© Copyright 2019. All rights reserved.
This is a work of fiction. All characters depicted are 18 years and over.
This is a hard story to tell. It involves the very bottom a person can reach and the very top a person can aspire. I know, I have been in both places. The low can make you suicidal, and the high can be unbelievable. Fortunately the high has continued for me, and it is all due to a man and woman I met in college. They have supported and encouraged me for the last ten years. They mean the world to me and I am so fortunate to have met them. This is our story at the beginning of our relationship.
But I guess I have to start at the low point so you can understand just how much of an impact it had on me. In high school I got involved with a boy that put me on a path to destruction. When I met him he seemed normal enough but in reality he was self destructive. And he took me down with him.
After turning 18 in November of my senior year I decided that I should spread my wings a little. I had dated before then but nothing sexual had happened, mainly because I didn't think I was ready. In the spring semester I met Donnie in Biology of all classes. He was my new lab partner for the spring semester. We dissected frogs, examined all sorts of insects, and even visited a lab that stored many types of animals in cold storage. But of course, that was not what got me in trouble.
Donnie seemed normal enough and when he asked me on a date, I answered 'yes'. On a Friday night he took me to a friend's house where there was a party going on. There was a lot of alcohol at the party and since I had no real experience with it I got a little too drunk. The next thing I know I am led to a bedroom where I was forced to have sex with about five boys. That was not a bad as it could have been since all the boys were almost as drunk as I was and actually treated me with at least some respect. What I didn't know was that was not the bottom for me.
Over the course of four months I kept going out with Donnie and the parties kept getting more and more wild. Soon all kinds of drugs were involved and the sex became almost non-stop. I started sampling the drugs and before I knew it I was hooked. Not only on the drugs, but on the sex as well.
By the time my senior year was over I was a total mess. I barely passed my classes, I missed a lot of school, I was hooked on alcohol and drugs, and I had lost all my friends. My family realized I needed professional help and they got it for me. I spent the whole summer in a rehab center trying to break my addictions and getting my life back on track. The big mystery for me was how I did not become pregnant during my binge period. The doctors examined me further and it turns out that due to a condition never previously diagnosed I can not have children. This news on top of everything else was devastating and sent me to my lowest point of depression.
Luckily, I had top notch doctors and a really good psychiatrist. They partially pulled me up from the depths by the middle of the summer. At least enough that I considered going to college. But it was hard. I was still down in the dumps most of the time and none of my old friends wanted anything to do with me. It was a very lonely time for me while I struggled with my depression. I attended sessions with the psychiatrist twice a week and that did help me through the rest of the summer. He suggested that if I attended college I do so at one as far away from home as was reasonably and financially possible for my parents.
Since my grades from my senior year were not very good I knew it would not be possible to attend a really good school so I had to settle for something a little more reasonable for my grades. I applied to ten colleges and to my surprise I was accepted by two of them. One of them turned out to be a little too close for comfort to home so I settled on the small college in Kansas City that accepted me. It was far enough away and small enough that none of the people I knew in high school were thinking about attending it. I would be a complete unknown there and I could make a fresh start.
I got my current psychiatrist to recommend a doctor in Kansas City so I could continue therapy sessions while I attended college. He was very supportive and recommended a psychiatrist that turned out to really good for me.
My parents were extremely supportive. I was an only child so they went very far in providing financial support as well as emotional support for me. They got me a used car that would probably last through college and with that I packed it up and moved to a dorm on the campus about three days before classes started. I hopped that I was ready to begin a new phase of my life and leave all the heartache and troubles behind me. I had no idea what that might mean, but it had to be better than what I had been through for the last two years.
When I got to the dorm I had almost forgotten that I was sharing a room. When I walked in my roommate was already unpacking. She looked up and smiled. "Hi, I'm Carolyn."
I quickly put down my armload of stuff. I extended my hand and said "Hello, I'm Josephine, but you can just call me Joey."
We shook hands. Carolyn seemed warm and friendly which was a good sign for me. In many ways she was the polar opposite of myself. Where she has blond hair, I had natural dark auburn hair. Where she was only about 5-1, I was 5-5. Where she had a slender form and long legs, I was slightly less slender with normal length legs. And where she was rather small in the bust area, I was rather well, but not overly, endowed.
"I hope you don't mind that I picked out my side of the room already. I got here early today and I am mostly unpacked."
"Oh no, I don't mind. Either side is good for me."
"Do you need help bringing your stuff up the stairs? I have the time and I don't mind at all."
"Thanks. That would be very helpful." Things were looking up.
We proceeded to unload my car and pack my belongings upstairs to our room. It took three trips but it was not really a lot of stuff, mostly clothes and my laptop. When we finally got everything into the room I started putting it all away.
"Do you need any help putting things away?"
"No, it's not that much. Did you leave any room in the bathroom?"
"Oh yes. I am not much into a lot of makeup and lotions, so there should be enough room for whatever you have."
"Great. I am a lot like you in that department. I don't use a lot of makeup either. But I do use a little body lotion as my skin can get dry."
"And it will get dry here. The winters here can be a little brutal with the snow and all. I will probably have to get some lotion before then. But you don't have to worry too much until late November. That is when winter really starts here."
"Thanks, I will remember that."
Carolyn was really nice to talk to. It had been a long time since anyone my own age wanted anything to do with me that it was a little over overwhelming. It was hard at times, but I tried not to be too quiet and hold up my end of a conversation.
I decided that Carolyn should know that I was having problems.
"Carolyn, there is something you should know about me. I will be attending psychiatric sessions on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. So if I disappear during those times you will know where I am. I have had some problems in the past involving depression and I am continuing therapy to help me resolve my daemons. My problems in the past don't involve violence or anything like that, but they are more of a substance abuse problem. I would like to think I am over that but I have been told that this is usually an ongoing problem that is never really resolved."
Carolyn sat on her bed and thought about that for a minute.
"As much as I would like to know more, I will not ask. Is there anything I can do to help you out?"
"You are already doing it by being friendly and supportive. I don't really enjoy talking about my past but if you want to know you can ask me later. Right now it is enough that you know that I am in therapy and that you seem supportive."
Carolyn smiled. "I'm glad. You seem like a nice person and I will support you in any way I can. I'm glad you told me so I don't have to guess about your mood swings.
"And by the way, I have a little knowledge about psychiatric problems. My older sister went through something similar a few years back and although I couldn't really help her I tried to support her in every way I could."
"I can assure you that my problems were somewhat severe. It took me over a year to recover to this point. Lord knows I do not want to relapse, but if you spot a problem please tell me or my doctor. I will give you his number so you can speak with him directly if needed."
"Thanks. I certainly hope it never comes to that point."
"Me too."
Two days later I started my classes. For this freshman year I decided to take just the prelim courses for just about any degree. This meant English, History, Algebra, Physical Science, a general business class, and physical education. And I had to dive straight into them all. It was going to be tough, tougher than I had suspected. But, it turned out to have good consequences. Between classes and study I did not have time to be depressed. I just buckled down and try to do the work.
But there was one bright spot in my Algebra class. I got there early for the first class and sat about half-way back in the middle of the room. As I was watching people walk in, a young man came in and I was immediately interested in him. As luck would have it he took the seat next to me in the next aisle. I did not want to seem too overly enthusiastic so just kept quiet.
