**This is fiction**
* * * * *
I had always liked Fr. Anthony. He was a very kind man, who after learning of my life story (which was somewhat sad) became one of my good friends.
I, however...being the addictive personality I am, soon began fantasizing about what it would be like to actually DO something with this man who was for all purposes to me...off limits. Little did I know what fate would bring me.
But first...a little about me. I'm about 5'10...blonde hair, green eyes, about 125 lbs.
Fr. Anthony however, wasn't overly attractive, but his piercing eyes and cute personality were what drew me to him.
Well, soon my fantasies got out of hand. I was a lector at church, and I found any excuse I could to make sure that I switched masses so that I was reading when he was there. I also began to flirt with him in innocent ways. Wearing clothes that revealed a little skin, wearing sexy makeup to church...you get the idea. I had always harbored the thought in the back of my mind that he thought of me the way I thought of him, but due to the circumstance, I let it go.
About August, right after I had graduated high school, I thought I noticed him looking at me, or coming over to me a little too frequently, but I shrugged it off as nothing you know, I'm a logical person, did I think this absolutely godlike man would be interested in me? I don't think so.
Our friendship progressed, and I went off to university. I came back home during my summer vacation, and would attend church...just to rekindle the old flame within me you know, then, being the horny girl I was, go home and finger myself.
This soon got frustrating as hell, because I wanted nothing more than to fuck his brains out, I really did.
One Sunday in July, I decided to go to confession. I walked quietly into the confessional, and there was only a small curtain of velvet separating us, I could smell him, his scent intoxicating me.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It has been 3 months since my last confession."
"Proceed my daughter."
I went on to tell him about me drinking at university, the swearing, you know, little stuff. I decided to mix it up.
"I've been having impure thoughts, Father."
"About what dear?"
"Well, about an older man I know. I'm attracted to him."
"Do you wish to tell me who this man is?"
"Well, you know him, lets just put it like that."
"And what do these thoughts entail my child?"
"Well, sexual things father." My face went crimson.
He opened the curtain between us and peered into my eyes, I was very embarrassed, but remember, it was I who had pushed this, I should have just kept my mouth shut.
"This is causing you a great unrest isn't it Kara?" He said very caringly, still looking to meet my gaze, which still was focused on the floor.
"Yes Father, it is consuming my thoughts." I said sheepishly, looking down at my shoes.
"You might feel better Kara if you told me who this person was."
"I couldn't Father, I just couldn't." Starting to feel a lump rise in my throat.
"And why is that?" He said, prodding for information. "You know, nothing you tell me will be repeated."
"That isn't the problem Father."
"Then what is the problem Kara?"
He placed his index finger under my chin, and lifted it ever so slightly, enough to meet his gaze. I stared into his startling blue eyes, trying to convey the message through them. I began to tear up, he didn't get it.
"Father...the problem is, this man, that I am having impure thoughts about...well...he's not really available."
Something must have clicked in his mind. I turned my head towards him, and he wiped the tear rolling down my face with his thumb.
"I think I understand Kara. Is this man me?"
I turned my gaze at the opposite wall, ashamed.
"You have nothing to be ashamed of Kara, you probably just misinterpreted something I said or did...right?" He sounded concerned.
"You, you've just been so nice to me, I wish some of the guys at university were like you."
"Oh Kara, you'll find someone, don't fret my dear." He said soothingly.
I immediately felt better.
"Is there anything else you'd like to tell me Kara?"
"Well Father, I've been having dreams about you also."
Well....I won't drag on what happened, he made me describe one of the dreams to him, and it was very rehabilitating in my mind, to know this was alright. He absolved me of my sins, and as I got up to leave, I hugged him, and as is custom in our church, I kissed him on one cheek, then, before I could kiss the other cheek, he kind of intercepted my kiss, and I ended up kissing him full on, on the lips. His lips were soft, and oh so warm. I was shocked, I pushed myself back. He didn't look alarmed, so I knew it wasn't my fault for what just happened. He initiated everything.
"Do you really think that I don't have feelings for women Kara?"
"Well no, I know you're still a man, Father."
We both laughed quietly at that.
"Father, I just never thought you'd ever like someone like me."
"What is there not to like Kara? You're a beautiful person...inside, and out."
My mind was reeling. What the hell had I gotten myself into? I had gotten myself into exactly what I had wanted for so long.
"I just, thought you didn't notice me or something." I said as I turned to leave.
"Oh my dear, you are wrong again. I've noticed you for quite some time." He paused briefly, as if pondering what he would say next. "And I can tell you...you too have been causing me some difficulties."
"What do you mean Father?" I felt bad.
"Well, I've had to confess some things also."
He looked at me, trying to judge my feelings, seeing if he could proceed.
It seemed almost a forethought that we were still entwined in the hug that we had shared earlier. The duration of this little talk, my arms were around his neck, and he had his around my waist. I felt something stirring in my own groin, but I once again shrugged it off.
"Kara...you are so beautiful to me...and yet so innocent that you don't even realize this of yourself." And with that, he kissed me again, tightening his hold on me, and before he broke free of the kiss, he sucked on my bottom lip.
I thought to myself that his lips definitely should be a sin.
