Rug Burn

I had already set up camp when Amber showed up. The grill was heated, the fire was crackling in the pit in the center of the site, the tent was good to go except for the air mattress she was bringing, the coolers where lined up next to the picnic table and where full of food, Mich Golden Light for her and plenty of Coke for my Whiskey.

I should have been happy to see her, and I probably would have been if she had responded to at least one of the texts I sent her last night and this morning.

Instead, I had spent the whole day fighting against my own imagination. We had made plans for this weekend over a month ago and she seemed very excited, but just two days before she had told me her plan for last night was to go to the Hog and Hops festival and get smashed off her ass.

I wanted to trust her, but I knew how she acted around other guys when she was drunk, regardless if I was there or not, so that had set off the first giant red flag.

We had agreed to meet here at noon, and when two o'clock rolled around and I hadn't even heard from her I started to get pissed. I had contemplated packing everything up, just saying, fuck it, and calling off the whole thing, but whatever it was that allowed me to tolerate her shit, took over again and I decided against it.

I got in my van and drove back into town, trying to fight off any negative thoughts. I wanted to convince myself that something might have happened, maybe her phone got shut off or she could still be sleeping off a hangover from last night, but I knew better.

I was planning on just driving home, fixing myself a drink, tossing in Pulp Fiction, and trying forget she even existed, but I couldn't.

One of the things I had really liked about her so far was that she had been true to her word. She had always done what she had promised, as far as I knew anyway, so I was confused as to what was different now.

I stopped my van in front of her apartment, shut the door quietly and approached her sliding glass door slowly, not sure what to expect. Everything looked the same as it always did, but when I looked down in the red lawn chair that she always sat in when she smoked, I noticed there were two different brands of cigarette. One was the kind she smoked, the other were American Spirits. I raised my fist to tap on the glass, but when I looked inside, there were a pair of men's sandals on the floor just inside the door. I knocked anyway, but no one answered.

I was livid. At this point I didn't ever even want to see her again, but seeing that we worked together, I knew, the chances of that were very slim. Knowing Amber she would have some kind of excuse that made perfect sense, and I would most likely fall for it and forgive her. I always did.

I had gotten home and was just walking in the door when the phone rang. I looked down at the screen and there it was in bold letters, "Amber Marie." I wanted to just shut the phone off and toss it in the corner.

"Leaving here in just a minute!" She exclaimed when I picked up. "I'm so excited for this; I can't wait to see you."

"What happened to noon?" I asked keeping it short and hoping she could sense the disappointment in my tone.

"Oh?" she responded sounding a bit confused. "I didn't remember setting up a specific time."

"When you didn't show up or even respond to any of my messages, I just figured it was off."

"You know how I am when I'm drunk, I just lose all track of time, and everything else."

"That's the problem."

"What? You're breaking up."

"See you when you get there."

When she got out of her car she was smiling ear to ear, and had I not investigated earlier, I wouldn't have been able to tell anything was at all out of the ordinary.

"You're gonna love this!" She said, beaming a giant smile as she handed me a glass dish with a bundle of tinfoil in it. "Chicken and asparagus."

I walked over and tossed the tinfoil on the grill.

"How was your night?" I asked doing my best to avoid eye contact.

"Alright... Nothing special."

"Did you go with someone?"

"Naw. I was going to meet up with friends, but..."

"Are you sure you weren't with a guy?"

"No! Why would you ask that?"

"Well, I just left your house a minute before you called."

"Oh." She said, her mood dropping suddenly. "I think we need to talk."

"If you're fucking someone else, I don't think we have anything to talk about." I said, sounding way more confident than I felt.

She started trembling as she slouched down on the bench of the picnic table. "I've been meaning to tell you...but if you want I can just go... You can keep the chicken for your trouble."

I walked over and tossed another log on the fire and watched as it flared up.

"How long has this been going on? And with who?"

I turned toward her, and for the first time my mind was calm enough to realize how beautiful she looked today in her little red sundress and knee high boots. To be honest there are times when she looks below average, and I've even wondered sometimes if I was settling in the looks category, but days like today when her hair is curly and hanging down over her shoulders and her eyes are sparkling, there is no doubt she is out of my league.

"Remember Derrick? The guy I told you I let crash at my place about a month ago. It was him, but this was the first time I did anything with him, since..."

"Since you cheated on your last boyfriend with him?"

I grabbed two paper plates, a steak knife and a couple plastic forks and set them in front of her.

She was sitting with her legs crossed, hands folded innocently in her lap.

"That's what I needed to talk to you about. Remember when things were bad between me and my ex, and I told you I wanted to leave him because I was falling for someone else?"

"So, it wasn't me? Why didn't you just tell me so?"

"Because I liked you. I liked you both, but I was falling for Derrick."

I grabbed a handful of ice tossed it in a cup, covered it with Jack Daniels and then dug out a beer for her.

"Is that how you still feel?

She dug her keys from her pocket, popped the cap and took a sip, letting the mouth of the bottle linger on her lips.

"You both are amazing in your own way. You both fill areas of my life that felt empty until now."

As much as I didn't want to, I couldn't stop my mind from wondering what parts of her he filled last night.

I popped open a can of coke and splashed it into my cup.

"So if I made you choose between him and me, what would your decision be?"

She uncrossed her legs and crossed her arms.

"I can't. I need you both."

"Well, then I'll make the decision for you. You get him."

She stood up and started playing with her keys.

"I suppose you want me to go?"

I opened up the tinfoil and poked at the chicken with a fork.

"Might as well at least stay for dinner. Looks like it's ready."

We ate in virtual silence, listening to the chirping crickets and the music floating over to us from one of the other sites.

Amber was the most independent, self-assured person I knew. She would never hesitate to say exactly what was on her mind or even lift her skirt and flash her muff if that's what it took to make me smile. She was an animal in the sack, and even though that was the one place in my life where I refused to give up control, she always found a way to dictate the situation and still make me feel like I was in charge. Right now however, she was struggling to keep a look of guilt from completely swallowing her face.

"I should have known it was too good to be true. I know it's all my fault, but now you're just going to walk out of my life and abandon me like everyone else."

I had to bite my lip fairly hard. It wasn't my fault her dad had left when she was a toddler, or that her step dad had been a pervert, and her mom had taken his side and shipped her off to foster care when she was eight.

She stabbed her fork into her last piece of asparagus, put it in her mouth and then started fumbling with her keys.

"I guess this is it. I suppose I better go."

I ripped open a bag of marshmallows and started working one onto the end of a stick I had whittled out earlier.

"I have the site all night. There's no sense in me staying here all by myself. We could just act like this never happened, and pretend for one night that we have the love you always said you wanted, and then tomorrow go our separate ways."

She walked towards her car and I went and sat by the fire fighting back a tear as I held the marshmallow over a nice hot bed of coals.

The first time I saw Amber, I knew there was something different about her, something I never wanted to lose, and when I saw the scars all up and down her forearms I made the same mistake I've made plenty of times before. I empathized. The truth was I knew I couldn't fix her and I had tried to runaway plenty times before, but there was something about the way she kissed me that aroused something way deeper than my libido, and something about the way she fucked me that had turned me into a slobbering puppy.

I heard her car door slam, and a few moments later she was standing beside with her iPod and the mattress.

She turned on some music and disappeared into the tent and I could hear her fidgeting with the air pump.

As the marshmallow turned from a nice toasty brown to crispy black without me even noticing, I wondered what the Hell I was doing. This road could only lead to one place, but those legs, short as they were, went all the way up as the saying goes, to that pretty little slit just below her neatly trimmed landing strip, and those muscles that rippled from her shoulders all the way down to the top crack of her ass when I was ramming her from behind, were screaming my name.

When she was done messing around in the tent she came and sat down in the chair next to me with a beer for her, and a fresh drink for me.

"Are you gonna eat that?" She said, pointing at the charred marshmallow at the end of my stick. "You know that's how just how I like them."

I got up and got her a piece of chocolate and a couple of Graham Crackers, and then we sat in silence for a minute.

She was just finishing up her S'more when "Hole in the Earth," the song that had been playing as we lay naked, holding each other on top of my sheets, just seconds after the first time we had slept together, came on. She jumped forward and a smile burst across her face. That's when I realized she had never taken the time to actually listen to the lyrics. When the singer burst out the opening line, "Can you explain to me now, why you are so evil, how?"

She sank back in her chair and quickly started looking for a different song.

"I knew the minute I heard this song that it would come in handy someday." She said, then waited for the chorus and started to sing along. "I never really wanted you to see the screwed up side of me that I keep locked inside of me so deep, it always seems to get to me...What I really meant to say is I'm sorry for the way I am. I never meant to be so cold."

When she stopped singing I reached over and slid my fingers between hers. I sat there thinking about how she was probably right. She hadn't ever meant to hurt me. She was simply playing the cards she'd been dealt. I was about to tell myself what a sucker I was being when she interrupted my thoughts."

"I want you to take me."

"What? Take you were?"

"Don't be stupid! Take me in the tent and fuck me.

"After all this that's the apology your offering?"

"I figure it's the least I can do. I really am sorry."

"But you're still gonna keep fucking him?"

She stared blankly at a grasshopper below her chair.

I broke the roasting stick over my knee, slammed my drink and got up to make another one.

"This is a bad idea." She said and got up and walked toward me. "I probably should have left right away, but I need a hug before I go."

I lit a cigarette and puffed on it long enough to gather my thoughts, then I stomped it out, grabbed her hand and started walking toward the tent.

She stopped me. "Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"Yeah, but hurry before I change my mind."

I unzipped the flap, led here inside, and lit the lantern hanging from the tent ceiling.

I pulled her close and stood gazing into her eyes in the flickering light. I truly felt sad for her and wished there was something I could do to alleviate her confusion, but all this boozing and thoughts about sex had also made me horny. I bunched up her skirt and ran my fingers up her leg.

She brought her knees together and squatted down a bit.

"You're gonna have to be gentle down there. I don't remember everything that happened last night, but it's obvious he fucked the shit out of me."

For some reason this sent my head into a spin. I'm not sure if it made me angrier or more turned on. I wanted to throw her onto the bed, drop those panties to the floor and turn that ass a deep shade of purple. Instead, I put my hand on top of her head and pushed down.

"Suck it!" I commanded.

Her knees buckled and she knelt down. Fortunately for her, I had brought along a carpet remnant. I heard her knees skid against it as I continued to force her down.

She fumbled nervously with my zipper and then I felt her hand slip in between my fly and grip my dick firmly. As easy as it seems to be for her to spread her legs, you'd think she would at least have some experience sucking dick, but she treated it like a foreign object. When she finally freed it, it flopped out like a hot dog being dropped into a bun, and she stared at it for a second. The expression on her face reminded me of a child being forced to eat a plate full of spinach one spoonful at a time.

I looked down as the top of her dress fell forward and I saw her chest peeking out at me. My mind wandered back to the first time I pulled her shirt up over her head and was disappointed to see that her apparently decent sized chest was exaggerated by a padded bra. When it finally off, I couldn't believe how tiny her titties really where, but the worst part was that her pale pink nipples reminded me of chewed up bubble gum, and I was so repulsed I wanted to walk right out of my own room. The only thing that had saved her was that beautifully chiseled belly that dove down past her panty line, and that gorgeous ass.

She fumbled around with my dick, like a cat batting at a shadow, and I wondered how she could look so bored and yet make me feel so good. Chances are it could be a defense mechanism; a way to block out the horrible memories of the dirty things those sick men had done to her in the past. I felt a bit guilty as I recalled the story about the meth head getting her stoned, then fucking her in the ass for hours with his wife and three small children watching cartoons in the other room. I wanted to just hold her and run my hands through her golden locks and try to find some way to love away all that pain, but after all the lies, I figured it was just another trick, a way to keep me in her trap.

Just then I felt a twitch in the lower part of my ball sack. Her tongue had appeared and was doing some kind of awkward dance at the base of my shaft and my dick was instantly hard. I caught a glimpse of her ass cheeks peeking out from the bottom of her dress as she leaned forward and sucked me all the way in to her tiny little mouth.

I started to tremble, and I wondered how much of it was from the extreme pleasure coursing through my cock and how much was out of fear that I was desperately and hopelessly lost in her grip.

She cupped my balls in her hand and tossed them around as if she were clicking a handful of dice.

I felt a moan gathering in my throat, but I squelched it. I didn't want her to realize I was enjoying it. She had blown me one other time, but she had finished with her hand and said it was the only time she had got a guy off with her mouth. This time I wanted to make sure she got the full experience.

I locked my hand around a fistful of her hair and thrust my hips forward. I loved the gagging sound it forced out of her throat and the too full feeling in her eyes. I expected her to pull away, or at least complain, but she just kept on slurping dutifully as if she were paying some sort of penance.

I guess I felt that if I degraded her enough it would make it easier to ignore her the next time, or that I could push her far enough that she would finally stop pursuing me. The shitty part was this was just making me feel sorry for her, and as that crazy, bitch doctor had once told me, pity would surely be the death of me.

My ass twitched and my whole body ached with the twisted pleasure, I needed to scream and wanted to tremble, but I just pushed further in and thought about how hard she had slapped me the first time I forced two fingers into her ass while she was fast asleep on the futon.

She looked up at me with her heartbreak eyes and just then I felt the first jerk in my junk. I strained to keep a stern look on my face. I couldn't let her pull away. I couldn't let her know I was about to cum.

Her eyes bulged in her head and she jumped back gagging and choking. She twisted around and sat on the bed, snorted, and a giant gob of jizz shot from her nose and dangled just above her bottom lip.

"Holy shit!" She screamed grabbing her throat and hoping for some sympathy. "You could have warned me."

I stepped out of my pants, blew out the lantern and climbed into bed.

I heard her fumbling around for a minute and then she stepped out of the tent. The music got louder but it couldn't drown out the sounds of her choking and sobbing. I laughed, but it wasn't funny, I just didn't want to join her in tears.

In the morning, I was awakened by the sound of rain tapping on the top of the tent. I sat up and stared at Amber, but she was curled up in the fetal position, still sleeping.

I put on my parka, headed outside, and found just enough dry wood to build a fire to brew her some coffee. I had torn down everything but the tent and was sitting on the picnic table smoking a cigarette when she peeked out. I poured her a hot cup of Joe and stepped inside.

She was sitting on the edge of the mattress staring at her feet.

"I gave some thought to your question." She said. "I should give Derrick up. We just get high together, and laugh and fuck. He's bad for me, I should choose you. You are probably what I need."

I handed her the coffee and started to walk away. She set the coffee on the floor of the tent, stood up and threw her arms around me.

"I can't lose you, no matter what I have to do."

I was great at putting up walls, but she was even better at making them crumble. She had given me hope, and even though I knew I was being stupid, I had already begun to picture her and I in a happily ever after.

"I have an option for a second night on the camp site." I said.

She rested her head on my chest.

"I would if it wasn't raining, but I have some shit I need to take care of."

I knew exactly where she was headed. In less than an hour, she'd be in Derrick's arms, and I'd be waiting, hoping for another moment like this.

She had been exactly what I needed to sell my soul one more time. She stole my heart by refusing to love me.

She bought more time by swallowing my load, and I loved her for it.

Classic Amber