P&BJ
My friend Angela is hot and sweet and smart in a special way and I've never slept with her despite always wanting to. She just always had a boyfriend the whole time I've known her - then she got married.
Now, I wish I had slept with her. But this is the story about how I got something else. You see, Angela has always confided in me. I'm the one she would go to when she needed to talk. I wasn't exactly friend zoned because we did have sexual tension. It wasn't that she wasn't attracted to me. But we didn't cross lines either.
So Angela and Mark didn't have sparks in the bedroom and I couldn't imagine that it was her that was to blame. She was always doing things to add spice. She needed spice. Mark was just very satisfied with standard guy on top and lots of blowjobs. And Angela did blowjobs even if they weren't her favorite.
Her favorite way to add spice was to include food. You know chocolate and whipped cream drizzled over boobs. Honey. Ice cream. Feeding each other grapes. Strawberry capped nipples. Cuddling with oils. A donut ringed dick. You can't blame her for not being creative.
She might have gone too far with the bananas or cucumbers. And the Gummy Bears and Swedish Fish weren't exactly a hit.
I was on Mark's side when she told me about the American cheese slices and hot sauce.
So when she asked me what I thought about her P&BJ idea I told her straight up it was stupid.
"Angie, you've gone too far now, PB&J is a bad idea. It's not sexy at all."
"No, you didn't listen I said, P&BJ! Though I actually tried that other thing before, don't ask."
"What's the difference?"
"PB&J stands for peanut butter and jelly. The peanut butter gets everywhere and when you lick it off your mouth gets dry. With P&BJ I would really be combining Mark's desire for, yet again, another BJ, with my inclination toward the great aphrodisiac food."
"Ok, so how would it work?"
"So I would stick a peanut into Mark's urethra and give him a blowjob so that when he came it would get shot out explosively. "
I literally winced, "That's the stupidest idea you've ever had."
"That's what Mark said. But I know it'll be good. And I mean, I don't even like giving blowjobs, so here I am offering a compromise and all he can talk about is his most prized possession. I should be his most prized possession."
"Tell me again why it would be good."
"Can't you just see it? My mouth would be pistoning up and down, jackhammer style, then the pressure would build up in cum filled nuts. Then all that cream would come shooting out but when it hit the peanut even more pressure would build until with a sudden burst the peanut would blast out in the most intense volcanic cum eruption ever. Just picture how strong that orgasm would be!"
"What I'm really picturing is explaining to an ER doc why he has to extract a peanut from your husband's pee slit."
She crossed her arms, "Well, he won't even try it!"
"I totally get that."
I looked across the table at her luscious lips and amazing cleavage and I weighed it in my mind: a possibly painful insertion, an embarrassing trip to the emergency room, a backflow of cum doing who knows what. And all that potential bad stuff would be balanced against a definite blowjob from a woman I've dreamed about for years.
"What if you practiced - the peanut thing. You could explain to Mark how if you did it on another guy you might even to learn to like blowjobs."
The look on her pretty face was priceless, "Confusion, happiness, disgust, and lust. Then she said something as if it were her own idea, "I could talk to Mark about it. And guess who would be the perfect guinea pig?"
I feigned surprise, "Go on... who are you thinking?"
"You won't think it's so crazy when you hear it. But there's always been something between us. It would be a one time thing, for science. Or to save my marriage for my husband who loves me but just doesn't desire my fetish."
"I was smiles from ear to ear, "You want to give ME a blowjob? I would be taking quite a risk... And it might take two or three risky tries to perfect it."
"THAT'S why I don't like blowjobs."
"Why? What'd I say?"
Mark hasn't even heard the idea yet and you're already angling for more. I don't like blowjobs because of the expectation that it's my duty to give them. If it were up to Mark he would snap his fingers and I would just fall to my knees."
So if a man had more gratitude and didn't take you for granted you might like them?"
"I don't see why not."
I glanced at her phone with intentionality, "What are you waiting for? Go call him."
Fifteen minutes later she returned. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation.
"So I talked to Mark and he gave me a hall pass. He says if I can convince you to try it on his terms, and it works, then I can try it on him."
"Terms? 'Cause I'm not going for a ping pong ball - only a peanut."
"He says, no kissing. And no sex. That's a hard no. And we can't be naked, just what needs to come off."
I glared at her cleavage, "You know "the sight of a woman's breasts, especially a woman with breasts as fantastically perfect as yours, is an integral part of the whole blowjob experience. I have terms of my own and the first is your top needs to come off."
"You really think I have perfect boobs? They're not too hefty?"
"Perfect! Magnificent! Astounding! I couldn't even consider going through with this if your girls weren't a part of it. And Angela, there's no such thing as too hefty."
"I'll have to call Mark back."
When she came back she kind of shimmied her boobs excitedly, "He agreed. But we've got a counter offer."
"No kissing. No sex. Bare boobies, and..."
And what?"
"And for every time you and I are together, YOU have to suck him off."
I glossed over the part where I sucked his cock because, really, being with Angela was by far the most important thing, "We're talking about an ongoing thing here!?"
"Yep! Like I said, I don't like giving blowjobs. This is my ticket out."
"Hold on. Hold on. I really like the idea of being with you multiple times. And I get that you want a ticket out and he still wants blowjobs."
"But if you blow me with the peanut and then I blow him. For there to be ongoing blowjobs for him you would have to blow me again, and again, and again. That's no ticket out. That's just a trade from him to me." I took a little chance to reframe the mindset, "Maybe that's exactly what you need."
"You weren't exactly listening and I haven't really explained the offer yet. The first time I'll blow you with the peanut. After that you can be with me as much as you want - but for boobjobs. And for every time we're together you suck him off."
I couldn't believe my good fortune, "Titty fucks! I fucking love titty fucks. They're actually better than blowjobs."
Surprised, she kind of cocked her head sideways, "I love titjobs too! And I think they're better than blowjobs too. Three years and Mark hasn't fucked my boobs once."
But there was another problem with their offer, "Angela, you know... kissing is kind of an integral part of a titty fuck. Without any kissing it would be reduced to a cold act with no feeling. I don't think I could cum from a titjob without kissing."
She sat stone still for a minute. Then I noticed silent tears rolling down her face. I moved over to her side, "What'd I say? What's wrong?"
"Mark doesn't kiss me after blowjobs."
"Well, that's not totally unheard of."
"Mark doesn't kiss me BEFORE blowjobs either." I couldn't fathom such a thing.
"But, but he kisses you other times?"
"Every morning before work. Every day after work. And a little during Missionary. When our faces are right there next to each other."
I just held her, as a friend, until she was collected and ready to go home. I walked her to her car and went to mine. I was just about to pull out of the lot when she came running up to my car, rapping on my window urgently.
Concerned, I rolled it down. "Teddy, on Friday when we do the peanut thing - we can kiss. Just don't tell Mark." I really liked watching her butt as she skipped away.
When Friday arrived my doorbell rang five minutes early. Angela was there shaking a blue cardboard can of nuts. I smiled at her weakly, holding the door wide to let her in. "Are we allowed to hug?"
"I guess not. It's a hall pass with rules, not a license to cheat." But we both leaned forward and kissed, more than a peck but less than a smouldering french kiss. I still felt guilty.
Sitting on the couch she opened the can and broke the vacuum seal with a pop causing me to jump, "Are you nervous?"
"Petrified." I ate a few nuts.
"Aw, you're so sweet to do this for me, to save my marriage."
"I always want the best for you Angela. But the promise of a blowjob and continued get togethers is a pretty strong incentive too."
"I guess we should get started."
"Can we just sit together for a bit first?"
"Still petrified?"
"Yea, but it just feels right to have your body next to mine first." We sat side by side, talking.
In time she slid to the floor between my legs and I helped her take my pants off, "I showered twice."
"That's nice. You didn't have to."
I lifted my hips when she tugged my underwear off, "They were right."
"Who?"
"You're past girlfriends. We talked you know. They said it was pretty."
"I'm glad you like it. Maybe if you took your top off now."
"It'll be easier to put the peanut in when it's soft."
"Are you some sort of expert on this?"
"No, but Mark and I did sounding rods." I asked what she meant with my expression. "If you were going to do anal sex you wouldn't just start cold turkey. You would build up to it with progressively larger butt plugs."
"You and Mark did butt stuff?"
