Penis Size Untruth a Vital Clue

CHAPTER 1

Private investigator Harry Ash was on the Internet watching an attractive vixen called Solodka from Saint-Petersburg dressed only in fishnet stockings describing with actions what she would do to his penis if he married her to get her out of Russia when a busty broad swept into his office and said, "I want to speak to the P.I."

Harry worked alone so that wasn't a difficult question to answer but make it difficult he did.

"That is me, or it is I, or I'm him; take your pick."

"Oh Christ, a court jester," she said, turned on her heels angrily but one broke and she skidded across the floor into the water cooler.

"Catch it." Harry urged.

"Oh fuck," she yelled, reaching up and bracing the toppling water-cooler, giving Harry time to get over to push it back in place. He helped her to her feet and said admiringly, "Nice tits."

Harry's teeth rattled under the slap that she began knee-high.

"Oh, pardon me," he croaked.

"Gawd you men with a big dick think you rule the planet."

"Sorry to disappoint," Harry said meekly and not without some embarrassment. "Mine's probably only about average size."

"Oh," she said, sounding interested.

"Please sit. A cocktail?"

"Just after 9:00? I would prefer..." She looked at the gray cloud rising from the bottom of the water cooler vessel.

"It only gets replaced every second month. That will be sediment."

"Coffee?"

"Oh yeah. Someone asked for coffee some months ago. There's probably some left in the coffee-maker."

The woman wheezed, "Perhaps I'd prefer a fresh cocktail. A martini would be fine," she said, pulling off her damaged shoe.

"It needs shafting."

"Yes don't we all?" she sighed and then blushed realizing Harry was looking at the broken heel.

"There's a jeweler next door," Harry said sympathetically. "I'll get him to make a temporary repair."

"Oh thank you kind sir."

"And then you won't be walking with one tit higher than the other."

Blue-eyed Harry with shaggy hair of five natural colors opened the cocktail cabinet and the fridge door beneath it and said to the angry-faced woman, "Help yourself while I take this shoe to Paulo. Make one for me."

"Say please!"

"Well don't make mine; I'll make it myself."

"Jesus!" said the exasperated woman and Harry walked off.

He returned and tasted the Martini. "God if you make sex and good as you make Martini's you'd be worth having."

The woman slumped back into her chair, having no answer.

"How may Harry Ash, ace private eye, assist you? First your name?"

"Lita de Graff, wife of the late Gustaf de Graff, an importer of ceramics."

"Ah yes, the jury acquitted you of his murder. I was so busy looking at your tits when you were shown on TV I never did catch your face. Yes, I recognize the tits."

That was ignored. "I'm innocent and want the murderer brought to justice."

"All murderers say that."

"If I did it why would I want the investigation reopened?"

Harry had to think about that and finally, "Er to really establish your innocent?"

Lita clapped her hands in glee. "Oh you darling man even if you say vile things to me."

"Huh?"

"I've been to five other private eyes. Each one of them told me it would be a waste of time investigating because I was guilty."

Harry puffed out his chest. "Lita darling, that's outrageous. Have those PI's forgotten how to extract fees? They are a disgrace to the profession."

"The deal I wanted was no success, no fee."

Harry mumbled, "Ah how astute."

"Right Lita how many boyfriends do you have, how many have you dumped, how many gay girlfriends have you dumped, was your father-in-law having it off with you and who else do you suspect?"

"I suspect Maria Valenziano who is my age, looks as good as I do but has bigger breasts."

"God guilty by sheer association and guilty beyond questions from the facts you've just presented."

"That's why I thought but the cops wouldn't wear it. They said I was a tough-ass bitch whereas Maria had the persona of a latter-day Madonna."

"Someone got to them, perhaps Maria with open thighs."

"My thinking exactly."

"Well Lita, fill out this form, hand me your deposit and leave me to begin preliminary inquiries."

"I only pay for results."

"You pay me what I ask. If that's not agreeable, walk out of here. I'll go and fetch your shoe."

Harry returned with the shoe to find Lolita gone. She'd left the required preliminary assessment fee of five hundred bucks on his desk and had filled in the form. He checked the required information.

The name, address and contact numbers looked good. The other answers were:

Status: Widow

Breast size: 36B

Favorite position: Doggy

Favorite cuisine: French

Anal: With the right guy yes.

Interests: Sex, movies, dining out, physical fitness, hanging out with friends.

Harry thought she'd be a cut above his usual sleazy client and liked what he read, particularly that bit about hanging out with friends because he didn't have any.

He called the Maria women and said he'd been retained to investigate the de Graff murder.

"Has that bitch hired you?"

"That could describe most women."

"Fucking Lita de Graff. She didn't stop her legal team attempt to have me take the rap."

"Oh fancy that? Yes she's hired me. I just want to get your side of things. Is Lita away with the fairies?"

"Yes that's it; she's gone loco. Come at 7:00."

"Er come?"

"Visit me at 7:00," Maria said, giggling and gave Harry her address.

Maria kissed Harry and invited him in. Pointing to a chair she told him to remove his jacket, tie, shoes and trousers and to come into the bedroom.

When he entered the bedroom Maria, reclining on the bed in just panties, spat at him, "Remove your harness you dope."

Harry removed his body armor and then took off his shoulder holster that packed his Glock 22 handgun.

"Pull off your underpants."

Harry obliged and she said curling her lip, "You're not all that big."

"Well it's all I pack so do I roll on a condom or go?"

"I suppose it will do."

It wasn't a great fuck. Maria kept moaning he wasn't very big and he found out the reason for her complaint: her pussy was as big as a bucket. But she applied some pressure and got him off and turned over without a word and went to sleep.

Harry gave her thirty minutes and then brought coffee to her and interviewed her.

He got nowhere, unable to trust the bitch and there was no way of telling whether she was lying. For example:

"Were you stealing from the company?"

"What a pathetic question. Up your anus."

"Did you have a motive for killing Gustaf?"

"Why would I kill him? He was hung like a horse and fucked really great, not like you."

Harry departed none the wiser.

Next day he used some of the deposit money from Lita and went to a clerk he knew to do the job he wanted PDQ and paid for a hard copy of the proceedings of Lita's trial. Late that night after finding nothing of note Harry drifting off to sleep wondering why he'd fucked fat Maria instead of racy Lita or Lolita as he'd confirmed reading her full name on the court document.

Harry awoke with a hard on and thought of Lita. He called her and said it was a social call. She sounded furious.

"Sorry about waking you just after 6:00. I'd like to take you to breakfast."

"When?"

"Delray Diner is say twenty minutes."

"God, you have a nerve. Okay."

Harry was impressed. She was there seventeen minutes after he'd made that phone call, looking showered and pretty but without much makeup.

"You look pretty without goo on your face."

"God you are hard to stomach," she said, standing beside him with her face up to be kissed.

She sat and looked at him really pissed.

"I talked to Lolita yesterday after you left me."

Her expression changed from disrespect to respect within the blink of an eye. That fascinated Harry.

"Get any good oil?"

"I don't know. Bear with me on this baby because I'm clutching at straws. "How big was Gustaf's dick?"

"Are you sure this is vital information to your enquiry?"

"Yes absolutely."

She looked pensive. "We'd been married almost seven years and I guess I had his penis in my hand at least once most days. But during my marriage there were no other men. I have no way of knowing whether it was large or medium. It certainly wasn't small but neither was it like those fat foot-long sticks once sees on adult DVDs."

"Er you watch adult DVDs?"

"Yes, doesn't everyone?"

They were sitting at a booth. "Rita, may I move round and sit right against you?"

"Okay."

Harry shifted round and then eyed her closely. "This is important. I want you to talk dirty to me and when my erection is up I'll unzip and want you to hold it and take you time and then tell me to the best of your ability what is my size in relation to your late husband's dick in full erection."

The sight of Lita gritting her teeth made Harry nervous but he held his gaze on her hazel eyes. Her breasts would probably be heaving but he couldn't afford to appear shifty-eyed.

"You are taking liberties."

"I'm working on your behalf."

Lita gritted, if I determine this is a con I'll bite out your balls."

Harry hoped he could hold back sweat. "Fair enough. I have to do strange things in the line of duty baby."

"Stop using affectionate names on me. I don't like it."

Harry gulped.

"Darling Harry my sweetheart. I'm horny. Would you like to shove that cock between my legs? My breasts are swollen and my nipples have firmed up. I'm dripping cunt juice so you'll be able to push straight in, right to the hilt and I'll probably stream over your balls because..."

"Christ, no more," Harry said, red-faced and unzipping. "Here."

"Harry you're panting?"

He panted, "That's because you were so good."

Lita took her time, looking at the ceiling as her hand explored. A gum-chewing waitress approached but Harry waved her away.

"Do you want me to suck it Harry?"

DWANG! His erection grew another half inch.

"Oooh Harry."

Lita pulled her hand away and sat back smiling. She said. "My restaurant meals are never this interesting and appealing. I like a good dick in my hand."

Harry swallowed and carefully holstered his pal before pulling the zip.

He tossed down some water and beckoned a waitress and invited Lita to order.

"Oh after so much sex I'll have a lady's size rare steak, tomatoes and fries please."

"The same please," Harry said and changed that to, "Er regular size steak please."

Harry waited for Lita to go off to wash her hand but she stayed seated. "Don't you wish to wash your hand?"

"No Harry. If felt a very warm and environment friendly dick to me. I suppose you are waiting eagerly for my critical appraisal?"

Harry nodded eagerly.

"I may require further opportunity for testing," she began, but at the sight of Harry's indignant expression Lita laughed and said, "It's over a year since Gustaf's death but my memory is clear. I would say with confidence you are of similar size. So there, are we finished with cock size?"

"Yes."

"What are your thoughts on pussy size Harry?"

Harry choked, looking at the smirking waitress standing beside Lita with their hot bread rolls.

They stood outside the diner. "Well thanks for that cozy chat and breakfast. You are not as half bad as I thought Harry, most interesting in fact and for a guy can maintain interesting conversation."

"Er you were in police administration as a civilian until your arrest. Were you reinstated?"

"No there was some doubt about my acquittal and so I was informed my position was no longer open to me. I resigned instead of fighting for reinstatement as I expected to be given a hard time if I won my personal grievance claim. I have a law degree and am now employed in the City Coroner's Office checking and upgrading reports by senior personal on forensic evidence likely to become public at court hearings. Some of the scientists are semi-illiterate when it comes to writing reports or have no sense of legal considerations, or both."

Harry reacted with great interest. "I'll tell you about the significance of cock size at an appropriate time."

"I thought you would Harry. Bye," she said kissing him on the mouth and pushing a breast into his upper arm. "Don't keep shy of me for too long Harry. You have something I want."

Harry watched Lita walk away with a bit of extra ass wobble. Well she made herself clear. But no way would he divert until he nailed Maria. Er unless he locked into a blind ally or turned up new evidence incriminating someone else.

That day Harry hurried to wrap up an investigation and handed the client the apparent evidence he'd uncovered on a former employee who may have been disgruntled enough to return and burn down one of the company's warehouses storing cosmetics for shipping. After dinner he worked on the key question about who shot Gustaf de Graff three times in the back as he was entering his vehicle outside his place of business at 10:00 at night, an unusual time for him to have been at his office according to evidence presented to the court. The key question was not who did it but rather who had motive to do it and then Harry would work back from there.

Wife Lita de Graff:

If Lita's husband was indeed fucking someone else that could be sufficient motive. That supposition had not been made in court, just a parade of witnesses who claimed to have heard Lita and Gustaf arguing loudly and more angrily and more repeatedly. The defense had been unable to produce counter evidence to show that was bullshit. So add to the mix not only was Lita de Graff's husband fucking someone else but also had told her he was leaving her. Then Lita would have reason to possess very strong motive. Then again perhaps Lita was fucking someone else, Gustaf began giving Lita a really hard time, arguing and knocking her about and then Lita's boyfriend ended that by pumping three shots into Gustaf's back. So why didn't the defense team base a case on that? Because that would have implicated the boyfriend and that would have been the end of him of course.

However the defense produced three women who recalled Lita whom they had recognized leave a cinema at 10:05 on the night when six miles away five people in a nearby dwelling heard the murderous gunshots exactly at 10:05 as TV late news was just starting, five minutes late. Further the security camera recorded Gustaf leaving the building at 10:02. Lita could have arranged someone to do the shooting but no evidence was produced to support mentions of that possibility. So she walked free on the basis of that alibi. Those three defense witnesses had withstood every attempt to discredit them.

Maria Valenziano:

Oooh yes. She'd have the passion to put three bullets into the back of a guy who finally told her he would not be leaving his wife. Passion plus rejection equals Motive with a capital 'M'. It also intrigued Harry why would Maria lie about the size of Gustaf's dick? Just to humble Harry perhaps? But very odd.

And who else would be worth looking at?

Ah yes. Who had stepped into Gustaf's shoes at the company?

Harry called Lita.

"God Harry. I'd just got to sleep. Do you know what time it is?"

"Eight?"

"It's fucking almost 11:00 and I've had a big day," Lita yawned.

"I was watching this porn movie and began thinking of you."

"Oh yes Harry?" Lit said, sounding very much awake.

"No just kidding."

"Harry!" she snapped.

"I'm working on the case. Who at the company succeeded Gustaf?"

"No one. With my consent as my inheritance makes me the largest stockholder, Maria brought in a guy she knows who possesses what she called proven business acumen."

"What do you know about him?"

"Only what Maria told me. She caught my interest when she said he had the money and might make me a good offer for my holding once he could see where the company was heading under his leadership. Maria has always been the financial controller. She could have taken over but chose not to."

"Answer this: Do you trust Maria?"

"I'm undecided."

"Yet you trust her enough to bring in this guy and both of them are now in cahoots?"

Lita thought about that. "I guess I was emotionally wrung out and facing a murder charge. It seemed to be the best thing to do. Probably if it came up now I would have investigated thoroughly. Am I in trouble with those two?"

"I don't know. What say I find those two conspired and murdered Gustaf?"

"Oh Jesus."

"Now keep that to yourself as I haven't a shred of evidence, yet. It's just one of the options I will look at. You are also a suspect."

Lita gasped. "So my acquittal hasn't convinced you?"

"It stands unless I manage to discredit those three women who claimed they saw you that night at the movie. You could have a boyfriend and he could have fired those shots."

"Well dream on. Trump up evidence and get me convicted but I know I didn't pump those slugs into Gustaf, nor did I conspire with someone to shoot him," said Lita, beginning to weep. "And if you find a boyfriend please let me know because I have no recollection of being fucked by a boyfriend. Good night you heartless bastard."

"Wait."

"What?"

"Your denial of killing or being implicated in your husband's death warmed my heart. It rings true to me especially your challenge to me to trump up evidence. I can't imagine any guilty person being that brave. I think you and I should be having sex."

"So you believe I'm innocent: Say either yes, no or maybe."

"I believe you are innocent."

Lita's voice welled with joy as she said, "To my disbelief I've taken to you despite you being uncouth and at times outright rude and foul-mouthed. But my instinct tells me you're as steady as a rock and a good guy to have on my side. Yes, let's have sex but not tonight because I'm tired and wrought emotionally thanks to your goading. Tomorrow night will be good. Dinner at my apartment so arrive at 6:30, nicely dressed and show your charming side if you have one."

"Thanks. Tomorrow night then but in the meantime don't wear it out with your fingers."

"Jesus!"

Harry laughed and cut the call.

Next morning Harry called de Graff Ceramics Wholesalers Inc and asked for the name and home address of the company's president because he wished to write to him personally about ski club membership.

Harry called a 10-pin bowling pal Police Sergeant Ivan Hook on Ivan's personal mobile phone and gave him Clyde Harrington's name and address and asked for a copy of any police record on the guy over the past two years.

"The reason for this illegal request pal better be pretty good."

"It concerns the Lita de Graff acquittal."

"God if you can nail her I'll make sure you get a police medal. Our guys reckon there was no one else who could have done it."

"Yeah I hear what you say Ivan."

"I don't suppose you can..."

"No Ivan."

"Okay glory boy. Go nail the bitch for murder by yourself. The police department supports private eyes, er the good ones."

Harry sat developing a rock hard erection, thinking he'd nail Lita but not the way Sergeant Ivan Hook had suggested.

CHAPTER 2

Dark headed and olive-skinned Lita, pretty in blue, answered the door and was kissed, something hard pressing into her stomach. She took the bottle of wine and smiled when Harry followed her in and closed the door saying, "Mind how you go. I don't want you breaking another heel. I couriered that shoe to you; did you get it?

"That jeweler did a marvelous job. I won't have to send them off for professional repair. How much do I owe you?"

"Nothing, Paulo does any repair work for me at no cost and I buy anything I want from him for cost price."

"Why because you pack a gun?"

"A few years ago I got Paulo and Rita's oldest daughter off a trumped up charge she was selling narcotics, the complaint being made by a woman whose name was being withheld pending the case going to court. The day after the arrest I established the complainant and apparent witness was the mother of a girl whose boyfriend had dumped her because Paulo's daughter had fallen for him. Under pressure the mother confessed she'd made the whole thing up to get even on her daughter's behalf. She received a suspended sentence."