Phandalin

Author's Note: I know. I know, this SHOULD be in Fantasy and Sci-Fi. BUT it just doesn't get the views that Erotic Coupling gets. So here you are. Anyway, this is the story about the characters from the town of Phandalin in the Wizards of the Coast game D&D. I have the vast majority of this story written and will be posting 4 chapters every two weeks here on Lit. Hope you enjoy it.

Phandalin

Chapter 1

Pete's first memory of Phandalin was someone kicking his foot while he slept. The older man sat up quickly despite his still being drunk.

"What is it?" Pete whined.

"I hear you're the new guy. You ready to work?"

Standing over him was a very large man, with a wild beard and a vicious sneer. He wore a well used chain mail shirt and a longsword on his hip. He looked like a killer. A look that his dirty red cloak did nothing to disguise. The last thing Pete remembered was getting drunk in a dockside tavern in Neverwinter.

Pete cleared his throat before saying, "Let us assume that I do not remember a thing. What's the job?"

The big man shook his head in disgust. "Can - you - shoot - a crossbow?"

"In my sleep

AND

drunk." He slurred with an emphatic nod. He heard the large man scoff while Pete wobbled his way up from the bedroll he'd been sleeping on. "Where's the job?"

"The High Road."

Pete nodded in reply. "And where are we?"

The man shook his head as he muttered, "We can't be this desperate." Then louder, "Follow me!"

Pete let a small belch slip out as he nodded in reply. He could see several others sleeping on bedrolls. Before he turned and followed the big man through the door. He was led up a short flight of stairs to a cavernous basement. Then across a simple wooden bridge that spanned a dark chasm. And then left into a storage room of crates and barrels and sacks and furs.

The large angry man returned with a light crossbow and a bolt. "Take this!" He said, as he pushed the weapon into Pete's hands. Then he turned to point behind Pete. "And shoot that!"

Pete sluggishly turned to see out of the opening to this room; passed the wooden bridge, visually between the two pillars holding up the roof. On the far side of the chasm, some 60 feet away, was a small barrel keg.

Pete let out a large long belch. Then, in a weirdly smooth fashion; he braced the crossbow on his hip, pulled the string back with his left hand, while locking the bolt into place with his right. Dropped the bow into his left hand and sent a bolt on its way. Almost before fully extending his arm.

"How's-zat?" Pete slurred, as he swiveled back around leaning to his left but toward the man.

It wasn't a bullseye... But it was

very

close.

"........That is

just

fine." The man smiled. "Go in there and get yourself outfitted." He motioned to the open door behind him. "Be sure to put on a red cloak and meet me back here."

Pete walked through the door to find that the next room was an armory. He didn't know who these guys were but they sure had a lot of weapons. Spears, shortswords, longswords and light crossbows. Along with several quivers of arrows and bolts.

He found a leather belt and strung two quivers of crossbow bolts onto it. Along with a shortsword before cinching the belt around his waist. He slung the crossbow over his shoulder but didn't see any cloaks. He leaned against the wall and thought about where they might be. Then he thought about where

he

might be. Then he thought about Cianna Swift, the cobbler's daughter. The first girl he ever kissed.

Then he jerked himself awake! Having roused himself with his own snoring. He scanned the room quickly, before he realized he was still in the armory.

"Life is hard for a drunk." He grumbled as he stood up and stretched.

After a moment he looked back to see what he had been sitting on, only to find it was a crate. And when he lifted the lid? He laughed. It was full of thick hooded red cloaks. After donning one, he stole a loaf of bread from one of the crates in the storage room and took a seat to wait for his Boss. He didn't have to wait long. He'd only had a few bites of bread before a travel pack was thrown at his feat.

"You trying to sober up?"

He looked up to see his Boss was back with four other red cloaks.

"Nope." He smiled. "Just hungry."

That got him a few laughs.

"You sure this old drunk can do the job?" One of them asked.

Pete couldn't blame him for the comment. With his unkempt silver hair and beard. He looked closer to 60 than the 43 years of age that he was. The Boss answered the man with a nod. "Filthy drunk and he still hit the barrel from the storage room faster than any of us."

"That'll work." Another man nodded.

"Throw that pack on. We got work to do." the Boss commanded before turning and leaving.

Pete threw one of the straps over his shoulder and followed the group across the long chasm room. They traveled through a smallish tunnel to emerge in a sparsely wooded area. Looking around he could see a large hill behind them. There appeared to be a stone and wood manse of some kind at its top. But it was too dark for him to be sure.

"I take it, you don't have a horse?"

Pete turned around to find his boss standing in front of him. "Probably not." He answered before taking another bite of bread.

The man nodded in reply. "I got our horses corralled at my house. I can loan you one for this job."

Pete nodded. "Thank you."

He kept eating as they walked around the hill to the north and quickly found himself strolling through a small village. It only took a few minutes to cross the town. Pete smelled the apple grove before he saw it but soon he found himself walking through it. Several hundred feet past that, he saw an old dilapidated house with a barn and a corral of horses. There looked to be about twelve of the creatures. There were also three or four wagons of different styles parked between the barn and the stream.

"Nice place." Pete commented.

The bossman nodded again before saying, "This is Ranrin." He pointed to a female Dark Dwarf, who gave her own humorless nod. "An this is "Jatho "The cruel." A young human boy who didn't look to have seen his 18th birthday, sneered a cynical laugh at Pete. "Iom..." Another young man gave him a cold nod in reply. "...And Derri." He ended while pointing at a female human with a bad burn scar across the left side of her face. Derri gave him a nod. All of them wore the same dingy red cloaks.

"Pleased to meet you. I'm "Pickled Pete." He smiled.

Jatho laughed. "THAT is what people call you?!"

"It suits me." He replied with another smile.

"You can't be serious, Gigref?" The boy asked as he faced their boss.

"He shoots better than you."

Jatho let out a scoffing breath.

"Speaking of which..." Gigref turned to Pete. "You shoot left-handed?"

"Ehh, ...I find that shooting is a matter of relaxation. When I'm drunk I can shoot either way. But when I'm sober? I am right-handed."

"And do you shoot better drunk or sober?" Derri smiled.

Pete shrugged. "As much as it pains me to admit it... I am a better shot when I'm sober." His voice had a very disappointed tone to it. Almost as if he knew his boss was about to say...

"Alright then. The job is a day's ride from here. So, I'm gonna need you to stay sober while we're about it." Pete was already nodding in reply. "We don't know what we're gonna run into to get there. And we'll definitely need you at your best once we're there."

"That's fine." Pete nodded some more. "It won't be the first time I've gone a few days without a drink."

"Good." Gigref pointed to a gray riding horse. "Massie's yours for now. Get her saddled an we'll be on our way."

Pete walked over to the horse and began getting her ready. "I still have a few questions." He said as he slid the saddle blanket across the animal's back.

"Go ahead." Gigref answered as he prepared his own mount.

"Where are we? What's with these cloaks? And what's the job?"

Jatho laughed. "Talona, have mercy!"

Pete could hear most of them laugh.

Gigref was laughing as well. "We're in a little pee stain of a town named FanDuhLin. The cloaks show everyone that we're Redbrands..." Pete had heard of them. "And the job is to go south to the "High Road" and rob any promising targets we find there."

Pete remembered Neverwinter's mercenary City Guards talking about the Redbrands. Especially the parts about disembowelment and torture. And every other despicable thing the GUARDS would like to do to THEM if they caught one. The bandits were making them and Waterdeep's patrols of the High Road look foolish.

"You don't have a problem with that. Do you?" His boss asked him.

"Not in the least." Pete shook his head with a smile. "What's my take?"

"Half of what we take get's split between us. A quarter of it gets split between the rest of the gang. And a quarter goes to the Boss."

Pete slid the bridal onto Massie. "I know I'm going to regret asking this but, WHY does the Boss get so much?"

"Because he's a mage and we don't want to get turned into mindless gobs of goo." Derri answered.

"A perfectly acceptable reason, in my opinion." Pete smiled at her.

Without pausing he turned and walked his horse to the far side of the corral and back a few times. Once he was sure Massie had forgotten she was being saddled. And consequently had let her breath out. THEN he tightened down the saddle strap another two notches. It was a lot less effort than kneeing her in the gut to knock the air out of her stomach. Which is what the others were doing as he pulled himself up into the saddle.

Ranrin opened the corral before scaling the side of her mount to rest in the saddle.

"Ranrin, you take the lead. Iom, you take second. Jatho, I want you behind me and Derri? You watch our backs." When she gave a nod to his comment, Gigref turned to Pete. "I want you right in front of me. Where I can keep an eye on you."

"A very reasonable request." Pete smiled back at him.

Gigref gave him a doubtful smile in return. "Lead on, woman!" Gigref ordered.

And with that, the Dark Dwarf kicked her horse into a gallop. It was a couple of Bells later when she brought them to a stop next to a shallow stream. The sun looked to be rising soon.

"We're stoppin here to water the horses." Gigref mentioned to Pete.

"How much farther is it?" He asked as he dismounted.

"Awww. You gettin tired, old man?" Jatho mocked.

"I was born tired, Love."

"About another two and a half Bells." Gigref tossed him a piece of salt beef before he continued. "Once we're there I'll have you, Jatho and Ranrin with me. Derri and Iom will be out far enough to watch the road."

Pete took a bite of beef. It wasn't bad. "So I keep my mouth shut and don't make any noise until it's time for me to shoot guards."

Gigref gave him a huge smile. "It's almost as if you've done this before?"

"Me, Sir?" Pete placed his hand on his heart with an expression of mock horror. "Never." He gasped.

In all seriousness, when it came to banditry, he really hadn't. But he understood how it worked. He'd run enough patrols with the Waterdeep Guard to be

intimately familiar

with how an ambush worked. A few Bells later and it was well into morning. Gigref pulled the party to a halt inside a small copse of trees.

"We'll tie the horses here. Derri, Iom, you're with me. You three wait here while we scout the location."

Gigref and crew walked off while Pete dismounted. He hadn't actually looked to see what was in the pack Gigref gave him back in Phandalin. He'd simply tied it to the back of Massie. Now he took a moment to pull it down from the horse and take a peek.

"I'll be surprised if you can stay sober for the day." Jatho commented.

Pete pulled the flap back on the pack to find bread water and cheese. Along with a full waterskin. "No time for that, Love. We're at the job." He said as he looked up to find the boy standing next to him. Jatho looked like he was about to comment. So Pete interrupted. "Understand me, Love. Whatever complaint, whine or fit you're about to have? I will slit your throat the minute you raise your voice." Jatho's eyes grew huge as he took a step back. "Oh, I'll feel bad about it and Gigref won't trust me. But the minute Ranrin tells him why I did it? He'll calm down."

Jatho glanced at the Duergar.

"You don't have to look at her, Love. That Dwarf hasn't batted an eye since I started talkin."

Pete never glanced at her so he didn't know what "look" Ranrin had given the boy. Whatever it was must not have been good. Because the boy was scared when he looked back at Pete.

"Whatever you have to say. You keep it to yourself until we're done here."

Jatho nodded before walking away. Pete began to rebuckle the flap of his pack.

"I am not a Dwarf. I am "Duergar." Ranrin whispered.

Now Pete knew what a Duergar was. He'd met plenty of them over the years. But being a little clueless as the new member of a gang of thugs was sometimes a good thing.

"My apologies." Pete smiled at her. "I will remember that in the future."

It was almost a full Bell later when Gigref returned with the others. "It's a good location. The road's a little more than 500 feet from here. We have some nice low rolling hills with plenty of brush to hide behind. We found a spot where Iom and Derri can peek out to see what's comin both ways. There's also a small hill the rest of us can hide behind."

"Anyone use the spot before?" Pete asked.

"Nah, it looks fresh."

"Good." Pete nodded

Gigref led them down to the hill. Which was only about six feet high at its top but it was about twenty feet wide. Plenty of room for them to sit and wait. Gigref lay down with just his head over the crest. Making it easier to see Derri to his left and Iom to his right. Both of them were just ten feet from him. Only a few feet from the road but hidden well in the high grass. The same high grass covered the hill. Which was perfect to keep Gigref hidden until it was too late.

Their boss had placed Jatho to his right. With Pete to his left and Ranrin just to the left of Pete. It was almost midday when Derri sent a signal back to them. Pete's first clue that anything was happening was when Gigref grumbled a complaint.

"We got Neverwinter Guards coming down the road from Leilon. We need to be absolutely quiet while they pass." Gigref looked at each of them until they gave him a nod. Then turned back to watch.

Pete wanted to ask, "How many?" But he knew it didn't matter. He could hear the sound of a mob walking, along with the bits and pieces of conversation that reached him. It sounded like a big group. He caught himself before he laughed.

Ranrin was focused on the top of the hill, as if she could somehow see through it. Gigref seemed to slink back to this side of the hill a few inches. And Pete couldn't see him, but he was pretty sure Jatho was probably praying right about now.

They were all so focused on the sound of the Guards, none of them noticed when Pete slipped away through the grass. Crawling ever so slowly until he was another twenty feet away from the road. He pulled the red hood back and calmly stood to have a look over the hill.

He could see twelve spearmen and a commander.

"Perfect." He thought.

And just when they were about to pass in front of Gigref's little hill.

Pete shot Jatho in the ass.

Pete slowly lowered himself to a crouch. While Jatho let out a blood curdling scream of pain. Gigref and Ranrin crawled quickly to get control of Jatho, they still had no idea why he was screaming. The Guards had stopped but looked unsure about what was happening. Pete couldn't see them but from the lack of sound on their part? He knew they had not made the assumption he'd wanted. So he reloaded.

Pete stood slowly and fired another quarrel, this one through the ranks of soldiers. It bounced off one spearman's shield and was quickly followed by the scream of,

"Ambush!!!"

The Guards charged into the brush, quickly finding and killing Derri and Iom. Pete could see that much. The rest of them rushed over the hill, where the fighting took a little longer.

Pickled Pete however, had already squatted back down and begun to crawl the 500 feet back to the horses. Once there, he took a length of fifty foot rope and cut it into ten foot lengths. He tethered all six horses from saddle to reins. Then spared a moment to peek through the trees. To see the Guards stripping the bandits of their belongings. It didn't look like any of the Redbrands had survived.

Pete pulled himself into the saddle and led his string of horses back to Phandalin. Two and half Bells later he was back at the stream. He pulled the horses to a halt, dismounted and let the horses have a rest as they drank. Pete stretched to work the kinks out of his tired bones. Just then he heard... something? He spun to his left to see a throwing axe sail by.

Pickled Pete looked to where it came from. Only to find a bloodied and heavy breathing Gigref standing just a few yards away.

"You backstabbing blackguard!" He bellowed as he drew his longsword.

Pete smiled. "Gigref! You're alive!?" He smiled.

The Boss stormed toward him. "I am going to chop your worthless body into little bitty pieces!"

"I for one, look forward to your attempts." Pete smiled again, as he drew his shortsword. Ending with a slight curtsy.

Pete parried the overhand strike Gigref started with. Then the next three that followed in quick succession. Immediately after the fourth swing Pete took a kick to the stomach that sent him rolling backwards.

"Nice trick." He thought.

He quickly spun himself on the ground as Gigref came at him with another overhand strike. Unfortunately, Pete was able to kick him in the knee and roll away. Gigref went down while Pete scrambled back up and pulled his knife with his left hand.

The knife was only a four inch blade. Meant for cutting his meat. Trimming his fingernails. Trimming his toenails. And picking his teeth. It gave Gigref no concern whatsoever.

Pete smiled as he let the big man force him back toward the horses with powerful strike after strike. Once again Gigref attacked three or four more times before kicking Pete down. Pete rolled away to the side of Massie before getting to a knee. And just when Gigref came around to pursue him? Pete stabbed Massie in the rump.

Massie squealed in surprise and kicked to dislodge whatever had bitten her. Gigref took both feet in the chest and flew twelve feet across the field.

Pete dropped his knife and sword to grab her reins as she was stomping and jumping.

"Shh shh. Easy girl. Easy now." He whispered as he stroked her neck.

He kept it up until she had settled down some. Glancing over at Gigref's body, he could tell the big man would not be getting up.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, Love." He said to Massie. "Sometimes ingenuity can really be a curse." He nodded.

Once Massie was calm again Pete walked over to Gigref. He took everything. Leaving only the naked body for the wolves. Better they get a free meal from this brigand than some poor farmer's child. He bundled most of it together in Gigref's cloak and tied it to one of the horses' saddles. Then he sat while the animals rested and dug through Gigref's two belt pouches and his pack.

"Bag of holding. Bag of holding. Bag of holding." He chanted as he opened the first pouch. "Nope! Just money." He poured out the content to find 12 Silver pieces and 2 Gold. He put the money back and secured the pouch to his belt.

"Bag of holding!" He exclaimed as he opened the second pouch. "Nope." He frowned.

He pulled out a rectangular leather bundle tied off with a long leather cord around it. When he unwound it, he discovered it was a Thieves kit. He had no use for it but he never knew when he would meet someone that did. He attached the second pouch to his belt. Rewrapped the kit and set it aside. Gigref's backpack had food, water, a small hammer and a prybar. Pete put the Thieves kit in the pack before tying it to another horse.