I could tell watching her get out of her car that we wouldn't finish today. I've done this a long time and you get so you can tell. What a shame too, I thought to myself. She could be something special. But her hesitancy and stiffness walking up the rise from the lane to the barn gave her away. A lot of them are shy and hesitant when they see you, but this one had an deep uncertainty in every movement, and she hadn't even seen me yet.
I stepped out into the open doorway and she visibly stiffened. Yep, I thought to myself. This would be a short visit.
"Karen?" I asked. She nodded with a crisp bob of her head.
"Welcome. You came alone." Another nod.
Often they don't. In fact, I suggest they bring someone with them, so they don't have to worry that I am some kind of danger to them. If they don't, I tell them, I run a pair videotapes of the entire session for their protection and mine. A few of them bring someone with them – a boyfriend, husband or a close girlfriend. Most don't though. It's as if just making the offer puts them at ease. Or maybe they just don't want their friends knowing what they are doing.
I take boudoir pictures. It's a hobby really, but over the years it has become a fairly extensive hobby. How it began is a story in itself, but it was one of those things that you do for a friend, who tells a friend, who tells someone they know and the next thing you know you're doing it for all kinds of people. At his point, I've been doing it for over a decade, and picking up a light here and a prop there, I have turned an end of my barn turned home into a photo studio, and am always dragging one of my antiques or another into the studio for just the right look. I have an embarrassingly large array of cameras and even when I travel for my real work (which is often), I always carry a camera and a pair of small lights.
I don't advertise. It's not a business after all. I just like to bring out the beauty in a woman, and somewhere early on, I found out that I was good at it. I have an eye for what's special about a woman, what looks good on her, how she poses to her best advantage. It brings me an amazing amount of joy when I see a woman's eyes widen in amazement and discovers for the first time just how beautiful and sexy she is really is.
People just find me. When they do, I send them a cut sheet of sample photos I've done and some ask me to take their (or their wives) pictures. I do have a little secret web site I put up that shows some of my favorite photographs and people I do work for send others there, and then they send others and so it is that once or twice a week I find myself taking pictures of women in, or out of, lingerie.
Karen had found me when a girlfriend of hers told her about me. She contacted me by e-mail first (they all do) and then we talked a time or two. I sent her samples and she finally decided she wanted to have some pictures for her husband. I went through my speal about bringing someone, and all that, and here she was.
She was prettier than she said she was on the phone. Then she said she was fat, but not in my eyes. Just not one of those too thin model types. 35 maybe, the start of the most perfect age in a woman, Curvey and full breasted. Good waist. Her brown hair had rich auburn highlights, and a wave in it that you could tell she didn't like, but gave her a wonderful 1950's pinup look, even in her jeans and loose oxford cloth shirt.
She was carrying a hanging bag over her shoulder. That would be the sexy stuff. I always tell them to bring some things that made them feel sexy, or bring some things that their husband thought was sexy. I sift through their choices, pick something I think will set them off and let them pick something they particularly want and that's what we use.
I smiled and waved her in. "The studio is to the right. You said auburn hair in your call, so I picked the Victorian settee in yellow for a prop. It seemed like it would set you off, and I think I was right."
She looked around the studio. It's nothing special really, just a big room with high ceilings. One wall has a roll where I drape fabric or backdrops. Two walls are plastered, to give the appearance of an interior. The last wall is rough – the original barn beams and worn wood siding. Eight or ten lights are scattered around on stands. I had four of them set around the settee, ready for our session.
"Let's see what you brought." I said, holding my hand out for her hanging bag.
She mumbled something, her hand still clutching the bag.
"What?" I asked.
"I can't do this." She said, her voice shakey and afraid. "I thought I could. But I can't." And she ran out of the studio. Before I got to the barn door, she had backed her car up and was heading down the lane through the woods to the main road.
I guess I called it. It wasn't the first time that's happened. I figured that was that, but I was wrong. I'd see her two more times in the next month.
The first time was the very next day. I was in the airport sipping my cup of Starbucks when she walked in and ordered a latte. What a difference. She was in a business suit, full of confidence, in her element obviously. Simply striking. She turned around and saw me and the confidence fell from her face. I figured she'd just walk past me, but I was wrong. She gathered herself quickly, and came to my table and sat down.
"Yesterday was really embarrassing for me. I am sorry I wasted your afternoon."
I waved away the apology. "Nothing to worry about Karen. It happens. It's not exactly the kind of thing you do every day. At least most people don't. I am sorry though."
"Why sorry?"
"Well look at you! My God woman, you're stunning. Most of the women I photograph are pleasant enough to look at, but it takes some work to make them special. We tinker with hair, makeup, angles, everything to get those few shots that make them shine. You though.... you're nigh on to perfect right out of the gate. It would have been an amazing set of pictures."
She was blushing. "I bet you say that to...."
I held up my hand. "I do not. I say it to very few."
"How do they do it?"
"Do what?"
"Undress and show themselves to you in their all in all? I saw your sample sheet, very sexy stuff, and they seemed to really been into it, enjoying, flaunting it even. I'm not that way."
"Neither are most of them. They are just housewives, or sales clerks or real estate agents. That kind of thing. I've never asked them what made them get into it so much, but I have my suspicions."
"Tell me." She was leaning forward, her lips slightly apart. She looked sexy without trying. How come she didn't see it herself?, I wondered once again.
"I think they just tap into their fantasies. I mean, that's what these kinds of pictures are, aren't they? About fantasies? Fantasies for you or a husband or a boyfriend. I think that they come to realize that I am safe and that for the few hours we are together, they can safely play out their fantasies of being a sex kitten or pinup queen or even a porn star. How often do we really get to live out our fantasies? Not near enough. That's why they are fantasies. And they have been carrying around their fantasies for all this time, and finally screw up their courage to live it, and the passion of that fantasy comes out in the pictures."
She had a thoughtful look on her face. I didn't know what I had said, but it was clear I hit a nerve somewhere. "So what's your fantasy?" I asked in a joking voice, trying to lighten the mood.
