Just a little ditty about Sam and her sexual escapades; please enjoy.
The party started at around six, but I couldn't make it until about 7. I walked in, unsure of how many people would be there. Carol had said it was just a little gathering, but her idea of a small affair was about 25-30 people. And in her small bungalow, that was a cozy gathering. I wasn't dressed to the nines or anything, but I felt good. Well, good enough. I was turning 50 soon and had come to some sort of agreement with my self-esteem that she would have to shut up and sit down most of the time because I was tired of the negative self-talk. I was at a healthy size, and the doctor said everything was tickity boo. I have energy and a positive outlook, so there wasn't any time for her negativity in my busy head anymore. I needed a break.
I wore a little burgundy dress with a swoop neck and spaghetti straps. I also have a new pair of heels I've been dying to wear. I looked in the mirror before leaving the house and felt I looked okay. But, of course, I wouldn't know anyone, and I wasn't trying t pick up or any such thing, so there was nothing to do but have fun.
Once in the door, it only took seconds for Carol to swoop in, take me by the waist, and introduce me to some people. I couldn't remember names, but everyone was amiable, and I had a drink in my hand within minutes. One man, in particular, was especially intriguing. When he shook my hand but didn't say hi, he just nodded and smiled as she introduced him and several others in a group. But he held my hand longer than the others, and when I pulled back slowly, he grabbed my hand again. I felt electricity tingling through my body, and I awkwardly smiled back. I had to look away because his eye contact made me blush a little. I thought it was strange but not creepy strange, just peculiar. I couldn't remember what she said his name was and didn't give it another thought.
Soon I was talking with a couple of people about the Covid crisis. It was not the best conversation, but it was bound to happen with it being at the front of everyone's mind. Before long, I had mingled my way to the back door and onto the patio. It was nice to get fresh air.
Then from somewhere near the back door, I heard a man speak. His voice was familiar, warm, and smooth. He had a gentle but short laugh and enjoyed his conversation, whatever they were talking about. It frustrated me that I couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from. I stepped closer to the door, and he made a stern comment about something, and immediately my body reacted; I could feel myself moisten while my heart skipped a few beats. It was him, I know it, I know that voice, the laugh, the tone. But it couldn't be him, right?
I strained to hear better, but he didn't speak. I quickly stepped inside and tried to casually look around the room for the man connected to the voice. Not that it would help because I wouldn't know what I was looking for. I hadn't actually ever seen him before. I've only heard his voice. However, he has seen me. Even though we started chatting through our work phone calls, those calls eventually led to after-hours and late-evening calls. Then Whatsapp conversations and exchanges totally unrelated to work, and shamefully, he has seen an awful lot of me.
Shit. He still isn't talking. I went to the kitchen to grab another coke and some munchies, rationalizing the possibility that it was him. What would he be doing here? He lives pretty far away. Why didn't he say he was going out of town, or did he and I forget? How on earth would he even be connected to these people or Carol? I don't really know much about him personally, even if we had been communicating for over a year; he kept his private life close to his chest, and I was cool with that. We weren't in a position to date each other as per company policy. It was just a nice connection we shared online. So ya, there was no way he was here. It was my imagination. The man I heard must've just sounded similar.
After several hours people were slowly starting to leave, and I, too, was ready to go. I was drawn to a cluster of people on the couch discussing social media. One of the women I had shared similar ideas and views with asked me if I'd ever had negative issues with social media or had good experiences. I tentatively opened up about my experience. I shared how it was a great help in getting me out of a bad relationship because although I had been physically isolated from friends by a controlling spouse, I found friendship and support online. It helped me make a very difficult decision. Then I expressed how hard it was to date at my age and that I was having fun just mingling with people online. Instagram, Tumblr and a couple of other places that link like-minded people together to just shoot the shit without physical obligation. It was working for me. They then asked if I had any luck making friends or if I had tried sexting or cybersex. I wasn't going to share explicit details regarding that, of course, because I didn't know any of these people. But they clearly hadn't done anything like that and wanted salacious information. I simply confirmed that I had tried such a thing many years ago but don't currently. I also said that one person grabbed my attention, and we started a friendship. I told them I had never seen him and that we would never be more than online acquaintances because of our company. I said we had chemistry and perhaps some kind of connection, but it was cool. We enjoyed each other's online company, and that was it.
That was the understatement of the year. I was infatuated with said person, and he was never far from my thoughts. And just talking about him now and having had that experience on the patio earlier, I was feeling a little warm and was blushing.
Of course, they wanted all sorts of details that I wasn't willing to share. So I just smiled and tried to deflect the questions. A man, who I noticed in several other groups with me throughout the evening, had yet to speak in my presence. He was very handsome with dark hair and dark eyes. He was slim, tan and a bit taller than me. He dressed nicely in dress pants and a button-down but no showy accessories. I thought he was incredibly sexy, but out of my league and maybe a bit shy, so I didn't direct any conversation at him so as not to make him uncomfortable. But I still smiled at him and included him without words as best I could.
He finally spoke and asked, "So you said he affected you. What effect does he have on you? Tell me," as he took a drink of his brandy and smiled from behind the glass. It felt like the air had been sucked out of my lungs, and I couldn't speak. My whole body flushed as my heart began pounding angrily in my chest. The look alone would've stopped any woman in her tracks. But it was the voice that did me in. That smooth, baritone voice. The voice that had calmed me when I was frustrated and ranting. The voice that made me giggle when he wasn't alone and had to pretend to be professional like I was an important call. The voice that whispered when it was just the two of us and nights were lonely, quiet, and we just needed connection. It was him. I knew it. I know that voice. There was no mistaking it now. The girl closest to me said, "Sam, are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Of course," I stammered, "ya, I mean no, I'm good. I think the drink is getting to me. I feel a little lightheaded," knowing full well I'd been drinking CokeZero all evening. "Excuse me, I need some air," I said, fanning my face before heading to the patio. I looked at him before leaving, giving the best wtf look I could and pointing to the patio door with my eyes so he knew to follow me. As I left, he spoke to the group about how maybe the man had a more significant effect on her than she let on, and she was upset talking about it. This was followed by some sympathetic "awe's" and "poor thing."
Even just hearing him speak to them had my heart racing, but more than that, I just couldn't believe it was really him. Or that he was just as dashing and friendly as I had imagined. I was off to the side of the house facing the lake when I heard the screen door open and was afraid to turn around. My heart was about to explode from my chest. I listened to his footsteps come closer. When his hands slid onto my waist, I shivered and gasped but didn't turn, too afraid he would disappear, or if this was a dream, I'd wake up any second. So I stood facing the lake. He stepped closer; I could smell his cologne and thought, oh my god, I am dead; I must be dead. This has got to be heaven or something surreal.