I dumped the laundry back into my apartment and started hoofing it to the gym. Luckily I hitchhiked a ride to the shopping center, so I wasn't too late. But still it was a real bad way to start the day, especially when my boss, Carl, had a few sharp words about me not being on time for my shift. He was right. I was new. He had no way of knowing if I was going to be a fuck-up or what.
Getting the new phone at the phone store in the center didn't help my mood. My break was only a half hour so I didn't have much time to pick something out and the security deposit was outrageous. Since I could get the same model iPhone for $100 bucks, I could keep my sim card and not lose my contacts. After serving up my credit card, a new phone with a new number was in my pocket. One problem solved.
At my next break I went to the little UPS store in the center, and shipped the old phone, stripped of anything useful, back to Lynn. My note wasn't exactly nice, but at this point she didn't deserve nice. I wrote: "Since you took everything else..." It felt strange to write down my old address on the paperwork, like any of the past five years didn't mean anything. But in the end, it didn't anyway.
Checking my watch I saw my break was nearly over. I picked up the pace. I was nearly at the door when Jill and Terry drove by, calling my name and waving at me. In the next second I crashed into the next person trying to enter the gym. Quickly, I reached to steady her so she didn't fall.
"I'm sorry, I am so sorry, " I said. The woman turned to face me and I froze. It was Miz Cool. I'm sure my embarrassment was all over my face.
She looked at me and her eyes got very wide.
"Are you okay?" I said, my heart racing.
"From the looks of it, you got the worst of the deal. Yes, I'm fine," she said. But she took a step forward and winced.
Oh god. "Look, let me look at it. I'm a trainer here."
"You are? I haven't seen you before."
"I just started. Abel. Abel Williams."
She bit her lip. "Annie Lloyd. But I'm okay really. Its just an old injury."
I held open the door. "Please, to ease my mind."
She sighed and walked in, limping but not any worse than the day before. The boss, standing at the desk shot me a nasty look.
"Abel," he said, "Is there a problem?"
"He's just helping me, Carl," said Annie. "That's okay, isn't it?"
"Of course, Annie," said the boss. "You let me know if you need anything."
"Thanks, Carl," she said.
"Come with me," I said, and I led her to one of the massage rooms. I patted the table. "Up you go."
"Really," she said. But she got on the table.
"Let me see that leg."
She rolled up her pants leg, where I saw the knee brace.
"What happened?"
"Car accident. Tibia and tibia plateau fractures."
It was my turn to wince. "Painful."
"I was laid up in bed for three months before the doctors allowed me put any weight on it. And then I had to wear an ugly brace. I did physical therapy, but there came a point where the therapist couldn't do any more for it, so I started back up here."
There wasn't any bruising or swelling, but still with an unstable knee any shock isn't good.
"The muscles are all knotted up, probably from working so hard to walk. Let me give your legs a massage."
She looked down then. "I'm sorry. I can't..."
I smiled. "No problem. It's on me. As an apology. Please?"
She smiled then. "All right."
I helped her swing the legs up and helped her lay back. I undid her brace and carefully pulled it off her leg.
"Call me Abel."
I grabbed the massage oil and put some in my hands. When I put my hands on her legs I got a shock. The skin on her lower leg was the softest I've ever felt. I put both hands on her calf and started the massage, moving my hands up and down either side of her calf. I had my back to her, because frankly I could take looking at the mounds of her breasts on her chest.
"You sound like you know Carl." I said trying to keep my mind on my work. I went to her ankle and foot pulled my hands down over them. The soles of her feet were perfect, no rough skin, no calluses. I run my thumb against the sole of her foot. She drew in a deep breath.
"I should," she said. "I went to school with him."
"That's not possible," I said. "He's like, sixty." My hands went back to her calf. Touching the softness of that skin stirred my cock. Down boy, down, I thought.
"Oh, Carl did some hard living, for sure," she said, "before he settled down and started this place. He's not quite sixty, but we are the same age."
"You're kidding me. No way are you in your fifties." My hands worked my way up to her knee.
"Yep, my husband and him belonged to the same lodge."
"Husband?" My heart sank. Of course she had a husband.
"He's passed now," she said quietly.
"Sorry." My hands moved up to above the knee. "Your skin is in wonderful shape." I turned now and faced her, my hand massaging her thigh. It took some effort to kept my composure as my mind wandered to what would happen if I moved my hands up toward her sweet spot. Immediately, I shut that thought down.
"Thank you. I credit a lack of sunbathing, and good lotion."
"Oh, you're into lotions, are you?" I said smiling.
She gave me a strange look. "Abel you not flirting with me, are you?" she said.
"Maybe I am," I said.
She drew in a deep breath and I stopped breathing then. Maybe I went too far.
"You can't possibly be interested..." Her face flushed.
"Why not?"
"I have to be close to twenty years older than you."
I shrugged. "I find women older than me very sexy. Some men do, you know."
She put her hands on mine, stopping the motion.
"I have to go now."
"Please, don't," I said.
She got flustered, and swung her legs off the table.
"No, really. I didn't have much time to work out anyway. Just thought I'd do a quick session on the bikes."
With that she was out the door and out of the gym.
This day really sucks.
#
Oh, god, oh god, oh god. What am I thinking? I went back to my car, flushed, upset and if I admit to myself, aroused. He was gorgeous, so fucking gorgeous. He couldn't possible be interested in anyone like me, late 50's, overweight, and with this damned limp. I got in my car, but just sat there, my head slumped on the steering wheel. Every single emotion I held back since last year came flooding up, pushing up through my gut, resulting in tears that flowed over the back of my hands.
It was bad enough that Eddie was dead, leaving me behind. There is nothing as lonely as abandonment from the grave. You aren't supposed to feel sorry for yourself or be angry at them. They are the ones that are deprived of life, not you. But it doesn't feel like that. It's not just lonely, it's torture, wanting to be with someone you can never be with again.
The rest that happened, the fallout of that accident just seemed lesser punishments of the gods for all the times I didn't appreciate Eddie. Now, here was Jack with his ridiculous proposal, and now, this what? What do I call him? He's a man, but so close to my own children's ages, he seems like a child to me. Not only do I feel unattractive, and let's say it, damaged, now I feel like a dirty pervert for being attracted to him.
There was rap on the window next to my head. I looked up, and became even more embarrassed. It was him, looking very concerned.
"Annie," he said through the glass. "Are you all right?"
I sniffed, and wiped my eyes with my hands and nodded.
"Roll down the window, please?"
I had to turn the key to do that, and instantly there was a look of panic on his face. But I put the window down.
"What?"
"I didn't mean to upset you," he said.
"Don't flatter yourself," I said.
He gave a me a look that said, "Oh really?"
"Sorry, it's been a hell of a day," I said.
"I know what you mean. Listen, how about if we go get a drink,
or a coffee, or something. I'd really like to talk with you."
"I have to go."
