Power Outage 01
Hello, I'm Jay, I'm 23 and here's what I've learned about my neighborhood since purchasing my house about a year ago. They pick up the rubbish bins on Monday mornings and I know exactly which of my surrounding houses are prepared for a power outage with nothing (ahh, the quiet houses), which have a household sized power generator (not bad) and which have portable generators (no comment other than they rattle away, but save the day).
So, since I've turned 23, which means I've done it all and know it all, it felt right that I made certain a few of neighbors had their rattling portable generators up and running because that's what is expected of someone like me who is now considered as the older generation, right?
"Alright, Jay, other than to stand here and watch you do stuff, what do you need me to do then, hmm? And is there a door delivery system for the gasoline like my groceries?"
"Mrs. Venture, step one, start digging out good extension cords, step two, start digging out fans, two fans max, step three, crack your family room window open so I can fish the extension cords through it and step four, place your hands on your hips and lean a little like in a "S" form, so?"
"Hah! Men, they always want their women bent over a little!"
Well, I laid out a good starting point sequence of events, right?
[Extension cords plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop]
Well, Mrs. Venture does always over decorate for the Christmas holidays and all, so.
"Alright, now that you have single handedly kept the extension cord company in business, Mrs. Venture, here's the next sequence. This orange cord will be mainly for your refrigerator, like 90% and for your microwave oven the other 10%, but it's a shared power cord between those two appliances only, got it? 90-10, Mrs. Venture, 90-10, got it?"
"Oh, Jay, I got your 90-10 shared power cord! But go on then."
"Alright, we'll use this thick yellow cord as a branch feed for a TV, two fans, one small centrally located lamp, maybe two small lamps and a recharging spot, although recharging devices from a portable generator isn't the best idea except for emergencies, got it, Mrs. Venture?"
"Oh, I'm getting a headache already, but you know, you're "the man" and all and you "know best" about what should be plugged into where! Sheesh, what else then, Jay?"
"Well, sometimes people with tender feet feel discomfort when stepping on a round extension cord, so I'm going to route the cords as close to the walls and cabinets as I can, so, if you have tender feet, watch where you step or slip your feet into a pair of slippers or, or, or, wear a pair of flip flops to keep your painted nails of full display, tee he, got it, Mrs. Venture?"
"Well, Jay, at least something will get slipped into something then! But go on."
"Tee he, is this a good time to suggest that you use the remaining daylight to sit outside, while I start your portable generator and then you lean forward in a patio chair and touch up your toe nails, hmm?"
"Men! They always want their women leaning forward in chair while wearing a house coat! Wait, maybe we're finally getting somewhere!"
"Alright, Mrs. Venture, we're at the final steps before I run up to the gas station and fill up your gas can, so, plugging in your TV might be worthless since the cable is probably out as well, so you might have to miss tonight's episode of "The Real Bimbo's of Middleton", got it?"
"Well, they are in re-runs anyways, so continue on with what needs to be plugged in and don't leave out what should be plugged because it hasn't been plugged for over seven years!"
"Alright, alright, Mrs. Venture, next, for your comfort, make sure to change into your lightest weight jammies for comfort and this is no time for modesty, so, well, a bra is just extra material to wear against your body, but since you know much more about your support requirements, I'll leave that to you, so, I'm going to fire up your generator now, check to make sure everything is plugged in properly and up and running and then run up to the station for you fuel, so?"
Well, the best thing about a fairly new and modern portable generator is that they do start right up with just one or two pulls of the cord.
[Pull, pull, grr, grr, grr, hum, hum, rattle, rattle, hum, hum]
"Well?"
"Oh, OMG, Mrs. Venture! Those jammies are made from pretty thin material alright!"
"It's a sheer babydoll and I believe it meets all the criteria you just laid out as the appropriate power outage dress code, Jay! It's thin, it's light, it has what they call support cups, it came with small matching panties and sometimes this is what a man likes when he's making sure that everything that needs to be plugged is properly plugged, so, well, so what then, Jay?"
[Thump, thump, pump, thrust, thrust, slam, pump, slam, slam, slam, ooh, oh, thump, pump, slam]
"Oh boy and sometimes a man plugs it bare back and raw! Oh, oh, ahh, ahh, ooh."
[Thump, thump, pump, thrust, thrust, slam, pump, slam, slam, slam, ooh, oh, thump, pump, slam]
"OMG, pull out, Jay, OMG, don't pull out, Jay, OMG, pull out, Jay, OMG, don't pull out, Jay!"
[Gush, squirt, blast, squirt, goop, stream, gush, squirt, sploosh, ooze, ahh, ooze, ooh, drizzle, ahh]
Well, Mrs. Venture's last scream out was to not pull out, so.
"[Wheeze, huff] now that's how you bring the power, Jay!"
"[Wheeze, puff] I agree, Mrs. Venture, but I need to get up to filling station [wheeze], so?"
"[Whew] not before I suck my pussy juice off of your dick! A good side piece women never leaves her evidence behind."
[Oomph, slush, oomph, slurp, gasp, oomph, suck, oomph, gasp, slurp, hmm, ooh]
Well, she probably knew that I had a on and off girlfriend, right?
[Oomph, ooze, oomph, ooze, drizzle, oomph, ooze, oomph, suck, oomph, drizzle, gulp]
I did not have a on and off girlfriend.
But what Mrs. Venture had was, well, other than an aggressive manner in the bedroom, was she had one of those older and large gasoline cans with basically zero safety features, except for a handle operated cap, which, yay for the modern safety features and all, but I like it when it goes straight to "glug, glug, glug" instead of all that fiddling around with safety feature after safety feature after safety feature! But, yay for safety features anyways.
And then I made another stop on my way to the gas station. I mean, I had to check up with all of neighbors, right?
[Pops around the back of the house from the driveway un-announced]
"OMG, Mrs. Kline, OMG, Mrs. Kline, put the shotgun down, Mrs. Kline!"
[But Mrs. Kline looked good standing there aiming a shotgun at her generator!]
"Well, damn it, Jay, I paid near a $1000 for this damn machine and the fancy man on my TV said it would give me my power and I got it started alright, but it's not giving me my power, Jay and if it's not going to give me my power like the fancy man on my TV said it would, then I'm going pig belly its guts out!"
[Jay was a fool to lay his hand on the barrel and gently lower it, but Jay has been a fool before, so]
"Alright, alright, alright, Mrs. Kline, let me just have a quick look at things first before we go pig belly gutting anything! Also, you look good in a dress, Mrs. Kline. I don't recall seeing you much like this."
"Oh, don't get excited, young man! It's just rock salt in case I have to scare off any Mountain Lions since I live on the edge of wilderness. Besides, I have the safety on, so even if I pointed this old shotgun up in the air this like and squeeze the trigger, I mean, it won't go off [click]"
[BOOM. SNAP! Crack, crackle, crackle, timber! Slam!]
"Tee he, well, that tree needing pruning anyways! And maybe the rock salt is in my other shotgun! Or even in my other, other shotgun, anyways, Jay, let me use your truck to hunt down the fancy man who said on my TV that his generator would give me my power!"
"Alright, hold up, Mrs. Kline, before you tear into the fancy man on your TV, look, see this switch? It's the main circuit breaker switch and see these words, "on" and "off" right next to switch?'
[Hum, hum, hum, switch to on, grr, grr, grr, rattle, rattle, hum, hum, hum]
"Ta da! Power, Mrs. Kline, you have your power now! Also, you don't really live on the edges of the wilderness, Mrs. Kline and you don't have to live in fear of Mountain Lions! I mean, you have a fenced in backyard with a large county owned grassy area, dual train tracks, more grassy area and then you know, the six-lane highway, so, let's put away your shotgun, your other shotgun, your other, other shotgun and maybe put away the pistol that you have strapped to your ankle, so?"
"Are you checking out my ankles, Jay? Well, tee he, I drank my first bottle of whiskey hanging out near the train tracks back in the day, Jay! It was my first group date ever!"
"And it's a rite of passage for every group of teenagers to have their first beer and to fool around near the train tracks, so, yay, Mrs. Kline, you grew up normal in Middleton! I'll go get you some gasoline then."
"Oh, it wasn't that type of group date, Jay, four boys asked me out for the same time and gave me a bottle of whiskey! And I'm still pissed off for not getting mentioned in the good book for having a baby without having sex like that other woman!"
[They share a quizzical, yet whimsical stare down for 3.3 moments]
"Oh, tee he, well then, Mrs. Kline, um, whew, so, I'll fill your gas can and be back around, so."
"Well, don't come back around hoping to fill anything else, Jay! I keep my other, other, other shotgun leaning up against my bed post!"
"Oh, well, that sounds like, um, like a carnival game where I might try to sling your undies over the tip of the barrel, like that ring toss, game, if you were wearing any undies since I can basically see through your sun dress, Mrs. Kline, so?"
"Hah! Men, they always want to twirl their woman's undies around their finger in victory and then give them a good slinging through the air!"
Well, it sounded like a challenge to me, so? The game, I mean, the ring toss game.
"Wait! Um, Jay, um, you'll have to seduce me another way later tonight, um, because maybe I don't keep up with personal grooming so much these days, so? And bring a bottle whiskey back with you from the gas station! And that's just for me later so I can fall asleep and since I'm already half seduced by you, Jay, so?"
And honesty never hurt anyone, right? Besides, not only could I see through her sun dress, I could her unkept wilderness area! But it on to the next neighbor.
"Mrs. Wilson? Mrs. Wilson? It's Jay, um, I'm on a generator gasoline run, so, Mrs. Wilson?"
[Moments pass before Mrs. Wilson appears in the breezeway screen door]
"Oh, hey there, Jay, um, I was just in my bedroom slipping on something a little cooler, so, a generator gasoline run then, count me in, Jay."
"Tee he, sorry, Mrs. Wilson, I should have checked the clock on my phone to know that you would be slipping into something more comfortable, so?"
"Hah! Boys who have grown into men, yet remember that their friend's mom used to remove her bra after work Monday through Friday at precisely 5:27pm! And maybe with the bedroom door cracked open! And maybe in a thong, but that's not important now, what's important is that I need gasoline! And maybe I need it doggie bad since you're all grown up now, Jay, so?"
[Thump, thump, pump, thrust, thrust, slam, pump, slam, slam, slam, ooh, oh, thump, pump, slam]
"You should have fucked me a long time ago, Jay, aha, aha, aha, oh, oh, ooh, Jay, Jay, Jay!"
[Thump, thump, pump, thrust, thrust, slam, pump, slam, slam, slam, ooh, oh, thump, pump, slam]
