"Do you have any idea what it's like to have a crush, like I had on you β
do you
?"
I didn't move a muscle. She was the one holding the gun. The
big
gun. They must all look big from this close up.
She squinted her eyes. Big, beautiful green eyes, actually. "I asked you a question!"
"Well I . . . ." I stammered, "I'm not sure I knew just how you felt, I guess I knew you liked me, but . . ."
"Liar!" she snapped. "You
knew
I was in love with you. You just couldn't see yourself with me could you? I wasn't your
type
. I was a little too motherly for you, not spontaneous enough β not fun enough. A little too possessive. I asked you too many questions."
"No . . ." I responded.
"It was my looks? You didn't like my big, thick glasses? You thought I dressed too frumpy? I was 19 β my mother picked out my clothes! She didn't like me exposing my breasts. She always told me that they were too large and didn't look right on me. 'Dress to minimize them', she said. How do you like the way I look now?"
The truth was that now, years later, I was the one who would probably have the crush. The glasses were gone, replaced my contact lenses, and her shimmering eyes were made-up and lovely. Her dark brown hair, once too long and straggly, was layered and meticulously arranged off of her face, highlighting her always-perfect complexion. Her lips, which had always seemed awkwardly big and chapped, now appeared full and soft, enhanced by lipstick. Her face was, truthfully, beautiful. Rhonda had made herself over.
Her body, which seemed too large and middle aged in her mother's choice of clothes, was slimmed down and voluptuous. She was never a small girl and never would be, but I kind of liked that. I'm not attracted to the size-four starvation victim looking girls. Rhonda had broad shoulders, which looked strong, while still feminine. Her breasts stood out straight and proud, at least a size D, I'd guess. Her low cut top did nothing to hide her fabulous cleavage. And her legs, which I don't ever remember seeing in her stupid dresses and starched jeans, were long and shapely. Her calf muscles looked strong, flexing each time she tapped her foot, which she was doing as she spoke.
"I think you look beautiful now, Rhonda," I said genuinely. "I always thought you were a good kid,
I just - - - "
"Bullshit!" she screamed at me, shaking the gun uncomfortably. "You never thought anything about me at all!"
I had to think back, what β eight or ten years? How had I thought about her? She lived across the hall in our coed dorm at the University of Hartford, on the girl's side. I had friends who lived there who were much cooler than Rhonda, straight off the bus from Brooklyn with the accompanying accent. "Howa you?" she'd say. "Noice day, huh?"
I found her kind of annoying. She seemed to inject herself into the conversations we were having in the lounge between the bedrooms. I knew she liked me, and it was flattering, I admit. I was a good looking guy, fit and strong, with curly blonde hair. I always made her laugh. When I would walk past her in the dorm, sweating with my shirt off after playing football or Frisbee, I could see her practically drool.
The fact is, I would have loved to fuck her, but she was the type who would be picking out china patterns and setting up a bridal registry the next day. Her umbilical cord still stretched from Connecticut to Sheep's Head Bay. Definitely
not
my type of girl.
Then I met Dina, and she became the sun, moon and stars to me. I forgot all about every other girl. Before I knew it, college was over. I don't think Rhonda ever had a boyfriend there, now that I think about it.
"It was a long time ago," I concluded. "I don't remember exactly how I felt. As I said, I thought you were a good kid, but I met Dina and - - -"
"Now you're going to tell me it was because of Dina?" she ranted. "I knew you a year before you met her!" She was right β and armed. Oh boy, wrong move. Then she let it all out.
"I used to watch you β study you. In our dorm, in the cafeteria, anywhere I saw you. I knew all of your clothes, and I had my favorites, like that black shirt with the gray piping. Your faded black jeans. Your ripped Grateful Dead T-shirt that you would
never
throw away. I knew all of your expressions. That smirk of yours. Your grin. I knew every freckle on your face. Your smile. I could tell when you were sad, and it broke my heart. I just wanted to see you happy β to make you happy β and I could have done it."
"Rhonda," I said, standing up.
"Sit down!" she said, waving the gun perilously at me. "I'm not done."
I obeyed. This wasn't a movie. Chuck Norris was not going to burst in and help me. How did I get here? When Peggy invited me to her NJ shore house for a fun weekend, I didn't know who would be here. She mentioned some 'old friends' from college. I was actually happy to see Rhonda. And my, how she had evolved. Even her Brooklyn accent was toned down. She sounded like a confident, mature woman. When she asked me to help her bring her suitcase up, I innocently agreed. I was happy to help. Until she pulled the pistol from her purse.
"Where is Dina now?" she asked.
"I don't know," I responded, "we broke up many years ago." She smiled.
"Your lips, how I wanted to kiss them. They were made for me, you know. I memorized every inch of your body," she continued. Your shoulders. Your strong chest. I loved the way your muscles flexed when you moved your arms. Your cock, though, I never saw your cock. I wanted it inside of me. I wanted to touch it, to lick it. I used to lie in bed alone at night, dreaming of your cock inside of me, and your body lying on top of mine. My legs spread wide for you β only you. I used to rub myself until I came, dreaming it was you making me cum β making me scream your name.
"Did you like fucking Dina? Did she make you cum hard? I used to sneak over to your room and sit outside your door in the middle of the night, just to hear you two make love. Did you know I was there? I could hear her β 'Oh Billy, Billy, that feels so good. You're making me feel so good. Give it to me. Harder β yes β faster β yes. I'm gonna cum now baby β Oh God β Oh God β I'm gonna cuummmm.' Remember?"
She had been there all right. Dina was a noisy one. This was bizarre.
"She must have loved your cock deep inside her pussy. Did she suck your cock, your beautiful cock? The one I never got to suck, never got to see. I'm going to see it now, though."