Many times I had thought I was crazy to return to college at age 40. This is the time of life when things are supposed to be getting better. But with the economy being what it is, and one lay off after another, I had been pushed to the point of âretoolingâ or rusting out. My wife had suggested nursing as an option. Her reasoning was with the nursing shortage, I would never be out of work, and males are even more in demand in the field. So, with some reservation, I started out in the coursework.
One of the first ânursing classesâ is physical assessment. The course is mostly lecture, but there is also a âlabâ that goes along with it. The class of 100 or so nursing students was divided up into several lab groups of 12 to 15. It is in these lab groups that the instructors see if you can apply the concepts taught in lecture. As it turned out, my lab group consisted of only one other guy aside from me, the rest being young women. He was about my age, and it was more than comforting to know that my lab partner was going to be another guy. Not that the thought of doing a weekly assessment of a nubile young thing was not attractive to me, but these were âgirlsâ that I would have to spend the next 2 years or so dealing with. The thought of playing âIâll show you mine, if you show me yoursâ and then setting through classes knowing what they looked like under the lab coat was just more than I could stand.
Things went well for the first several weeks. Tom and I took turns doing examinations of the ears, eyes, nose, throat, and so forth. Towards the middle of the term, we had been studying the âchest.â My heart sank as my heretofore-faithful lab partner had failed to show. Glancing around the room, I wondered who I would be partnering up with to listen to heart and lung sounds. Britney approached me as the brief pre-lab conference ended. âIt looks like our lab partners did not show up today, I guess that means we will be doing this together.â
âI guess so,â I confirmed. âYou donât mind do you?â I said somewhat self-consciously.
âOf course not, silly.â She flashed a pretty smile. Britney was the kind of girl I could only dream about dating in college. Aside from being self confident and intelligent, she was 100% pure âeye candy.â At 5â5â she had a near perfect body. Her blue eyes and tanned skin complimented her auburn hair. Some guys do not like âsmallâ breasts, but I have always been turned on by a full âBâ cup, and if my memory served me, and she did not âstuff,â her breasts were about as close to a perfect âBâ that one could get without ordering from the factory. While the girls had to wear scrubs to clinical, they could wear anything to lab. Britney had, more than once, floated in to class wearing tight hip-hugging jeans and skimpy tops which showed plenty of her flat tummy. Now that she stood so close to me, I could smell her floral perfume.
I had been married for nearly as long as this young thing had been alive. She could have been a flower girl at our wedding, but now my mind was far from seeing her as somebodyâs darling little daughter. She was my lab partner de jour. I tried to focus my mind on being a âprofessional.â All my life I had been told âdoctors and nursesâ are professionals and donât get excited over seeing somebody naked. One too many trips to the strip club had long ago turned girls like Britney into 100% pure excitement. Now I was struggling to keep my wits about me.
We entered into the lab room. It was a large room with 10 beds, five on either side of the room. Curtains that enclosed the bed to allow for privacy during the exam surrounded each bed. As we entered, I wished that Tom were here to save me from what was uncomfortable to say the least. Normally, I would have died to see Britney near naked. But this was different. âIâll go first as the patient,â I said as I pulled off my shirt.
Britney donned her stethoscope and in a flash had me on the side of the bed, listening to my breath sounds. âBreathe in, and outâ she instructed. âAnd again, and again, once moreâ she sounded professional as she moved her stethoscope across and down my back. âOk, now we will listen to your heart.â She maneuvered herself and easily found each position to hear the various heart sounds. She located the apical pulse and palpated my radial pulse at the same time. âPerfect!â she exclaimed, âYou have the heart of a 20 year old, youâll live forever.â She giggled, breaking her professional demeanor for the first time. âGet dressed, youâre up next!â
âListen, Britney, about that, if you will be more comfortable, I can just listen under your shirt.â I said, trying to provide her a way out.
âDonât be silly! We all have to learn the same techniques.â With that she crossed her arms and lifted off her pink top revealing a lacy bra with exposed as much of her tanned breasts as it covered. I felt the flush of the blood as it raced to my face. I quickly moved behind her, hoping that she had not seen the flush of red. I placed my left hand on her left shoulder as I repeated the same instructions she had given me. Her skin was soft and warm. It had been years since I had touched anybody other than my wife. I felt a twinge of quilt rush over me. Months ago, I had joked with my wife about spending too much time with young co-eds. She had taunted, âListen, you didnât get much tail in college when you were their age, if you think you can get one of them interested in an old guy like you, go ahead, but donât come running crying back to me when they turn you down!â Britneyâs voice shocked me back to the âhere and now.â
âHow do my lungs sound?â She asked as if truly concerned with her lung functioning.
âFine, clear in all lobes.â I answered.
âOk, but I think there might be something wrong with my heartâ she prompted.
Her heart, mine was the one in tachycardia! I was sure she could hear it pounding against my chest wall. Strangely enough, I did not have my anticipated and much feared erection. By this time, I was well into the âfight or flightâ stress response. I moved to place my stethoscope on her chest wall. I could not tell her heartbeat from that of my own, as the pulse in my own ear was so loud. I only went through the steps.
Britney was not one to overlook the obvious. âYou are nervous, arenât you?â She whispered.
âWell, Britney, to be honest I am a little.â I confessed âItâs been a long time since I have been this close to somebody, other than my wife, and never with a stethoscope in my hand.â I tried to smile.
âI know whatâs wrongâ She quipped. âYou are just out of touch with the real world!â She said as she pulled on her shirt. Just then the curtain opened.
âHow are you two doing?â said the instructor who was so old she made me feel young.
âNothing wrong here that a little practice will not clear up.â Britney smiled.
âThatâs the attitude. âPractice, practice, practiceâ is what I always say!â Our instructor continued âThe only way to get really proficient is to...â
âPractice, practice, practice!â Britney finished her sentence.
âThatâs right young lady, and Iâm impressed, everybody else rushed through and tried to convince me that they had it all under control. You are the first to recognize that there is much to learn!â
Old nurse Brown was right; everybody else had left. Britney walked with me towards the door. âSo, do you want to?â
âWant to whatâ I said honestly not knowing what she meant.
âDo you want to âPractice, practice, practice!â?â she said almost perfectly mimicking Nurse Brownâs voice and delivery.
âWell, they are closing the lab.â I said
âThere is always my place, we can go there.â She offered.
In a moment of impulsivity energized by hope, I said âWell, ok, if you think it will help.â
âWe can take your car, if you donât mind.â She said. âI took the bus this morningâ
We walked the short distance to my car, and I found myself opening the door for her. Once inside she adjusted the radio to a station that played songs that were way ahead of my time. The beat was strange. Had I grown so old so fast so as to be that out of touch? She gave the obligatory, âturn right here, now leftâ etc, between the chit-chat. We soon stopped at a well known student apartment building, the kind that has two bedrooms, each renting for nearly the price of a one bedroom apartment, to squeeze every last dime out of either daddy, or Uncle Sam.
âCome on in, the place is a messâ she said as we hit the door, The place was anything but a mess. Clean and tidy. Well decorated. âDo you want something to drink?â she offered.
âA coke would be fine.â I answered.
âLetâs get down to businessâ she smiled as she walked back with the coke on ice.
âOk.â Again, not knowing exactly what I was getting into. With that, her shirt was once again off. I took out my stethoscope and placed it on her chest.