Prologue
It had been quite awhile since Evie and I had spent any length of time together. Because our daughter was having an operation, both of us decided to be at the hospital for her until she was out of recovery.
Evie arrived first since she brought Jessica to the hospital. I made it just before she was taken into the operating room.
After Amy was wheeled away, Evie and I went to the waiting room. We began doing some reading we had brought with us, but soon began to talk. Talking about general things and trivial things at first, we then reminisced about our past. Talking quite a bit about the good times we had together with our parents, kids, and friends brought some laughs, even the beginnings of tears. Soon, our talk turned to our past relationship and resulting divorce. We talked about where our marriage went wrong. We both admitted to selfishness. We both agreed that another thing that drove us apart was a lack of intimacy.
"I know now that I never made you feel really loved. I never made you my first priority. I had to be in so much control that I wouldn't, couldn't, let myself go, even when it came to sex," Evie said.
I thought for a moment then said, "I understand that now. But I still cared for you and, in the best way I could, I loved you. And I still love you, Evie. There's a part of my heart that is still filled with you. You've never left my heart."
With tears watering her eyes, she said, "And I loved you the best I could. And I still love you too."
We were silent for a moment, then I said, "And do you know what's even better? You and I have changed so much through the years that I feel like we actually like each other now. I'm sure there were times you didn't like me very much."
"Yes, there were. But you've changed. You're now the man I always hoped you would be."
She paused, and with tear sliding down her cheek said, "I'm so sorry. I wish we knew then what we know now."
"Me too." I said. "But our marriage wasn't all bad. Even the sex was good. Except," I added with a smile, "when you were angry with me."
"That was just part of my control thing."
She paused and said, "I've often thought ..."
Just then, the doctor came into the waiting room and told us that the operation was a success and that we could see her in the recovery room. We were able to visit our daughter for a few moments. We talked with the doctor for awhile. He told us that she would be alert by evening.
Relieved that the operation was a success, we walked to the parking garage together.
Along the way, our conversation turned to our relationship again.
I began talking as we neared her car, "You know, Evie, you really didn't know what you were missing. You only touched the surface of the intense emotional and physical feelings you could have felt," I told her. "I wanted you to feel them so badly."
"I know you did. And I'm sorry again for denying you, for denying me, what we could have had."
I looked at her for a moment then took her into my arms. She tilted her head back and gave me a kiss so warm that it touched my heart.
She broke away and said, "Well, I'm coming back tonight. I'd better get going."
"And I'll be here tomorrow," I said.
She looked at me for a lingering moment, and then said, "I'll see you later."
**********
A few days later, I heard a knock on the door.
Opening the door, I was surprised to see Evie standing there.
"Well, Hi there stranger," I said.
"Hi back," she responded.
"What are you doing here?"
"It's a long story. May I come in?"
"Be my guest," I said as I opened the door and stepped aside.
Closing the door behind us, I asked, "So, what's the story?"
"Well, seeing you at the hospital ... it just brought back so many memories."
"I know, it brought back memories for me too."
"It got me thinking about what life with you, what our life used to be like."
"Now wait, Evie, we've already talked about this just a few days ago. We tried the best we knew how. And we did all right. Both of our kids are successful and happy. What more could we want? And, anyway, I wasn't the best husband."
"But there is something that has bothered me ever since our talk at the hospital."
"Which is?"
"I can't help but think that if we had a better sex life, the divorce may not have happened."
"There's more to life, more to a marriage, than sex, Evie."
"I know that. But we never seemed to be of the same mind. It was like we were just roommates. living in the same house, raising the kids. But there was no real intimacy between us, no respect, no unconditional love," she said.
"I know, Evie. We seemed to try, but there was something that held us back. I, we, never really gave ourselves totally to each other."
She looked away as a tear dropped down her cheek.
Taking her in my arms, I said, "It's OK, Evie. It's OK."
I tilted her head and asked, "So ... why are we having this conversation?"
"Because I was always afraid to let myself go. Because I always had to be in control. Because I was afraid to give myself to you completely. Seeing you at the hospital and our talk there got me to thinking about the last ten years. It made me wonder if we could really give ourselves sexually to each other. Not holding anything back, just giving each other everything we ever wanted from each other physically and emotionally."
"We did satisfy each other, though. We gave each other orgasms," I said.
"I know, and they felt great. But there was this feeling that there just had to be something more. And I know you felt that way too."
I looked at her for a moment and asked, "Are you here because you want to have sex, then?"
"Yes. Honestly, yes. I want to finally try to give myself to you. I want to try giving up control to you. I want to find out if there is more that we can give each other, a more intense feeling than we ever shared in the past."
"I had that dream all the years we were married, Evie. And I still do."
I took her in my arms again and gave her a tender kiss. She broke the kiss and rested her head on my shoulder. Raising her chin, I kissed her again. When she tried to pull away, I held her head with my hands and kept my lips firmly pressed against hers.
I leaned back and said, "If you want to experience what we've been missing, are you willing to relax and follow my lead?"
"I'll try."
I took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom.
"I'd like for us to get undressed if you think you can do that."
She took a deep breath and began taking her clothes off.
When she finished, I looked at her and said, "I always liked to see you naked, Evie. You were always such a sexy woman to me. And you still are," I added.
She smiled nervously, "Now it's your turn. I don't want to be the only naked person in the room."
I removed my clothes and brought her into my arms. Leaning down, I gently kissed her. I held the kiss for a long time, and then we hugged each other tightly. We kissed again. She parted her lips and I began exploring her mouth with my tongue. She rolled her tongue around mine, then began sucking on it.