Another story very much about sex, with only a little sex action in it. So if it's lots of hardcore action you want, move on. If you stay and read it, then I always welcome both positive and negative criticism. It's the only way I'll improve. And I'll reply to any emails. Thanks for reading. Bw
***
It's sometimes said that anticipation is better than the event. Kashi knew that in this case that was definitely not true. She had been anticipating getting into the warm flat, putting her feet up and pouring a glass of red for the last hour. The tube journey had been even more chaotic than normal, and then the walk from the station in the rain -
why did I wear my four inch heels today?
- had capped a really rubbish day.
As well as a glass of wine, she was also looking forward to a cosy evening in front of the television snuggled up next to Tim. But first she had some precious time to herself, to recover from what had definitely been one of those days.
She pushed the door open, feeling some resistance. No doubt that was the post and the usual freebie newspapers –
Did anyone actually read them?
She threw her damp coat over the banister and picked up the pile of paper that had indeed been blocking the door. Kicking off her shoes as she went, she made her way to the kitchen whilst simultaneously giving the wedge of paper in her hand the once over.
Two free newspapers went straight into the recycle bin. An electricity bill and a credit card bill for Tim went into the growing pile of bills to sort out.
Our credit rating must be slipping, there's only two credit card applications!
They joined the free newspapers. That left just one item of post – and as Kashi looked at it, her eyebrows raised. She turned it over in her hands, the frown growing. It was a brown, A4, stiff envelope – the kind you put photographs or certificates in. The label, addressed to her, was printed rather than written.
Who the hell's sending me something that they don't want to get bent? Only one way to find out.
She got a knife out of the drawer and sliced the envelope open, careful not to damage the contents. The single photograph inside was slightly blurred, but easily sharp enough for Kashi to recognise the people and the situation. It took her a few seconds to realise she was holding her breath, and that her mouth was hanging open.
The photograph brought back all the smells, textures and sounds of that evening –
was it really a week ago?
The truth was that Kashi had hardly thought of anything else since. Her head was filled with the image of Adam's tanned, muscular body. In her mind she recalled the light-headed, almost giddy feeling of euphoria. She could still smell his deodorant slowly replaced by the scent of their perspiring bodies and then the strong scent of sex. Her breasts tingled as she remembered his touch. Her thighs parted slightly at the memory of his powerful legs sliding between them. She closed her eyes, reliving the sensations ... as she looked again at the image from the envelope, she licked her lips. In the photograph, her head was thrown back as she knelt astride him, her eyes were closed and her face showed a mixture of intense pleasure and fierce concentration.
Then the other thoughts that she'd been having all week flooded into her mind washing away the good feelings and replacing them with the weight of guilt. The tightness in her chest was replaced by a growing nausea. She felt she was going to throw up.
Someone had been spying on her!
She rushed to the sink, her hand shaking as she filled a glass with water and gulped it down. Her hope was that it would also wash away the feeling that she had been violated by some dirty old man photographer who had a half decent camera and a telephoto lens.
Although she was still breathing in short, rapid breaths the urge to vomit had subsided, and was replaced by chaotic thoughts crashing into her mind.
Who the fuck had sent the photographs? Had the photographer known they would be there or was it just some voyeur who had lucked out being in the right place at the right time? And how the hell did they know where she lived?
Then the more serious thoughts:
What did the sender want?
She checked the envelope again – no message, no demand for money. As waves of thoughts crashed into her head, she suddenly felt sick again
... Could it be Adam? Why would he do that?
Then she dismissed the thought –
no, that was stupid.
She glanced at the clock;
Tim will be home soon,
so the first thing was to hide the photograph.
Tim must never find out about Adam, and what happened last week. If he does then it will be like my life is over. Why in God's name did I do it? How could I have let it happen? How could I have been so fucking stupid?
She put it back into the envelope and went upstairs – hiding it in one of her drawers. Kashi had never been one for tears, but right now she had never felt more like crying. But if she did, Tim would want to know what had caused it.
She decided to shower and change – in an attempt to calm herself and to wash away the growing panic she felt. But somewhere in the murky depths of her mind was the notion it might somehow cleanse her from last week's act of betrayal that she so much regretted.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, her shoulder length hair still wet, she smelled clean and she looked clean. But clean was still the last thing she felt. She reached out for her mobile phone and flicked through to her stored numbers. The number she wanted was on the first screen – there aren't many names earlier in the alphabet than Adam. She couldn't believe she was about to dial the number she swore she'd never ring.
"Hi this is Adam. I'm sorry I can't talk just now – but leave me message. Bye"
His voice sounded light and happy. Then she remembered how it had sounded when he whispered in her ear as they were in the middle of the hottest, most explosive sex she had ever had. Yes, that whole evening had been so exciting that it had made her light-headed and dizzy. Looking back it was as if she had been distant, watching herself from outside her body. But that momentary, giddy pleasure paled into insignificance when compared to the endless guilt and regret she had felt in the pit of her stomach every second since.
Kashi looked at the phone. She didn't know whether to be relieved or not that Adam wasn't there. She hadn't even been sure what she would say, she just wanted to share the burden with the only person in the world that she could. She was still sitting on the bed, her hair slowly drying, when she heard Tim's key in the lock and the door swing open. He shouted up to her with a cheery "Hi babe!"
She glanced around quickly, checking the envelope and its contents were well out of sight. She drew a deep breath, and mustered all her strength to call back as cheerfully as Tim had sounded. By the time he came into the bedroom she felt composed. He smiled and gave her a huge hug and went to kiss her. At that point Kashi realised she was a lousy actress. He pulled away from her, still holding her shoulders, and asked if she was okay.
"Yeah fine, just a bit of a crap day at work. That's all."
He smiled at her and nodded.
"Okay. Fancy a drink?"
She forced a laugh:
"I thought you'd never ask. Vodka tonic would go down a treat."
With a "Coming right up", Tim left her to finish dressing and she heard the clinking of glasses and ice coming from the kitchen. She decided she didn't need underwear around the house, so just put on a t shirt and some loose jogging bottoms – real slobbing around gear. Plus, the easy access might tempt Tim into something a bit more than a cuddle. She wanted to feel Tim's arms around her, to feel his warmth and strength, to feel him inside her and to freely give all of herself to him: as if that act would somehow take away the guilt she felt.
She looked around the bedroom, a place where she had felt happier than at any time in her life. It was Tim's flat and she'd left her rented place three months ago. She remembered her surprise when she had offered to share the rent, and he'd told her the flat was his, and he owned it. It had been a present from his parents when he was twenty-one. She remembered being amazed that he'd never let on that his family was pretty well off. She knew Tim worked hard though and didn't rely on his parents' money – of course, not having a mortgage millstone or monthly rent helped. So, Tim was pretty rich, had a nice flat, a great car and could take her to expensive restaurants. But she'd fallen for him a long time before all that had become apparent to her. It hadn't been the money or the car, but the smile, the wit and the warmth of his character. He was very bright, very talented, very funny - and rich, but didn't brag about his Oxford first, or the fact he'd been offered a professional Rugby contract, or that he'd been paid for doing some stand-up. But most of all, he didn't talk about his money.
As she contemplated the last three months she realised that she had fallen in love with Tim in a big way. And that made last week all the more bizarre and all the more painful. It also made her all the more desperate to sort it out, find out what was going on and put it behind her.
Why the fuck did I do it? Yeah, Adam was nice, he'd treated me well and complemented me. The whole evening had seemed like a dream. He'd made me feel special. But so does Tim!
The tears started to form, but she fought them back and forced herself to go downstairs, and try and have the evening she so craved.
It had been two days since that envelope had arrived, and as Kashi lay in her and Tim's bed, although she was only half awake, the first thought that came into her head was
what if another one comes in the post today?
The early autumn sun was showing itself around the edges of the curtains. She reached out for Tim, but his side of the bed was empty.
Oh God, suppose there's something in the post and he gets there first.
She started to panic and pushed the covers back to get out of the bed just as the door swung open.
"Morning sleepy head."
Tim was carrying a tray with juice, coffee and croissants on it. Kashi bit her lip:
"Err, this is very nice, but ...why?"
"I'm trying to lull you into a false sense of security because I've got something to ask you."
Kashi felt her pulse quicken.
But if he knows, he wouldn't be bringing me breakfast in bed! He'd probably be throwing me out on the street.
She pulled the covers up a bit:
"Okay, ask away."
Tim put the tray down beside the bed.
"Well, you know we're going to mum and dad's for dinner tomorrow..."
She nodded in response.
