Quinn Finds Love

It was hard to think at that moment. Hard to formulate any sort of cogent string of thought save for how amazing I felt, how sexual and close I felt to the man who was pressed against me. Everything was compressed into tiny explosions of insane pleasure and the rapture of fucking the man that held your heart in his hands, while he cupped the cheeks of your ass, crashing his pelvis into yours over and over. His hard length probing into me over and over. I was soaking wet and enveloped him. The noise our bodies made as they conjoined only added to the height of all of it. So sordid and yet so amazing. How did I get here, biting his shoulder and clawing his back red with my freshly manicured nails? His own moans of exertion and pleasure mounting as his body slammed into mine.

How did I get here? Taken care of properly and appreciated, loved and loving in return.

The real shift began on the night of my 35

th

birthday. A little about me so you can form a good picture in your mind. Like I said I'm 35, about 5'10" and athletic. I like the way I look when I get out of the shower. I work out for my health and so I will continue to like what I see in the mirror for my own mental health. I have shoulder length brown hair that is starting to grey a bit until I catch it and dye it away. I was gifted with nice natural breasts or tits, sorry my husband Jamie hates it when I call them anything but tits. Says it reminds him of being in health class and is a huge turn off. I'm a double D because it matters for the story and so you can understand what I look like. I cycle, do the yoga the pants are for and wear leggings most days of the week and still make it look cute. I'm very sexually awake and aware. I enjoy a full and active sex life with my husband and he in turn enjoys my liberal attitude on things like anal and naughty lingerie, short skirts, and a healthy appreciation for the specimen of a mate I have had over the last 8 years.

Jamie is a gym rat, it's how we met. He's 6'2" built, tattooed, confident, and the epitome of the alpha male, at least to the untrained eye. He approached me after spin class and asked me to coffee. I was just coming off a really hard break up and he was sweet and assertive and handsome without seeming like a tool.

A little over a year after that day at spin class, we got married and started our life together. We had both agreed early on we did not want kids and that was fine until I turned 34 and nearly all my friends from college and the gym were either having their next kid or it was all they talked about.

The few times I had brought it up to Jamie had predicated some of the worst fights we had. And by this time we fought a lot.

Jamie, who ran a trucking business in the city we live in spent more and more time at work or at the gym when I was not there. I spent more time with my consulting business and more time doing things I liked to do alone. Things began to sour and even though we put on a good face when we went out with friends or to dinner, things were getting bad. It came to a head the night of my 35

th

birthday.

Couple more thing to round out the tale before I get to that night. My husband's younger brother was renting the guest house from us at the time. He was 10 years younger than me, a sweet kid out of college only a few years from his computer programing degree and working 80 hours a week at some tech company making really good money. He was living with us because he was not sure where his company would want him to set down roots when they opened their new office complex in the city. With property as expensive as it was he didn't want to have to buy and then sell and buy again if he had to move.

Conner is very different from his brother, where Jamie is confident and abrupt, Conner is pensive and quite. He is not the gym type, taller even than his brother, but he has the build of a runner just from good genes more than any work he does on himself. Where Jamie is business smart, Conner has read books and writes political opinion blogs and so on. Where Jamie hunts and fishes and boats, Conner is a gamer and quiet happy to door dash and stay logged in for hours and days on end.

He was the best house guest, paid the rent Jamie demanded he foot to live in the guest house and never complained, kept to himself, rarely if ever had guests and if he did they were nerdy gamer types that instantly logged in and we never saw them. He came to parties we threw in that he would step out and get a cup of beer or a cocktail and food, smile at me, maybe hug me if I forced him to and then he would disappear into his place and that was it.

I tried to set him up a few times with girls I knew from work or the gym but he was too quite or too boring for them. They wanted guys like Jamie. Exciting and confident. Who wouldn't want some successful arm candy like my Jamie?

Jamie never really seemed to like his brother much. He picked on him, gave him crap about being skinny and weak as if they were in grade school. Jamie's friends delighted at this also and I never noticed until things really started to sour between us. The delight he seemed to take in belittling his brother for his 'stupid video games' or his lack of pussy as he so nicely put it.

Conner never rose to the comments, never said anything when Jamie insinuated his was gay because he never saw women over at the guest house or he never brought a date to any family gatherings or parties or on the few times he came out on our boat for 4

th

of July or Labor day.

It was one of a series of things that really came to a head on the night of my 35

th

birthday. Conner was always sweet to me. Asked me how I was when he saw me, bought me nice presents for Christmas and birthdays and so on. Did things around the house when Jamie was away without being asked.

I would be lying if I didn't notice how he looked when he mowed the yard or cleaned the pool on the super-hot summer days, his shirt off and covered in a sheen a sweat. His unkempt brown hair stuffed under a magic the gathering hat or a lord of the rings beanie or something. He never lowered his nerd flag even when he stood sweating beside the pool pulling leaves, his thin frame still somehow attractive. Skinny muscles is what Jamie called it dismissively as he would flex his own bulging arms when Conner would take off his shirt on the boat or around the pool.

Conner would laugh it off and put his shirt back on and then leave the gathering when he could slink away.

The week before my birthday, the morning after a really bad fight between Jamie and I, I found myself sitting out by the pool in my swim suit, my headphones in trying to ignore how sad I felt and enjoy the mango smoothie I had made.

I was almost asleep when I felt I was being watched and opened my eyes. Conner was standing near the pool, the screen and cleaning supplies in his long fingered hands. He was talking to me but I had Adele turned up so loud I could not hear him.

I pulled the ear bud out and caught the end of his sentence.

"More coverage if you wore a smaller suit." His voice was deep and soothing somehow.

"What's that?" I asked, I could feel my cheeks dimpled with a smile.

"I said, you would probably get more of a tan if you wore a smaller suit. But that sounds creepy now that I hear it out loud for the second time." He blushed, it was an innocent reaction that made it impossible not to smile wider and laugh. From anyone else it would have felt lecherous but he was simply stating the truth. If the intent was to tan, my conservative blue and white one piece suit was not the way to do it. Jamie would have sighed and shaken his head if he had seen me in my 'grandma' suit as he called it. It was open backed, showing my strong and knotted shoulders and the rose tattoo that my left shoulder and crawled onto my arm. But it was modest in that if covered my well-kept and bubble like butt and also kept the girls well restrained and covered. I had bought the suit when I was swimming 3 miles a day at the gym. That was my winter activity and since it was summer I was on the cycle or the mat six days a week. But I like the suit, it was efficient and did what it was intended to do without sexualizing me while I worked to keep myself in shape.

If I wanted to get looks, I would put on any one of fifty microkinis I owned or a hundred little black or red or green or whatever colored dresses and strut my stuff when I chose to. I just wanted to enjoy a mango smoothie and the amazing sun before I jumped in to cool off, took a shower and took some meetings from my downstairs office for the rest of the day.

"Not the point today, it's too nice to be inside. Figured I'd get some vitamin d before I lock myself inside and listen to people complain and take their money."

Conner set to work, checking the pool and began sifting the leaves off the pool surface.

"Jamie ask you to do that?" I asked as I sipped the last part of my smoothie,

"No, I figured it's been a bit since it's been cleaned and I know you are going to want to use the pool for your birthday party." Conner shrugged like it was just what needed to be done and began to work.

He was so considerate, smart, tall, had the same blue eyes Jamie had that I had lost myself in so many times.

"You bringing a date to this one?" I asked, it still didn't make sense to me how not one of the techs at the company he worked at had grabbed him up and planted their flag. He was cute and successful and had a great smile to boot.

"Naw, I haven't had time to get my dance card filled for your party, miss." He said with a mock bow as he retrieved and emptied another screen full of leaves from the pool and slapped them into the nearby garbage can.

"Such a nerd." I said and he nodded and smiled. It was a joke between us. He had lived with us for a while now and every time I asked him what he was up to or tried to talk to him about his work he would say something super techie and complicated or nerdy or he would talk in an old fashioned sort of way and I would just say so and shake my head. He knew it was because I thought he was super smart, it was not the derisive way Jamie said it when he was picking on his younger brother.

Where I got a smile when I said it, Jamie got the passive and even silence he had come to expect.

"Yes, yes I am." Was his smiling reply and he went back to work. I sat out and tried to remain impassive as he continued to clean and lounged in the heat and sun but it was hard.

Why was Conner still single? Was he gay and didn't want to tell his brother or perhaps me? I felt bad if that was the case. I had lots of gay friends, men and women, I didn't give a shit who you slept with. Especially not a member of my family which is what Conner what. He was my brother in law and I loved him and wanted him to be happy. Then I thought about Jamie. And Jamie's dad. They were both pretty behind on certain things as far as the social world was concerned but it had never been a worry for me.

But what if he was gay and because he was already picked on by his brother he didn't want to say anything? Maybe he would come to me if found a way to ask him. I looked at him then as he continued to make my pool presentable for the party to come.

He was cute, handsome really. Tall and skinny. He had high cheekbones and good shoulders, he had a skinny butt that matched his skinny frame really well. He was not the marbled man I was used to over the years, and not the type of guy I would take notice of in my past, but that was his appearance alone. Knowing him, how caring and genuine he was, how attentive and giving; it made no sense that he was alone.

He must have noticed me staring at him even through my dark glasses because he straightened and looked behind him, as if to see what I was looking at before he turned back. By then I had snapped out of my musing and got up out of my lounge chair and was startled to find that I felt a familiar tingling and dampness at the apex of my legs.

I was turned on by my brother in law.

I stopped mid-way out of the chair and felt the shame wash over me. How could I look at someone this close to me, close to my husband and feel what I was feeling? Then my mind rose to my defense for once. When was the last time I had felt connected to Jamie emotionally? Hell, when was the last time we had made love or even had sex? It was well over three months at this point and the last time had been a rather rough encounter in the shower where he simply entered our glass stand up shower and given me as much foreplay as it took to get me wet enough to allow him to enter me. He had taken me against the wall and in two minutes it was over. It had been very one sided and did almost nothing for me save to make me want to feel appreciated even more and made me feel even more emotional separated from Jamie. I didn't mind the quickie, didn't mind rough either from time to time it was even what I really wanted. But it had been so long since I felt like I was his partner and mate and wanted to be his lover really. Much longer than I had thought until just then.

"You ok?"

His voice again caught me off guard, my quandary and deep thoughts clearly shown on my face and as empathetic as he was, he must have noticed. He had finished with the screen now and was checking the chlorine levels, the vial in his hand forgotten and he had stepped closer to me.

I looked up at him, his deep blue eyes hidden behind his gas station sunglasses, his hair matted to the sides of his head, the chest, pits and collar of his shirt were wet with the sweat of his labor. Labor and work to make my party better. A party he likely would not even really enjoy.

I felt the tears on my cheeks before I could catch them and he set down the vial and crouched down.

"Quinn, what's wrong?" He used my full name. Not one of the thousand nick names I had been 'gifted with' over the years that didn't fade no matter how much I corrected them. Winne, Quinnie, Q, etc. I tolerated them only because it was exhausting to continue to not be heard. Never with Conner. He heard me. He heard me say of the dozen times before I had given up, "my name is Quinn, my mother gave it to me and I like it'. He always remembered.

It was a small thing but sometimes the small things matter.

I wanted to tell him everything was ok. To lie and not have him worry. But the lump in my throat would not let the lie out. I didn't want to sob or shake or blubber and I didn't but the tears came freely and quickly, tears and silence.

I shook my head we reached for one another at the same time. He was so gentle. I put my head on his shoulder and let the tears come. I was not happy in my marriage, I was so lonely, and I wanted to feel seen. I needed it. Everything I had not said came out in the form of tears and choked back sobs.

Most men, even well intentioned, would have inundated me with questions and wanted to fix it. Women I know would have fallen into the 'tell me all about it' mode with similar intent. Conner didn't. He just held me and let me cry. I could smell his skin. He needed a shower but it was not the stink of neglect, just hard work. His arms around me were so strong, his hugs were the best, seeming to envelope me and not just hold till he could let go.

After what seemed like ten minutes, I had calmed down a bit and I moved back and he let me. He stopped me at arm's length, his hands on my bare shoulders were strong in a way I had never noticed till today. I felt that warmth again low in my belly but more over in my chest.

His gaze asked the question his mouth did not. "Are you sure you are ok"

I lay my hand on his chest, patting it there and feigning minor eww at the sweat I felt there. It felt a safe way to diffuse and also not let the gesture seem some sort of way.

"I'm just emotional, 35 is old and I am stressed about the party." I lied. "Thanks for always being a great little brother."

He smiled, and then stood back up and turned back to his work.

"Once I'm done with the pool and the lawn, did you need any help with the food?" He asked. He really was trying to win house guest of the year.

"No you do way too much. Jamie is going to order the food and get it sent over before the party. Basically all there is to do is ice and stock the coolers and make myself look presentable." I said holding my arms out to my sides, the heat had me sweating too and I was aware them how hot and sweaty the girls were confined behind the high neckline of the suit I was wearing.

"Shouldn't take you very long." He said frankly and then nodded at the chlorine level before he turned and headed toward the shed where Jamie kept the lawn tools. "You let me know if you need help please. I'm not doing much else today before the festivities"

He said this as he walked past and lay a hand on my shoulder and I felt the heat of his touch like it was connected to a lightning rod. The head from his gentle and honest touch surged over my skin and gave me goosebumps and it felt like a tsunami between my legs. For fuck sake what was wrong with me? Had it really been that long since I had been treated with basic human decency? Let alone with genuine concern and care? Things had been rough between Jamie and me for I don't know how long. Both of us disappearing into our jobs and the endorphins that the gym and exercise gave. But instead of going together like we used to in the past, we went separately. I could not remember the last time he asked me to go with him to the gym. If I was honest I could not remember the last time I had asked or really wanted him there. The thought almost made me cry again. I needed to escape and go finished this cry in the shower so I could get ready for the party.

"I will if I need it. Thanks so much for all you do Conner." I said as I picked up my sandals and hurried through the door into the house. The ac was on and coming out of the stifling heat into the near frigid indoor temp instantly gave me a terrible chill and made my nipples tighten up like they were about to fall off. I set my things on the counter without care and hurried up the steps to the master bathroom and shut the door quickly. The shower surged to life and was instantly the molten hot temperature I liked it. I Stripped out of my suit and stopped in front of the panel of mirrors.

I had worked very hard to like what I saw in the mirror and I felt very pretty at that moment. I was not rail thin, I had some junk in the trunk from tons of squats and hip thrusts and so on. I did my best Instagram back bend and let the bubble round of my but pop. My waist was narrow and hard but not so much that I didn't like a cheeseburger when I let myself eat like a person and not just vegies and protein. My shoulders were hard and well-muscled and my hair looked great even though I had not washed it in a few days and only barely brushed it since I got out of bed.

I faced the mirror and stretched my arms over my head. The girls were sitting high on my chest still, 35 be damned. I had small areoles and medium sized nipples and even though they were pretty generous in size, they still sat pretty high on my chest. I liked them and had pierced them a few years back on a lark when Jamie had taken me to Cabo. I absently reached down and pulled them both. The fury between my thighs made itself known again and I remembered the insane sex Jamie and I had the night I had gotten them done.

It had been so long since we had that kind of sex, really passionate lovemaking that only happens between people who feel something for one another. I wanted to feel that for him, to feel that want again, I still loved him. It just felt like he didn't see me anymore, the connection I felt for him once all but gone. I felt the tears on my face as I stepped through the door into the glass walled shower. The water was perfect and I felt the tension and fears all start to slip away and run down the drain.