Rejection Becomes Passion

"Shit."

The word was out of my mouth before my brain had a chance to react. I reversed my steps back around the corner of the grocery aisle, but it was too late. He'd seen me. I leaned up against the canned goods, shut my eyes tight, and tried to think.

"Hi, CJ."

Fuck.

"Hi, Sam," I said, pasting a smile on my face. I smoothed back my light brown hair, which was still wet from my shower. Of course I would run into Sam today. I looked like shit.

Stupid fucking grocery store in my neighborhood. Always out of shit. I'd had a craving for my special but expensive cheese. Normally my laziness prevails but this time round I was too hungry. The fall day was too gorgeous to pass up so I'd trekked across town to the other grocery store.

Across town, across town ...Sam didn't live here.

"What are you...doing over in this neck of the woods?" I laughed lightly, trying to cover up my fear and nerves.

"It was a nice day, and I had some shopping to do. This seemed a good a place as any I guess. You know how 'adventurous' my neighborhood is," he said. He laughed and ran a hand over his bald head. It was then that I genuinely laughed too. Sam lived in a rough part of town.

Silence. I looked down not sure what to say or do.

"At the risk of stating the obvious, I could have sworn, CJ, that you were avoiding me," said Sam.

"I wasn't. I was just..." I trailed off. "I just needed some stuff. I was distracted." Fuck. I was terrible at these little reunions. Sam looked so fucking good right now. He was an inch shorter than I and had a great body – well-defined abs and a nice ass.

"Yeah. Well, I guess it's good you decided to finally fucking talk to me," he said. His face was serious.

It'd been nearly a year. The last time we'd talked was at my 30th birthday party. I'd known Sam for awhile. Over countless cigarettes and beers we'd bonded over the pain of lost loves, bad bosses, and family drama. I'd held him tight when he told me about his psychotic ex mindfucked him and then left him heartbroken. That pain was all too familiar.

Things got fucked up at my birthday party. I'd gotten tipsy and spilled my romantic feelings. Sam had taken it well, telling me he "wasn't ready" for anything. That was okay with me until later on he'd slipped up and told me he'd just broken up with someone.

Hurt and embarrassed over the whole thing I didn't know what to do. I pulled away. It was too painful and awkward to be around Sam. I figured he always felt pity for me and our friendship would never be the same.

I was torn. I missed our friendship terribly but I knew trying to be friends again would be too painful for me. Unfortunately I didn't handle it well. I never told Sam and just faded away. Eventually he stopped IMing me, but for some reason I never blocked him. Our interactions were solely reserved for parties where we exchanged awkward one word conversations.

I never expected to run into him again. I certainly wasn't prepared for this.

"I talk to you. We talk. It's just that we've both been pretty busy. You know how it goes. I mean we see each other, right? At happy hours and that birthday party a few months back?"

My words were coming out faster and faster. Christ I couldn't shut the hell up. This was embarrassing.

"Yeah. Sure," Sam said, his brow creasing as it often did when he was frustrated.

He turned and began walking away. I sighed heavily. How did things get so fucked up? I turned away and bit my lip. A tear rolled slowly down my cheek. I'd forgotten how much Sam hurt.

Just friends. What a fucking joke it all was.

"CJ, I'm sorry," he said, stopped in his tracks. "I'm not really sure what happened between us, but obviously you're in pain. I've clearly done something to you. Whatever it is or was I'm sorry. I just wish you had the balls to tell me to fuck off."

I still had my back turned from him, trying to regain my composure. This is exactly why I hate running into unrequited loves. It was sad, depressing, and embarrassing. The residue of rejection still remained after all this time.

My thoughts were interrupted by a man with two small children. They'd heard Sam's "fuck off" loud and clear. The man was backing his cart out of the aisle and scurrying away.

Sam and I turned around to look at each other and laughed.

"Drama in the canned good aisle. Look what we've been reduced to," I chuckled.

"C'mon, CJ, come over and let me make you lunch. We were supposed to do that, remember?" Sam was gesturing for me to come with him.

"Why?" I wasn't really interested in opening that fresh wound and being reminded of what wasn't mine. I didn't need the emotional masochism.

Sam sighed again and threw his hands up in frustration.

"Because you've been blowing me off for the better part of a year without telling me why. Do I stink? Do I dress funny? Did I have boogers hanging out of my nose? Is it because I'm a Republican?"

"I don't...I...I have a lot of shit to do today," I stammered.

"No you don't," Sam said, crossing arms. "So is that just it? Is that just fucking it then? Is this what you want?"

I looked at him and felt like shit. I had been an asshole to him. I owed him an explanation. No matter how difficult or embarrassing it was going to be I was going to tell him. I wouldn't have to talk to him afterward if I didn't want to. I was also hungry and loathed cooking for one.

"Grilled cheese and tomato soup. That's what I want," I said. "And put some onions on my sandwich."

"Seriously? Are you five?" he chuckled, calling me by my last name. Yet another sign he still clearly saw me as one of the boys.

On the way back to Sam's place, we filled each other in on what had been happening. I'd gotten promoted and a hefty raise. He'd moved offices and was still unsure about what to do with his career path. He still wasn't on speaking terms with his dad and mine was still being a temperamental jerk to me. We talked about everything except our romantic histories.

Sam's condo was exactly as I had remembered it, especially since it was so similar to mine--minimalist décor, unpacked boxes, all furniture centered around the television. He started cooking, and I opened his near-empty refrigerator to look for beer.

"A little more onion please. And put some pepper in the soup. My food has to look like nuclear fallout before I even touch it," I joked, throwing an onion at him.

"Your breath is going to take paint off walls, CJ," Sam said, shaking his head as he chopped up the onions.

"Yeah, well, it's not like I'm making out with Prince Charming tonight. I'll take my chances," I said as I shrugged and chugged my beer. Sam gave me a puzzled sideways glance. I ignored it. I was determined to make this as clean as possible.

As soon as my food was in front of me I wolfed it down. I was hungry and didn't want to stay much longer. Too many feelings were bubbling to the surface, and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to keep it together.

"So what the fuck happened?" asked Sam as he sat back in his cozy chair. "Why did you just stop talking to me?"

I looked at him and then down at my empty bowl. I took a deep breath and laid it all out for him -- my confession of romantic feelings, his slip up, the feeling of being kept in the "just friends" category, and how I felt so ashamed. I never looked up at him for fear eye contact would make me lose my courage.

When I was done, I looked at my watch and was surprised to see that nearly an hour had gone by. Clearly I'd gone into way too much detail. Sam stayed silent. I was waiting for the letdown and condescending consolation I had heard before -- Oh it's okay. I don't like you like THAT. I'm so sorry. We're still friends. Don't worry about it. You'll find someone I'm sure. It's not a big deal.

"CJ," he said.

As I turned my face away from his general direction, I heard him get up from his chair and sit next to me. I bristled at his proximity, knowing what was coming.

"Please, Sam, don't. Just leave me alone for awhile, okay? I can take care of myself."

"CJ, that's not fair. You can't lay out all this shit on me, and then put an embargo on any conversation or questions," said Sam. "And why aren't you looking at me? You haven't looked at me since you got here."

I felt him put his hand on my shoulder, and my body automatically became tense. I knew what he was doing. He was going to comfort me and tell me everything was going to be okay. It wasn't that simple.

"That's fair I suppose. What do you want to know?" I licked my lips and then bit down on them. I turned to look at him. "Why did you give up so easily?"

This was unexpected. "What are you talking about, Sam?"

"Yes, I'd been sort of dating someone but nothing serious. I'd been through hell with my ex the year before. We had a good thing going on there. But you just...gave up on everything simply because I said that I wasn't ready."

I quickly turned away from him. "I guess I didn't understand how you could 'not be ready' to date me when you were dating someone else."

"And I'm sorry about that," Sam said as he leaned close to me. "Like I told you at the time, things were fucked up with her. She was too religious and didn't want to have sex. Yes, I probably should have told you everything that was happening at the time. I didn't, and I'm sorry. But you just backed out of things, hoping that I wouldn't figure it out. What the fuck, CJ? You think I wouldn't notice when you stopped returning my IMs and calls?"

"I didn't mean for it to all end up like this. I guess I just didn't see the point."

"What do you mean?" Sam was getting closer the more I turned away.

"Because! You'd made your romantic feelings, or lack thereof, quite clear to me, okay? Nothing would have changed that." My heart started pumping so hard my chest hurt. "It got too hard for me to deal with, okay? I just needed time and space. I didn't want to make a big deal because I knew you'd be all sympathetic about it. I didn't want your pity. I figured I'd eventually get over you, and we'd fall back into being friends once I had some time to deal with the shit in front of me."

"So did you?"

"Yes. No. I don't fucking know," I sighed and crossed my arms. "I guess not if I had to hide behind a display of refried beans when I saw you today."

We just sat there on Sam's couch as the minutes passed by. The atmosphere was tense, and my nerves were getting the better of me. Even breathing felt awkward. I hate this shit.

"You know," I said, "this shit was so much easier when I was younger. What did it matter if some guy didn't want me? There were plenty of others to choose from. But as I get older and get pushed away...well it gets me thinking there might be something horribly wrong with me, but no one will tell me. Facing rejection was supposed to be easier with age but it ended up just confirming all my insecurities."

"You're so fucking weak," said Sam. "In every other aspect of your life you're the go-getter. But this shit...you just give up and why? Because you think the outcome was set in stone. You didn't even bother to look at any of the external factors. You just heard 'no' and ran."

"Whatever, Sam," I said. After a few seconds I turned to look him straight in the eye, hoping to clarify everything once and for all. "It is what it is, and now you know everything. My issues are my own, okay? It's not your business."

"CJ," he breathed. He put his hand on my cheek, and I closed my eyes, enjoying his warmth.

"Don't, Sam. Don't say whatever it is I think you're going to say," I pleaded. "We can be friends again, but I need to start slow, okay?" I kept my eyes shut.

"I don't want to be just friends, CJ," he said.

I squeezed my eyes tighter. Okay certainly things had gone beyond fucked. Sam was mad, and I guess he had every right to be. I didn't have the strength to open my eyes yet.

And then I felt Sam's lips on mine. I flinched at first, but returned his kiss immediately. I felt his arm go around my waist and pull me closer. My arms instinctively wrapped around Sam's body. His tongue began playing with mine, making my back arch and thrusting my breasts into his chest. Sam started kissing down my neck. His hot breath tickled my skin, and I felt my pussy get wet.

"What..." I breathed, "...what are you doing?" My fingertips raked down his back.

"CJ, there's nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all." Sam cradled my face in his hands. "You just need a little patience."

We continued kissing. My nipples were rock hard, and my pussy got wetter. Sam pushed all of his body weight on me, forcing me to lie back on the couch. I pulled him closer, smelling him, tasting him, and taking him all in. He was delicious in every way. I didn't want my emotions to take over, but I didn't want to ruin the moment either.

"Sam, you don't have to do this," I said, pushing him back so we were face to face. "You don't owe me anything, especially not pity sex, although I am totally enjoying myself right now."

"I know I don't have to do anything," Sam said. His hand was lingering on my stomach unsure of which way to go. "I want to. I want you."

I blinked. Well this was certainly a first. Sam got up and walked into his bedroom. I sat up, dizzy and confused. What the fuck was I doing? I stood up and walked to the doorway of his bedroom. There he was sitting on the bed, leaning back on his hands.

"CJ, you are what I want -- you and everything that comes with it and not as friends either."

I walked towards Sam, and he scooted back on the bed. I crawled onto the bed and straddled him. I could feel my nipples poke against my bra. My pussy had soaked my panties and my jeans as well.

I leaned down and started kissing Sam. His tongue was warm and soft. It made my body tingle and shiver. His hand was still on my stomach, and it was clear that he was unsure whether or not to make a move. I moved his hand and put it on my breast. He pinched my nipple, and I moaned.

Sam lifted my sweatshirt over my head, and I reached for the button on his jeans.

"Sports bra. Nice!"

"Oh sorry. All my lacey push-up bras are in the wash. I wasn't expecting anyone else to see me topless today," I said, embarrassed I put off doing laundry for so long.

"I think there's a lot neither one of us expected to happen today," he said. "And C cup tits. Just like I expected."

At least I'd shaved my legs that morning.

Once my bra was off, Sam attacked my tits. He grabbed one and sucked the other, teasing my nipple with his teeth and darting his tongue in and out. I threw my head back and moaned louder. At this point I didn't care if Sam was using me for a pity fuck or not. It was good, and I didn't care.

Sam sat up to take off his shirt, and I undid his jeans. I just had to taste his cock. I'd been dreaming of it for over a year. A few times, I'd fingered myself wondering how his cock would feel in my pussy. I slid everything off and found a beautiful cock just aching to be sucked. I quickly got completely undressed and settled myself between his legs.

I licked Sam's shaft slowly. My hand massaged his balls. I felt his body contract and heard him moan. Sucking the head and circling it with my tongue, I gently stroked his cock with my hands. This was my favorite part – the part right before I deep throat. My light caresses were driving him crazy so I slid my mouth down his cock. It tasted wonderful. Sam had a delightful cock to suck.

I started working my mouth on his cock, tightening my lips as best I could. I felt Sam's body tense up and heard him calling my name. "Jesus...FUCK. That's fucking fantastic. Oh god yes." He opened his legs even further.

Faster and faster I sucked Sam's cock. His precum was sweet and salty. I felt my pussy getting wetter and wetter. I slide a finger inside me, and I was soaked. My clit was hard and aching to be sucked. I then coated his cock with my pussy juices. The scent of sex was immediately in the air.

"Oh, CJ," Sam moaned.

I wanted him to cum hard in my pussy so I slowed down a bit. He ran his fingers through my hair, gripping it tightly at times. I hoped he would just lose control, hold me down, and fuck me. Sam pulled me on top of him and kissed me.

"I want to taste you," he breathed.

No argument from me. I rolled over on my back and proudly opened my legs.

"Aren't you all slick and bare?" Sam said as he slid two fingers inside me and pushed on my clit with his thumb. I opened my legs wider and began playing with my nipples.

"Please lick my pussy. I fucking love it. I can't get enough of it."

Sam immediately pulled back my bare pussy lips and gently breathed on my clit. Heat and pleasure radiated from my pussy. I could feel it everywhere. Then his tongue hit my clit and swirled around it. I opened my legs even wider. I didn't care if Sam had neighbors or not. I was going to scream. My body was ready to explode. He continued teasing and sucking my clit. His fingers continued probing and sliding in and out of me. I felt my pussy tighten more and more around his fingers. I longed to cum on them.

It had only been a matter of minutes but I could feel my orgasm building up inside me. I was going to cum hard. As the first wave hit, I arched my back, and I grabbed both my tits. Then the second wave of pleasure hit, and I came. Hard. My body was squirming under Sam's face, but his tongue continued to tickle my clit.

I collapsed on the bed. My mouth was raw and dry, and my body was covered in sweat. Sam slid his body across mine, meeting me with a deep kiss. The taste of my pussy was on his lips. I stroked his cock.

"I want to feel you inside me," I moaned. "I don't want to wait any longer."

Sam grinned. I grabbed the base of his cock and slid it inside me. We fit perfectly. My eyes widened and looked right into his. Soon everything matched up – our breathing, the rhythm, and our bodies. I wrapped my legs around his waist to pull Sam closer to me and give him even wider access. His cock filled my entire pussy. My pussy was tightening around his cock with his every thrust. I could feel the heat from his body, and shivers spread across my body.

Looking down, I saw his cock slide in and out of me. It was beautiful. I could see his cock was slick. My pussy juices had made it glisten in the afternoon sunlight.

Sam began to fuck me harder and harder. I knew by the expression on his face he was close. I clenched my pussy tight.

"Cum, Sam," I begged. "Cum for me. I want to feel you cum inside me."

Before I could plead further, he came inside me, filling me up. Sam collapsed on top of me. We were covered in sweat and out of breath. I was still trembling from my orgasm, and I wanted to be as close to him as possible.

Sam slid off me and rolled onto his back. I sat up on the edge of the bed, trying to process everything that had just happened.

"Leaving, CJ?" I looked over at Sam. He was grinning at me, and his body was bathed in sunlight.

"No, Sam. I'm here to stay."