Why would anyone chose to work in the radio business? Working in any media is crazy enough but to choose to be an "on-air personality" takes a special brand of idiot. I am a prime example.
I was blessed/cursed with an adult voice that was ideally suited for late night FM radio. it had been described as a velvet whisper dripped in whiskey and seasoned with a pack a day cigarette habit. Well the joke was on them, I drank but I never smoked.
The career path of an "on-air personality" begins with working a small station in a small town or city like Bumfuck Colorado. The equipment was typically decades out of date and held together with baling wire.
I had great dreams of one day hitting the big time, working at a big station in a big city. Let me assure you it was a long road to get there. The only thing you were guaranteed was that you would move cities frequently and your social life would be non existent.
It was early in my career that I found a crutch that helped me get through some of the lonely late night shifts. Some chose booze, others drugs. I chose to create my fantasy listener.
I found it easier if I imagined that I was speaking to one person instead of talking to empty air through a microphone. Naturally my fantasy listener was a woman.
I built her image night after night for years. She was alway 29 years old with long dark hair which would fall over her left eye from time to time. She would frequently brush back the lock if hair with her delicate fingers. Her face was perfectly tanned and beautiful. Her figure was curvey but not over-the-top, she was slim. In my mind I dressed her in everything from ball gowns and business suits to plaid shirts and jeans to nightgowns. She was always classy and she always listened to what I had to say to her. I never gave her a name, she didn't need one. I told you it takes a special brand of crazy didn't I?"
I finally found myself at a nice larger market station. Of course I worked the graveyard shift thanks to the gift/curse of my voice. They gave me the freedom to play whatever kind if music I wanted and to me that was a dream job.
One day, at a shift change, the outgoing guy told me that there was a new engineer starting tonight. He said that she was a real knockout and I should behave myself. Yeah right, I thought.
I should explain that the worst thing to happen to a radio station is to be off the air. Technology being technology, it has a habit of breaking down, Murphy's law applies. Therefore you needed to have an engineer on hand in case of equipment failure. That means that on the night shift there are always two people at the station, on-air and engineer.
I was an hour into my shift when the studio door opened and the new engineer walked in. I turned around in my chair and was struck dumb. There stood the living embodiment of my fantasy listener!
"Hello John! I am April, April May. Yes my parents had a sense of humour when they named me. I am your new engineer."
Her voice was light and bubbly like champagne. She was in jeans and a plaid shirt, like in my imagination. I tried to speak but i just couldn't engage tongue and brain.
"Hi." was about all I could manage.
" I am a really big fan of yours John. I have been listening to you for years! I used to live in Bumfuck Colorado. I have always been a night person so I would listen to your broadcasts and just fell in love with your voice."
"Wow, than you April! that is so nice to hear. I look forward to working with you."
