MONDAY
Ed came running up the cereal aisle. He screeched to a halt, the freshly shined shop floor not providing the necessary friction to stop him colliding with Steve, who promptly dropped a stack of corn flakes boxes.
"Thanks mate," sighed Steve, stooping to pick the boxes up. "What's the fucking rush?"
"New girl!" gasped Ed, catching his breath. "Have you seen the new girl?"
"No, didn't know there was one. Why, she alright?"
"Oh, mate, you've got to see her!" said Ed, a broad smile splitting his broad face. She's on fruit and veg with Johnno."
"Lead on," said Steve, gesturing vaguely towards the front of the store.
Steve had worked at the supermarket for six months now, Ed a little over four. Steve was twenty-three and thoroughly miserable with the way his life was going. Ed, only nineteen, had more enthusiasm. He was a bit of a prick, with a puerile sense of humour, but Steve didn't mind him.
And, every now and again, there was a new recruit.
The two of them -- Steve, slim and shortish, and Ed, taller but a touch overweight -- stood at the end of the tea and coffee aisle, convinced they were safely hidden from view round the corner.
"Look, there she is," pointed Ed. Steve followed his finger.
She was gorgeous. Young and petite, barely filling out her uniform, her beautiful, elfin face topped by short-cropped blonde hair. They watched her for a while, before John -- the older man charged with inducting the new staff -- caught sight of them.
"You two stop gawping," he ordered them gruffly. "Piss off back to the store room, there's a delivery coming in soon."
Morosely, they did as they were told. Early hours at the supermarket were miserable, but at least they'd had a brief bit of excitement today.
TUESDAY
The next morning, Steve was working alone. Ed was working nights the rest of the week, and Steve had been assigned to unload pallettes of toiletries and sundry pharmaceuticals. He persevered through their task, loading up goods trollies to take out to the shop floor.
Wheeling one such trolley down the pharma aisle, he was greeted by the welcome sight of the new girl, waiting at near-empty shelves with a few boxes of tissues and baby wipes on.
"Hi!" said the girl, brightly bopping up in front of him with a smile that said she was far too much of a morning person. "John said I should help stack this area today. I'm Poppy."
Steve introduced himself awkwardly, and began unloading boxes of tissues onto the shelves.
"So, this is only your second day, right?" asked Steve, trying to strike up a conversation with the beauty.
"Yep," she said, smiling. "Second day of my first job."
"How old are you?"
"Eighteen," she said, happily.
"Enjoying the job, so far?"
She shrugged.
"It's fine, I guess. Pretty boring. Must be some way to make it more interesting, you know?"
They worked side by side for a time, chatting amiably and quickly finishing their task. She was a sweet girl, and Steve found himself enjoying her company a great deal.
"One thing I don't get," said Poppy, with a quizzical look.
"What?" asked Steve.
She pointed at the label on the edge of the shelf. "Why are they called 'facial tissues?' I mean, why are they so good for facials?"
Steve laughed, assuming she was joking.
"I hope you're talking about beauty regime stuff," said Steve.
She gave him a weird look.
"You know what a facial is, right? It's when a guy --"
"Yeah, yeah, I know!" he replied.
"Well, why are they just for that? I mean, are they a special kind of tissues or something? I'd have thought any old tissues would work for getting that off."
OK, thought Steve. This was a little weird, but he could cope with a little weird from a gorgeous girl. Was she flirting with him in a bizarre way? Did she have a weird, deadpan sense of humour? She seemed to be totally serious.
He decided to play along.
"Well," said Steve, putting on what he imagined was an air of authority, "we have to test them out. To know if they're up to scratch. Fit for purpose."
"Hah! Yeah, right," she giggled.
"No, really," he continued, with mock seriousness. "You know that little room off the store room, with the frosted out glass? That's the testing room."
She laughed and gave his arm a playful slap.
"You're full of shit!"
"No, seriously. I usually do the testing for things like this because I'm younger than the senior staff. We haven't done a test in a while either, so it's about time we did a check."
She looked at him with her mouth open in mild shock.
"Really? You actually test them out for that?"
Surely she didn't actually believe him? She was obviously taking the piss, but the look in her eye... if there was even a chance she was serious, he had to try, right? It had just been a joke, but how far would he take it?
"Absolutely. It's highly confidential, of course. I don't like to talk about it much around the others -- they mostly get stuck testing boring things and I don't like to remind them that I got the fun job."
"It does sound fun..." she said, thoughtfully. "Who do you test it on?"
"Welllll... normally we either ask a professional to join, but sometimes it's a good idea to have someone amateur. Just an ordinary person, new to the biz, with no preconceptions." He decided to push his luck. "I could show you, if you like."
That was it. Now she'd either laugh or tell him to fuck off.
"Alright," she said, smiling sweetly. "As long as you're sure it's OK."
He grabbed a box of "facial tissues" off the shelf.
"Follow me," he said.
He dashed back to the store room, Poppy following close behind, giggling. Off to the far side there was indeed a door with frosted glass. Steve glanced around, and when he was happy there was no one watching them, led Poppy to the door. It took some effort to open, having been barely used since long before he had started working there. It opened into a small room with a few almost empty shelved and a broom in one corner. Poppy squeezed in, and he slammed the door behind her.
"Testing room, huh?"
"Absolutely," he said, nodding earnestly.
"Funny, it looks just like an old broom cupboard."
"Well, I haven't had to test anything for a while. But I think it's past time we did some quality control. Don't you?"
