I think everything you’ve asked for is on the header information here," she says.
"Thanks, that’s perfect!" I say, smiling again. I start entering the information into the computer while she sits watching me, waiting expectantly.
Without looking up from the screen, I remind her, "Don’t forget, I still need some photo I.D."
"Oh, right. Just a sec," she says, as she pushes her hand back into the bookbag, digging around for her purse, stuck somewhere in her own personal jungle. She finds the purse, flips it open, and pulls out her drivers’ license. She tosses it towards me and it lands on the desk, skidding towards me.
"Great, thanks," I say, as I continue to enter the information from her course register into my computer. I type nearly 100 words a minute, but I’m deliberately poking the keyboard one finger at a time, hesitating between each as if I’m searching for the correct letter. If my guess is right, it really won’t matter to her how long this actually takes us to complete. Other than the annoyance factor, of course.
As the silence grows, I decide to draw her out a bit. "You’re right," I say, as if continuing our earlier conversation. "I have seen you working here late plenty of times. I take it you can’t get much marking done at home, then?"
"Well, not really," she says. "It’s just that I don’t like having to take homework home, if you know what I mean."
"Don’t you carry your stuff with you all the time in your bag?" I ask.
"Well, sure. They don’t give night-school instructors any office or storage space, so I have to bring along everything I need. But usually I just toss it in the back of my car until my next class. I don’t really want to schlep that bag into my place. Bad enough I have to schlep it to each of my classes," she says, grinning wryly.
"You live in an apartment then?" I ask casually. "Someplace with a lot of stairs?"
"Hey, good guess. Right on the money," she answers, chuckling.
I pretend to straighten my non-existent necktie. "Well, ma’am, it’s that kind of astute observation that goes with the job. Us security minions can never be too observant."
At this, she laughs. I figure now is a good time to make my move.
I look at her intently and say quietly, "And I’ve observed you doing a lot more here than just marking," I say.
She looks suddenly uncomfortable, shifting slightly in her plastic seat. "More than marking?" she repeats, quietly.
"Well, maybe it’s not fair to call it an observation. More like an inference," I say, playing coy with her.
She looks at me expectantly. She’s nervous now, but doing a pretty good job of hiding it.
"For instance," I say, grabbing the wall calendar and flipping back a page. I hum for a moment as I trace my finger along the days. "For instance," I repeat, "last month, on this particular Monday evening, I heard some very strange noises in the vicinity of the staff washroom."
She’s no longer hiding her nervousness. She’s starting to fidget and I can see the tension working through her body as she clenches her hands and her jaw.
"Yes, those were very strange noises. The type of noise that definitely gets the attention of a security minion. I watched the door for a few minutes, and then the noises stopped. Do you know what I observed next?" I ask innocently.
"No," she whispers. Her jaw is still clenched tight and the word comes out almost as a hiss. Whether it’s a hiss of anger or fear, I can’t tell. Maybe it’s both.
"Next, I observed a female instructor leaving the staff washroom," I said calmly, with no more emotion than someone might recite their grocery list.
"Oh my god," she sighed, her breath coming out ragged and clearly strangling a sob.
I look at her with sudden sympathy and my concern is genuine. "What’s wrong?" I ask.
"Look, I—I’m sorry," she stammers. "It won’t happen again. It was a stupid thing to do. Please don’t inform Admin."
"Why on earth would I inform Admin?" I ask innocently.