River Night

Walking in the darkness, I move tenuously, feeling my way with my fingers caressing the air... the buzz of crickets, the occasional night bird, and far off cars swooshing past on the highway, surround us. There is no moon, only starlight, as we walk heedlessly through the graveyard towards the river. No ghosts here, not tonight - I am with you, my lover, alive, alert, feeling so at peace with the world and everything in it. Nothing startles, nothing looms, no regrets or fears - just us, and our companionship. We do not talk, or touch - no holding hands, no arms intertwined - the connection between us is intangible and strong.

Coming to the wooden stairs, our footsteps echo hollowly, booming softly as we descend through the trees. I pause at the wide landing midway down, and look out over the river. By the starlight, I can faintly see a few boats in the distance, and the happy laughter of others rejoicing in fellowship carries across the ripples, dancing like the sparkling light of their lamps. I sense you standing behind me, and I lean back against your body, loving your strength and your presence... I wish that this moment might last for the rest of our lives, but I know that it will blend with other times we’ve spent at this place, until someday, in a future I can’t yet see, they will all flow into one blurred memory, dying with me.

Offering to let me lead the way, you wave your arm towards the stairs, still not breaking our silence with words. I, too, am ready for the sand and the water, and I find my rhythm, the pattern of the treads and the drop for each step... I do not intend to hurry, but like an animal finding a running pace, I speed to the bottom of the stairs, trusting in the black night that I will not fall, nor trip on some stranger’s forgotten sandals, or miscount the distance.

Waiting at the bottom, I take a deep breath, enjoying the faintly salty air, here upriver from the bay, and the warm humidity of summer. Suddenly, in a moment of whim, I run ahead, feet digging into the sand, pushing off, leaping over the dark outline of driftwood, until I reach the low bough of the wind twisted tree with peeling bark. I catch myself on it as I run, hands circling it as I swing myself around to look back at you, laughing and loving, wondering if you will choose this moment to look at me, see me for who I might be, and kiss me.

The moment passes... I step away from the tree, and you climb, crouching, sitting, looking not at me, but across the water. Insight wants to find me, I am so close to understanding - and instead, I too look away from your eyes, turning to match your gaze across the river. Shedding my clothes, I step cautiously down the sand, and wade into the cool water. I bend, dragging my fingers through the water and the sand beneath, flinging sparkles of glowing firefly green phosphorescence into the air, glittering and shimmering as they rain down my head, face, hair, shoulders, breasts, and on down... I feel your gaze on me, returning from a distant place I cannot find, or share.

Dropping down, I enter the water all at once, immediately - diving under, eyes closed, trusting as I pull myself through it, that nothing will come between me and my pleasure. No ghosts, no anchors, no sharp shells, I roll as I swim, beneath the surface of the river, loving the feel of the water over my naked skin. Facing down, facing up, then down again, rolling lengthwise in the water, breaststroke, backstroke, breaststroke, still I play, alone, out of your sight, breath bubbling past me as I swim... Finally, farther out, I surface, gasping for air, my hands slicking my hair back from my face.

I see you, still standing on shore, and again, insight wants to find me, but I push it away - tonight is a night for experiencing, for feeling - not for words, not for thoughts. Swimming back in, more at home here than on land, I am buoyant, free, graceful as a seal, a fish, an otter... Playful, sleek, silky, clean, I wish I could spend my life here, and when I die, perhaps it will be here as well - swimming off until I tire, no need for hospitals, indignity, pain, or shame - all of this simple self awareness is mine.

Cautiously, tenuously, you ease your way into the water. Shoes drag you down, heavy and slow, as you fear to cut your feet - I am barefoot, in water, my weight so diffuse that there is no pressure against any sharp thing which might harm me. I swim, close in circles around you, between you and the shore, stroking your legs under the surface of the water - and you jump. I laugh, swimming closer, twisting away when you reach for me, coming back to urge you deeper in, further out.

As we slowly move, the water higher and higher up your body, I laugh as you lift your hands, your arms, keeping them dry, while I duck under to wet my face again, soaking my hair, shaking droplets of water flying, as you wince and blink... Knowing that I have gone almost too far, I stop - dropping my feet to the bottom, I stand now, with you, upright and serious. Cupping my hands, I pull them slowly through the water, until I feel the soft jelly glow of a luminescent tinafora - fireflies of the river, little lines of green light sparking in them, like life in a minute galaxy, lightning in my hands. I offer this to you, and you join me in the marvel of a small jellyfish - cupping it in our palms, we let it drift between us.

The distant sound of a boat grows near, and its gentle nighttime pace sends slow waves lapping against us, lapping the shore. Our little jellyfish is swept away, and the waves rock my body easily, while you stand firm against them. I allow myself to be pushed closer and closer to you, until we touch.

I reach up, around your shoulders, to the back of your neck, closing my eyes, lips finding yours, bringing the salt of the bay and the river to your mouth. I give myself to you, and I feel your arms around my back, holding me as if you fear the water will wash me away. I feel your cock stiffen through your clothes, and my mouth curves into a smile as we kiss, and I moan softly.

I lift my feet, wrapping my legs around you, moist now with my own eagerness as well as the river’s touch. Your hands move down, cupping my ass, and I lean back in the water, sliding my hands down your chest, teasing your nipples into hardness, wondering why you feel cold and I feel at home... but I am in the water, and you are in the wind. I lean back up towards you; legs still wrapped around you, gesturing with my head towards deeper water. You walk, slowly, awkwardly, carrying me, until we are in up to your chest, my neck as I relax down in the water, warmer than the air, as the night cools. Down from the back of your neck, I dance my fingers over your skin, finding your cut-offs, and the button. Undone. The zipper... unzipped. Your cock in my hands, so hard, thick, strong in the water... Your hands under my ass lift me, as I guide myself down on you. Rocking my hips side to side, I work my way down, your cock deeper and deeper in to my tight pussy, squeezing around you, warm and eager. You shiver as I do this, sighing a little, groaning, pushing and fucking me, forcing your way in as the river carries away my slick wetness, until I am filled up with you - so strange - to be so free, so weightless, yet held pivoted on your cock like a girl on a swing.... my center of gravity, in a way, my center of being - fixed, held on this one point... I slide my foot up the back of your leg, my hand rubbing your back. Your hands, cupping my ass, tightly now as you are completely inside me, start to lift me, and I squeeze tightly, rocking back and forward on you. One hand moves to my breasts, teasing my nipples, pinching them hard, and I do the same, a hand on your ass, a hand on your chest.

Slowly, sweetly, we fuck in the water. I am caught here on you, perfectly so, my freedom given to you. You are here, trapped inside me, your confidence on land entrusted to me, in the water. We kiss, our hands explore each other, and the boat that took our delicate jellyfish returns to pass again, sending waves that rock us both, now, you no longer standing in resistance, my trust in the water shared with you, as this extra movement brings up both to cumming. You fuck me, you fill me, as I cum around you, tight and shuddering, breathing deeper, slower, as you groan, satisfied at last. Clinging to each other, kissing, breathing, in the starlight, I wish that we could always be so close, so well balanced, me on your cock, you in the water...

Slowly, we separate, and I again dive under water, swimming, rolling, playing, full and surrounded, floating... You tense as I vanish from sight, and once again we are in our separate bodies, separate minds, opposite worlds. Our lives go on, like this, and I cannot think of what I know, that one day we will part.