Professional Development

As a male teacher in the Midwest, I am quite used to the innocent, gossipy, sometimes meddling nature of my female colleagues. Having been raised by a strong woman myself, I do not feel threatened by smart women, and I'm often surprised by those who are. Being one of only five men in my entire middle school has made me feel like something of a rarity. Other than Robert, who is nearing retirement, us male teachers are viewed with peculiar curiosity, like a sketchy science project, by the women. As one of only two single teachers, their interest in me has ranged from perfunctory coworker to savage flirting to friendship to those relationships where I get asked advice as to what their mate might be thinking. I try my best to always act professionally. I take my job as an educator seriously.

My name is Alex Stator. I'm twenty-nine years old and recently divorced. My ex-wife and I were together for seven years, married for five. We met in college, both education majors before she switched to psychology. Our marriage was good the first few years. Laney went into social work then private therapy. With my summers off we were able to go on some amazing vacations to Australia and Japan.

The last year we were together, I felt a shift. Suddenly, we were arguing more. We'd always argued, who doesn't? But this was different. Once she started making more money in therapy, she wanted me to pursue a more lucrative career. Public educators get paid more than private ones, but still not in the realm of what a "normal" job would be for my age. But I was happy with my career choice, and felt I was doing important work, so I held my ground. Our arguments grew more cutting. And afterward, we'd be cold and distant to each other for days. In the past, we'd have sex after fighting and ultimately feel closer together. Our isolation had become more frequent.

As in a lot of relationships, there was no one thing that precipitated to its demise. We just sort of slowly ground to a halt. Two years before our divorce, Laney asked me for an open relationship. I didn't really want to, but I didn't want to lose her. So we tried it. I guess I was willing to try anything. I got the suspicion that she already had someone in mind because she had a date the very next week, though it's much easier for women, I think. I went on a few dates myself with women I met through an app geared towards polyamorous connections, but my heart just wasn't in it. Every time I saw Laney getting ready to go meet some guy she was in such a good mood, like I hadn't seen her in years. It didn't help that she also looked great. A petite brunette with an athletic body and attractive face, Laney never really dressed sexy to go out until we opened our marriage.

I never asked to know any details of her other men. I didn't want to know. It would drive me crazy. I tried to focus on myself. After a few flings, I was left unsatisfied. I told Laney about my feelings. She was mostly receptive, but somehow made me feel like it was all my fault. After a few glasses of wine one night, she suggested that we try a threesome. She said she'd always dreamt of two men making love to her at the same time. It would be a great test for our relationship. The very thought made me sick to my stomach. It wasn't just the

being-naked-with-another-guy

part. Even watching her leave for dates made me sick to my stomach. What bothered me the most is I felt like she could see this was tearing me apart and wanted to push me further. In a way it felt like punishment for not being the person she wanted me to be.

I read somewhere that if something scares you, you should do it. So in the end, I agreed to a threesome. We set some boundaries. The other guy could not be one of my friends. Either one of us could stop the sexual activity at any point. The other and myself would both wear condoms. We agreed that Laney would be the "leader" of the threesome, and so do most of the initiating contact and activity. To keep things neutral, we would meet at a hotel. The other guy was not allowed to cum on her face. I know all of this sounds businesslike, but I wanted to make sure that everyone was protected, especially myself.

My wife found somebody rather quickly. We met him at a bar. I admit I was standoffish, but the dude and my wife clicked right away. The three of us had a few drinks to loosened up.

"Okay, boys. Let's do this," Laney said, slamming a shot.

They both stood up to go.

"What?" I asked. This was only our first meeting. "You mean another time, right?"

Laney smirked. "I already got us a room next door. Let's go." She put her arm around the other guy, Brad or Chad or something. "I'm ready."

"Yeah, she's ready, man. It'll be cool."

I didn't really want to, but I did want to try a new experience, and I knew if I didn't go along it would be an issue later. I slammed a shot myself. "Ok, fine."

Things started awkwardly. They were obviously both really into each other, and I felt like the third wheel. I suggested we keep the lights off. As we progressed, I relaxed a little. We started out on the couch. Laney sat between us and took turns kissing us, growing more passionate with each inning. I started rubbing her leg, then her breast. I figured my territory would be my side and Brad's his.

Laney became increasingly aggressive. I'd never seen her like this before. As uncomfortable as I was, I was sort of glad to see her having a sexual awakening. It was a chance to see her in a different light. As my eyes adjusted to the dark of the room, I saw a certain mad brilliance in her eyes that I hadn't in some time. Despite my thoughts working overtime, I got hard.

Laney instructed Chad and I to stand on either side of her while she knelt between us taking turns sucking and stroking. Each time she went for another round, she went deeper and faster until she was gagging and spitting on our cocks bottoming out on the back of her throat. I couldn't even remember the last time she'd given me a blowjob.

"Okay boys, your turn to work," she said, after we were sufficiently hard enough.

The three of us moved over to the bed. First, I massaged her breasts while Brad ate her out. Laney writhed and moaned. After a while, Chad went to fuck her and I had to remind him to suit up. He did, and started fucking her while Laney teabagged me. Laney flipped over and he fucked her from behind while she blew me.

I wasn't having the best time, exactly, but Laney seemed thrilled. So it put me at ease, somewhat, to know that she was being pleased. ChadBrad was a similar build to me. And our dicks were about the same size. Silly, childish, I know, but it mattered to me that this guy wasn't some super hung, buff dude. Laney had always been an attractive woman. Wavy brunette hair, slim figure, nice face, good ass. As BradChad thrusted, her smallish tits swayed. I reached down and squeezed them while she worked my length with her mouth.

Things were going well until they weren't. Due to my tension, I was sure that I wasn't going to cum first. Another inane triumph, but one I wanted to win. But it didn't matter. Brad pulled out and started to put his dick in her ass. I also noticed that he'd somehow managed to take his condom off.

"Whoa, whoa, what the fuck?" I said.

"Take my ass, Brad," Laney demanded. "Stick it in."

I retracted. "Wait," I said. First, I addressed Laney. "We didn't talk about this. We didn't go over anal." She'd never expressed any interest before, so I didn't even think it was on the table. I knew this was semantics, but I felt like I'd gone out of my way to be accommodating, now it was my turn for some consideration. Now I spoke to Brad, "And

you

are supposed to be wearing a rubber."

"Chill out, man. It fell off."

"They don't fall off. You took it off."

"So what?"

"So it's part of the rules," I said. "Not to mention we weren't even supposed to be doing this tonight."

Laney was visibly irritated, having been taken out of the moment. One minute she was getting pounded from both ends. Now she was in the middle of an argument. "It's not a big deal," she said.

"It is to me," I said. Suffice it to say, my hard-on had softened a considerable degree. "That's it. We're done. I'm calling it."

"Dude, like she said, it's not a big deal. We've done it before," BradChad said.

His words stopped me like a punch. My stomach dropped. This was allegedly the first time we'd met. Laney had told me that she'd just found him on one of her apps. They were even acting like this was the first meeting in the bar downstairs. "What?"

Laney was still on all fours, looking like she hoped we could just keep going. She sat back. "Alex, honey. We, Brad and I-"

"We're done here. Get your clothes on. That's it." I knew we had an open relationship. I knew we were trying something new, at least, something new for me. But all I wanted was some consideration, some honesty. I felt betrayed, taken advantage of. Before I was uncomfortable, now I was outright repulsed. "We said from the beginning that any one of us could end this thing. I'm ending it. Right now."

"No way, man," Brad said.

"Stay out of this, asshole," I replied.

"Maybe you should just leave, then," he said.

I was filled with rage. I'd been pushed past my point. I try to be even-keeled about things, but I'd had enough. I'm not a violent person. I'm not into conflict, but I felt the heat in my face move to my fists. I started toward Brad, ready to lay him out. Laney jumped in between us.

"Alex, stop it," she said. She put her hands on my chest. "Honey, you're getting all worked up."

"And why do you think that is? You lied to me. You lied about tonight. You lied about this guy."

It was absurd that we were all standing there naked. Suddenly, I felt very conscious of myself and grabbed my boxer shorts and put them on.

"Let's just have some fun," Laney said, in an attempt to salvage the passion. But I was past the point of no return. I couldn't get hard now if I wanted. No one else made any attempt to dress, which only amplified my anger.

"I think we should just go home," I said. "This wasn't how this was supposed to go. I just want us to go home now." I put on my pants and shirt.

Laney and Brad looked at each other, then back to me. "You're stressed. Why don't you just go home and relax," she said.

"What about you?" I don't even know why I asked. At the time, I thought maybe I'd heard her wrong. "Let's get your stuff."

Brad was still stroking himself to stay hard.

"I think I'm going to stay," Laney said.

I was upset, also heartbroken. As I said, our relationship had been on a downward spiral for a while, but this made me feel both unlovable and inadequate. I tried my best to stay calm. The writing was on the wall. I needed to get out of there before I did anything I'd later regret. I picked up my shoes.

Brad started, "Hey man, why don't you-"

I couldn't take it anymore. I shoved him into the wall,

hard

, and walked out the door. I went all the way down to the lobby before I put on my shoes. The thought of hearing them resume activity made my blood boil.

It wasn't until I was driving home that I realized my hands were shaking. I broke down a little bit. A few tears fell. I breathed deeply and worked out that my tears were not just those of rage, but also relief. I wouldn't have to waste time wondering when Laney would be home, or who she was out with, or if she was fucking someone else. I no longer had to bear it.

I drove to our home and packed a few bags and left. The next day, I found a lawyer and started the divorce process. There were countless missed calls and texts. I never replied. I knew she'd be able to talk me into whatever she wanted. She was smart and always had a certain power over me. Tired of being manipulated, I just didn't want to live that life anymore. It was the best decision I've ever made.

After staying in a long term rental for a few weeks while the details were sorted, I arranged to retrieve the rest of my belongings. I was nervous. It would be the first time I'd seen Laney since that night. But my apprehension was misplaced, she wasn't there. Law required us to go to counseling, but because we didn't have children and the assets were getting split clean, our lawyers managed to find a way around it.

Wanting a new start, I moved to another town about an hour's drive away, Cherry Valley. Drastic as it seems, I really needed a break and some perspective. There are teacher shortages everywhere, so it was relatively easy to find another position. I landed at Boone Middle School teaching sixth grade. The school served a mix of middle class and blue collar neighborhoods. As a new hire, I was required to go to a district orientation meeting. The principal of my school was an older woman with the energy of someone twice her age. There were six other new hires at Boone, and probably thirty others for the rest of the district. They were nice people, smart, and welcoming. It really felt like a new beginning.

I put my nose to the grindstone to prove to my new peers, administration, and to myself that I was capable and dependable. My students were, like always, a mixed bag, but I liked them and they seemed to like and respect me as well. When the first round of standardized tests came around, I was nervous, but the results showed growth and proved I was doing my job well.

During this time, my personal life suffered somewhat. I hate to say "suffered" because after my long-term relationship and failed marriage with Laney, the last thing I wanted was to jump headlong into another entanglement. So I went on a few dates. Had a few one night stands. Met some people with whom I didn't click, but others that were nice. Average dating stuff, but I was much happier than I had been a year prior. I feel I must also say that I'm a decent-looking fellow. I take care of myself, workout, eat relatively healthy. Before I met Laney, I never had a hard time getting dates or communicating with the opposite sex. Though, I did feel like I had been out of the dating game long enough to make it awkward all over again.

We'd like to think that adults are different from kids. That they act more, well,

adult

. But the truth is that we don't. I've always felt that any congregation of adults quickly begins to feel like seventh grade all over again. Institute days can be one such example. Institute days are when the kids are off, but teachers and administration attend seminars or have planning time or work with a consultant, or a combination. We usually meet at the biggest school gym or auditorium and break into smaller groups from there. Even though I was new, I made friends fast and got to the first institute day early, bringing three coffees. One for me, and one for the only other single male teacher at my school, Ted.

"Top o' the mornin' to ya," I said in my worst Irish brogue imitation, meeting him in the parking lot.

"Fuck, why are you so cheery," Ted asked, getting out of his car. He took the cup and had a sip. "Okay, that's better. Thank you."

"You look like shit. Out late last night?"

Ted nodded. "Girl I met on MatchUp. Kept me up until like two in the morning."

"She hot?"

"Yeah. Pretty decent," Ted said. "But frustrating as hell."

"Why's that?"

"We got drinks. Went out to dinner. Went back to my place. Fooled around and made out, but we never, you know, got to business. She drove me fucking crazy."

"Two in the morning and you didn't even have sex?" I had some of my coffee. "You gonna see her again?"

"Fuck no."

"But you put in all that time," I said.

"I'm not into games, man. No thanks." We walked into the auditorium. "I go on a date, I'm ready for a good time. If I get invited back to her place, it's time to boogie, you know?"

"Maybe you just need a little patience," I said, but I don't think Ted was listening.

"Hey, you know if your partner is seeing anyone?"

"My... oh, you mean Olivia?" Ted was referring to my teaching partner, Olivia LaCortina. She was a few years older than me, much more experienced, and the darling of administration. But with us peers she was down to earth and honest, if a little rough around the edges.

Ted watched her as she got out of her car down the aisle. She was a skinny sort of goth-type outwardly, but at work she was all business and damn good at her job. I was lucky to have her as a partner to show me the ropes. "I don't know if she's your type, if you know what I mean." Olivia and I never really spoke about it, but I suspected she was a lesbian. "But what the hell, man. Shoot your shot."

"I might," Ted said.

Olivia approached us. "What are you turds looking at?"

Suddenly, Ted became tongue-tied. "I... we..."

"I got you a coffee," I said, and handed her the third cup.

Olivia took a sip.

"Tons of cream and light sugar," I said.

She nodded. "You're all right with me, Stator."

Ted made a weird face and giggled at "tons of cream" like a school boy.

Olivia immediately stiffened. "Don't be a fuckface, Ted." A group of teachers from a nearby school passed and we exchanged hellos. "Let's get in there and get this over with."

A banner that read "Welcome District 205 Educators" flapped in the breeze above the auditorium door as we went in. After the opening speeches, we broke into smaller groups. Olivia was always in demand with the higher-ups, so she went to more heady meetings, while I focused on inquiry techniques for math and science. Ted went to a different seminar on language learning.

Being new to the district, I was meeting most of these people for the first time. It was fun, but overwhelming to meet so many peers, try to impress them, act professional, and learn something, but this is the life of a teacher. And I was up to the task.

At the end of the day, the district superintendent announced, "We've got a little surprise for you. As some of you in admin already know, our schedule for institute days for next month lines up with the other districts. So, after consideration with the superintendents, we will be holding a countywide learning retreat over two days." She was enthusiastic, but the crowd only returned a smattering of applause, mostly groans. Undeterred, she continued, "I look forward to reconvening with you all and the other district teams at the Woodcrest Resort on Rock River. Thank you everyone."

"Ugh," said the woman sitting next to me.

I didn't know her, but we'd been in most of the same meetings throughout the day. I asked, "What's the deal? Why is everyone so bummed?"

"You're new here, right?"

"Yeah."

She took a breath. "They did this a few years ago, these two-day things and it's a disaster."

"Why?"

The woman looked at me like I was an alien. "It's boring enough doing these things for one day, much less two. Much less you have to spend all of your free time with other teachers and they, like, encourage you to discuss techniques and stuff when you're on your own." She made a gagging face.

I wouldn't exactly be looking forward to it, but it didn't seem like the end of the world to me. We were done for the day. Everyone gathered their things, some made small talk with colleagues, others bolted. I met with Olivia in the parking lot. Ted was right behind her like a needy puppy. Olivia was the veteran amongst us, but Ted had also been around before me.

"What do you guys think about this retreat? Everyone seems so bummed about it," I asked.

"It's fucking bullshit it what it is," Ted said.

"That's because you don't actually want to

work

," Olivia replied. She said to me, "It's fine. It's not a big deal. Because it's countywide we usually have better speakers and consultants."

"Yeah, it should be a good opportunity," Ted backpedaled.

Olivia, probably inadvertently, flared her nostrils. "Anyways, yes, the conference is better overall. And, yes, it is a pain in the ass because all your free time is stuck with coworkers." She checked her phone. "I've gotta go. See you later." Olivia went to her car and pulled away.