Randy And Jules And Tom And Susan

Dark stage as the lights come up to reveal a spacious bathroom in an obviously upscale house. The audience views the entire play from the other side of the vanity mirror. The back of the vanity, a double sink job, faces the audience. There's a toilet stage right, an impressive shower stall with enough room to hold ten people, and a walk-in sauna stage left.

Randy, 38, dressed like Wyatt Earp, sans the holster and pistol, has been drinking tequila. He isn't drunk, yet, but he is feeling the effects as he makes his way into the upstairs bathroom. He is drunk enough he doesn't notice his wife's sister, Jules, 35, dressed like Daisy Duke, follow him inside.

Randy hears the door close before he realizes Jules is with him. He turns to face her, a look of surprise on his face.

Jules: Don't look so surprised.

Randy: Why wouldn't I look surprised? You followed me into the bathroom.

Jules: I had to go.

Randy: There's two other bathrooms in this house. You couldn't use one of those?

Jules: They're in use. I saw you and you looked like you knew where you were going. And I was right.

Randy: So you followed me in here?

Jules: I didn't want to lose my place in line.

Randy: I was here first. You can wait your turn.

Jules: Okay.

Randy: I meant you can wait outside.

Jules: Oh, come on, I won't look. We're adults here, aren't we?

Randy: Adults don't follow other adults into the bathroom. Especially when one adult is the sister-in-law of the other adult.

Jules laughs.

Randy: What's so funny?

Jules: I didn't realize you were such a prude.

Randy: I'm not a prude.

Jules: Then go pee.

Randy: How am I supposed to pee in front of you?

Jules: You've never peed in front of someone before? Surely you've peed in front of my sister before.

Randy: That's different.

Jules: Why?

Randy: (obvious) She's my wife. And maybe I haven't peed in front of her.

Jules: I know for a fact she's seen you.

Randy: How's that?

Jules: Women, especially sisters, like to talk. And sometimes they like to talk about their husband's little idiosyncrasies.

Randy: Sorry. What are you referring to?

Jules: You do the math.

Randy: My wife has told you the size of my penis? Is that why you're here? To see if she was lying?

Jules makes a quick glance down to Randy's crotch.

Jules: I don't think she was lying. You exaggerate when you lie. She didn't lie.

Randy smiles.

Randy: That's funny. Then you don't have to see for yourself.

Jules: Oh, don't be a spoilsport. Maybe she did lie. Just a little.

Randy: I can't pee in front of people. Especially my sister-in-law.

Jules: I won't tell if you won't tell.

Randy: Are you drunk?

Jules: Not yet. Well, maybe a little.

Randy: Then why are you here?

Jules: I told you. I had to use the bathroom.

Randy gestures towards the toilet.

Randy: Be my guest.

Jules: You're letting me go first?

Randy: Be my guest.

Jules, without hesitation, slips her shorts down, somehow hiding from view anything private. She finishes peeing, discreetly wipes herself and slips the shorts back up.

Jules: There. Thanks. It's all yours.

Randy: You're not leaving?

Jules: You watched me. Fair's fair.

Randy thinks for a moment.

Randy: You're nuts.

Randy goes to the toilet, and with his back to Jules, begins to pee.

Jules: Doesn't sound like you're having a problem to me. Maybe you're becoming more comfortable around me.

Randy: Why's that?

Jules: Oh, come on, Randy, you can't deny there's been something between us for years. An unspoken something, but a something nonetheless. Wouldn't you agree?

Randy finishes peeing, zips back up and turns to face Jules.

Randy: Yes, I would agree there's been a certain innocent flirtation, but I would assume - I guess I can say it without conceit - two attractive adults are going to flirt, even as you say, in unspoken ways.

Jules: Are you saying you're attracted to me, Randy? I would have never guessed.

Randy eyes Jules suspiciously.

Randy: Don't put words in my mouth, Jules.

Jules: What would you like me to put in your mouth, Randy? (pause) I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. That was gin induced. Sorry.

Randy weighs the situation a moment.

Randy: From what I hear I should be asking you that. Oops, that was tequila induced.

Jules: (interested) What have you heard?

Randy: Couples, especially married couples, like to talk. And sometimes they like to talk about their siblings sexual preferences.

Jules: My sister told you I like to suck cocks?

This blatant talk has two effects on Randy. One it takes him by surprise and throws him off his guard and, two, it has obviously turned him on.

Randy: Well, maybe not in those exact words.

Jules: So what if I do. Does my sister like to suck cocks?

Randy: You two talk. What did she tell you?

Jules: She doesn't like it as much as I do.

Randy: I wouldn't know.

Jules: Is she any good?

Randy: I suppose.

Jules: You suppose? What kind of an answer is that? Either she is or she isn't.

Randy: I suppose she's good.

Jules: Compared to who?

Randy: Compared to previous partners.

Jules: I'll bet I'm better.

Randy: I guess I'll have to take your word for it.

Jules: Does she do it very often?

Randy: I suppose.

Jules: How long has it been since she has sucked your cock? When was the last time?

Randy: That's a bit personal, don't you think?

Jules: That long, huh?

Randy: When's the last time you sucked Tom's cock?

Jules: Just yesterday as a matter of fact.

Randy: Good for him.

Jules: I'm lying. He doesn't like to have his cock sucked any more.

Randy: Now you're lying. What man doesn't like to have his dick sucked.

Jules: He thinks it something beyond us. (talks like Tom) "Older, more mature couples should behave like older, more mature couples." I said, "You don't think older, more mature couples still have oral sex?" He said, "You think your parents still have oral sex?" I said, "I don't think my parents ever had oral sex." He said, "Children are always in denial about their parents sex life. They're human too." I said, "Then, yes, I do think my parents still have oral sex and they are a lot older and more mature than we are." He said, "I'm not interested, Jules. You want to make love I'm all for it, but you want to behave like a teenager, I ain't interested." I said, "But we had oral sex when we weren't teenagers."

Randy: What did he say?

Jules: "You know what I meant, Jules."

Randy: You're serious?

Jules: Unfortunately.

Randy: Maybe he's seeing someone.

Jules: Then at least I would know he was still interested in sex. But Tom seeing someone, don't make me laugh. He's got all the sex he wants at home. If he wanted it.

Randy: Perhaps I married the wrong sister. (Randy realizes he's been thinking aloud) That was tequila induced.

Jules pauses and looks at Randy to see if he is serious.

Jules: Is that why you were looking at me, during the fourth of July, when you were over, like you wanted to fuck me?

Randy: Excuse me.

Jules: You weren't looking at me?

Randy: I didn't say that.

Jules: I know that look.

Randy: Let's say if I was looking at you like that - and I'm not saying I was - maybe it was because you were dressed to kill. (Randy looks Jules up and down) Like now.

Jules: You noticed that?

Randy: It was hard not to. You had on those pink shorts, that white top, those pink flip-flops, that push-up bra, your toe nails painted to match. Who wouldn't notice?

Jules: You have a good memory.

Randy: You looked good. What can I say?

Jules: Then you were looking at me like you wanted to fuck me?

Randy: Only because, I suppose, you wanted to be fucked. True? I mean why dress that way?

Jules: Doesn't mean I wanted to necessarily be fucked by you.

Randy: I didn't mean by me. I just meant in general. You were walking around that entire day, in an outfit I might add, that suggested you were on the prowl. I just assumed you were getting Tom all hot and bothered for later on.

Jules laughed.

Jules: Tom is not the sort who "fucks" anybody.

Randy: I'm sorry, I didn't realize that, then. I was just saying...

Jules: What about you and my sister? It's been hard knowing you two have a healthy sex life.

Randy: Had.

Jules: Had?

Randy: It hasn't been what you'd call 'healthy' for quite a while. Oh, it was in the beginning. Best sex I ever had in fact. Never a disappointment. But lately, it's been seldom and even when it does happen it's totally uneventful and boring, I guess.

Jules: Boring? I find that hard to believe.

Randy: Why would I lie?

Jules: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to infer you were lying. I just meant I find it hard to believe my sister is boring in bed.

Randy: I think it has more to do with me.

Jules: You? You're boring in bed? I find that even harder to believe.

Randy: I don't think she's attracted to me any more. Your sister is a very visual person when it comes to men. She sees a man who turns her on and she gets turned on.

Jules: A lot of women are like that.

Randy: But Susan is not the type of woman who can maintain an attraction for someone. Not over a very long period of time anyway. Variety, I'm afraid, is the spice of her life.

Jules: You think she's seeing someone else?

Randy: I don't think she's 'seeing' someone, but I think it has happened in the past.

Jules: Wow! I'm deeply surprised. Really.

Randy: I didn't mean to burst your bubble about Susan. Sorry.

Jules: But she married you. That has to count for something.

Randy: I'm sure it does, but I don't think it has anything to do with sexual attraction. I think she felt it was time.

Jules: And you were the consolation prize, so to speak?

Randy: I don't think it's that dramatic, but I don't think it's that far off the mark either.

Jules: You don't think she loves you?

Randy: I think she loves me the best she can. The best she knows how.

Jules: What does that mean?

Randy: Your sister is not the most affectionate person alive. It's hard to know how she's really feeling some times.

Jules: Meaning what?

Randy: Meaning she doesn't show me much affection even of a nonsexual nature.

Jules: You're kidding, right?

Randy: I wish I were.

Jules: Tom is like that. Except he's just doesn't know how to do it. I mean he tries. He really tries, but sometimes it's almost annoying. No, I take that back, it is annoying. I'll be doing dishes and he'll come up from behind me and put his arms around me and try to kiss my neck, tell me dinner was fine. It's not like a man has come up from behind me and pulled me to him, sort of pulling my ass to his crotch and letting me know, without saying a word, he'd like to fuck me right there in the kitchen.

Randy doesn't say a word for a few moments. Jules has said something that has hit home.

Randy: Do something for me?

Jules: What?

Randy: Turn around.

Jules: What?

Randy: I said "turn around," I want to try something. An experiment if you will. See if I have what it takes.

Jules: What are you going to do?

Randy: Just turn around.

Jules: Why should I?

Randy: Just turn around. You followed me in here, remember?

Jules turns her back to Randy. Jules faces the audience.

Randy: Just pretend you're doing the dishes at home. In the kitchen. It's a Tuesday evening, the kids are out and we're all alone.

Jules: Okay.

Jules closes her eyes. Randy slides up behind her and puts his arms around her waist. He pulls himself to her, his body conforming to hers, his crotch tight against her ass, his mouth close to her ear and whispering.

Randy: Something like that?

Jules: Yes. Something like that.

Randy moves his right hand just under one of Jules' breasts.

Randy: Does he do this?

Jules: No.

Randy: But you like that, don't you?

Jules: Yes.

Randy moves his left hand down to the top of Jules' pants and slides his fingers in about an inch.

Randy: Does he do this?

Jules: No.

Randy: I can feel the top of your panties. What color are they?

Jules: Red and white.

Randy: Are they getting wet?

Jules: Yes.

Randy: Can I see them?

Jules: Yes.

Randy: Can I take them off?

Jules: Yes.

Randy: Can I touch you?

Jules: Yes.

Randy: Slip my fingers inside you?

Jules: Yes.

Randy moves his hand down a little further. Jules' body jerks, but she keeps her hands on the vanity.

Randy: You want me to touch you, don't you?

Jules: Yes.

Randy: You want me to move your panties aside and slid my hand over your pussy?

Jules: Yes.

Randy: Move my finger over your clit?

Jules: Yes.

Randy: You would come for me?

Jules: Whatever you want.

Randy: Whatever I want?

Jules: Yes. I'll do anything you want.

Randy: Anything I want?

Jules: Yes, anything.

Randy moves his hand from Jules shorts.

Randy: Suck my fingers.

Randy puts two fingers into Jules mouth and she sucks them like she is sucking a cock. Randy removes his fingers.

Randy: Tell me what you want me to do with them.

Jules: Put them on my pussy.

Randy: What else?

Jules: Put them inside me.

Randy: Stick them all the way inside?

Jules: Yes.

Randy: And then you'll lick them again?

Jules: Yes. I'll suck them again. Please.

Randy steps away from Jules and assumes the position he was in when they entered the bathroom, as if nothing has just happened.

Randy: Was that what you were talking about?

Jules is almost too shaken to stand or speak.

Jules: Yeah, that's what I was talking about.

Randy: How did you end up with Tom then?

Jules: I thought I would outgrow those feelings.

Randy: Those feelings? Like just now? I don't think you've outgrown them, Jules.

Jules: And what about you, Randy? Does Susan still respond like that?

Randy: No.

Jules: But you liked that, didn't you? My responding like that?

Randy: Yeah. Yeah I did. Very much.

Jules: Now it's my turn.

Randy: What?

Jules: Now it's my turn. My little experiment to see if I have what it takes. Turn around.

Randy turns, faces the vanity, slowly, his back is to Jules.

Jules: Now you pretend you're doing dishes. You do, do the dishes, right?

Randy: Yep.

She moves up behind Randy and places her arms under his arms and over his chest. Jules leans the side of her head between Randy's shoulder blades and pulls him to her. She inhales deeply.

Jules: Does she ever hold you like this any more?

Randy: No.

Jules: What about like this?

Jules comes around to Randy's right side, puts her hand on the side of his face and turns him towards her.

Randy: No.

Jules moves her hand down to stroke his stomach.

Jules: This?

Randy: No.

Jules: You want to fuck me, don't you? Does she ask you that?

Randy: No.

Jules: I can feel you against my leg. Your cock is hard against my leg. Am I making you that hard?

Randy: Yes.

Jules: I'd like to feel that cock inside me. Inside my mouth. Inside my pussy. I could pull my shorts off and you could fuck me right here.

Jules looks down at Randy's crotch.

Jules: God, you cock is so fucking hard. Can I touch it?

Jules looks up at Randy like she's begging.

Jules: Please. Can I put it in my mouth? I'll suck it until you come. I want to taste it.

Jules leans into Randy, pushing her breasts into his arm.

Jules: Don't you want me to do that?

Randy: Yes.

Jules: Tell me how much you want me to take your cock out and stick in my mouth.

Randy: More than anything.

Jules backs away. Randy is as shaken as Jules was just a few moments ago.

Jules: How was that?

Randy: What's going on here, Jules? Are we heading for trouble?

Jules: I guess that depends.

Randy: Depends on what?

Jules: Your next move.

Jules moves closer to Randy, her face just inches from his, the sexual tension thick as a brick.

Jules: Nothing has to happen. We're just using the bathroom, remember? You can turn around and walk out right now.

Randy: I was here first, remember?

Jules: Then I guess I can leave.

Jules makes a move to walk out. Randy grabs her arm.

Randy: Wait.

Jules turns and looks at Randy.

Randy: Wait.

Jules: Wh....

Randy kisses Jules. Just a quick kiss to stop her from saying anything more. They look at each other, both of them knowing there's no turning back, they've crossed a line.

Music plays: Sparks by Coldplay

Jules pulls Randy's face to hers and they kiss passionately, their tongues fighting to press into the others mouth. They finally part.

Randy unties the knot on Jules' Daisy Duke red and white checkered shirt and she slips it off. Underneath she's wears a lacy, red and white checkered push-up bra. Randy looks at her.

Jules: You like?

Randy cups one of her breasts in his hand and squeezes gently, their breathing heavy and labored. Randy moves his thumb across the fabric covering her nipple. Jules reaches around and unhooks the bra and deliberately removes the straps from her shoulders. The bra falls to the floor.

Jules: You still like?

Randy reaches up and cups both of her breasts in his hands. He leans over, licks each nipple and then, without missing a beat, moves up her neck to her mouth and kisses her deeply. Jules moves in close and Randy wraps his arms around her, pulling her in close to him.

Jules: Wait.

Randy looks thunderstruck. Jules pushes him away and frantically starts to unbutton his shirt.

Jules: We don't have much time.

Randy, taking the cue, starts to help himself from his clothes until he stands before her naked. They both reach for her shorts, unbutton them and then pull both her shorts and panties off. Randy lets out a breath. Jules has just a strip of dark hair above her pussy.

Jules: Hurry.

Randy motions Jules to the sink counter. She straddles the counter on her hands and knees as Randy starts to lick her pussy from behind. Jules grinds her ass into his face. Randy grabs her ass and pulls her into him. Jules reaches between her legs and begins to rub her clit.

Jules: Put your cock in me.

Randy moves upright and guides his cock into her wet pussy. His cock slides in easily. They moan feeling each others sex for the first time. Randy slides in and out of Jules as she rubs her clit and grinds her hips into him. Jules starts to pant and Randy increases his tempo, both on the verge of coming. Jules lets out a low moan as she comes and Randy quickly follows driving his cock into her as far as he can. Randy comes and they both relax in a heap until...

There's a knock on the door.

The music fades.

Randy and Jules freeze. They look at the door. It's unlocked.

Susan: Hello.

Randy mouths "Susan." Who answers? Who did she hear?

Randy and Jules look at each other in desperation, both of them grabbing their clothes, giving each other "what do we do now?" looks.

Susan: Hello.

Randy looks around and directs Jules to the sauna, stage left.

Tom: I think its empty.

Jules mouths "Tom."

Susan: I thought I heard two people.

Tom: Try the door.

Randy and Jules hurry to the sauna and hide inside.

Tom, dressed as a doctor and Susan, dressed as a nurse, enter the bathroom and look around.

Tom: See, it's empty.

Susan: I could have swore I heard someone.

Tom closes the door and locks it.

The door to the sauna opens about six inches. Randy and Jules watch from the sauna.

Susan turns to face Tom. He puts a hand to Susan's forehead.

Tom: You feel like you have a fever.

Susan: (seductively) Maybe you should take my temperature.

Tom: That's a good idea. I just happen to have a thermometer.

Tom reaches inside the slit in his hospital greens and pulls out his hard cock. Susan drops to her knees and takes his cock in her mouth.

Stage goes dark.