It's that time of year again - just as the winter starts to thaw I get the itch to see him again. Well, it actually hits me more often that that but this is the time of year I can actually do something about it. Every year - for the past 7 years - we have planned to meet up between April 14 and May 14. We are stuck on that "end date" because he has to be back in time for his wife's birthday. We have made many memories together over the years, beginning with the first year when it felt like every day of that month was magical and full of possibilities with each other and in our own lives. Since then, we have been together every year except one. I was in a new relationship and didn't want to shortchange myself with someone great - and available - for a guy who made the choice to stay year after year with a woman who is nice enough and a good mom but who does not embrace the Fun Factor in life the way he does. I am all about fun, especially when he is around, but even when he is not I prefer to boogie my way through the day and still manage to support myself pretty well. I pay the bills, buy the food, work really hard, and live my life - but when our time together rolls around I can forget about the mundane and completely escape.
"Where are you? I can't see you yet, baby. This is making me nuts!" The phone feels slippery in my hand - I am always surprised by how shaky I get when I know he is near.
"Be patient - you will see me. I am the handsome cowboy watching you spin around. Like that skirt, by the way. Your legs are looking good for an old lady."
"Oh my god, I am going to beat you down for this. Please tell me where you are. Please...I have a surprise for you. I promise you will like...no, love it. Guaranteed something you haven't had in a year."
"Woman, I love everything you do to me. It is worth the wait - if I can wait for it all year I can wait another 5 or 10 minutes. Keep smiling like that - I like to see the way the sun is shining down on you."
"Ten to fifteen minutes?!? Oh, hell no! Ok, cowboy, you win - I will be the first to declare I cannot wait that long. Not one more minute. I know that's the game we always play but I will tell you it's been a helluva year and I want to hold you right now and if I ca..." He picks me up from behind and leaves the sentence hanging in the air as he spins me until I am laughing so hard I can't breathe. "Stop! Stop! Oh my god, I am not wearing underwear! Stop!"
He puts me down with a thud. My naked ass twirling outside the airport set off his giggles. The smile from my embarrassment melts into the biggest, truest smile I have had all year. "I thought you were laughing at the spin but you - always so sassy, aren't you? Oh my god, let me just look at you." I can't help it - I start to tear up as he looks down at me. I see a few more wrinkles this year - probably a hard one for him, too, but I won't know until we have time to talk all night which is our #2 priority for the weekend. His eyes are the same, and his arms wrapped around me are just as strong. "Shit, don't cry - we are here now - stop, you will make me start, too. Come here." He pulls me in tight and we squeeze - this is our "reset" button. All the illicit plans, the travel time, the waiting and needing and heartache - with this squeeze we will be back to "us" again.