"Will you two please stop it!" I snapped in annoyance, but of course Mike and Jerry ignored me.
None of us were particularly sober and our pledge master's "request" had us sneaking through a small patch of woods behind one of the six sororities on campus. If we got caught it would be embarrassing enough without Mike and Jerry insisting on humming the Mission Impossible theme, but of course my fears didn't stop them. Actually, if anything they became louder. Mike and Jerry were my two best friends since grammar school, but sometimes they drove me crazy!
We decided to go to the same college with some reservations from our parents. Truth be told, the three of us weren't all that much alike, but for some reason we became friends early in life and continued to grow closer as the years went by. I don't think anyone was surprised when we pledged the same fraternity, which was saying something considering how different we were.
Mike was the brainy type. It wasn't that he was a nerd as much as he was just so focused on his studies. I doubt Mike would have joined a fraternity at all without Jerry and my intervention. I'm sure his mother would have been happier if he hadn't. Let's just say that Jerry and I were not her favorite people despite how many years we'd been friends with her son.
On the other hand, I think Mike's father liked the fact that his son hung out with us. I always got the feeling that he was laughing on the inside when we got caught doing something particularly stupid, but harmless. In fact, I think he would love this little pledge prank we were assigned tonight.
Jerry was smart too. I was certain that he could get grades as good as Mike if he tried. Yet, that wasn't likely to happen any time soon. Jerry was too busy playing sports. In fact, quite a few fraternities rushed him because he was an all American football linebacker in high school.
Our pledge master called us the Three Stooges. Jerry was Curly, Mike was Larry and I was Moe. For some reason people seemed to think I was the ringleader of our trio. As if someone could control Mike and Jerry's craziness!
"Here," Jerry said, holding out his ever present flask. "You're starting to sound sober." Thankfully he and Mike finally stopped their rendition of Mission Impossible.
"Maybe you're right," I shrugged and took a swig. My eyes watered slightly and I added in surprise, "Whoa! JD!"
You never knew what Jerry's flask carried, but Jack Daniels was pretty highbrow for us these days. Mad Dog was far more likely based on Jerry's financial situation. Truth be told, none of us had a lot of liquid assets these days. That was college for you.
"I got it from the social chairman," Jerry grinned. "Or maybe I should say I lifted it from the liquor closet when he left it open briefly before the party."
"Serves him right," I shrugged. Normally I didn't condone stealing, but getting alcohol out of Francis was like dating a virgin. The odds weren't you were going to get anything, and if you did it wouldn't be all that good anyway.
"This sucks!" Mike grumbled, bringing us back to our current problem. "Couldn't Tommy have sent us to the Brain Trust or Harlot House? I'd even prefer the Jock Joint or Pearl Harbor!"
"The Dog Pound isn't that bad," Jerry put in. "It could have been worse. He could have sent up to Drugs R Us."
"At least they have some good looking girls," Mike retorted.
I shook my head as the two continued to argue. Tommy, the pledge master, had a nickname for each of the six sororities on campus. We pledges weren't allowed to call them by anything other than his nicknames. In fact, we could get in a lot of trouble if we used their actual Greek letters.
The names were pretty obvious for the most part. For instance, the sister's from Harlot House had a reputation of being sluts while the Brain Trust attracted the more intelligent girls on campus. Drugs R Us was filled with girls who liked to party and the Jock Joint was home to the athletes. Pearl Harbor was the least obvious nickname and my favorite. I asked Tommy what it meant when he first told us the nicknames. His response was to grin and say, "Beware the Japs!"
My girlfriend at the time was from that house and happened to be Jewish. I told her the nickname and explained. She laughed for five minutes. Tami liked it so much that she went around telling all her pledge sisters. Most seem to think it funny, but a couple did take offense. I thought there wasn't a lot they could say considering Tommy's last name was Greenbaum, but boy was I wrong! You don't want to know what punishment Tommy gave me after two of them cornered him.
"Mike, the Dog Pound isn't really that bad," I said, putting an end to their argument. "I hear that Tommy's old girlfriend is the president. She dumped him and he didn't take it well."
"I heard that too," Jerry put in. "And maybe that did have something to do with the nickname, but then again you have to admit, the Dog Pound has more than it's share of well...dogs." Mike nodded vigorously in agreement.
"That's not really the point. Let's just focus on the prank and get this over with!" I sighed loudly.
"Sounds good to me," Jerry shrugged. "But how exactly do you expect to sneak into the Dog Pound and steal the sorority president's bra?"
"Not just any bra," Mike said, sounding glum again. "It has to be the frilly red one."
"Does anyone else get the feeling that Tommy was a little plastered when he gave us this little prank?" I asked with a shake of my head.
"You think?" Jerry asked rhetorically.
"It seems that this red bra has special meaning to him," Mike added.
"Maybe he wants to put it on and dance around," Jerry joked. I grinned, trying to imagine our pledge master wearing a frilly red bra and pirouetting around the fraternity.
"Jerry! Be careful!" Mike snapped. "If Tommy ever hears about what you just said..."
"And who is going to tell him?" Jerry asked.
"I might," I grinned. "Just to see his expression. I guess it might also be interesting to see what he'd do to you."
"I wouldn't," Jerry retorted. "Because then I'll have to tell him..."
"I get the picture," I interjected. The three of us had more than enough dirt on each other to get the others in trouble with the pledge master, our parents and probably half the people we knew.
"Um guys," Mike said. "It's not getting any earlier. Don't you think we'd better get started?"
"Not yet," I replied.
"I knew it!" Jerry laughed. "You do have a plan."
"Yes," I sighed. "But you're not going to like it."
"Why?" Jerry asked, suddenly no longer laughing. He knew me too well.
"Janice Talson," was my only reply.
"What about her?" he asked.
"She's had a thing for you since junior year of high school," I said carefully. "And the pledges have an eleven thirty curfew at the Dog Pound tonight. She's either already in the sorority house or should be in the next twenty minutes."
"No!" Jerry cried. "Absolutely not!"
Janice was a girl from our high school. We weren't friends or anything, but she seemed nice enough. I never knew what Jerry had against her.
"What's the problem?" Mike asked with a grin. "She not half as bad as some of the sisters from the Dog Pound. In fact, she has rather nice jugs."
"Good! In that case you do it!" Jerry snapped.
"Sorry," Mike said, his grin growing wider. "It's you she has the thing for."
"I won't do it!" Jerry cried.
"Sure you will," I said carefully. "It's either that or go back to Tommy empty handed." Jerry looked at me angrily, but I just stood there watching him.
"It won't be that bad," Mike put in. "I bet she's a wild woman in the sack!"
"Fuck you!" Jerry snapped. I fought hard not to laugh. Mike didn't bother. His laughter seemed to just make Jerry angrier.
"Jerry, why are you so mad?" I asked, and then added when it didn't look like he was going to answer, "Don't you think it's about time you told me what you have against her?" Jerry looked at me tight lipped.
"You mean you don't know?" Mike asked, still laughing.
"Don't!" Jerry warned. He was an intimidating figure, but Mike ignored his warning. We'd all been friends too long.
"She cornered him freshman year of high school and read him the riot act after he broke up with Samantha Higgens. Samantha and Janice were good friends at the time. I'm surprised you didn't hear. It was during lunch and there had to be well over a hundred witnesses."
"This is all about that?" I sighed loudly in disbelief. "I can't believe you're still pissed after all these years."
"Do you have any idea how much teasing I had to take from the football team because of her?" Jerry asked rhetorically.
"Do you remember when Gloria Stebbins dumped Mike?" I asked, trying a different tact. "Wasn't it you who tracked her down and told her exactly what you thought about her?"
"You did what?" Mike cried.
"Not now!" I said, quieting his protest with a look and turning back to Jerry.
"That was different!" Jerry snapped. "Gloria Stebbins was a bitch! She was using Mike to get back at her old boyfriend."
"Yes, but I'm sure Janice thought you were doing something similar to her friend Samantha. You can't hold a grudge forever against her because she was trying to protect a friend, especially when you're done the same thing." Jerry looked at me and shook his head.
"Oh, okay," he finally agreed.
"You're going to do it?" Mike asked in surprise.
"Yep," Jerry replied. He wasn't one to dwell on a decision once it was made. "So, what's the plan?"
"It's simple really. Tommy's says that the sorority president Marci went home for the weekend," I grinned. "And everyone knows that as strict as the Dog Pound is about having their pledges in by curfew, they don't particularly follow the 'No Boys Allowed After Curfew' rule. It would cramp some of the sisters' style." There were a couple of sisters at the Dog Pound who could easily have fit in at Harlot House.
"You knock on the door after we're sure Janice is in the house and make nice for an hour or so. Once you give the rest of the sorority sisters a chance to settle down in their rooms, you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and let Mike and I in the side door. We get the bra."
"Um, that all sounds fine," Mike said. "But what if Marci took the red bra home with her? She may have brought laundry home for her mom to do. It's what I would have done."
"I thought about that," I shrugged. "But there's nothing we can do if that's the case. Tommy sent us to get the bra tonight. We have to at least make the attempt."
