Sarah's Journey

003 And that's how life was.

I spent a lot of time distraught about how my marriage was turning out. Brandon was always fairly flat in his emotions and I accepted that's just how he was and it was ok. He accepted me for how I was with my quirks as well. But after we married, moved to Los Angeles and he started his HVAC business he steadily grew distant and we interacted less and less. Eventually we became what seemed like roommates that would sleep in the same bed most of the time. I was distraught that our marriage had devolved to this but felt like I wasn't capable of leaving and surviving on my own, especially in the concrete jungle of LA.

It took some time but I eventually resigned to the fact that this is how things were going to be and they would not change. I talked to him, I suggested counseling, that he could never go to because he had to work or manage a crew on a job. I will admit that there was a terrible urge to cheat on Brandon over the 15 years that we were married. But I never did despite the fact that we would only actually have sex 2-3 times a year. That was the rock bottom that our sex life ended up at. It did take a few years to decay to that point, but the real clincher that basically led straight to rock bottom for our relationship and sex life, was when he started doing cocaine so he could work longer hours more days in a row. At that point we were roommates that had sex 2-3 times a year. I don't know why but I never actually cheated on him with another man.

The week it took me to really come to grips with all this did make me forget about my doctors appointment that was scheduled. When I did remember I immediately realized that I hadn't been using the skin cream I was told to by the doctor. I was at work when I remembered this, grabbed my purse, ran to the women's room and applied as instructed. After a few days I did notice my skin was much softer and silky than usual. I guess that's a good thing at $50 for a 3oz tube! The next week went by but I tried to remind myself that I was finally going to start getting the figure I had always yearned for. Happily I found solace in this.

At my 2nd appointment pretty much the same routine happened again. Big syringe, cold saline, the discomfort and pressure, but I absolutely loved watching my new breasts in progress grow right before my eyes. This time he was only able to add about 30cc's of saline and asked how the discomfort was. I said that it wasn't bad and that I could definitely handle more. I was told that this was a marathon not a sprint, in addition to my skin needing time to adapt so did all the muscles and tissue internally. Apparently getting too aggressive can cause tissue to tear either from the pressure of the implant or from daily use picking things up with the pressure of the implant. I had never had a torn muscle and I wasn't about to take a chance on one now, especially my new breasts. Additionally the doctor said that taking our time now will allow more options later in the event that I wanted large or even XL implants. Since I selected this doctor because he specialized in breast augmentations [BA for short], he also was one of 2 in the country that was specifically trained and experienced with XL implants.

This time on the drive home I remembered to put my bra back on, mostly because I made sure to put the skin cream on an hour before my appointment and I didn't want it on the inside of my work shirt. On the drive back to our apartment I noticed an adult book and novelty store. I though this was odd because I had been driving this same route for over a year now and never noticed it. I decided to stop in as I was still about 10 miles from home and in LA rush hour traffic that would put me home sometime next week it seemed. Traffic is terrible in LA, those 10 miles on really bad days can take 3 hours or more, it's awful. The joke is that when driving in LA, "LA is an hour away from LA". I pulled into the parking lot and shut the car off. I took a minute to take a deep breath and work up the courage to go in. Sitting there noticing how the couple of guys looked that went in the place, not to mention how seedy it seemed I almost talked myself out of it. But I looked down the front of my shirt at my newly filled breasts that now almost fully filled my A cup bra that before now I mostly wore to keep my nipples from showing through.

I opened the car door got out and stood there double thinking this. I finally rationalized to my self that I had desires as well and with the breasts I was starting to take of what I wanted finally. Thinking about the breasts it felt deep down that it was more of a burning need than a want. I guess that's when I started to realize that my desire might teeter on an obsession. And although I was resolved no to cheat on Brandon I could at least get some satisfaction. Who was I kidding, it had been 7 months since we had sex, it was more of a need at this point. Masturbating with my hand was starting to get old.

I took a step toward the door and almost without realizing it the next step happened and the next. By the time I got to the door I felt like I was having a mini panic attack. I had never been in a store like this, hell I'd never even seen a store like this before I got to LA. Talk about culture shock! Staying resolute I opened the door and walked in. I could smell the latex, a slight mixture of perfumed smells also filled the air in the moderately lighted store. I slowly started to walk around and just gazed at everything hanging on the hooks upon the wall as well as the sexy stripper outfits in a another section of the store. I had no idea what I was even really looking for, I'd heard other women talking about vibrators and bullets and wands, but the thing I was really confused about was something called a rabbit. I thought surely they don't sell actual rabbits here for some sort of sexual use.

As I walked around the store I was a little nervous about how some of the customers looked, and the fact that there weren't any other females in there at the time except for the employee behind the counter. As I wandered in amazement I noticed a curtain that guys were going through and a cleaning guy walking back and forth with a mop and gloves on. I curiously watched this out of the corner of my eye as I looked at all the stuff I never knew existed. Some of which I'm positive that there had to be an instructional video to figure out how to use it. I finally asked the girl behind the counter what was up with the curtain and she very politely and professionally explained that it was for movies. Individual rooms for guys to watch porn movies as well as a larger room that sat about 20-30 people I guess. She let me peek in the theater as the other rooms were private. There was a porn movie playing and 3-4 guys in there, I think 1 was masturbating. They all looked at me at the same time as soon as I moved the curtain back. I immediately turned around and left, walking across the sticky floor and with the smell of guy cum in the air. Needless to say I wasn't terribly impressed with that part of the store.

I exited after probably 10 second or less and just looked in shock at the girl behind the counter, she just smiled and knotted her head knowingly. As I continued to move around the store I got to the part where the vibrators and dildos were. I'd seen 1-2 before but never for more than a glance. I had no idea how sheltered I was growing up. But this part of the store really started to turn me on. I turned and walked over to the girl and asked what a Rabbit was. She was so kind and professional just someone that would help you while shopping at a grocery store. She took me to an aisle and pointed them out to me. I asked how they were supposed to be used. Through her smile that said to me, oh you're new to all this, she went on to explain the on/off switch, how it was used and positioned. It was was just foreign to me, yet amazing at the same time and so very erotic. Just her explaining this to me made me wet just thinking about using it.

The whole thing was just overwhelming to me. I kept looking around and stopped at a display with several discrete vibrators that had USB ports on them so you could charge them in your car. I guess those would make LA traffic more tolerable, I laughed to myself. I picked one up and looked at it. It was simple and looked easy enough, on, off, and a few patterns. So I thought it would be a good starter. I continued to wander the store and cam to the wall of dildos. I just stared at all the colors, shapes, and sizes. Honestly to me they all looked just gigantic. Then again I only had a very limited frame of reference. Looking at the super buffet before me I noticed some that looked like what I was used to with Brandon, a slight curve backwards, easy enough to close my hand around and, according to the packaging, they were 4". This seemed usual to me and was, I guess what I would call in my comfort zone.

As I kept looking they seemed to get progressively larger from one end to the other. I got to the ones that were 6", and thought they looked huge. Beyond them were bigger ones still, at 8-9" I couldn't fathom how any woman could even come close to getting one that huge inside her. I could just barely touch my fingers together around them and even with 2 hands there was still 1/3 sticking out. I was half in shock and half in amazement just staring in amazement. Further down at the end they got into the just absurdly unrealistic range 10", 12", 14", and one in the corner that was significantly thinner than it neighbors but the package said it was 22"! What could a human female possibly do with something that long? It would probably come out my mouth if it was put in me. Not to mention the shorter ones that looked like they were as big around as a gallon paint can! At that point it was just almost a blur of things that I'd never been exposed to or even knew existed.

I was practically in a trance standing there staring at the plethora of dildos infant of me. That was until I was snapped back to reality when I noticed that I had something running down my leg. I immediately thought my period had started and I immediately asked for and ran to the bathroom. I'll skip the description of the bathroom, lets just say I would hate to imagine what the mens room looked and smelled like.

Grabbing my emergency tampon out of my purse I went in to a stall. Expecting to find a total mess I was surprised to find no blood but still a lot of liquid. I touched it and smelled it, it smelled like the few times that Brandon had taken time to actually try and be romantic. Before we moved to LA, long ago. I had noticed that I was feeling turned on while I was standing in the store looking at the items. But I didn't even think that I was going to get excited enough to get wet much less have it run down my legs.

Having cleaned up and placed some folded up toilet paper in my panties I pulled up my skirt, composed myself and walked back out of the bathroom.